Wednesday, December 12, 2012

the animial/ beast/ woman/ child/ native/ weed inside of us

you do not have to be good


You do not have to walk a hundred miles
on your knees
across the desert

You only have to let the soft
in you
love what is loves.


From the first part of Mary Oliver's wild geese poem.
See it all down, down down around the bottom part of the front
page of my mother site,
of the name

and there's more
to the poem
and to
the liberations

we have a wild filthy animal
and that's got to be free
to love and go wild and get dirty

and we have a lazy and silly animal
and that's got to be allowed to nap forever some days,
and go around laughing it its own and others' shadows,
or eyebrows, or tonuges
or words

and pretentions

the soft
the wild
the silly
animal just is what it is

shitting in the forest
peeing in the flower beds
farting here
belching there

fucking in the meadow on the beach on the trailhead
in the thicket, the thinet, the middet
fucking and hugging
and falling down
naked, and rubbing flesh to flesh all
for the mammalian YES of it

we have a brain
that too, the animal that can think
we can think for the pure joy
of it
and best smartest kindest
to think to improve the lot
of any messes we or our fellow forgetters
get into

the soft warm wild funky filthy smart dumb crazy brilliant
in us

the wild child
the restless native without property boundaries,
who owns the earth and the rivers because no one
owns them
the child that can pee wherever it wants to pee
the animal who love making is
dictated by the lunging yes
that is
always there

and when we wake up to

is full

and then
the clock strikes twelves or two or six and we think
the slave has to be who we are

it doesn't

the animal can tone it in
a bit
play the civilized game

and it's only a game

and there's a deeper game
without a name
without words

a rolling in the mud, hugging the wrong person,
loving everyone game

is today the right day to play it?

is shall we wait,
till the ducks and dead and stuffed and frozen
and all in a line?

a rhetorical question if I ever saw one.


Monday, December 10, 2012

deep reality: sex, children, the feminine, nature, soil, water, mess, indigenous people

the wild world is
inside us,
every night
waiting to wake up
and sometimes it does

in our dreams
in our sex

the best sex in my life
i realized this weekend was
under the stars,
or on a hill overlooking an orchard
or on a cliff, overlooking the ocean

sex is nature
nature is sex

and there's as sweet practice,
usually  done indoors
and it reconnects us to the wild,
to the real,
to nature

to orgasm

orgasm was the word I didn't have on the list
of the title

how essential this miracle of everything getting
as all else drops away

we forget that it is nature's reminder of samadi
of death before death
of freedom

and here's the practice:
15 minutes
on the floor or bed, but a special nest
of pillows for head and kneess

takes off her pants, and that's all
takes off nothing,
and sits to her right,
his left leg straddling her,
right leg under her right

her legs butterflied

use a timer

strokes the upper left had quandrant of
her clitoris,
or whatever part has the most zing
and she
does nothing but receive

it's not the ocean

it's not the starry night

it's not a 400 year old redwood,
but it's a secret door to that world
a 15 minute door

not to be missed

try it

(and what about the indigenous people:
down to 4% of original numbers
the same as old growth trees,
down to 4% of original land area:

there is a wild world,
almost exstinguished
and it needs to be saved
and we need to save the
wild world in ourselves

the practice above
starts to roll back the rolling back

try it and

try it and realize
and feel
and sense life make sense
below all the words,

which is exactly where redwoods and oceans and flower live

and real love, too
which is the same topic
and more)

Saturday, December 01, 2012

Life is Yes, even when you die

her former husband
the tug of love underneath yanking
and not connecting

died for her
died with her
teased and refused to be helped
so he would die
in her arms
in her heart

he loved her so much
and forgot
and they both didn't know how
to re tie the tie that didn't bind
and he died of a broken heart

not really
he died of a heart free,
free to give her the freedom to love
every moment because it is
not yet death
and when that comes
it's one more moment to love

and maybe she'll teach that
or maybe she'll just teach that you
are always married to the one you
and why waste a minute moment second
forgetting it,
even if you aren't together

the love is there
the child is there
the poems are there

that used to be recited by Gurdjieff's father,
from memory, passed down for generations,
before the scrolls were discovered

that poems says:
it can be rough

and the rough is life
and it stirs
no matter how fucking hard
that's life

and the child lives
and the love lives
and this moment lives
and this poem isn't good enough
for how beautiful she was

and that's good enough, too

it's all love,
all love

all love

Friday, November 30, 2012

the importance of fatigue

at times , the theory goes,
you build up muscles
by pushing to the point of fatigue

that this is done stupidly,
tightening neck and jaw and eyes
at the same time,
is another issue

now , today, here
this idea:

push "too far"
now and again
and build up....

last night
after a very full and "turned on"
turn on group,
where many of us
were much closer to our real and honest

I went to the ten o'clock showing of
the movie

it was amazing
and I got out at 12:30
and was reved
and got up at 6:15
and that left me exhausted


here's the deal:
the part of us that loves to be awake
doesn't give a fig
about feeling really really good tip top

it can be aware of being
and slow
and gorggy
and that's just fine

enuff said...
is a good excuse for
both types of laziness:

the fear of doing beyond the comfortable laziness
the sinking back into the indolent bliss

not totally,
but somewhat
we can dial which percentage of the laziness game
want to play which way

at any time

and now is the time
to wish you a fatgued
or energized
or even happy/ unhappy day

just be there with it

experience your experience

that is the source of


Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Crazy Love

Life comes
and we get what we want
don't get what we want

this can be more fun
than we could ever imagine

because just "who"
inside us
wants the thing we can't get
just then
who inside us
can be tickled with joy
at what we have

just now

and tickled with curiosity
about how
to move toward
the thing
we want
don't have yet

and what if
"we don't know what to do?"

then we wait,
content as plums of the tree in the middle
of summer,
until we fall off

as a plum we might not
the tree
that will sprout

oh, well

enjoy being the plum

and every moment

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Wake UP/ Turn ON. Now, Orgasm, Love

Wake Up/ Turn On.  Now, Orgasm, Love

This is a topic worthy
and the whole

the birds do it
bees do it
even educated fleas do it,
let's do it,
let's fall in love

bees, birds, flees procreate
maybe they fall in love
maybe not
but the fall
under the thrall
of the urge
to unite
to make

and that's life:

orgasm is the clue:
your on the way
to making more

more what?

yes, service, there are other people in
the world
frat party orgasm
is a short term dopy
way to live

end of sermon

back to the bees,
the fleas

What is life about?

Someone once asked Back why he had 20 children
and wrote over a thousand pieces of music:

for the Glory of God
and my own amusement

there is a Big Picture,
call it God
call it  Enlightenment
call it Life

it is bigger, more wonderful, more mysterious
than we will ever know

and we are in service to it
we can surrender to
join in,
merge with it

and their is
this particular NOW
this itty bitty ever so feels like this tastes like this
looks like this sounds like this now

it's good
it's our piece
of life

is what to wake up to
this moment

and in that wake up,
turn on to some other bird, bee or flea
or tree
or flower

fall in love

fall off the cliff of knowing
the unknown

it's all there
always here

and that ramble,
my friends
is female orgasm:
all over the place
and full of juice
and inspiration


Sunday, November 25, 2012

Waking Up in Bikram

these gals aren't bikraming, but it does look like fun, doesn't it?

this is a game I'm playing
with my life

you don't have to
and you might like it

it's the wake up game
which is to know feel glow sense in the
you are in that moment,
right then

in Bikram the conditions are kind of interesting:

how about being awake in the locker room
going in,
instead of chatter of how is it going to be,
or the chatter of the past,
or the getting ready chatter

you know, clothes off has sensations,
what we see in the locker room

Okay, then the hot room and the hard poses:


here's the most powerful  tools I play
with to stay awake:

1. sensing arms and legs and fingers and toes and spine
as fully as possible, full time

so when part of "me" is in pain,
there is always a finger or arm or part of my back
that is just fine

and yoga is best for this five line recognition
of what it is to be human:
two legs, two arms and spine

2. so let's say that separately:
always sensing enough of myself
so that plenty of non pain area is in my attention

3. balance is about the foot on the ground
and the "Tantien" or "hara" the center of the
a bit below the navel and back in the center

the Bikram thing of fixed gaze is a cheat:
real functioning is to be powerful in the middle
and have neck and eyes free

try it: sense from standing leg to the "hara"
and then have all the other limbs and your spine
radiating out from there

it's fun

4. sense the tongue
soften the tongue and throat

inner chatter is always accompanied by subvocal
mouth and tongue action

keeping these guys quiet can help quiet the mind
and all it's "this is hard," "I'm not doing this right,"
"Look at me, I'm doing this right" "Would she/he shut up" stuff in
our minds

5. the "when is this going to be over"
and/ or orientation,
of definition
is not very now-ish

6. this now
reading these silly and/ or useful words
is the one

la la

it's so cool with that now

7. no waiting
this is it

8. is that true?

find out any moment you wish,


Saturday, November 24, 2012

Is there a meaning to life?

there are some trick questions:
and this is one:

what is the meaning of life?

who answers:
our happy heart or the disgruntled one?
the curious person, or the distracted one?

the real you, or the good you?

and yet,
on a good day
a happy day
a being present day:
life has a fine and wonderful meaning

to be lived

be you

with joy
with discovery
with the peaceful silence of just being
with the thrill of puttering in the garden
or building the deck
or knitting the sock
or taking the walk
or having that talk,
where you just thrill
to hear what each other has to say,

and it could even be talk
meaning of life

and you could even disagree
be happily
enjoying your differences

because you are alive
and hear
and now
and here
and now
in the game

what game are you in
how de light ful is it for you?

how delightful are you,



Thursday, November 22, 2012

Random cool quotes from Free Will Astrology

it doesn't matter
to me
what "Sign"
these quotes coincide with

if it does for you,
go to
Free Will Astrology

Andy Warhol:
"Don't think about art,
just get it done.
Let everyone else decide whether it's good or
whether they love it or hate it.
While they are deciding,
making even more art."

"The fates guide the one who will;
the one who won't, they drag along."

Some name displaced Jungian:
"In a man's psyche the unconscious is
experienced as chaotic,
filled with violent and
irrational processes of
generation and destruction.

But to a women's psyche, the unconscious
is a fascinating matrix of
sacred images and rituals
which in their wildly contradictory meanings
express the sacred
unity of all  life."

Mindful, thanks for life, Mary Oliver poem

by Mary Oliver
Every day
I see or hear
that more or less
kills me
with delight,
that leaves me
like a needle
in the haystack
of light.
It was what I was born for--
to look, to listen,
to lose myself
inside this soft world--
to instruct myself
over and over
in joy,
and acclamation.
Nor am I talking
about the exceptional,
the fearful, the dreadful,
the very extravagant--
but of the ordinary,
the common, the very drab,
the daily presentations.
Oh, good scholar,
I say to myself,
how can you help
but grow wise
with such teachings
as these--
the untrimmable light
of the world,
the ocean's shine,
the prayers that are made
out of grass?

Thursday, November 15, 2012

What's good about Bikram

 not in the Bikram repertoire, but they have things that can help toward this
AND, I learned to do this after an hour group lesson in my Anat Baniel training. The lesson was on the wrists. 

What's good about Bikram:

you sweat a lot

the same patter every time: you hear things you didn't the first nine and
you learn the huge difference between different people speaking the same patter

no spiritual pretension
the great divide between Yoga Journal, well dressed and spiritual icing and Yoga International, filled with Pantanjali and spiritually correct and boring, is bypassed:
this is kick ass for health, do it

pseudo suffering that just sensation
add words/ complaints and it's hell
(see OM hub post, cure-ish for inner chatter)

the usual yoga goody:
sensing the five lines of legs arms and spines in various positons to wake up to what every child drawing a human knows:
two legs
two arms

the stomach, cobra, locust series is suburb

lots of rests, not just at the end

you sweet a lot

lots of balance play
which, they do "wrong" i.e. they suggest,
as most yoga, a fixed gaze

sorry: good movement = pelvis commands balance, negotiates it, however you want to say,
and neck and eyes are free and mobile to look in all directions

think from survival or martial arts
see if you really want a thrilling ride, this interview with Moshe Feldenkrais on how he got "into" marital arts

let's end back being nice:
Bikram puts you thru a semi boot camp thing and if you stick with it, and learn to sense your tongue, soften the story, sense the whole body, etc, it becomes a pleasant way to spend an hour and a half, time that you no long want to end, it could be just exactly as long as it want

The Glory of What Is, Part 22: Quieting the Inner Chatter

My daughter and niece, many, many years ago, when their inner chatter was probably all magical play. And we, too, can make short stories poems and songs in our heads, if we've got to play in that playground

The inner chatter usually doesn't
but it thinks it does

Oh, well

Here's some games to play with attention
to steal
your life
back from this sneaky little bandit:

1. Sense your tongue

2. Sense your feet

3. Be aware of light / reflected light  coming in your eyes

4. Mess with it

So, here's some of the skinny:
inner chatter,
is inner voice, yammer, talking
and that takes a tongue
and so subtle movements of the tongue accompany inner chatter

sense and relax the tongue and see what happens

Your feet
are the farthest from your head

Gravity is always a deal
a real deal
an equal opportunity, pulls on the rich poor healthy sick everyone
(except in space,
and of course,
the rich want to escape to space,
so ... go rich one,

I'll be rich and buy farms)

Light is a kind of food
You discover the rest

Mess with it means: if the inner chatter is saying:
"There is too much to do"
play with it with a Russian accent
or a drunken one
or a Nazi tone

it's your inner voices,
change them around


Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The laws of OMing/ Awakened Sex

 They are 180 degrees different from the laws of production

1. State of yearning. Reaching. Anticipation. This is your flour, butter, and sugar to Orgasm. That is the power behind your Orgasm.

2. Break rules. You want to discover what your personal rules are and break them. In Orgasm, it's hot because you say, "ugh. I would never do that." And then you are doing that. All of these deeper desires can be beautiful and turned on.

3. Ambivalence. The hottest is sex is when you are like, "uh. No. I don't have time. Oh it would be so good. Uh no. I can't..." When you have that kind of friction, your desire breaks through and when your desire breaks through, the best orgasm happens.

4. Power. You want to play with power because that's where most of the charge is in the world. You want to increase the power of Orgasm because it breaks through the sound barrier of all the merry-go-round thoughts in your mind.

What is OMing?

A partner practice, Orgasmic Meditation, 15 minutes, non reciprocal, focused on the present and the eruptive discoveries of the Female Orgasm that develops when her clitoris is stroked for this timed amount. 


Monday, November 12, 2012

to have a great/ resurrected relationship

to have a great/
resurrected relationship

wake up

which means you don't "have"
but the game
of finding each other
each of you changes
in the moment

and sinks and soars
and deeper
into the person
that they really are

the mystery
find able only in the present
usually without words,
but the words guessing toward
what they are feeling and becoming
are part of the game

how close can you say/ guess
to today's turn on, confusion

let's play listening and
and what can I say
I'm afraid to hear

how deeper from heart
belly and
and fingers
can I hear
ALL of what you are saying

and more
all of what you are being
as each moment's being waves,
like the ocean,
into the next

surfing the moments together
with touch talk joke laugh listen silence
question joke pun empty waiting

tools and toys for the

let's play

Sunday, November 11, 2012

remember to remember

to remember
to remember

remembering ourselves

pulling all the members back
into this basket:

a something
with arms and legs and spine

and a heart, genitals love



those people trees building cars

even the damn/ wonderful smart/ not so smart phones

we're here

it's alive
the monster
is not a monster

it's a gift

the gratitude

not remembered
but the byproduct

of waking up

in remembrance

to life,


Thursday, November 08, 2012

Bipolar without drugs

The brain slayeth,
heal the brain, heal everything

this is from Dan Siegal's book,

It's one of the ones to the right.

Six parts:

1.Good rest/ sleep
This can, and should, include, mini breaks, even two minutes to sit in the sun, or lie of the floor/ lawn, throughout the day.

2. Good food, organic, range fed, wild fish, omega 3's for the brain
You are what you eat, ate. Pesticide and junk in, and the brain will get worse.

3.Good relationship : pleased, at ease, no resentments
 ( my work with the Byron Katie method can get all resentments cleared;
     being present and truthful in communication consolidates it)

4. Novelty
 ( the Anat Baniel work takes care of that)
And my mindfulness focus: find five ways to do everything,
even read this

5. Mindfulness
( Siegal uses meditation, I use all day mindfulness in the body,
or body
and breath
and light:
three layers and full time reality
 plus movement with and for awareness)

6. Exercise:
in fresh air; not rote; the combination of Feldenkrais and movement can make boring things like weight lifting, or semi cool things like yoga into brain food as well

and taking a walk, dancing, making love, this are as good as yoga, and should/ could be part of all our lives

For an earlier, slightly different version of this, see my September 24

6 Step deep Protocol for the brain on bipolar and depression 

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

A great relationship

A great relationship has at least these four elements:

- Great and consistent communication

- Great and consistent sex

- Unconditional love

- A big job

Let's have some fun and go one by one:

Great and consistent communication means:
- Every day
- You can say anything
- You do say everything, no secrets
- You speak in the present
- You speak truth ("I am angry" is truth. "You make me angry" is a lie)
- You go to vulnerable, and admit: "I'm afraid to say this.."
- And then you say it
- You have a method, or a practice of long periods where one talks and the
other does not interrupt
- You are learning to have no words in your head, and no rehearsal of
responses as the other talks
- You listen in the PRESENT

Great and consistent sex means:
- Every day ( relax, it can be a 15 minute Slow Sex meditation)
See, the demo video
- Not necessarily climax oriented
- Playful
- Variable
- If a two way practice, eyes open
- Communicating desire, sensation
- Reversible: not a runaway train, until it is
- Full of any and all communication
- Total commitment to sensation in the PRESENT

Unconditional love means:
- All resentments are gone
- 100% gone
- You can think of the "worst" the other ever did
and feel love in your heart
and feel a smile coming to your face
- You "look forward" to their doing whatever it is
that the "it" in you, the conditioned and it's all about me-me-me
self in you (ego) is most annoyed by
- You look forward to new discoveries of their imperfection,
because that's your imperfection

- If it's ten minutes old, it's history. Living life awake and in the PRESENT.
- Humor about "I'm imperfect, you're imperfect and that's perfect" 
- Gratitude around that

A big job can mean:
- Raising a sane, present, playful, happy, creative amazing child or children
- Supporting the best in each other
- Building a house, farm, community together
- Writing a book together, starting a company
- Sharing your deepest dreams and helping each other toward them
Such as
- Helping each other shift to a new job, fitness program, creative endeavor, etc
- Committing to mutual enlightenment
- Committing to "saving the Earth" without getting grumpy along the way
- Creating an organic, eco and truth community together
- Making and giving away millions to the places you want change to happen
- Ongoing every day every moment happiness for yourself and the other 

- Committing to humorously helping each other live in the PRESENT 

- Keeping up the daily sex, daily communication and daily resentment release
- Spreading your happiness and sanity to the world

Thursday, November 01, 2012


the time of day 
when the sleep comes calling
 that's now

 and the secret
 well one of the secrets

 to stay awake
 even inside of


let's try,
you and I tonight
 to meet in the dream


Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Hollow ween


there is an emptiness
at the center of life
that is very full

and words can't eat that
trick nor treat
can bring the words to life,

they point tho,
they point:

no hurry

you are already there


Saturday, October 27, 2012

The joy of being wrong: This time about Bikram yoga

I got into an interesting
semi embroglio
with a friend about Bikram yoga
a few weeks back

and spouted the
inner message/ judgment/ cutoff
I had in my head:

that it was too clunky
and rough
and disrespectful of the beauty of
real people
in real movement

Then I realized,
that the semi embrog
was about my wanting to divert from something
more important

that I could be wrong

I decided to take up one of these lovely
"Try it out for a month for $49
expecting it to be the sloppy mess
I had it in my head

well, it was hot
I had that right

and they push you hard,
I had that right

but the structure
was far more amazing than I'd

and there was stuff I couldn't do
that I used to be able
and that showed me
.... hmmm, there's some learning
to be had

and there were a lot more rests
than I'd remembered,
and rests are super important

and the emphasis on the spine
and taking poses to intermediate levels
and the abundance of balance poses

it was good

it almost killed me the first two
but that, too,
isn't so bad

because it was set up so it would
be hard to hurt yourself,
except coming out of Camel too fast,
which they don't warn or guide you through

it's all much safer than the average yoga class,
strangely enough


I was wrong

I'm not "in love"
with Bikram
but like it as a possible
was to spend a week a month,

of course, of course,
from a Feldenkrais and Anat Baniel perspective,
a lot more learning could take place,
but they aren't a learning system

they are a training system,
most specifically training the spine
to be more flexible

not bad
not bad at all

Friday, October 19, 2012

Movement lesson on the side: spine via arm, spine via knee

Please lie on your side, very comfortably on a firm bed, or the floor,
or a mellow sections of sand or grass

Pick the preferred, "automatic" side

Rest your head on a pillow, or folded clothes, anything to keep you neck
in a straight line with your spine

Relax into gravity

Now try four sets of movements:

1. Moving the top arm forward (the direction the chest and nose
is called forward) and back
As if reaching for something

2. Move the top knee forward, over the "edge"of the bottom
keeping the ankles together
And then bring the top knee back

3. Move both arm and knee forward and back together

4. Move arm and knee in opposition:
i.e. knee forward, while arm move back
arm forward while knee moves back

In each movement:

Rest between each single execution.

Do each movement slowly
with attention
with as little effort as possible
with as much attention as possible
with as much pleasure as possible

And add in learning:
Notice in all of the movements,
what happens in your spine,
and the other parts of you

In each movement:
try for a slightly different awareness every single time

Go very slowly

"Initiate" the movements from different places:
the spine, the shoulder, the ribs, the hand, for the top movement

the spine, the hip, the knee, even the ribs for the bottom movement

Try subtle variations and feel, as sensation, the difference.

Do some breathing in, some breathing out, some breath held.

Some with back arched, some with back rounded, some with back neutral.

Less, less, less is more.

Take a lot of time.

Rest for 2 or so minutes between each kind of movement,
ie. between 1. and 2.  and 2 and 3
and so on

Feel especially which vertebrae are moving
and how much
and in what sequence

Try for pleasure

all along.

After playing in this learning and awakening way
with all four movements,
either rest in this position,
or on your back,
and feel the differences side to side

Take a nap even

Later, sit up
and feel the differences side to side

Then stand up,
and walk,
and feel the differences side to side



Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I'm so wonderful, you're so wonderful, life is good. then we die.

I really like my tag line:
"Life is Yes, and Can get Better and Better and Better"

It's already perfection
you and me
in all our
fucked up ness

in all our imperfection

in all my imperfection,
if I just ("JUST"!) come
back to the present
I'm sitting, standing, lying, moving
in the middle of
the most amazing miracle of all:
I'm alive,

and alive
and aware
of being alive

that's enough,

if I'm in a bad mood,
there's always a story behind it

the story is never in the present

it's "baggage" of words
trotting along,
hijacking my life

my thoughts aren't me

your thoughts aren't you

the "you're all fucked up" story
we trot out,
drag out,
fling out,
puke out

about ourselves and others is

good old Byron Katie and her first question:

just asking ourselves that
can calm
and bring us back to the glory of being
in the world
without a story

today's the Monday of this Monday
of your life

actually, it's Tuesday
and I've already gotten hell
from someone for getting that wrong

oh, well.
life is good

even if I am imperfect and forget that
today is a Monday called Tuesday
and someone gets angry at me about that

and how many "mistakes" can you make
on this Monday/ Tuesday

and how much now can you love
and lust
and turn on
as you do?

happy whatever the hell day
it is

Sunday, October 14, 2012

The Blind Deficit Disorder World, Seeing in a Blind World

From the Wayseers,
by Garret John LoPorto

"A Vital Breakthrough for Free-Spirits, Visionaries, Misfits, Rebels and Pioneers"

Seeing in a Blind World

Imagine a world where just about everyone is born blind and you are one of the only ones who can see. Because blindness is pervasive, human culture in this imaginary world has developed a blindness for blindness. People would not even realize they were missing a key sense.

As a child growing up with working vision in this world you would have some peculiar experiences. When you opened your eyes, you would notice everyone else’s were closed. When you described your ability to “see” you would be placated, ignored and told you had an overactive imagination. Eventually, at quite a young age, you would probably become uncomfortable with keeping your eyes open – because your vision would prompt you to say and do things that disturbed and upset your parents and teachers and peers – so you would learn to close your eyes like everyone else just to feel more in harmony with your community.

Your well-meaning, but blind parents and teachers, would insist on teaching you critical life skills for the blind. The academic disciplines of groping, stick tapping and pace counting would be beaten into you “for your own good”. You would try to do things like open your eyes and walk to where you wanted to go, and at first a parent or teacher might have thought you were a very advanced pace counter; but when they discovered that you didn’t know how many paces you’d traveled, you would be reprimanded for being careless, impulsive and foolish. “Just walking freely” without the use of proper blind navigation strategies such as stick tapping or pace counting would be seen as reckless, irresponsible and dangerous to yourself and others.

You found all of these blind navigation strategies very hard to focus on with your eyes open, because they were so unnecessary with working vision. Your teachers may have complained to your parents that there was something very wrong with you; because you were such a sloppy stick tapper and a forgetful, inattentive counter. You simply wouldn’t focus on your blind navigation studies. Maybe they thought you had ADHD or BNDD (Blind Navigation Deficit Disorder).

At this point your approach to living as a seer in a blind world may have taken one of a couple different directions. The first would have been to acquiesce and become sympathetically blind in some way. You would find that you could tolerate and focus on your blind navigation studies much better with your eyes closed. Plus, you would fit in better and wouldn’t seem so strange to others. There would be no glorious vision to distract you from the pace counting and the stick tapping, which seemed so silly and useless before. Now, it becomes surprisingly essential with your eyes closed. If you had trouble keeping your eyes closed, a family doctor might prescribe you a Blind Navigation Deficit Disorder medication that would chemically blind you for hours at a time, making the discipline to keep your eyes closed and stay focused much easier.

The second course your life could take would be that of a misfit and a rebel. You would say “to hell” with this blind navigation B.S. – you could get where you wanted to go without learning all these “stupid” academics. Maybe instead of dropping out, you still went to class, but you would coast. You would pretend to do the blind navigation, but whenever you got lost you would just open your eyes. You’d lose points for not doing your homework and not “showing your work,” but you could do surprisingly well on tests when you weren’t accused of cheating.

Then as you came of age you might begin to overcome your shame of seeing. You might start to embrace it instead of hiding it. You might muster the inner liberty to throw down your tapping stick and do horrifyingly risky things like running through a forest. You might use your vision to make “impossible” discoveries as far as blind people are concerned. You might solve cases in unexpected ways because you can see things others can’t. You might invent things, change ways of doing things, lead.

You would be heralded as a modern day miracle worker, for

doing what came naturally to you, just because you could see.

“The superior man is the providence of the inferior. He is eyes for the blind, strength for the weak, and a shield for the defenseless. He stands erect by bending above the fallen. He rises by lifting others.”

~ Robert Green Ingersoll

Tuesday, October 09, 2012

Grounded....the ground is desire: we want to move because...

This is a rerun
on the exploration of "being grounded."


It's still as simple as noticing
our pull down
into the earth.

And as humans, that is important,
not for the wonderful bliss of knowing we are on planet Earth

but because we want to be non-trees on planet Earth.

We want to MOVE

we want to move to eat,
the play,
to hunt,
to work,
to hug,
to mate

movement is simplicity itself:
we go over there to get something we want
we reach out and bring something to ourselves we want

we want to enjoy a dance together,
we move with
we want to enjoy sex 
we move with
we want to build a house
we pick up, saw, carry, hammer, nail,
we move things around and
create something we want
or get paid to create and we want the money

and any good carpenter wants the
satisfaction of making something that wasn't there before

a painter paints
a poet writes

stuff happens,
moving thoughts
moving emotions
and someone in there,
moving the body

you name it,
almost any it and it's about movement



a baby who can crawl is not the same being
as one who can't crawl

this is where a lot of the "babies are Buddha" people
get a little nutso:

The goal of babies is not hanging out in bliss:
it's eating when they want to eat,
and being held (that's bliss, surely)
crawling across the room to
get the toy
to explore
to get in trouble
to eat the dogfood
to drive their parents crazy

kids want to move in the world

and when they can crawl they are

they know,
hands push down to hold the front part
knees push down to hold the hips up

and this is their transformation:
they know how to PUSH DOWN INTO THE GROUND
in just the right sequence of hand and knee and hip and back
and shoulder and all that good stuff
and that moves them forward

they like that

the are CONNECTED inside,
back to arm to hand to floor
inside back to pelvis to thigh to knee
to floor

it's not that simple
it's really complex
and it's simple to say:
they are grounded because they know feel and use the ground

this is Anat Baniel's first essential in Move into Life
and her children with special needs book:
Kids Beyond Limits

and it's central obviously to the Feldenkrais® work:

Awareness comes thru Movement
we need love enjoy have to move

and until we are in space
we have to move in and in spite of
and in connection with
and in coordination with gravity

this is good
life is good

happy grounded day
happy moving day

let yourself be moved by the glory of

if you wish


Tuesday, October 02, 2012


 Being grounded, means pushing into belly and sternum and rooting in pelvis, and the we can push the head up.
This is learned. It's not a pre program. A huge part of the brain loves/ needs/ organizes around this.
Grounding is for real, until you can into outer space, and the phrase "spaced out," hints at more than might meet the feet.

Recently in a class I was taking, a comment about being grounded came up, and the suggestion was given  that this could be accomplished by sensing the genitals. I thought this nonsense, and want to go about showing how simple "grounded" is.

My prior intro, which delays the meat of the posting, is now at the end.
like a modern novel, or something.

Sensing one's genitals roots us in the sexual yum yum hum hum
of existence, but it doesn't ground us.

The human brain comes out of the birth canal at one fifth its
final size.

A huge amount of what the baby and her brain learn and
expand the first two years is movement,
and it's always movement in gravity,
which means learning to connect to gravity
and how pushing down with the belly allows the head to
lift to vertical that's crucial,

and that's part of learning to be "grounded."
To roll over, by pushing down here, and moving there, again, more connection to "ground"

And then crawling: standing on four limbs in crawling is a super duper
understanding of gravity and the ground in two hands, two wrist,
two shoulders, two hips, two knees. Our hands push into the ground, that holds the head and chest up. Our knees push into the ground, and that hold the butt up. As we crawl, we push backward into the ground to go forward.

no understanding of the ground: no crawling.

In fact, to those wanting to "get more grounded," crawling has a lot
to recommend itself.

As does walking barefoot on the good old Earth.

Grounding can be seen thru the lens of the four parts of One Taste,
mainly these three:

the ground is the ground. Unless you are in space,
you are attracted to the Earth. It's pulling. You're pushing.
Where? Notice.

which is
If sitting now, are hands and feet pressing down into something,
which is pushing back up?
Which side of your pelvis is most pressing down?
Are you leaning back? Then your back is being used as a foot,
which is a shitty use of the back, except when lying down.

The two sitz/ sit bones are good feet substitutes.
Leaning back, in primitive / survival conditions is an invitation: kill me.

If standing, which part of the foot is connected to Earth, or to your shoe or sock
and how does that connection snake/ connect up through your skeleton to your head,
with the eyes and ears and the top?

Sitting, same: pelvic bones to butt flesh to clothes to chair to chair legs to floor, to ......
And up, pelvic to sacrum to spine to ribs, the shoulder blades and head

And so on

And the last guy:

Well, desire to sit up straight can be a conditioned/ finishing school kind of thing,
and it can make you better on horses, if you need to attract an upper class mate,
or stand taller if you want to look better as a breeding partner,
there is this desire:

to not be dead

so it's like this:
conditioned sitting up straight: make others happy/ get approval

sit up to be able to move quickly: an inner happiness, freedom, vitality and survival thing

it's pretty deep,
but without grounding,
in the way of the world of most of humanity over most
of its existence: we get taken down

No grounding,

we get killed,
And there it goes:
no big limbic party fun

there's where the desire can have a lot of fun,

not just in survival,
but moving toward the object of our desire

  let's walk across the room to the one who turns you on....
every step is pressing back into the ground
to push through all your skeleton to
move your forward

simple shit
key to being alive

and attention can get finer and finer:
put weight on insides, outside of feet.
one inside, one outside.
mainly one foot.
mainly one foot and the big toe
mainly one foot and the ring toe

two feet and the toes of one foot and the heels of the other

sound familiar, this increasing of mindfulness by
attending to the details



happy week
happy fall as fall in Austin

happy falling into grace
and now
and ground
and desire

where ever you are


the original start:
I have a friend, a male friend,
with whom friendship is getting deeper and deeper.

We regularly say I love you.
It's a pants on kind of love, and deep, deep,
friendship to the core, to the mud, to the blood,
reason it's so strong is that I can occasionally tell him:
"I love you and you don't know what you're talking about."

(This you may recognize from Moonrise Kingdom,
which I've seen 3 times, which you can guess how much
I like. And this is perhaps my favorite line,
"I love you and you don't know what you are talking about.")

The recent not knowing was a cute and radically upbeat
idea of being grounded,
which was to sense one's genitals.


Sensing one's genitals roots us in the sexual yum yum hum hum
of existence, but it doesn't ground us.

The human brain comes out of the birth canal at one fifth its
final size.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

The "No" thing; when we say it, when others say it

The "no" thing

I'm feeling smooth and a little apprehensive bringing this up here, and happy that I'm so happy in the small amounts of clarity I'm getting

The giver of the "no's"; when I or we give our "no's" out to people, what's going on? Especially in an invitation to get closer in some way, not the "fill up our time with more nonsense " kind of invite.

There's a Robert Frost poem about "Good Fences make good neighbors," where he questions: what are we fencing out and what are we fencing in?

That's the kind of inquiry I enjoy in my no's and the no's of others:
What in me is making this about my comfort zone and how the other person is going to upset that?
And that upset, is it really anything more than "too much" sensation?

This is very powerful in my life right now,
noticing my fear of fear
or fear of anger
or fear to some "uncomfortable" thing<
just an excuse to not want "too much" sensation
inside me

And who says, when I really sense it without a story
and really am "now" with it,
who says it's "too much,"
except my old "keep everything the way it's always been" mind?

And more about saying no to another's request to get closer:
 the usual suspects: is there something in the other, I don't want to see in myself, and by "no-ing" them away, I'm "safe" from dealing with that in myself

So, it can kind of be a nice education: what is it in me, I don't want and the no protects, so called protects, me from; what is it about the other person I don't want near me?

A nice idea: what is the reality of the situation?

And is it really the other person I'm saying no to, or some picture/ box/ story/ reputation/ look/ stereotype I'm "protecting" myself from. What am I walling out and pretending it's them, and have I given myself the time and curiosity to discover what this person is REALLY like? What am I denying myself with my petty little boundary. Or really important boundary. Or totally habitual boundary. Or totally unconscious boundary. Or conscious for old and not present moment reasons boundary?

What am I keeping away when I stop the connection from happening?

In a certain way, the path of liberation and the Gurdjieff idea of "like what 'it' doesn't like," saying "yes" to our biggest "no" is the stuff of revolution/ dissolution/ freedom

and of course, easier typed out than done

And the getting the no's

If we "need" the yes, then we are a sitting duck for disappointment.

Let me go personal, what a concept: when I was all worried and worked up about getting yeses, the no's were quite devastating and I was back in Jr. High, what's wrong with me, blah, blah

Now, that I'm pretty full, and clear that this ( the OM practice, but that doesn't matter, people want connection want connection want connection; if we offer and they reject, it's a very interesting place to be free and curious and compassionate; read on)
 is something many many many women are deeply hungering for, and they just need to be found, I'm pretty easy with no's

I can see it from the attitude: their loss

or the curiosity route: I wonder what's stopping them?

potentially it could even be compassion: too bad they've got a fence up, what else is it constraining in their life

and then good old Byron Katie, with her quip, so true, so true, that when someone rejects you, you have "been spared."

Yes, the no means, their mood, or their putting you in a box, or their busy ness, or their "not being into you," you don't have to hang with that. You've been spared.

and here's a place I'd love to see us go as a community:

"Would you like to OM/ do something that will get us closer together?"

"Of course, but a no is coming up. Would you help me figure that out, so I can come to a Yes?"

"Sure. Give me some ideas about how I could help you."

"Well... " And a whole toolkit could be available here, which is the kind of thing I love to invent, and will leave open ended for a group invention

Monday, September 24, 2012

Kids, tantrums, having enlightenment thanks to kids pushing us to be awake when it's hard to be awake

After enlightenment, do the laundry. 
How to get enlightened?
 Be present with a child, 
or yourself, 
or any loved one or creature, plant or feature
on this planet. 

Kids are dissatisfied sometimes,
and they don't hold it in.

They scream, hit, throw things,
you know the drill.

And our job, as parents,
and as human beings working toward real
which in my opinion means
being awake to the present moment

we don't take it personally

unless we do,
and then we "flip our lids"
as Dan Siegel, MD amused us describing in Austin
recently talking about the Whole Brain Child.

and how this happens:

parents "lose it"

he says: okay, it happens,
admit it, apologize,
talk to your child about her or his feelings before you
"lost it" and when you "lost it"

just repair the damage and they'll be resiliant,
and know something wonderful:
you don't have to be perfect,
you just have to be willing to communicate the love
that got lost in the "lost it"

guess what,
that wasn't what this was headed to be about:
it was headed to be about
when the child is in tantrum, anger, or whine mode,
and you are still present,
a fun and useful thing to do,
is not to repress their anger,
not to make them feel bad about that,
but to make it a game,
where you present alternatives:

would you rather throw the book, or the ball?
would you rather scream this loud or this loud?
would you rather look at me when you scream or look at the floor?
Can you switch your whining to this tone?
To this tone?

Can you hit with your other hand?
Can you stomp with this foot?
And that foot.
Can you make this sound when you hit?

if their hitting hurts,
tell them:
I am a real person,
that hurts.

I get that you are angry and let's find six different
ways you can hit the couch,
and call it me,
and tell me you hate me

so you can be angry and hit,
but I don't get hurt

I'm a real person, so
the couch doesn't mind being hit,
and what about kicking the couch
(or those little blow up clowns with sand in the bottom,
punching bags)

This not only lets the child knwo
they are safe to be angry,
but that in the context of being angry,
a real adult can see alternatives,
can allow them to experience differences,
which means being more mindful and aware of themselves

and the adult is seeing anger as an energy,
something to be used
and used in a variety of ways

this is good news all around

and if that isn't enough;
Here's a  TED talk with Dan Siegel and Goldie Hawn
on mindfulness and childrearing:

Saturday, September 22, 2012

"Resistance" as a red herring, sort of

someone, a wise someone asked me to go beyond the smart guy
and share feelings as I post this and that:

I'm feeling less than my usual cocky about this,
a little shy,
a little hesitant,
and also excited,
to see what I come up with,
and to share some opening that I think others might enjoy

full disclosure,
partly to show off for a sweet gal,
with whom the brains are flirting, too

And here goes:

Resistance is so widely used, that we take it for granted,
as in:
Yes, I'm in resistance,
or, He/ She is obviously in resistance

Okay, let me fumble around and try to find some loose ends
and I don't know how they tie together,
and I'm shy/ scared/ curious, confident that something will emerge:

Fritz Perls has this idea:
Distraction is just attraction away from where it's "supposed"
to be

I've gotten great mileage from that, to
the point of having a "distraction" journal,
side by side with something I'm "really" trying to write,
to give attention to the distraction before returning to what
I'm "supposed to" be writing

NLP, however messed up,
has this very sassy idea:
There are no resistant clients, only bad therapists

I loved Nicole Daedone 's  riff in Austin on NLP as the parallel to Buddhism
to mask, ameliorate suffering rather than Buddhism for liberation,
and a couple of their things, like this, and the strangely hard to accept:
The meaning of the communication is the response you got,
are brilliant

They got this from modelling Milton Erickson, possibly the genius
of psychology of the last century, who never had resistant clients.

They always moved nicely from A to B to C.

This story illustrates:
Young boy comes in, doesn't want to sit in the chair
for hypnosis.
Stomps his foot on the floor.
Milton nods:
Very good. But a "Big Boy" would stomp much harder.
Is there something wrong with you?

The boy stomps like hell.
Pretty good, and a Big Boy... would do much more,
and on and on, until the kid can't wait to sit down..

Compare if Milton:
you've got resistance, lad,
just sit down,
it'll all work out

The boy had defiance,
the boy had foot stomping energy

Obviously this is the same as following the stroke,
which in our One Taste world, I've gotten massive help
with being told to be more of my anger, or arrogance, or
"dirty old man."

So, where's the rub:

It's the way this goes down:
A has some project for B,
who balks, hesitates, whatever

A to B: you are in resistance

Two problems, at least:

People don't like to be told what they are
Two it's a power struggle,
Three, this missing ingredient:

This COAL, from Dan Siegel, author of Mindsight,
with new book on children, the Whole Brain Child,
which finds good parenting exactly the path to enlightenment

Loving ( Kind regard)

With that, the "resistant" person, is dealt with not as resistant,
but fascinating: What's going on?

And so on.

This is as far as I can go.
Maybe resistance is okay, not really red herring,
maybe it's a chance to have people express fearful energy
they want to put in a habitual direction

Actually, what the hell,
all I'm trying to unravel is the core of coaching/ therapy,
so obviously I should get it in twenty paragraphs or less

and anyway,
I feel sad (don't know why, a feeling I can muck around and "not know"
and be loved here) and honored to, to have this playground
for expressing,
living in the juice of "I don't know."


Friday, September 21, 2012

a real poem for once: You do not have to be good

a real poem for once: You do not have to be good. This is Mary Oliver. She has the real shit.

She goes out in nature every day and listens to the world beneath words.

She translates.

Here's what she heard one day:

Listen, listen, listen.

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

~ Mary Oliver

My feelings: I love Mary Oliver.
I feel soft and free when I read this, as if someone understands.
I am weary of being good, even the being good of "not being good."
I am
Grateful, I have found my gang, in which the soft animal of my body can love what it loves, and the soft ocean of my heart can swish and swirl in many and all directions, not necessarily knowing where it's going, but reaching more and more connection, finding the joyous scary peaceful thrill in the family of all things.
ALL things.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Beneath the facism of appearance, what's left?

attractiveness is a sorting pattern
that makes sense
in breeding beautiful children

and otherwise
it's fear and scarcity based:

these are the standards,
the closer you get to them,
the more points you get to play against
someone's money points, or car/ stuff points
or good personality points

the world of relationship
as buying selling and bartering your
assets for theirs

cruel nonsense

the only place I've ever heard this
talked about out loud
was in a Byron Katie, 14 day school,
and someone in the B group of attractiveness

talked about how the A group there,
as everywhere had created a sort of ascendency

this was shocking
and true to behold

and it keeps going on 
and on

and then,
to leave that behind....

  what's that leave?

the wonderful world of now:
what is your experience
in the present
with that person

and if things go
awry (took google to spell that, pronounced uh rye)
and they will,
what to do?

be present
be honest
see where "I don't know"
will lead you

the truth will always
either set you free
or set you closer to freedom,
and more truth will help you
where you
and I
and You
and I
and we

aren't yet free



Monday, September 17, 2012

Beneath the Limbic, the happy cat, the hunting cat

I am in this glorious world now,
in training
in learning
in transforming,
the world of One Taste
see, if you want a buzz and thrill,

they are great
I am great
you are great

they have a practice
we have a practice
with four cornerstones:

it's about the mammal in us
that wants to touch
and make love
and frolic
and have emotional connection
the wiring in our innards all primed and
glorious for being social
and sexual animals
on a big and beautiful planet

and this is called the limbic system

and the limbic system doesn't mean shit
if you are dead

so we have the lizard system,
the warrior system,
the hunger and hunter system
and it is about:
touching the ground, for real,
so you can move toward food,
away from danger,
having arms and fingers ready to reach out and create
or love
or defend
or kill food

having a neck free to look in all directions
and ears free to hear in the directions you can't see

and that sounds like a lot,
and it's why people climb ropes
or ski
or ice skate
or surf
or do tai chi
or dance

all the fun things that get us into our
and unstable and mobile (the two go together,
inversely) on the planet, in gravity, in motion

a cat is always sensing,
not vigilant,
relaxed most of the time,
but she knows where all here paws and legs are, the shape of her spine,
what is in her visual field,
what she is hearing

this is the Gurdjieff meditation
wake up
sit up

sense your right leg, all the flesh blood bone muscle nerve
from toes, up up thru knee up to hip joint,
keep the full leg "lite up" with sensing
and then add on the right fingers to the right shoulder blade
hang out with these two "lite up"

then add on the left arm, shoulder down to fingers,
hang with the 3,
then add on the left leg, hip joint to toes,

then hang in there
full of sensing
as long as enjoyment allows
and add on listening to sounds
from outside your head

now you have inner and outer attention

and then open your eyes
and pay attention to reflected light coming in your eyes
and hang there:
two arms,
two legs

I like to add, from the Feldenkrais idea of "5 lines" as our primary
self organizing image as a human being, the "line" of sensing pelvis-spine-head

this is a meditation that is done
all day,
not just in sitting

it is life being lived
from the relaxed and miraculous animal that we are

and hey:
add on the limbic when others are around,
but from real, not just bullshit saying "grounded" and not
knowing your relationship in all five lines to gravity,
nor worn out from so called "exercise"
but in your body as an ongoing "home base"
add on the sex and the heart and the lips
and the pulse of
you and another

then things
get full

I mean,
really full

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Truth vs a higher grade bullshit

Last night I got to participate in an event that so -called
stretched my limits

Going to bars and asking women this and that
and being rejected 10 times

I'm super glad I did it,
but the best parts,
were waking up to Now
within a scene almost totally asleep

standing in an the noise

and people 
and with all the "I have to go this and this" story,
and dropping the story,
coming home
to the non story,
non important
pure reality

the me
without image

the me
without accomplishment or
non accomplishing

the alive

and alive

and just stopping
back to breath
back to gravity
back to sensing feet underneath,
knowing the seeing of what I was seeing
knowing the hearing of what I was hearing

knowing this,
this nowing of me as alive right then
was fabulously more important than
my thoughts and feelings and goals and successes
and failures in the "talk to a woman" game

the game can be played
to learn...
that's good

the game can be played
to wake up...
that's gold

and then when it was over,
walking down the street
sensing each step,
aware of the I AM ALIVE
as now, now, now miracle

I was glad not to have been as lost
as I could have been

This is a brutal truth
for me and you and you
and even now,
typing this in,
even now,
reading this:

we only have three choices

Low grade asleep
High grade asleep
or Awake

actually, there are thousands of gradations of
and what passes as most "transformation"
is just upping the level
of sleeping functioning

but without the spark of conscious awareness
in the moment
something is lost

and DO NOT take my word for it
live today to
discover the difference in
each and every activity
non activity

life is a gift
learning is infinite
awakening is always now

ciao (rhyme)