WAKING UP IN LOVE
You can fall in love and not be awake. You are swept off your feet for deep seated and/or idiotic reasons.
Doesn’t matter. You head turns off its dominance for awhile and you fall.
And then you get together.
It's all perfect.
And then it's not.
And then you have the choice, be mindful or mindless in your love.
Mindful seems a lot of trouble, except that it’s so fun, because you are present at each moment to new possibilities, to doing something different than your programming says to do, or different than either of you are expecting.
Mindless, as in not being present, as in not being mindful, is the default mode of human life, and if you have met Ms. Right, or Mr Right, it seems like you’re going to get away with drifting along on your good luck, except for a minor detail.
It won’t work unless you both have perfect parents.
If you both have perfect parents, then when things get stressful you can go to the mindless automatic solution you saw with your parents ( which, not so strangely, will be either mindfulness or something close: like humor, like listening, like putting the other first, like hugging and taking a breather, like… Who knows? Perfect parents must have a lot of cool ways of dealing with trouble.
I’ve never met anyone with perfect parents, but if it’s you, let me know what they did).
And then, the rest of us.
With imperfect parents, who had less than ideal ways of relating to each other when stress came down, if we are mindless then we are on automatic.
If we are on automatic we are going to go for our programming.
If they weren’t so good, these programs, usually something like putting the other down, not listening, get defensive, getting offensive, drinking, avoidance, having affairs, overeating…. Whatever they did not so well, if we are mindless, we have to drift back into copying their mode.
Which sucked for them, whether they stuck it out or not.
Aside: sticking it out has it’s advantages, and without real month by month mindful growth, it’s taking each other for granted, avoiding each other and going about somewhat robot lives, fighting a lot, various drug and or sexual escapes, all the above shenanigans.
So it’s a two way deal:
That things aren’t going so well.
That stress is up.
That there are solutions out there.
That these solutions are to be had outside of the conditioned pathway.
( If you are in a couple and reading this and want to have a pile of non conditioned and amazing ways to break through to a new level, call, or email RIGHT NOW)
And what would being mindful look like.
Ah, lots of ways, and this is, since it can be done in almost all circumstances, talking or not, is the best I have found.
1 sensing entire right leg all toes to hip joint
2 adding on ( keep sensing leg)
Entire right arm
All fingers to shoulder
3 adding on
Entire left arm
Shoulder to all fingers
4 adding on ( keep sensing other three)
Entire left leg hip joint to all toes
5 adding on
Spine sensing pelvis to head
6 repeat and deepen
Then other way
Left leg toes to hip
8 add on
Left arm fingers to shoulder
9 add on
Right arm shoulder to fingers
10 add on
Right leg hip to all toes
11 add on
Spine from pelvis to head
13 back to right side first
Do things in multiples of 12
One breath each as driving say
On left foot
Swing right foot back from floor to behind
Sensing the count as above
Then other way
Balance too two
Stand on left foot
Hold right knee both hands
Pull to chest on outbreath
Do 24 or 36 times
Then other way
This will bring presence in a real embodied way
"Coming home " to now
Getting free of thought and outside triggers
Real balance & strength
Alright: go to it.
With a mate or not, being mindful in our bodies is fun, wonderful, useful and reminds us of the most important thing in the world:
You tell me.