Week Three, Day Six: ENLIGHTENMENT
LIGHT = light
Lighten up
Lighten your load
Lighten their load
Go ahead and be imperfect
Sad truth, real truth. We are not perfect. You aren’t perfect. Your partner isn’t perfect.
If you are looking for someone, they won’t be perfect.
If you are looking for someone, you won’t be perfect.
Tips for finding someone:
DON’T GO ON A DATE.
Don’t make it at night.
Don’t include dinner and any alcohol.
Don’t include entertainment where you are looking at a movie screen or a stage instead of each other.
Don’t talk about your tastes, your school, your family, your childhood.
Don’t try to impress.
Don’t interview: this isn’t about finding someone to fit your mold.
DO GO ON A HANG OUT/ FUN TIME/ DISCOVERY FEAST
Ask the person to do something you like.
You like nature: ask them on a hike or a canoe ride.
You like books: ask them to hang out at a book store.
You like quiet conversation: ask them to coffee or to small meal for lunch at a quiet place that has cheap and high quality food.
You don’t like high quality food?
This book probably isn’t for you.
DO ASK ABOUT: WHAT’S IMPORTANT TO YOU?
DO SHARE: WHAT’S IMPORTANT TO YOU.
LISTEN AS MUCH AS YOU TALK.
MABYE WITH A TIMER.
MAYBE NOT.
Ask questions.
Give them lots of time for the answers.
Be happy.
Explore what happiness means to you.
Explore what happiness means to them.
Be present: what is going on right now for you.
Ask about their present: what is going on right now for them.
And what good is that going to do?
Well, let’s get real.
Sex is great and it’s only so many hours a day.
What are you going to do the rest of your time?
What makes you happy?
What do you enjoy about being with another person?
If it’s only going out to dinner and movies and whatnot, you’re going to have to stay busy to be happy, and your life is going to be a somewhat empty blur.
If that’s good enough, you wouldn’t be reading a book called Love, Lust and Enlightenment.
So, what's the game in the non-dating strategy:
Enlightenment Game # 14: Go on a Non-date
If you are married, have the non-date before or after the date, because married people tend to get stuck in stay at home and do nothing (which usually means wasting time on the Internet).
And after or before the date, spend an hour really getting to know each other.
Look for the light.
What is great about the person you are with?
What would you love to hear more about?
What vulnerable wish or desire would you like to share? (No complaints, or secret victim crap. But a desire: more love making. A vacation in Moscow. A Saturday in bed)
And if you aren’t married and don’t know each other yet:
Make sure it’s not in the evening and doesn’t include dinner nor alcohol nor any entertainment.
Talk.
Take turns talking.
Talk for five minutes each.
Ask questions in your turn if you want.
Talk about your deepest wishes for the most amazing life possible.
Do not complain, talk about, or “share” your prior romantic messes.
This is not the point.
This can come later, when there is a reckoning of “I’m not so perfect, let me tell you my prior fuck-ups.”
Not a good idea for the first non-date or two.
Just be pleasant.
Just be curious.
Just be honest.
Just be present.
That’s a lot.
Good.
And then, how can we get more to the “light” in enlightenment, and have our non-date be in the light, or the pre or post non-date for the married couple, how can we use this time together to be moving toward our greatest life purpose?
Ask.
Explore, not explain.
Be okay with the IDK.
Enlightenment Game # 15: Explore your and their biggest Life Purpose.
What is your biggest Life Purpose?
For many people, it is to understand their Life Purpose.
This is a very fine Goal.
This is a very fine purpose.
This can be the non-date that will change your life.
This can be the non-date that will eliminate the superficial person you are going to hate in three years.
This can be the time for married couples to fall back in love.
We always sense a deeper and amazing part of someone we commit to marrying.
And usually, we get lost in the busy-ness of our life together and forget the deeper purpose.
Our deeper purpose.
Our partner’s deeper purpose.
Our mutual deeper purpose.
This is gold. Hang out here and deepen and deepen and deepen.
Summary of Week Three, Day Six: ENLIGHTENMENT
If you are single, go on a non-date.
If you are married, go on a non-date before or after the “date.”
Seek the light.
The light of purpose and glow that is central to you and to them.
The lightening up that comes from being heavy handed with ourselves and allowing ourselves to be children again: what is the heaven we want?
What is the big dream?
How much fun to explore this together.
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