when other people lash out at you

when other people lash out at you
it usually isn't as if they got up that day,
and thought:
wow, today is a great day to lash out
at
so and so

if you are partners, they may be festering old wounds,
and the slightest provocation sets them off

or, they might have lifelong issues
and you do something that triggers that

or, they might have a shitty habit of
lashing out
whenever they don't get their way

but basically:
they are just blind, trapped robots,
doing what their programming makes it
inescapable that they do

so,
the solution:
curiosity

what's bothering them

that's all

feel your hurt
feel your pain
be the victim for two or three minutes,
then
put your attention out:

what's going on with them?

can you ( or I) listen into them
and discover:

what is their real pain

and wonder,
again curious without the usual fix-it kit,

how could they
get
free of it
a little
or
free of it
a lot
or
free of it
completely

if you do,
two people gain:

you,
because they'll probably lash out
less
or none

and them,
because they don't have to be a slave to
that pattern of
avoiding their pain any longer

pretty good,
eh?
(yes)

Cat and Cow and Brain ( Yours)

Hey, you with a brain and a back.
It's easier to stand on four legs. Like a table.

Get into the crawling position.
Slowly
Slowly
Slowly
Rock your belly forward
and bring your eyes up to the sky or ceiling
and bring the back of your butt toward the back of your head

this is the cow,
about to moooo:

Belly down
But toward back of head
Back of head toward the butt


Now the cat:
Move everything the other way:

Eyes and head down
Belly in and back, as if you are lifting the midback toward sky or ceiling
Crotch rotating toward your nose

So:
Belly up
Head toward genitals which are rotating toward the head

Back and forth,
five times:
Normal
Sensing the lower back
Sensing the mid back
Sensing the upper back
Sensing the whole back

Take a break, crawl around, lie down, whatever

Now,
Get fancy,
after you are sure sure sure you've got the "normal" cat and cow

Try this for starters,
I'll have a harder one a little later:

Do the cat and cow as above
the same five times,
but with the chin tucked toward the chest and the eyes down.

So in the cat part, the head will be the usual place,
and in the cow part it will be opposite of what it is "supposed" to be

Rest, crawl, cavott

Now, arch your head up and look at the ceiling/ sky and
have the belly and pelvis go through five times as per above
of
the modified cat and cow

Then rest

Then do it the easy/ normal/ feels good way

Now, get up on your feet and notice how tall and connected to the ground you feel

Good.

Hugs not drugs

My son has a thirty day goal:

Hugging his gal for a nice long 30 second hug every day.

This seems sweet, sane and a good use of having goals.

Maybe for thirty days, I'll each day ask a person I don't usually ask for a hug, if I can hug them.

If they say "Yes," good.
If they say, "No," good. I've done my part.
And I might make the goal to keep asking until one new person a day shares a hug with me.

This sounds crazy good.

What crazy good thing would you like to do for thirty days?

Hafiz

After all these years, 

the sun never says to the Earth, 

"You owe me"

See what can happen with a love

like that!

2

How did the rose

ever open

its heart

and give 

all the Beauty

to the world?

It felt the encouragement

of Light

against its Being

Otherwise,

we all remain

Too

Frightened

3

Running through the streets

Screaming

Throwing rocks thru

Windows,

Using my own head to ring bells

Pulling out hair

Tearing off my clothes

Tying everything I own

to a stick

and lighting it

on

Fire

What else can Hafiz

do tonight

To celebrate the madness,

The Joy

of seeing God

Everywhere?

renderings of Danil Ladinsky's renderings in the book, The Gift

love

love is a big world...
a small word...

a magic land of confusion...
and
possibilitiy

what does love mean?

it means that you want the best for another
it means you want to be with the other
it means you can tell the person you love that you hate them
it means you don't know what you are doing
sometimes
they just drive you so fucking crazy
and
that's okay

it's just love

love is
letting the other person be right
love is
nailing the other person for their bullshit
love is
seeing how that is often, let's say, ninety four percent
of the time
your bullshit, too

love is laughing at
your small petty demands for their love

love is letting
go
of fear

yeah, yeah, a book title

and fear is a world
and a small word

and a cage
a good cage,
because we came from jungles and ice ages
and such
but fear has gotten
snarly in civilization
and often gets immeshed in this petty prison:
do others approve of me
will this meet disapproval

and what's the power, the powder, the dynamite
to blast
out
of living a living prisoned by others opinions
desire


desire
and love

and how are they the same
and how are they different?

these two:
desire
and love?

ah, that's mainly for another day,
but let's start by saying:
desire sets you toward another,
toward connection and pleasure

and love lets you let them breathe
so you don't sufrocate them
which is spelled suffocate
I'll be damned

don't you just love
that?

the not knowing
that
also is another day
how
"I don't know"
can often be the fuel
for
real
love

ha

ha


ha


good

what if you miss a day?

what if you miss a day????

the world won't end....

get back on your horse
and
ride

get back to the clit
and stroke

get back to the talk
and listen

get back to the now
and
aware

awareness out
awareness in

that's a full life

if you miss a day of remembering you are alive
start
over
right
now

yeah

when there's nothing to say...

when there's nothing to say...

say nothing

..

or say, "I love you?"

...

or say, "What's good in your life?
.. 

or say, "I don't know what to say, but I like you."

...

say, the truth, as you feel it,

in that moment

and then listen,

just as happy to get nothing,

as you were to speak

for 

it

or speak from 

it

and it here isn't fancy,

it's just emptiness coming out to do the

next

thing

not even the next right 

thing,

just the next

felt thing

as we go

along

living and becoming more

and

more

or who 

we always were

before the

extra got caked on

by others

and

our own suckered into it

choosing

Good

say the next thing

say nothing

the world will keep spinning

your life will still be rich and full of meaning

you will still be present

or not

and one is free

and one isn't

and that's okay,

too

asking every day, a little beyond our comfort zone, or a lot

if we are living right, we should be getting
at least one "No" a day
to some request we are making for something that
pushes some edge

"Would you like to OM?"
"Would you like to make out?"
"Would you like to make out for X minutes?"
"Would you like to have sex?"
"Would you like to spend the night together?"
"Would you give me your phone number?"
"Would you go to ..... with me?"

This kind of thing in the relationship world, and this:

"I offer ..... for $.......Would you like to buy?"

That's a good one, too.

That keeps things high sensation. And if we don't know yet how to ask and get turned on by our asking and let the yes / no chips fall where they may, we con't quite know how to live yet, don't you think?

Don;t you feel that that's true?
For you?

men should know: for a woman, everything is connected

her sex, her hair, her tummy, her food, her smile, the lightness of her glance,

the way you smell, the way she smells
what she thinks you think about her,
what she thinks her friends think about you
the way her mother thinks about her

how you touch her

the quality of your attention

it's all connected


and one thing can bring the trance of all things being equal
and what they always were:

you're attention

give it to her

say the truth,
about you
and
about her

be free
and watch
and
listen
and
wonder
and
ask questions
and
then
shut up and listen
and
then ask another one
and shut up
and
listen
and you don't have to understand, nor does she
but she has to be listened to

and you have to listen

it'll cut through anything
and
everything

good

falling in love

We like falling in love
because that let's loose in us
the part that loves to be in our bodies

we touch
they touch
we feel sensations
usually pleasurable
they get happy
we get happy

it's good
life is mud luscious again

we are free
we can ask what we want to ask
and say what we want to say

maybe

hopefully,
we can do it all
do a lot and be free and happy

we fall for the right people
we fall for the wrong people

doesn't matter
it's the falling that counts

it's the craziness
and the wanting them
and wanting to love them

and
wait: this part isn't falling in love:
the wanting them to love you a whole big bunch

that's neediness
and
normal

and isn't falling

you can fall in love with someone who doesn't care
for
you
at all

that usually cools most people out
they don't want to put out
without getting something back

but some
just love and let all the silliness
come as it may

your choice

or you
can
wait awhile
and
fall in love later

no
hurry

the blaze is n
you,
no matter how frozen
and
it will come out

yes it will

What women should know about men: Say it like the first time

Every time you, woman, talk to a man ....
Say it like the first time...

(From Nicole Daedone's book:
Slow Sex)

 

 He is not as subtle as you..
Nor does he operate on many channels at once

If you expect him to remember the emotional overtones
of the last five times you brought up the idea of going
to a certain place

he might
and
he probably won't

he might have a schedule in his head
and he'll have to be asked,
do you remember how nice it felt last time we went to Barton Creek?

otherwise he hears a request/ (he might even hear a demand)
to change his schedule in his head around

and if he shifts one thing,
he'll have to shift these other three

and meanwhile,
you, woman, want the sunshine and the friends and his warm touch
on your thigh and his hug in the water

you want to connect
you want him to want to connect

you can never lose
saying what you want:

I want to connect
I want to spend some play time with you
I want to touch more
I want you to put down your iPhone and talk to me

and you can never lose
by
saying how you feel:

I feel like you are abandoning me
I feel like I'm horny and you're not
I feel like grabbing you, and I'm afraid to
I feel like slamming a door and having a tantrum to get some attention

Make it simple
He loves you
He wants to know what's going on

But he doesn't want to be confused

Say it to him like the first time

You'll be happier
He'll be happier

Good

the way of remembering

today is September 12
in 40 days it will be some other day

this blog is going to go once again into daily mode for the next 40 days

the aim will be fun, and a bit of learning along the way
and maybe the purpose of life
or some such hooey

so let's start with now:
I sit, you sit
I notice this about gravity: my hands on the desk in front of the keyboard, my bottom on the chair, one foot flat on the floor, one foot more toe ish

what do you notice about gravity?
Now.

I notice this about air and me
I'm breathing, mostly at the top of my chest,
though with noticing, I feel the air coming to the bottom of my belly
which it really doesn't do

how is breath for you?

I notice my arms start in my shoulder blades and are reaching out via my fingers to the keyboard.
my legs run along the chair and then out into the air, and down to the floor

your arms?
your legs?

Light of the computer, and off the walls and some of my paintings bounces into my eyes
What reflected light comes to you?

And the sound:
of the neighbor walking upstairs,
of the keys clicking,
of a car going by
of the refrigerator in the background

what sounds is scaping for you?

two arms
ten fingers

two legs
ten toes

light
sound

gravity
breath

that's a lot
yes, horray , it's a lot
a wonderfully lot
to
be

to be
alive

to be 
a 
live
and 
a 
ware


it could be fun

cheers

Strange = Grown Up

I had what I call a "bad boy"Gurdjieff teacher, who swore and smoked and refused to dress up, and talked a lot about sex and psychology and ethnic tendencies ( French vs. German Jews, say, or Northern and Southern Italians).

He said many times, "strange equals grown up," because it's what our programming didn't get as children, and we find it "uncomfortable."

Now, if you think about it, when we first heard about sex, most of us not raised on farms, thought the whole penis in Mom thing pretty strange, scary and outlandish.

We come to accept that as not strange, once we participate, but then when adults hear about OMing, this can either be: "Oh God, where has this been all my life?" to "this is weird, creepy, strange."

It's certainly nothing we were raised with, either paying attention, nor stroking a clitoris, nor women being naked while the man doesn't get his goodies as part of the deal. And the man getting a lot, without getting his goodies, stranger still.

People either treat the novel as new and exciting, and a chance to expand, or scary and threatening to the status quo, and something to be dismissed. And most of us can be at different parts of this spectrum at different times.

And then this weird paradox, as a raw foods eater, in the OM world, how many people treat my smoothies that have fermentation as strange and scary and something to be mocked.

Ah, humans. We are a strange, bunch, eh?

staying awake by staying at least a little uncomfortable

we came from the jungle
ADD, the jumping of attention from one thing to another
would seem useful in a wild environment, when any direction
including up and down, could yield danger,
could yield food

life was intense
awareness was high
or
you died

and then life
got safer
and safer
and safer

and so when someone says:
what was the flavor of your last kiss?
we finally feel something,
the lights go on,
the charge comes back
the jungle

walk barefoot on uneven ground,
find a place where you have to look up and down,
spin daily, or more,
touch the ground and keep your eyes up
high,
touch the sky and let your eyes watch the ground

play around

with the habits
with the right way to do things,
where "right" means "comfortable" means "rocking no one's boat"
means
low sensation

so, what's the cure?
do something not right today.

but kindly
other people count too

fucking with people is not the game
not really
though it might,
in small doses,
be a stage

but we've got to get more uncomfortable,
which means saying what we really really want to
say
which is different than using our umpf to blast
other people because they dare be different than we want
them
to
behave

give up control
talk about uncomfortable
talk about not knowing what going to happen next
talk about living in freedom
which can be defined as
"I don't know."

this is a ridiculous little ramble
and what's the point?

Don't be too careful
don't be too good
make yourself uncomfortable
hang in there with the sensation

it's just you in the present moment
which is
just
life

which is just
everything

Good

connection no matter what: sex every day, connect in talk land, too-- every day

things are going shitty:
connect

things are going great:
connect

you'd think the later would be obvious,
but it's often the take each other for granted time

magical belief: I  don't need to connect
it'll all take care of itself

a feeling of complacency

and then...
this sense of not really knowing each other,
but we might spoil the magic if we connected
and said the truth

and it might spoil the complacency
yes indeed,
hopefully it will,
and
 vulnerability
will open the way back
to discovering
what the real two people really want to
say
and
do
together

and guess what:
that's pretty important when things are good, shitty, medium
any
thing

so:
connect no matter what

do it for thirty days
pick someone
or a couple of people

and see what happens

happy and free? is this for you? You sure?

How free are you?
How could you be more free?

What would be the price?
What is the price of not paying the price?

How happy are you?
How could you be more happy?

What would be the price?
What is the price of not paying the price?
Good.

relaxation

often we are doing something along
the lines
of holding our breath

waiting for
"something bad to stop"
or
"something good to start."

a minor problem with this:
we miss the now

.......
the birds fly to their nests,
the sleep
or
to feed their babies

somewhere
or sometimes
they must make birdie love

else where do those eggs and
babies come from

and they are just
doing what they are doing
and that's good enough for them

......
we have long hard days,
sometimes

how can we lean into them
and breahte
and sense our bodies

and relax?

tenderness

sex is great

it's the fuel that carries humanity along
first to make the babies
and then
to power the joy
of life

sex can be rough and bumpy
and bump and grindy

and it can be tender

tender is good now and then
slow down,
exult in the other,
slow down
and let the touch
and
the look
ease out

no hurry
connect

and then
in the non sex times,
if there are any,
tender there, too

the other person is tired
or a little frazzled
or worried
or hurried

don't solve it

don't turn away

just reach out
touch

tender
a
little tenderness
makes the day
and the night

so much more the
sweet
yes
that they are meant to be

that you and I
(and all of us)
are meant to be
yes

the importance of love

sex is good>
love is good

people worry about OM sometimes:
what about the love?

and then you look around at most marriages,
most relationships:

hand holding
sex
companionship
maybe

love:
well,
when it's going well,
feels good,
things are going well in the world,
and it feels like love

notice that good sex in a relationship
seems one of the main fuels that have the "love" feeling going

and yet,
looking around: people are in their marriage,
or in their relationship,
they are doing okay,
sometimes up
sometimes down
and it's a mixed bag,
to say the least

the glue without the sex, is really this:
they don't have to worry about being alone

which doesn't really point to OM,
but it could
maybe even should:

OM is a way to fill up on
connection
OM is a way to not be alone
and not have to tie the blessed relationship knot,
which many
are afraid to tie

many would rather be alone
for vast periods,
waiting around for their "soul" mate
or at least "the one"

and if "the one" doesn't think
they are the special "one"
it won't work

so there's a lot of sifting,
a lot of waiting
a lot of feeling bad
and alone

now this has a couple of solutions:

one: learn to feel good alone,
which means,
really,
to meditate

and two:
learn to OM,
which means,
deeply,
to learn how to meditate with another,
with sex up and flowing

so when you're single
meditate and
OM

and when you have a partner,
meditate and
OM

and what's love got to do with it?

everything:
you find yourself in love
we find ourselves in love,

it's when we can be exactly who we are
and this is fine
or great
or fun
or charming

with the other person

there's more to it:
love is a pretty big
one
for
today

Chris

at the end of the day

I am tired at the end of the day
this day
now
anyway

sitting in a chair
staring
at the computer

waiting for an idea
ah, gads, thoughts aren't around

which is kind of nice

and....

if I were living with someone , I'd be "too tired"
for sex

kissing yes
cuddling yes
OMing yes

so the connection would be there

it would end a good day


and now,
not living with someone

time for connection:
to me

sense my arms and legs
sense ten fingers and ten toes
feel the whole skeleton

and be sleepy

that's a day