like you are walking through mud
like you are breathing thru mud
like what you want is far off
or never going to come
or has been taken away from you
you are wanting
you aren't present
feels like shit
sometimes
and sometimes
we get lucky
we realize that we can wake up
inside this unhappiness
we can come back to
the reality of
our body
our body is having sensation,
often it's
a feeling in our chest,
heavy,
as if the heart weighs a hundred pounds
a big heart
has a big break
that's the spoiler alert
we all have to do this work
in our downs
we all have to go in
and sense the sensation
and breathe
and be aware
of gravity
and light
and sound
and breathe
and we still might feel
heavy
but
that heaviness
is part of us
or better:
it's visiting us
it's not us
and who is us
who are we
ah, damn
more spoiler alerts:
discovering who we are
is
very good news indeed
very
and only a hint
(but a big one,,,
and I've forgotten this, too,
and
oh
so sweet to remember to remember)
who is it that is noticing all the heaviness
and
the
gravity in arms and legs and spine
and
the
light coming into our eyes
and
the
air coming in and out of our nose and inards
and
the
sound coming in our ears
and we
can even notice the
"story"
that is trying to take us over
and we can write it
down
and do the work of Byron Katie
or we can shortcut
and ask,
"Is it true?"
or we
can say: Hi, story,
I've got better things to do,
and
come back
to sensing our down,
but not necessarily believing in it
and what is there to believe in?
This moment,
really
That's all I know you can
count on
What about you?
Where can you put your attention
that will always be useful
and liberating?
I guess that's the life game,
isn't it?
Trying a bunch of worthless places
to put
our attention
and then coming back
to the bright
clear
now
of
knowing:
I am alive
Now.
(And since Christmas is
coming....
that might be why it
is
such a
present
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