Tuesday, January 31, 2017

The Other Side of "Lust" -- What are your dreams and goals?

 Another side of Lust:
What do you REALLY want in life?
What is your dream?
What is your PURPOSE/ BIG DREAM?
The Super Power of GOALS

Wedding Vow #9 (Spoken first in public on our wedding day, March 5, 2017. We now say this aloud to each other almost every day, and many a day write it with our finger on each other’s naked body)
“We are joyfully creating a
Long & Happy & Healthy & Enlightened
Love, Friendship & Marriage
that is getting better and better and better
every day”

Here’s the amazing part of life: OUR PAST DOES NOT HAVE TO DETERMINE OUR FUTURE

There is tons of conditioning out there that tries to trick us into thinking that if we failed ten times at something before, we should quit, because number eleven can’t be a success.
We may have struck out on four dates: to hell with it, I’m no good at dating.
We may have flopped at four business: to hell with it, it’s “too hard.”
We may have had one or two bitter divorces or breakups: to hell with it, relationships/ the other sex is impossible.
We may have started writing our book ten times and not finished (this one, being one of those, though you will soon hear how one of those writing “phases” led to a conversation with Carol that turned an hour and a half lunch meeting into a twelve hour discovery session, after which we knew: this is the person for the rest of my life). Temptation: give up.

Reality has many examples of those who failed to get their book accepted, or their business successfully running, or their first one or two or three marriages to work, and then went on to hit a home run.
Actually, one reason this book is being written, is that the failed relationship shift to successful ratio is pretty poor, mainly because the new relationship is almost always based on looking for Mr Right or Ms Right as characteristics instead of practices of connection.

And enough of that: what is your big goal in life?
Is one of them having fabulous love at the center of your life?
I’ve given my ideas of what fabulous love means, and that’s not what this book is about. This book is about you being present to your experience right now, every instant of your life.
This book is about you being happy, almost every instant of your life.
This book is about you either finding a great love for your life, and then having it go through the troubles it needs to in order to get “better and better and better every day”
Or, taking good, bad, lousy, “okay,” or even great love to a more and more expanding and fabulous level.

What do you want?
What do you desire?
What is your dream?
What is your Goal?

And this can be: I want to clean my house.
Better: I want to easily and in delight and presence and a slight giggle be easily cleaning my house a little each day. Better: twenty minutes, or some non scary amount.

It can be: I want fabulous love at the center of my life.
Better: I want to have amazing experiences as I find the amazing partner for my life
I want to have daily expansions in all areas of my love: the physical, the emotional, communication, cooperation, listening, friendship, forgiveness, fun.

Those are my lists.
What are yours?

Here’s the day three game: get another journal, and call it your Goals journal.
If you don’t have a goals journal, write on a piece of paper.
If you don’t have paper, write it in the air, or on your leg, or on your partner’s naked body.

Don’t write goals first.

Later, we’ll talk about how when Carol and I had our discovery/ falling in love/ miracle twelve hour beyond the best date you could ever have, one of the things we shared was our favorite Bible verses.
One of mine was Philippians 4:4-7, which ends with something to the effect of: Give Thanks to God and then offer up your petitions.

Our translation: 
Write down gratitudes.
Then write down goals.

So you will be writing goals from the full and heart opened and real you, not the small and needy and scared you.

So, finally, here’s the game for day three:

Day Three: Lust Game #4 :Write three goals from an Open Heart.
And from being present

How to have an open heart:
Write at least five gratitudes, with a smile on your face, and sensing your torso area as you notice your breathing two.
The heart is surrounded by the lungs.
When we breathe with awareness we help to open our hearts.

The smile is connected to our deep happiness.
When we smile we open up many many avenues to love and delight and the inner child in us.

Day 3:
Warm up for Goals…
Open Heart Gratitude Game:

While following your breathing,
having a slight or large smile on your face:

Write on paper, or in your gratitude journal five gratitudes.
I am grateful
I am grateful
I am grateful
I am grateful
I am grateful 
( I didn’t copy and paste)

Deeply enjoy writing these five sentences.

Then stand up and go to a window and stretch your arms above your head, and breathe in deeply and lift up on to your toes and say, “Yes.”

Do this five times.

Then come back and write three goals, or more..

Here’s the deal: these have to be positive goals, not erasing the negative goals.

I want my boss to stop being mean, is a negative goal

I want a fabulous boss who is in happiness and encouragement all the time, is a positive goal

I want to stop being so poor, is a negative goal

I want to shift, easily and in ways beyond what I can ever imagine, to earning at least $200,000 a year. That’s a positive goal.

Notice the goals aren’t just targets, they are about the “how to” of what your life is going to be like on the way to your dreams.

(This is an oft neglected truth in parenting children:
If you say, “Don’t run in the street,” they have a picture in their head of running in the street and just might tear off to do that.
If you say, “Stay on the sidewalk and have fun holding my hand,” they have a picture of something to do that keeps them  where you want them: safe and sound.
It’s the old “Don’t think of a white monkey” thing.

Same with goals:
I don’t want to be poor, and you have the picture of poor.
I want to earn a million dollars a year, and you have a much more compelling picture

Now, WHY you want a million a year is one reason you start with gratitudes.
From gratitude you might want that to help your family, or move to a place where you can love nature even more than you do now.
Without gratitude you might just be feeling badly about yourself and want the million as a cover up to self-hatred)

Day 3, #2:
Writing Goals as a Part of Your Deep Lust for Life
In a goals journal, or on a piece of paper, sense yourself in the present, in your body and your breathing and your smile.
If you write in a goals journal, write them on the left page.
Write at least three goals that really turn you on.
Write them as positive and delightful dreams for your life.
Write about the ease, delight, discovery, friendship, fun that can be a subset of achieving this goal.

Write slowly and smile at the possibility of each one.

Stand up once more and go to a window again, and raise your arms in the air and feel the “Yes” of life as you raise your arms.
Wander around and see if you can feel these goals in your body.

And now, alas, and for great good fortune, there is one last part of opening up to the lust for life of admitting and writing down our dreams and goals.

Day Three, #4: Action Steps
In the journal, across from each goal write one possible and interested “action step.”

This may be the usual action step of making a phone call, or writing an email.
It can be very small, but one real action starts making it real to your whole self.

It can be scheduling 15-22 minutes to brainstorm this on paper.
It can be visualizing deeply your life if this goal were accomplished.
It can be having the goal in mind and doing the pelvis and breathing and spine shifting movement meditation to lock it into your body.

There will be many times to refine this through the book.

This book is five days worth of transformational work, that we will be circling through four times.
Day three, day eight, day thirteen will always be to strengthen the goal writing, and big dream part of lust.

And here’s the deal

For the rest of your life, if you want fabulous love at the center of your life, incorporate at least these three activities:

Pelvis rocking with awareness and breath
Write gratitudes at least twice a day
Writing goals at least once a day

The pelvic rocking is to get your energy and sensuality moving in your body where it needs to be for great sex, and great sports and great health and great vitality.

Here it is again

Day Three, #4: Keep up with the "I am alive" pelvic rocking and awakened breathing.

Sit on a firm surface.

Breathing in
Rock your pelvis forward,
Push your belly forward
Raise your sternum easily
Lift your nose and head slightly toward the sky
Say to yourself “I am” as you sense as much of your body as you enjoy

Then pause at the top
And reverse

Breathing out
Rock to the back (spine part) of your pelvis
Pull your belly in
Lower your sternum easily
Lower your eyes and head as if curling in toward your genitals 
Say to yourself “Alive”

Extra credit:
Do this with a smile full time

Double extra credit:
Sense your feet and how they are “grounding” as you are doing this

Quadruple extra credit: feel or visualize your goals as you are doing this.


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