Sure, you can fantasize, or think about how you are doing, or think about some goal, or yearn for some goal, or be pissed off about how your partner is doing.
You can be spacing out.
Most people close their eyes in sex, depriving themselves of knowing even the person with whom this intimacy is being shared.
And sex gets us "off" ( men much more than women, according to reports) and the blow off shuts down the mind for a couple of seconds,
but
basically,
sex is much
much less full
if not present
and you can have sex
and not be present.
You can't have love.
If you aren't present,
you are seeing/ hearing/ experiencing some
word picture
concept of the person you are with,
and hence it's not them,
and if you see them as anything other than
exactly as they are,
you can't love them.
Words in the head =
no love.
Experiencing them as they are
in that moment
Is love.
If you don't "like" what you experience,
then you aren't in the experience,
you are in a series of words
about your experience,
that are telling you that you
don't "like" what you are with.
Which is not loving.
And the not loving
is made
by not being present.
It's so weird and easy:
give up the words, concepts, pictures,
demands on the other:
what's left:
love.
Ah, so easy.
So hard.
And without it:
life is dead.
your choice.
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