(There were a few folks, who in an Authentic Relationship Game night, when the game was making requests that were granted or not, asked for and got slapped. I already stirred up a storm posting elsewhere about the mirror neuron side of slapping in public, we are wired to identify either with the aggressor or the victim.... This takes the interaction to the level of ...
waking up as the main job on Earth
and
looking at a deeper level of what we are asking for when we ask for something "edgy")
Paula Poundstone says it’s possible to have jokes without aggression, it’s just that they aren’t funny.
Aggression is a vital aspect of creativity ( destroy that blank page, that white canvas, that old idea), and sex, and teasing. But in all those, aggression is blended with more. Much more.
Violence has some problems on this planet earth, and yes yes people do pay good money to watch boxing matches, and football contests, and support the troops doing god knows what, and pay the filmmakers to watch pretend death slaughter and mayhem.
Violence vs aggression. This is a distinction worth studying deeply.
And, this is where this note is going to get annoying.
I going to posit BEING PRESENT as something real to do in all our presents. Which includes now..
Ah, so easy to say. And as I type this, am I present to my fingers on the keyboard and the light in the room and the feeling of weight of my pelvis on the chair and feet on the floor? Am I aware of the breathing going in and out and the sounds of traffic outside?
Having switched my attention to being present, I’m a yes to all that, and to be honest, when I typed about Paula and all the smart hooey about violence vs aggression, I wasn’t present.
It’s hard to be present handwriting and even harder typing in to a computer.
And reading.
While reading…a book, the Chronicle, this epistle, the rest of facebook, what is being present to you? Is it too much trouble, and if not, what shifts when you become present now (and only this now, THIS NOW, will work) to gravity and light and sound and breathing and …..
Where do you like to wake up, when you wake yourself up to the present?
There is a reason most meditation retreats are non talking.
Writing and reading are very very hard to stay present
in Talking and listening to talking , especially in a give and take conversation where we can’t wait to say our very, very important bit: hard to stay present.
Just saying, for those who raise their hands to be present.
Once we open our mouths it gets hard.
And in these two areas it might be hardest of all: talking/ writing/ reading about sex or violence.
And here we go....
(Present?)
IF SOMEONE GIVES YOU A REQUEST TO SLAP THEM, WHY WOULD YOU SAY YES?
1. You have traces of annoyance in your history with them, and it’s a way to get it out?
2. You had parents who whacked you, and it’s a chance to go the other way.
3. They seem needy for punishment and you want to oblige them
4. It’s the “cool/ edgy” thing to do, and you want to be part of it
5. You have erotic impulses and some strong skin contact will get some of that message across?
6. You name it
7. You find it
8. Still present?????
Someone asked me to slap them.
I said no.
I will not reveal my speculations as to why they asked for it, but I’ll say that I don’t want to hit people. I have impulses that I’d rather not follow out. I don’t think it’s good for the room. I think it’s extremely poor information for the person who gets slapped. ( My opinion. I was spanked. I spanked a bit my kids and got disgusted with myself and stopped. If we are present and watching someone get hit, there are things to see.)
Even if people “like” being slapped/ hit/ stomped , there are things to see that staying very present might help us see.
And
Ah, I won’t go there except to say: many people’s idea of their body, is not the flesh and bones and structure and joy of movement but only their collection of pains and tensions. Much “stretching,” over exercises, over yoga and so on is that until there is pain, people don’t think they are real.
Still present?)
IF YOU ASK SOMEONE TO SLAP YOU, WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?
Being edgy may be one.
And getting a certain kind of attention parents often give is another.
Diverted sexuality might be one.
And there are many more.
I’d avoid the answers that come quickest to mind. But that’s just me.
Still present?
But here’s the third question:
IF I ASKED SOMEONE NOT TO SLAP ME, BUT WOULD THEY SLAP ME IF I ASKED THEM, AND THEY SAID YES, I’D HAVE A CERTAIN FEELING/ HINT/ INTUITION ABOUT THAT PERSON.
I won’t go into what that is, but this is what mindfulness is for….to Pause between impulse and action, and discover if perhaps the mindless mode is, as most mindless modes are, a straight line back to unconscious programming.
And why someone would say yes to a request to slapping me might tell me a lot about their unconscious programming.
Still present?
Happy Easter. Happy solstice. Happy dying of the light.
And resurrection.
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