Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Passion, Purpose, Play, Presence.

Passion, Purpose, Play, Presence

Many relationships start in passion. Hallelujah!
This is fun, exhilarating, exciting, gives hope, floods the system with ocytocin, gets each person to realize they aren’t alone in the universe.
And more.
Presence happens. At least in the bed. They get our of their head. The moment feels good enough to be present.
Play happens. Silliness sneaks in, and games are played.
This is good.

And, then, sad face…. Passion fades.
There is not a purpose agreed to be present, and in the talking part of the relationship an inevitable shift takes place, from loving the other to ego function kicking back in.
In the love part, this other person is different and that’s fascinating. Like children, excited with the new and the unknown, when we are new lovers we are thrilled at the differences.
And then the ego function ( there being no such thing as “ego,” it’s just the pattern of conditioning wrapped around self-image and the me-me-me principle) kicks in and the different is wrong.
Ego function wants others to think, feel, act, smell, be like them. Eat like them. Be unhappy like them. Complain like them. Hate the same people they hate.
And so on.
 A boring way to live, to be sure, and it’s the lot of 99% of humanity.

Presence fades even from sex. Or maybe not, but sex becomes a relief valve, not a playground.

And purpose that never was there goes a couple of ways:
Creating harmony within boredom.
Creating some business together.
Having kids.

Kids gives a purpose and is the one area in life where many people can actually live more in love than in ego function.

So now the couple, though the passion is slipping and presence is there only in some of the slipping passion, at least has play time with the kids.
And they have a purpose. Kids are almost impossible, even the best ones, so the couple has to talk things through, listen to each other, discover solutions.
Many couples fight over how to raise children.
They don’t have a purpose of listening to another point of view.
Ah, here comes the divorce. ( Mine was that. Many years ago. Alas. We make mistakes. We learn)

And what would an awakened relationship be doing so that passion, purpose, play and presence could be there in the beginning, middle and end?

One, start from purpose and presence.
Notice all the exercises/ games in this book are about being present as you talk and present as you touch.
Start the sex in touch.
Start the foreplay in honest and present talk..

Two, have these purposes.
To be present. Always.
To be kind. Always.
To see any button being pushed as an opportunity to work on oneself.
Because, this is an overriding purpose: to learn unconditional love.
Which is a subset of enlightenment, and mutual enlightenment is a purpose of the awakened relationship.

And from that, awakened passion is an eyes open, slow, communicative, requesting and listening and not in a rush thing.
And it’s great.
And it gets better and better.

Play comes, kids or no, because life without being driven by the ego function can continually be fascinated by this very different being with whom intimacy is growing and growing and growing.

If you’ve read the book this far and done the games, you are well on the way.
Keep it up.


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