Thursday, April 23, 2015

Waking Up

Waking Up, again ( and again)

Have you ever caught yourself, just about you were about so say some jerky and reactive thing to your loved one, and stopped?
Stopped and taken a breath.
Stopped and looked at the other person.
Stopped and came back to the present of yourself in the moment in your body in this now.
And realized:
One: I’ve done this before, and it’s always turned to shit
Two: This is a person I love and what I’m about to say is not loving
Three: I was asleep when I wanted to say that.
Four: Now that I’m present, I have a choice.

Three is the trick, the life saver, the game changer, the path from a life of slavery to a life of freedom.
We can blather about unconditional love, and if we can’t shut our traps when the reactive stuff is about to come, we will forever be lost to this world of real love.
Conditional love is not love.
Awake, we can move toward unconditional love. And only awake.

Them’s the choices. Mindful we can stop, sense ourselves in the moment, see our partner and say something true: “I’m afraid.” “I’m lonely.” “I wish we could really connect”
Mindless we have to say something that is “wrong” with them.
Or chatter about ourselves and ignore them.

Either way: no real connection.
No real connection means no real love.

Mindless means no one is home to run our show and so it’s back to the programmed self, which is usually Ma and Pa and the decisions we made to protect ourselves when we were young.

Oh, well.

This can all sound heavy handed and yet, there is an easy way out.
The same simple stuff we started with in the first game. With the addition of sensing yourself specifically in your arms and legs and connection to gravity and breathing.

Looking your partner in the eye. Feeling your own breathing. Feeling your own ten fingers, ten toes, belly, eyes, ears & nose.  Saying simple truth.
Seems stupid maybe.
Seems boring.
And, great practice is staying value free in talking to our love.
“I feel my feet on the ground.” “I see your eyes blinking.” “I see your chest rising and falling as you breathe.” “I sense my chest rising and falling as I breathe.”
Simple. Stupid.
I am alive.
You are alive.
That’s the central plum of our existence. Realized with a love one, life becomes one of “love making” every time you sit down and say real things together.

And it’s practice, practice reigning talk in from it’s usual function which is the relief of excess.
Excess food, out as poop.
Excess air, out as outbreath.
Excess thinking , out as talking.

How to be present while talking.

And this is for the brave ones, willing to sit down each day and connect in talk and touch.

Let’s try in the simple way once more.

Set the timer for 3 minutes as you sit near and look each other in the eye.
Partner A: talks for those 3 minutes.
Either about what they notice in themselves, or what they notice in the other.
Be informed by
Ten fingers ( and hands and arms)
Ten toes ( and feet and legs)
Belly ( and breath and pelvis)
Nose ( breathing and reminder: top of the spine).

Enjoy silent as well as present-talk connection.

Do this twice each way.

Pause for 6 breaths between each turn.
Take a little walk before the touching part.

2 two minute turns each way.

One : stroke the partner’s hand and arm, reporting in the present on what you notice
Two: as you stroke your partner’s hand and arm, they report in the present on what they notice

Share at the end how that was for each of you, both ways.

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