Autism and Love, from the perspective of healing the autistic child

I blogged about this the other day
from a slightly different angle,
of how we can learn to love our partners better by
either
going for rapport when they are having a bad time
or
amping up the play and adventure when they are in a good mood

With Autistic children ( or adults) it's almost the same, and 
called the ABC method in the Son Rise philosophy ( See AutismRewired.com)

A,  Assess

B, Bond

C. Challenge


A. Asses
means to pay attention:
Are they going away?
or 
Are they moving toward us and others?

Moving Away has various behaviors:
stimming
no eye contact
non responsive
rigid behavior
rejecting/ moving away from touch or being looked at

Moving Toward can be
Looking at me
Responding
Smiling
Flexible behavior
Affectionate
Responsive to Touch
Playful in interpersonal way



Then the realization is that
when they are Moving Away, when you Assess that:

go for Bonding

as we've emphasized over and over,
with the Anat Baniel Method,
correcting/ fixing behavior is a recipe for disaster:
you are putting energy into what you want to change
and hence making it stronger

in autism,
with the
Anat Baniel Method, we create variations in any and all behavior
in
the Son Rise method, the idea of JOINING
is key
we replicate,
not in a mocking way,
but to really get inside their world,
whatever they are doing

so that they feel:
whatever they are doing is accepted
and even
whatever they are doing is cool enough for us to want to do
and so
they feel liked and appreciated by us
or at least
accepted

and
they aren't alone

they don't have to join the cult of the normal
to be loved and accepted

this helps break through the main slavery of autism:
the disconnect from others


And if our A, if our Assess of the child (anyone)
is to notice their willingness to
come toward us,
the we can do the C,
the challenge

which is another way of saying a variation that
ups the ante a bit
on what they are willing to try
in the world of interaction

and we make it fun
teaching them that play
is what good interpersonal interaction is like
or
we make it loving
which shows them that side of interaction,
but always opening up their range of behaviors and possibilities just a little bit at a time

Assess: See where they are at

From that we know whether they need us to
b
Bond

or to
c
Challenge

always with a light hand, light touch, staying not too far ahead of them,
like when your mate asks you to go out to tango lessons
and you just want to chill in front of the TV and cuddle
and you rise to the challenge,
and the dancing bring your relationship to a whole new level

(and, if it's really a horrible day, your mate needs to bond,
and learn about your day, and not let you zone out on TV,

again
we are back to autism and love:

you mate can assess you:
if you are tired and still interactive:
a little rest and backrub and then go tango, the challenge

if you are tired and down,
then some rest, and a chance to spill the beans on what's bothering you

and who knows, being heard out, then you might feel open
to going to tango after all

same with the child:

after boding,
they may come out of their withdrawal,
and want to interact and play
and you can go into the challenge and play mode


a lot of mindfulness called for
in parenting
and
in partnering

this is good

without mindfulness
life is on automatic

and life is too precious for that