Starting Even Easier: Better Sex, Health, Breathing and Dancing with a Simple Movement

Day One

Getting Sexier

(and Healthier

and More Enlightened

and Able to Love)

Right Now

Please stand for a minute.

Feel how big your head is. Put out your hands to make an image of how tall it is and how wide.

Then check with your real head, and put out the tall and wide dimensions in front of your face to see and realize.

Now, feel (as sensing) how big your MIDDLE layer is. This is from where your neck meets your skull down to your navel.

Before you look or measure with your hands, GUESS how tall and wide that is.

Put our your hands to see your “guess-timate.”

Now, actually measure with your hands and put the visuals out in front. How tall and how wide is your MIDDLE layer?

Now, smile, and wiggle a bit.

Enjoy standing on your feet, the bottom layer.

Before we check the bottom layer, put your hands out to visualize the head size, vs the middle size.

Fun.  Now, measure your bottom layer. From navel to toes.

How big is it?

Now, do all three one after another:

How big is your head?

How big is your MIDDLE, from skull bottom to your navel?

How big is your BOTTOM layer, from navel to toe tips?

Noticing their relative size, ask yourself: how much time you spend in your head, how much in the middle (and not in ache and pain, but feeling your heart, or your breathing, or your hands and fingers and arms)

And how much time below the navel?

The navel and below….

What’s the center of all that?

YOUR PELVIS.

THIS IS HOW TO START WAKING UP TO YOUR REAL BODY, YOUR REAL SELF, YOUR SEXUAL SELF, and the self that moves easily, breaths easily, dances easily, walks easily.

And more.

YOUR PELVIS.

Can you feel it right now?

Sit if you aren’t. Preferably on a firm chair or log or bench.

Do not lean back.

Why? So you can feel the weight of your body pushing through your pelvis into the chair or whatever is below.

GRAVITY.

Is with us full time once we leave the womb, if we are not in outer space.

The chair pushes up, and our pelvis pushes down.

The Earth wants you, is attracted to you.

You want the Earth, are attracted to it.

Feel the connection.

Please sit and let's start the fun/ improvement/ joy/ sexual upgrading.

And now, MOVEMENT GAME #1: MOVE THAT PELVIS, EASILY PART ONE

This is simple.

This gets “down there” moving.

This is a vacation from being in your head.

This will heal and improve your back and your breathing.

This will improve your sex life.

If you don’t have a partner, when one comes along, you will be ready to a much more full connection.

(Brief note: great sex is necessary to fabulous love. And it’s not sufficient by a long shot. Even with a partner, I recommend holding off on any small or large sex improvement for a couple of months. Get the communication and the simple touch improved first. Learn deep forgiveness first. Learn real listening without interruption first.

And learn movement with touch first.

Holding hands touch.

This may seem little.

And… it’s huge)

Here’s the MOVEMENT GAME #1: PELVIS… BREATH … RIBS

Sit on the chair bench log.

Smile.

Breathe in easily and a little more fully.

Allow your breathing to fill out your belly just a little (or more) as you breathe in.

Put your hands in two places: one hand on your belly. One hand on your breast bone/ sternum.

Do these two movements:

BREATHING IN MOVEMENT

Breathe in, feeling your belly push out one hand

Rock forward on your pelvis

Feel the shift in your weight and relationship to the chair

Allow your ribs and sternum to lift a little. Feel that in your other hand.

Allow your head and nose to tilt slightly up toward the sky/ ceiling.

Stay there, pointed to the ceiling for a bit.

Smile.

Feel the shape of your back.

Feel where your weight is on your pelvis.

Feel the one hand pushed forward and the one hand raised a bit.

Now, smile some more and go the other way

BREATHING OUT MOVEMENT 

Breathing out, as if releasing, push your belly in, and feel that.

Rock backward on your pelvis, more toward as if your spine is on the chair.

Feel your weight shifting on your pelvis.

Allow your ribs and sternum to lower and even “slump” a little. Down toward your belly button.

Allow your head and nose to point down toward the chair, or even toward your pelvis.

When you get to the lowest position, pause again and

Feel your shape.

Your spine shape.

The belly in shape.

The sternum / ribs down shape.

The head and nose circling back in shape.

Enjoy that.

And then, breathe is and rise on up.

For purposes of this book, we’ll call the belly forward and head up shape, back “arching.”

And the belly in and head rounded over toward the crotch, we’ll call that shape, “rounding” your back.

So, after pausing, do this pelvis rocking movement including with all the above, a feeling of the differences of your back when it is arching and when it is rounding.

This is a huge part of staying young: having a flexible spine.

This is a sly part of living through boring meetings: doing little versions of this.

This is a slow and easy part of having a great sex life: do this four or five times every day.

Why?

For your own enjoyment and a future of fabulous sex.

And more.

The Other Side of "Lust" -- What are your dreams and goals?

 Another side of Lust:

What do you REALLY want in life?

What is your dream?

What is your PURPOSE/ BIG DREAM?

The Super Power of GOALS

Wedding Vow #9 (Spoken first in public on our wedding day, March 5, 2017. We now say this aloud to each other almost every day, and many a day write it with our finger on each other’s naked body)

“We are joyfully creating a

Long & Happy & Healthy & Enlightened

Love, Friendship & Marriage

that is getting better and better and better

every day”

Here’s the amazing part of life: OUR PAST DOES NOT HAVE TO DETERMINE OUR FUTURE

There is tons of conditioning out there that tries to trick us into thinking that if we failed ten times at something before, we should quit, because number eleven can’t be a success.

We may have struck out on four dates: to hell with it, I’m no good at dating.

We may have flopped at four business: to hell with it, it’s “too hard.”

We may have had one or two bitter divorces or breakups: to hell with it, relationships/ the other sex is impossible.

We may have started writing our book ten times and not finished (this one, being one of those, though you will soon hear how one of those writing “phases” led to a conversation with Carol that turned an hour and a half lunch meeting into a twelve hour discovery session, after which we knew: this is the person for the rest of my life). Temptation: give up.

Reality has many examples of those who failed to get their book accepted, or their business successfully running, or their first one or two or three marriages to work, and then went on to hit a home run.

Actually, one reason this book is being written, is that the failed relationship shift to successful ratio is pretty poor, mainly because the new relationship is almost always based on looking for Mr Right or Ms Right as characteristics instead of practices of connection.

And enough of that: what is your big goal in life?

Is one of them having fabulous love at the center of your life?

I’ve given my ideas of what fabulous love means, and that’s not what this book is about. This book is about you being present to your experience right now, every instant of your life.

This book is about you being happy, almost every instant of your life.

This book is about you either finding a great love for your life, and then having it go through the troubles it needs to in order to get “better and better and better every day”

Or, taking good, bad, lousy, “okay,” or even great love to a more and more expanding and fabulous level.

What do you want?

What do you desire?

What is your dream?

What is your Goal?

And this can be: I want to clean my house.

Better: I want to easily and in delight and presence and a slight giggle be easily cleaning my house a little each day. Better: twenty minutes, or some non scary amount.

It can be: I want fabulous love at the center of my life.

Better: I want to have amazing experiences as I find the amazing partner for my life

or

I want to have daily expansions in all areas of my love: the physical, the emotional, communication, cooperation, listening, friendship, forgiveness, fun.

Those are my lists.

What are yours?

Here’s the day three game: get another journal, and call it your Goals journal.

If you don’t have a goals journal, write on a piece of paper.

If you don’t have paper, write it in the air, or on your leg, or on your partner’s naked body.

Don’t write goals first.

Later, we’ll talk about how when Carol and I had our discovery/ falling in love/ miracle twelve hour beyond the best date you could ever have, one of the things we shared was our favorite Bible verses.

One of mine was Philippians 4:4-7, which ends with something to the effect of: Give Thanks to God and then offer up your petitions.

Our translation: 

Write down gratitudes.

Then write down goals.

Why?

So you will be writing goals from the full and heart opened and real you, not the small and needy and scared you.

So, finally, here’s the game for day three:

Day Three: Lust Game #4 :Write three goals from an Open Heart.

And from being present

How to have an open heart:

Write at least five gratitudes, with a smile on your face, and sensing your torso area as you notice your breathing two.

The heart is surrounded by the lungs.

When we breathe with awareness we help to open our hearts.

The smile is connected to our deep happiness.

When we smile we open up many many avenues to love and delight and the inner child in us.

Day 3:

Warm up for Goals…

Open Heart Gratitude Game:

While following your breathing,

and

having a slight or large smile on your face:

Write on paper, or in your gratitude journal five gratitudes.

I am grateful

I am grateful

I am grateful

I am grateful

I am grateful 

( I didn’t copy and paste)

Deeply enjoy writing these five sentences.

Then stand up and go to a window and stretch your arms above your head, and breathe in deeply and lift up on to your toes and say, “Yes.”

Do this five times.

Then come back and write three goals, or more..

Here’s the deal: these have to be positive goals, not erasing the negative goals.

I want my boss to stop being mean, is a negative goal

I want a fabulous boss who is in happiness and encouragement all the time, is a positive goal

I want to stop being so poor, is a negative goal

I want to shift, easily and in ways beyond what I can ever imagine, to earning at least $200,000 a year. That’s a positive goal.

Notice the goals aren’t just targets, they are about the “how to” of what your life is going to be like on the way to your dreams.

(This is an oft neglected truth in parenting children:

If you say, “Don’t run in the street,” they have a picture in their head of running in the street and just might tear off to do that.

If you say, “Stay on the sidewalk and have fun holding my hand,” they have a picture of something to do that keeps them  where you want them: safe and sound.

It’s the old “Don’t think of a white monkey” thing.

Same with goals:

I don’t want to be poor, and you have the picture of poor.

I want to earn a million dollars a year, and you have a much more compelling picture

Now, WHY you want a million a year is one reason you start with gratitudes.

From gratitude you might want that to help your family, or move to a place where you can love nature even more than you do now.

Without gratitude you might just be feeling badly about yourself and want the million as a cover up to self-hatred)

Day 3, #2:

Writing Goals as a Part of Your Deep Lust for Life

In a goals journal, or on a piece of paper, sense yourself in the present, in your body and your breathing and your smile.

If you write in a goals journal, write them on the left page.

Write at least three goals that really turn you on.

Write them as positive and delightful dreams for your life.

Write about the ease, delight, discovery, friendship, fun that can be a subset of achieving this goal.

Write slowly and smile at the possibility of each one.

Stand up once more and go to a window again, and raise your arms in the air and feel the “Yes” of life as you raise your arms.

Smile.

Wander around and see if you can feel these goals in your body.

And now, alas, and for great good fortune, there is one last part of opening up to the lust for life of admitting and writing down our dreams and goals.

Day Three, #4: Action Steps
In the journal, across from each goal write one possible and interested “action step.”

This may be the usual action step of making a phone call, or writing an email.

It can be very small, but one real action starts making it real to your whole self.

It can be scheduling 15-22 minutes to brainstorm this on paper.

It can be visualizing deeply your life if this goal were accomplished.

It can be having the goal in mind and doing the pelvis and breathing and spine shifting movement meditation to lock it into your body.

There will be many times to refine this through the book.

This book is five days worth of transformational work, that we will be circling through four times.

Day three, day eight, day thirteen will always be to strengthen the goal writing, and big dream part of lust.

And here’s the deal

For the rest of your life, if you want fabulous love at the center of your life, incorporate at least these three activities:

Pelvis rocking with awareness and breath

Write gratitudes at least twice a day

Writing goals at least once a day

The pelvic rocking is to get your energy and sensuality moving in your body where it needs to be for great sex, and great sports and great health and great vitality.

Here it is again

Day Three, #4: Keep up with the "I am alive" pelvic rocking and awakened breathing.

Sit on a firm surface.

Breathing in

Rock your pelvis forward,

Push your belly forward

Raise your sternum easily

Lift your nose and head slightly toward the sky

Say to yourself “I am” as you sense as much of your body as you enjoy

Then pause at the top

And reverse

Breathing out

Rock to the back (spine part) of your pelvis

Pull your belly in

Lower your sternum easily

Lower your eyes and head as if curling in toward your genitals 

Say to yourself “Alive”

Extra credit:

Do this with a smile full time

Double extra credit:

Sense your feet and how they are “grounding” as you are doing this

Quadruple extra credit: feel or visualize your goals as you are doing this.

Good.