Week One, Day Five: ENLIGHTENMENT
Nature
Breath
Movement
Smiling
Being an Adult (darn!): We push our own buttons
Enlightenment tends to be a fancier word than we like to think of most of the time, especially in conjunction with good old fashioned sex.
Or even, maybe more especially, enlightenment and having good communication might seem like a stretch.
And they are not.
Almost all crappy communication is because we are busy not listening to the intentions behind what the other person is saying. Far worse, we are really listening to our conditioned story about what they are saying, and getting our buttons pushed by the story we are hearing.
Let’s get this clear: we push our own buttons.
An awakened relationship is a grown up relationship. The other person can be an ass, can be insensitive, can be selfish, can be off in their own fear and worry, can have bad habits of paranoia or distrust or blame.
All that would be right horrible, if it weren’t for this said and brutal truth:
ANYTHING WRONG WITH OUR PARTNER IS AT LEAST IN SOME MEASURE, WRONG WITH US.
And then there is this: if we are actually present, and our partner is being a jerk, the way we are too sometimes, if we are actually present, that moment will pass, usually soon.
And if we are truly present, we don’t need to react.
We can just look at them and ask: “What’s going on?”
Unfortunately they might unleash a barrage of complaints about us.
In a later love section will suggest this: make all complaints for two months in gibberish, but for now, we have this enlightenment homework.
Enlightenment Game #1: When someone tells you what’s wrong with you, or complains, or blames—- Do NOT take it personally
How?????
- Repeat back to them what they said.
- Do NOT defend yourself
- Do NOT tell them they do the same darn thing (which they always do)
- Do request that you both shift to the earlier game: You share gratitude and what you like for two minutes, and then share gratitude and what they like for two minutes. And then you again. And then they again.
- If they are still angry, or you are still angry: Hug for two minutes.
Enlightenment Game #2: Anytime you are angry with your partner, ask for a two minute hug.
Give the hug.
Smile.
Walk away and don’t talk for an hour.
Forgive them.
If you can’t, realize that you don’t know how to forgive yet.
And realize this:
A huge part of enlightenment is the ability to forgive and forgive and forgive, which sounds like a moral duty.
It’s not.
It’s mental hygiene. To forgive you have to be present.
That will be tomorrow’s game.
For today, and the rest of your life, play game #2 whenever you are angry: Hug. Smile. Shut up. Leave each other alone for at least an hour.
When you come back: talk about gratitudes and what you love in life.
Or some topic besides whatever the complaint/ issue was about.
Does this mean avoiding the issue?
No.
It means not pretending that complaining and blaming is a solution to the issue.
What solves the issue?
One: Forgiveness.
Two: Being present.
Three: Having “we goals”
Four: Stating the we goals.
Five: Working toward the “we goals”
Is this today’s work?
No.
And without being able to do all five of these as a daily set of activities you are fucked, and not in the sweet lovemaking sort of way.
Back to Enlightenment as an everyday joy….
Enlightenment is not about meditation until you have transcended the real world.
Nor is it about meditating unless you have reached perfect inner peace and stillness.
It IS a nice vacation in inner stillness, if you are at that level. This book will show you a bunch of ways to get closer to inner stillness and today we are going to take some very simple short cuts.
Enlightenment Game #3: When you feel agitated, go outside, take off your shoes and put your bare feet on grass, or a stone, or something that is connected to the Earth.
Two parts:
Outside.
Bare feet connecting to Earth.
We come from nature. We need to get out in Nature at least once an hour. If we aren’t it is far more serious than all the hooray about staying hydrated.
Hydrations helps your body.
Getting into Nature hydrates your soul. If you don’t do that at least once an hour, you are seriously going to be disconnected from your soul.
Enlightenment Game #4: If you absolutely can’t get outside (work, airport, you know the way life happens) go to the nature you carry around as a human body:
Sense all your fingers.
Sense all your toes.
Sense both arms from shoulder blades out to the fingertips.
Sense both legs from the hip joint out to the toe tips.
Follow your breathing.
This you can do outdoors, with your bare feet, and the sky five miles high and the clouds and the leaves to hydrate your soul.
And you can do it in the airport.
Or laying in your bed, unable to sleep and not wanting to wake your partner by getting up and going outside.
Our body is always with us.
Our body is the little Earth we carry around on the big Earth.
Enjoy it.
Enlightenment Game #5: Smile.
Right now.
A lot.
When I was twenty eight I started serious spiritual work, by which I mean, being present full time seemed like the way to experience life at its most vital and real.
I made a study of being present and when it was hardest to NOT be present.
I came up with these three times;
- Talking to other people
- Dealing with money
- Going through doors
So here’s Enlightenment Game #6:
Every time you go through a door, realizing your feet and eyes in the present moment and smile.
That’s it.
It’s hard.
It’s amazing.
So are you.
And now you are starting to sense how enlightenment is a full time game.
You may also be getting the hint that enlightenment is a lot of fun.
Don’t believe me.
Try the games for yourself.
If you have a lot of fun, great.
If you don’t, check out why not? (You’ll almost always find a story, in your head, out of the present, as a reason)
Delight is doing it well.
Delight in doing it crappy.
No matter how you are doing it, you can be present.
Always you can be present.
Shoot for that: always present and see how your life changes.
Good.
Summary of Week One, Day Five: ENLIGHTENMENT
Enlightenment is full time.
Smile when you go through doors.
Get outside barefoot.
Sense your arms and legs and fingers and toes.
You are the one who pushes your own buttons.
Don’t complain: hug.
This is a lot.
So is life.
Good.
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