listening deeper, from the forthcoming book: Love, Lust and Enlightenment

Listening Deeper

We hear the words. If we are lucky, we hear them fully in the ONLY LISTENING mode, where we are not busy having auditory hallucinations (aka “thinking”) about what we are going to say in response.

We hear the words on a good day.

And what else is being said?

What are they feeling?

What are we feeling about what they are saying and about what they are feeling?

What are their body sensations?

What are our body sensations about what we are hearing and what we are feeling and what they are feeling and what they are sensing in their bodies?

Don’t try to untangle that all.

It’s simple:

Head.

Heart.

Body.

All three are listening and one level all the time.

All three are communicating at one level all the time.

Most of us have a ways to go in getting these subtle messages inside ourselves and inside our partner.

Oh well.

What a great new thing to learn.

Partner A:

Talk for two minutes.

Partner B:

I heard you say this in words. Did I miss anything?

Go back and forth until it’s a yes.

Partner B, continuing:

This is my guess about what you were feeling when you were talking

Partner A, shares how close or far that was

Partner B, continuing.

This is how I am feeling in my body right now….

This is my guess about how you are feeling in your body right now…

Go back and forth and see what you can learn from each other about this. Remember COAL

Curious

Open

Aware

Loving

See what happens.

Take lots of three breath pauses.

Do this both ways.

Several times, if you have time.

Touch today

Kiss the hand and arm:

2 minutes: just do it

2 minutes: pay attention to your guess of their feelings and sensations

2 minutes: all the above plus your feelings and sensations

Do both ways

Compare the 3 modes in both giving and getting

Cheers

Chris