Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Valentine's Games for those with a partner and those without

Valentine’s Day Feast
in the land of
Lust &
(With a couple of “wild” options for single folks)

Love likes connection.
Love loves connection.
Love likes presence.
Love loves present.

And so, this Valentine’s “Game” will involve three kinds of connection:

You will arrange to spend 10-20 minutes with your partner with no distractions, with smart phones off, with land lines off, with whatever else you need to do to have 10-20 minutes time together.
Sit near and facing each other. Begin to breathe a little more deeply so you can follow and match each other’s breathing.
Smile, a little.
Look each other in the eye.

That’s Valentine’s game #1:
Sit close.
Match breathing.
Smile, a little.
Look each other in the eye.

Do this for awhile. Watch your mind if it wants to wander. Come back to the present and to your breathing and to your partner and to looking in their eyes. You may well want to switch which eye you are looking into. 
Don’t make a big deal of that.
Just go with it and enjoy.

Then “rest” by folding forward, as if to touch the floor. You may bump into each other. Oh, well.

Then sit up and try this, which is almost the same, and it has a huge difference.
As we’ve revealed in the first chapter: learning is a deep part of the flow state, and learning is picking up and noticing differences.
This is different.
This will help you learn a tool that is available to all couples and is rarely used with the frequency that human beings really need and enjoy.

Valentine’s Game #2:
Sit near.
Hold each other’s hands.
Follow each other’s breathing.
Look each other in the eye.

Do this for “awhile.”
Do it a little longer than the you who wants to “get things over” wants to do this.
Do this with a slowing down, that can almost feel your breathing together in each other’s hands.
Can you feel your pulse? Or is it theirs?
What else can you feel through your hands?

Now. smile, nod and let go.

Stand up and take a brief walk and then come back to your chairs.


Lust is all sorts of things, including going with deep and primal sexual desires. It’s almost finding deep within you what your life lusts for, which is about the heart as well as the body. And sexual lust, if we want our lives to be truly happy and enlightened, includes and is a subset of heart love.
Somewhere the mind and head are in there, and we don’t have to worry about that now.
Let’s just say that their is a part of us that is aware, that is not in the head, but may be no place at all, is central to love, and to lust and to enlightenment.

And back to lust, this in Valentine’s Day.
Let’s rock and roll.
In a very gentle and sexy way.

Valentine’s Game #3: Pelvic Rocking, Together
Sit near each other again.
Begin this movement together.
It starts in the pelvis.
The pelvis is the center of graceful walking and dancing and skiing and running and skating, and …..sex.
It is also the center of ease and power.
It’s a good place to start.

One: Rock forward on your pelvis. This means you feel your weight shifting more toward your thighs.
Two: Push out your belly.
Three: Breathe into your expanded belly.
Four: Arch your back, which means the middle of your back is going forward and the top is tilting back a little.
If someone were to look at you from your left side, arching would look slightly like the letter C.
Five: Allow and perhaps encourage slightly, your sternum (breastbone) to lift.
Six: Allow your neck to lengthen in such a way that your nose raises a bit toward the sky or ceiling and your head tilts up.

Remember, you are doing this together, though it might take a few turns to get the hang of it.

And now, go the opposite way. 
Again start with your pelvis.
One: Rock back on your pelvis. Some people call this “tucking in your tailbone.” You will feel your weight on your pelvis shifting more toward where your pelvis meets your spine.
Two: Pull in your belly.
Three: Use this pulling in to breathe out. As if you are slightly pushing the air out.
Four: “Round” your back. In the yoga game of “cat and cow,” this is the cat, with the mid-back pushing back. In your back, this feels a little like “slumping,” or as if you want to get your head to your knees.
Five: Allow your sternum to sink toward your belly.
Six: Look down with your head and nose.

And rest a moment at the bottom.
See what your partner is doing and then, together, come up into the pelvis and belly forward, breath in, arching.

Do this a number of times together.
You will be looking at each other at several points in this arching and rounding.
Feel a relaxation in your body as you lengthen the spine and breathe in this simple way, usually a much deeper breathing than we do usually.

Stop. Rest. Smile.

Then, again, more connection. And the learning: “What is the difference when we touch?”

Valentine’s Game #4: Hold hands.
Follow each other’s breathing.
Allow the breathing to be part of the pelvic rocking and do the movement together again.
Do this many times.

This could be “enough.”

Or you might want to add this on.
Valentine’s Game #5:
Start up again the synchronized pelvic rocking.
Take turns saying the finished sentence that starts with these three phrases:
“I like….”
“I love…”
“I am grateful…”

Say your three sentences. Match this to the movement in any way that feels good to you.
Then rock at least once as a transition to the next person.,
Then the next person says the three sentences.

Do this a number of times.

And, you know what’s coming next:
Valentine’s Game #6: 
Do the pelvic rocking together.
And hold hands.
And take turns sharing three sentences at a time.
“I like…”
“I love…”
“I am grateful…”

That’s enlightenment. Being in your body and your heart and your awareness all at the same time, and being more or less happy.
Gratitude and love and liking all put people into a state of more or less happy. We’ll talk a lot about this as we go along, and for today, just enjoy the benefits of sharing touch, and sharing movement, and sharing like/ love/ gratitude.

What about single folks?
Or your honey isn’t available?
Here’s two wild ideas.

One: Do the sequence outdoors, near a large tree. You might need to stand, because large trees often don’t have chairs nearby.
In the touch part, touch the tree, and do the games.
What happens? 
Trees are pretty amazing beings, and you may well be surprised at the peace and even wisdom you get by doing this.

Two: Sit near a table or desk of some sort that has a graspable surface.
In the touch parts, hold onto that surface. Feel the difference merely by engaging your hands.

If you are brave and adventurous, imagine a partner is holding your hands during the hand holding part.

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