Thursday, May 04, 2017

Goals for the Life you Really Want

Week Two, Day Six: Enlightenment as Choice
Concept # 13: Complaints keep us weak and stuck
Goals give us a direction

This is fun.
This is life changing.
This is so obvious it’s amazing that not many people do this.

It’s simple.
And we are so habituated to complaining and blaming and worrying, we almost never think of this.

And yet, with all this naked making out, and forgiving and talking about gratitudes, we can realize:



And now, we return once more to June 20, 2015. I am walking down the street, half a block away to a woman’s house, Carol Williams. I admire this woman, and have known her for ten sessions of the Feldenkrais Method® I mentioned earlier. The lessons are mainly in silence, mainly about creating learning in her body/ brain. And there is room for talking , since the program is neither therapy nor massage/ relaxation based.
It’s paying attention.
It’s trying new things.
It’s learning at a subtle and non-verbal level.

I’ve gotten to know that she is a generous woman, that she helped start a non-profit in St. Louis. I’ve gotten to know that learning is deeply important to her. I’ve gotten to know she is interested in centering prayer, which a good friend of mine uses as a way of combining his Christianity and a somewhat Buddhist stance of silence and inner awakening.
So, she seems interesting.
And I don’t have a romantic interest.

But I do have goals.
I have a crazy specific goal: a woman friend within walking distance. (Part of my be weird, be myself in Austin, was not having a car. Prior girlfriends had all complained about driving to get me. My solution was not to get a car. It was to write a goal: a girlfriend / womanfriend/ deep partner/ significant other—- what do you call it after 50?— within walking distance.)

Other goals were a girlfriend / womanfriend/ deep partner/ significant other who was kind and generous and smart. A non written goal, but something I’d discovered way back: a woman who not only could put up with my authentic/ eccentric nature, but would enjoy that. I never went on dates and never tried to prove myself as anything other than who I was.
And I had a goal of finding a lifetime partner.

And I had a goal of staying in the neighborhood I was in, easily. At a time in the history of burgeoning Austin, when this was getting harder and harder to do.

And I had a goal of a girlfriend/ potential life partner who would be thrilled to be present with me. Without presence, life is a waste. Very few women realize this. I wanted one who did.

And Carol, unknown to me, satisfied all these goals, and more (Sex every day, anyone?).

And I didn’t know I was searching for her.
We just started talking, in the present, in the five minute turns.
We found out more and more that intrigued us about each other.
And then that we liked about each other.
And then that we were really excited about each other. 

And by the end of the night, sharing in equal time our gratitudes and teasing out our goals, and being honest and open, we “almost” knew, we’d found the almost impossible mate we’d “almost” given up looking for.

The goals pointed me, and her, who had her own version of daily goals, toward what we Really Wanted.

It’s obvious, so obvious that if you want a better world, you have to know at least to some extent what that better world might or could be like.
And yet, so very few people do this, at least as a regular practice. They might have goals in work, but then they come home and complain about their boss and their fellow workers.
They don’t write a goal: my boss and I will get along great, and she’ll understand how much I have to offer, and I’ll help her be a much more calm and expansive person.
Or, I’ll get along with Joe, and together we’ll get to be friends and co-workers who will make amazing contributions to the company and will both get huge raises.
And, when I go home, my partner and I will have great communication, and lots of fun with the kids, and joyful and continually expanding sex when it’s time to put the lights out.
And get a great night’s sleep after that.
And wake up invigorated and in love and full of joy and creative juice for the next day.

And why not?
When has worrying and complaining ever helped your life?
When has worrying and complaining ever helped anyone’s life?

Never, right?

So, goals are a way of getting clear what you DO want.
It puts your focus on what you want reality to become.

This is actually a vital subset of parenting.
Any time you tell a child, “Don’t run in the street.” They just hear “the street” and that is where they want to go.
Instead. “Hold my hand and stay on the sidewalk with me” and they can have a picture of what you do want.

I could have complained: “Modern women are too wimpy about always going somewhere in a car, and should be excited to be with a man on a bike.”
Instead the goal: “A great girlfriend/ / / within walking distance.”
I didn’t know it was going to be as little as half a block, but it sure did make moving in with her the most silly and easy move of my life: we just walked most of the stuff down the block, using the trunk of HER car, only a few times.
Now we have OUR car, and that’s fun too.

And GOALS need at least a small ACTION STEP. You need to know that this is more than just a wish. The Universe needs to know this is more than just a wish.
And action helps you get more clear on what the journey is going to be like.
And the journey will keep shifting around.
And you can have goals to have fun following the shifts and being happy and creative and present all along the way.

At the very least, goals give you increasing clarity on what you want: That co-worker with whom you have friendship and creativity and both get great raises, helps really focus away from the negative.
And if you start, which I hope you will, a GOALS JOURNAL, with a date on each page, and a new page for each new day, this helps keep the goals part of your enlightenment pointed to where you want it to go.


And even better, let’s play this Enlightenment Game.

Enlightenment Game #5:
Start a Goals Journal
Turn all complaints and all worries into Goals
On one side write the goal
On the other side, write one ACTION STEP, NO MATTER HOW SMALL

So, you have a complaint: my job sucks.
You write a goal: I find an amazing and wonderful job that makes twice as much money and is three times as much fun and in which I can learn a ton and make lots of really great friends.
You write this on the left hand side of the page. 
On the right hand side of the page write any action steps: 
Make a list of ten jobs that might be great.
Ask three friends what they think I’d be good at.
Make a list of all the places I’ve like most to work.
Take a walk and ask the universe to give me intuitive inspiration in what job I’d really thrive in.

And so on.

You’ll get better and better at goals.
You’ll get better and better at actions steps.

And there’s only one really great time to start:

So, do it:
Get a journal, or a piece of paper while you wait to get another journal (you already have your gratitudes journal, right?), and write three goals.
And three actions steps.

Enlightenment Game #6: Write Goals with the Delight of the Journey as Part of the Goal.

You can go back to the three goals you’ve written and make sure that it’s not just the end result you’ve written.
Make sure you’ve got the way you get there as part of your goal.
Include fun.
Include discovery.
Include surprises that help you.
Include meeting and enjoying great people along the way.
Include that things turn out easier and better than you can every imagine.

You’re asking the Universe for what you want.
Go ahead and REALLY want what you REALLY WANT.

Have fun.

PS: You can write goals anytime you wish to. It’s fun.

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