More Moving, on the Side, Shoulder, Hip, Brain

Redo, if you have time, yesterday's lesson
and then add this on

Lying on your right side,
a bed
a firm floor with a blanket or several layers of yoga mat on it
a lawn

Today
have your left knee on top of your right knee
either put your right hand
or a cushion of some sort between the knees to ease the movement of the top knee

Have your left arm straight forward from your head on the ground/ floor ( we'll call it floor from now on)

1. Move your left arm slowly forward
and as per yesterday,
forward is the direction your chest is pointing

have the shoulder, your shoulder, move slowly forward and back to neutral
feeling this as a rolling in the top part of your spine
go slowly
and enjoy feeling each vertebra as it gets involved

rest

1.b.
Move the left arm forward and a bit down,
say a 45 degree angle
and as you do this
pull in your stomach muscles
and round your back a bit
then return to neutral

do this a number of times

rest

1.c.
Move your left arm forward and up a bit,
again, about 45 degrees,
and
as you move it forward and up,
arch your back
let your back seem to be pushing your arm
away
( it is),
feel the sternum lifting as you do this

return slowly and with awareness to neutral
and then do this many times

rest on your back and notice differences
side to side

return to your right side after a pleasant rest

2. Move your left leg ,
just a little bit,
straight ahead,
as if tipping off the right knee
and then come back

feel this as pure rotation
and feel the vertebrae move one by one

do this many times

rest

2.b.
Move your knee back and down
not a whole lot
but enough to feel how this works
well with push the belly forward
and arching your back

come back to neutral
go
very
slowly
and feel the back hip knee connection

back and forth,
from no arch and the knee on top of the other,
to arch and the knee back and down

rest

2.c.
Move your knee back and up a bit,
as if you were curling in
and bringing your knee toward your chin
and with this pull in your belly and round your back  a little
so the knee is coming back with a feeling of
curling up in the middle

rest on your back
enjoy the sensations
notice the differences:
beginning to now
right and left sides

stay here awhile,
and then
back to your right side

3.
arching

in extension,
in arching,

move your arm up and forward
while your arch your back
and lift your sternum
and
while you
bring your knee back and down a bit

as if you could keep going into a yoga like thing
with the arm toward up and the leg coming behind you

rest

4
rounding,
belly in

rounding,
flexion

this time
bring your arm down and forward
and your belly in
and bring your knee back and down

( the knee back and down is quite odd
go slowly
and figure it out

go very small
and have everything rotating around your movement being led
by your belly coming in

rest

5. Finish off with extension again
it's more natural

arm forward and up
back arched
belly forward
knees back and down

and a general feeling of lengthening

rest

and enjoy

Love is, Love Ain't, 5: The Prophet

Kahlil Gibran on Love 

When love beckons to you, follow her,

Though her ways are hard and steep.

And when her wings enfold you yield to her,

Though the sword hidden among her pinions may wound you.

And when she speaks to you believe in her,

Though her voice may shatter your dreams

as the north wind lays waste the garden. 

For even as love crowns you so shall she crucify you.
Even as she is for your growth
so is she for your pruning.

Even as she ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall she descend to your roots
and shake them in their clinging to the earth. 

Like sheaves of corn she gathers you unto herself.

She threshes you to make you naked.

She sifts you to free you from your husks.

She grinds you to whiteness.

She kneads you until you are pliant;

And then she assigns you to her sacred fire,
that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast. 

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart. 

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love. 

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. 

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.


.......
Same as Paul in Cornthians,
Love is tough
stuff

go through the fire
and you'll be real

don't and you'll be living a sorta kinda half life

or less

and
what is love
here:

Love is a threshing machine,
to cut off your head,
so your heart can be free

What is love ain't?
Easy

ha,
that's enough

Movement Joy, Hip and Shoulder, three

We've done this before,
and this is slightly "better"

Lie on your right side,
Use a pillow to keep your neck straight with your spine

Bring your left knee slightly in front of your right thigh
Bring your left hand to your sternum in the center of your chest

Be relaxed,
Breathe
Feel yourself in this shape

Rest many times during this

Now

1. Practice arching your back a little
which means:
belly forward
and pelvis rotating to the top of the pelvis goes forward
(forward = the direction your chest is facing)
and the the bottom of the pelvis ( your butt) comes back a little

and then bring the pelvis back.
Do this many times

Rest
in a way that breathing and sensing yourself
is a great joy

2
Do all movement as small as you wish
Much much less
and much slower
and much less force than you are used to

Round your back a number of times
This means
Pull the belly
in
and rotate your pelvis such that the top of your pelvis
( where is meets the spine) goes back with the belly
and
the bottom of your pelvis ( your butt and crotch) come forward
as if towards your nose

Do this many times,
from neutral to rounding and back to neutral

Rest for ease pleasure and enjoyment

3.
Do the arching of your back,
\as you bring your left knee forward
and then pull in your belly a bit to bring it back to neutral

it's as if you are pushing your knee forward with your back

go slow
really slowly

if there's any pain,
make the movement almost microscopic

it's about the brain noticing
differences

many times
with ease
pleasure
awareness

Rest

4
Do the arching of your back as you bring your left shoulder back
and then
simply release to bring everything back to neutral

no stain
all the pulling the shoulders back
is mainly nonsense,
let your back be carrying your shoulder back
easily
slowly
gently
pleasurably

many times
many

Rest

5
Combine the two:
Arch and bring the shoulder back as the left knee goes forward
and then
release back to neutral

many times

rest



EXTRA CREDIT
Do this in sitting

Sit in a chair
upright
most of the weight on the right side of your pelvis

Arch your back and bring your right shoulder back
many times

rest

Arch your back and bring your knee forward
many times
easy
slowly
less
pleasurably

rest

combine the two


EXTRA CREDIT, PART TWO

Do this on your back

Bring your left hip forward by arching the left side of your back
as you press your left
heel into the floor

Bring your left shoulder back with the same
heel pressing
back arching combo

Don't worry to get this right

if it feels good
it's right
good

Corinthians 13: Love is, Love Ain't, 4,

This might be the most famous love passage in the world,
at least the Bible reading English speaking world

1 Corinthians 13

New International Version (NIV)

13 If I speak in the tongues[ of men or of angels, 

but do not have love, 

I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 

2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,

 and if I have a faith that can move mountains, 

but do not have love, 

I am nothing. 

3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b]

but do not have love, 

I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, 

love is kind. 

It does not envy, 

it does not boast, 

it is not proud. 

5 It does not dishonor others, 

it is not self-seeking, 

it is not easily angered, 

it keeps no record of wrongs. 

6 Love does not delight in evil 

but rejoices with the truth. 

7 It always protects, always trusts, 

always hopes, 

always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. 

But where there are prophecies, they will cease; 

where there are tongues, they will be stilled; 

where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

  9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 

10 but when completeness comes, 

what is in part disappears. 

11 When I was a child, 

I talked like a child, 

I thought like a child, 

I reasoned like a child. 

When I became a man, 

I put the ways of childhood behind me.

  12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror;  ( this is the glass darkly one, I believe)

 then we shall see face to face. 

Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, 

even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: 

faith,

 hope and 

love. 

But the greatest of these is love.

Well, that's a pretty good start

A few quibbles:
the ways of a child
can be selfish and petty,
but they also have this remarkable trait,
they meet someone
and instantly,
without background check
preliminary maneuvering, or judgment
they are instantly 'BEST FRIENDS."

That's something not worth putting away

But the me, me, me
give me , give me
of a child
yeah,
that's the death of love

But, let's go now to the juice:

No matter what you've got,
if you've got no love,
your life sucks

Okay.
That's out of the way

except what it says about what love is:

Love is
Core to a well lived and meaningful life

and What is love,
in this accounting:

Love is:
patient
kind
rejoices in truth

What Love Ain't fills a bigger list:
Not envious
Not boastful
Not proud
Doesn't dishonor others
Not easily angered
Not keeping records.


That one
can save many a relationship:
Stop the record keeping:

You done
such
and
such
and
such

to me

Or:
write them down,
and figure out a way to
love each and every one

This passage doesn't say that love
is forgiving
but
without forgiveness
and letting go

love is dead

and what is life
with letting go and forgiveness?

Life in the present.

And what is truth?
Life in the present

There are lots of ways to go from here

Good
We won't

In this present
Can you let go a couple of thoughts that are
holding you back
from loving Reality
exactly as it is

Now?

If so,
are you willing to let them go?

And if so,k
When?


Love is an action.

Play
there

play and play
playing in the fields of love,
where the child and the adult come
to fullness
yes
good

Love is... Love ain't 3

Love is waiting
Patience
Makes the pace of the other just right

What the ego/ you/ me me me
 one wants can
Wait

ah
Waiting

Waiting is such sneaky food
And

Love ain't hurrying open the
Budding flower
Of now

Everything is unfolding
Ain't necessary to tap our feet in
Hurry worry

Prod probe push shove


No
Patience is a surrender to reality

What does that mean?

Love says:
Wait and see

The other is
just where they are supposed
to be
in their evolution

as are you

you have some much in common

everything actually:

you are both imperfect
and both going to die

ah,
love is laughing and kissing into
that

what's left when the worry goes?

Love

Love is/ love ain't 2

Love is grooving on
The other person
And wondering who
that person really is?

And not knowing,
and not knowing more,
and delighting
in the partial discoveries
and delighting in the mysteries

and delighting in the wrong guesses

and listening and watching and waiting
and wondering
and listening some more


Love ain't
Knowing who this other is,
having it all figured out,
especially in the judgmental box
And trying to squeeze the other person into that
Box

Love is? Love ain't ?

What is love?

Being charmed by the junk your robot hates

What ain't love?

Wanting to control fix and eliminate the junk your robot gets tweaked by

Love
Control
Love
Control

We all gets to
Pick

All the time

Life is Yes

Yes terday is gone

Today is sort of here
And even that's a concept

What's now
As experience for you
Right
Now

Include spine arms legs eyes ears and breathing
If you want to

And this now
Can you be yes to it?

If so: welcome to love

the bright glory of now-- Austin on a warm night in January

Austin is kind of cheating
a big(ish) city
with all sorts of places to be small
and around friendly people
content to be doing whatever they are doing

Whole Foods downtown has at least 4 different areas
to sit around
and eat whatever you bought, or just meet and talk
or hook up to the Internet

and indoors
the lights are bright
and there's a parade of people
and who knows what's going
on
inside them
but

some are happy
and some are discovering something
new
about life
or
another
or
food
or
????

And to come here
with a simple awareness of how
big the world is
and how other people
are an endless gift

this feels good


what feels good to you?

happiness is a choice

happiness is a choice

it doesn't really matter (much)

what you are doing

if you've decided to be happy

so

decide to do what is really important to you

and do it in a way

that you decide is how you want to be

as you live your life

and..

that's enough isn't it?

Forgetting what's not important

You know,
a lot of suffering is here
in the wanting other people
to have different thoughts and opinions of us

Slavery really
wanting others to approve
when they can't

and why can't they
we all know...
they don't like themselves

or,
they have a control
thing
and you don't fit their
control scheme

other people
ah,
what a delightful playground for learning

cheers
chris

making out with life

you are walking down the street
lost in your thoughts,
next to a fence,
and
suddenly

on the other side of the fence,
a dog, a big dog, barks loud

god backwards
has let loose a wild loud sound
and your body shivers awake,
your eyes open wide,
your blood courses,
you see the fence you'd neglected to notice
and the sky
and the street
and you might even feel sensations
all the way down to your feet

god/ dog has awakened
you
back into life

that happens sometimes

and then, here's our life problem
no
life challenge
no
life opportunity
no
life thrill

how to turn everything into a chance
to wake up
like that
except without fear
but with a big grin
of delight?

how can we do that?
what do you think?
what do you feel?
What do you desire?

mindfulness and love

one of the straightforward characteristics
of
being mindful
is the ability to watch what's going on
in
emotions
or our body
or our gol darn thoughs
and just watch
without judgment

to be mindful of another person
is to see and hear and feel them,
as they are,
without judgment

Love and judgment don't mix
and
love as a feeling only goes so far
when we aren't getting our way
and feel stress

in stress we can be
mindful
or
mindless

mindless means we fall back on
programing
usually Ma and Pa

mindful means we watch our hurt or scared and angry
feelings
and thoughts
without judgment
and without believing
them

and hopeful communicate
about that

and then listen,
again,
without judgment to the other person's
stuff

listening
saying our truth
not judging

mindfulness and love
are necessary to each other
don't you think/ feel/ intuit?

some kind of anger, that allows the sun to shine in

you know,
we can get annoyed,
we can feel slighted,
we can be betrayed
and all that

and in the long run
so what

the short run, too,
if you want to be happy
in the present

and sometimes
it's just good to be angry
and
not take it so seriously

rant and rave,
but with a smile inside you, too
( you know you've done whatever misdeed
they've done, at
some time
or other)

write a furious letter
and really abuse the other
mercilessly
and then delete it

or at least don't send it

breathe
and be present
while you rant
and let the joy be there
too
on your inside
and it that joyful place in us that knows,
yes

now
I am alive

yes,
this is my anger having its little tantrum
yes
this is a fine batch of energy

stay happy
and let the anger play
and then get back to your work
or your love
or your real play

what are you here on earth
to do?

use the anger as energy
to go for that

yes

wake up, an ongoing meditation for 2014, all day, every day

ten fingers
ten toes
belly
eyes
ears
nose

that's it for the starter
all day,
each moment

meditation

the belly is about breathing,
and the nose, too

and what about the spine in between,
if you remember and sense that too, so much
the
better

and the ten toes,
down there at the bottom
as far from our thinking apparatus as
possible
and connected to the legs

if you can sense your entire legs
great

and if the legs and their anchor, the pelvis
remind you that you are in gravity
so
much
the
better

ten fingers at the ends of our hands
where are yours, right now?

and the eyes,
taking in light

where is the light coming from
right now
that is bouncing into your eyes

and ears:
sound,
day and night,
sound coming in

what is it

it's big this meditation
not as big as life
lots getting left out you can add
on

and
an all day
now reading this
later talking
walking
driving
reading

give it a try
if 2014 is the year for you
to
wake up

cheers
Chris

The King's Son ( and the Queen's Daughter);;;; journey of the soul

Once, in a country where all people were like kings and queens, there lived a family, who were in every way content, and whose surroundings were such that the human tongue cannot describe them in terms of anything that is known today.

This country of Sharq seemed satisfactory to the young prince Dhat and his sister princess Fatima.  Until one day, their parents told them: “Dearest children of ours, it is the necessary custom of our land, that each prince and princess go forth on a trial. This is to fit yourselves to be the king and queen you are meant to be.

This trial will enable you to achieve—by watchfulness and effort—an inner and outer strength impossible without it.

Thus it has been ordained in the beginning and thus it will always be. “

The Prince and Princess were prepared for the journey.

They were given a special food that would nourish them, which was of small compass but illimitable quantity.

They were given certain resources, which it is not possible to mention, to guard them, if properly used.

They had to travel to a certain country, Misr, and they had to go in disguise. They left behind their royal clothes, and took those of the new land. They were given guides for the journey and a sacred task: to bring back a certain jewels, guarded by a fearsome monster.

Their guides took them to the new land, to Misr, and left them there. They had been instructed to part, so they did, soon finding others who were on the same mission as companions.

But, because of the air and food of the country, all forgot their mission, and went into an ongoing sleep. This lasted many years, as Dhat and Fatima went about humble vocations, unaware of what had happened to them.

By means familiar to them but unknown to other people, the inhabitants of Sharq felt the situation of Dhat and Fatima, and sent them messages by a strange means, the inner content of which was:

“Awake. You are the daughter and son of kings and queens. You have a mission. It is time to stop your sleep.”

The message awoke the pair, who found each other at the monster’s lair, and by means of special sounds, they put the monster to sleep and retrieved the Jewels.

The Sounds now guided them back to Sharq, and almost at once they were again in their royal attire, and at one with their real home.

This time, though, through their experiences, they were able to see that what they had taken for granted was of far greater splendor than they could have imagined, and that it was the place commemorated vaguely by the people of Misr as Salamat, which the people of Misr took to be the word for Submission, but which Dhat and Fatima now realized, meant …. peace.

My rendition of the last teaching story, usually called the King’s Son,  in The Tales of the Dervishes by Idries Shah, from a dervish’s transcription of a recital supposed given by Amir Sultan, Sheik of Bokhara, who taught in Istanbul and died in 1429.

Movement #6: More Chair Fun. Left and Right, plus...

Sit in in a chair>
Breathe
Notice your relationship to gravity
Mull over how long it has been since you've been aware that you are in gravity all day
Breathe smile
Feel what feels good
Feel what doesn't feel so good
Smile

One:
Lean down between your legs and reach for the floor
Easily
Don't strain
Go as far as easily

Two:
Lean to the left with your head
Come back to the middle
Do this many times
Let your weight come onto the left side of your pelvis
Your left "sit bone" ( Sitz bone as it were, but we'll just call it
the left side of your pelvis)

rest a bit
feel your body and breathing and
relationship to gravity

Three:
Lean to the left again
and
each time you do, take your left hand
down the left side of the chair towards the floor
Come up, slowly, enjoying
the touch on the chair
Do this many times, easily

Rest

Now test how leaning down toward the floor
between your legs feels
easier
further
more pleasurable

how could you make it more pleasurable?

Four:
Again,
lean to the left
and lower your left arm along the chair towards the floor,
and leave it as near as it goes,
don't push it,
and let it come forward and backward
moving your head back and forth as it to follow the arm

Five:
Put your left hand over your head and hold your right ear with your left hand
In this configuration
a) Rock to the right side of your pelvis
b) Let your ribs go to the right
c) Gently pull your head to the left

So this time you are leaning left
but with a shift to the right side
of your pelvis

Do this many times, gently,
feeling the curve in your spine
and
enjoying it

Rest

Try our reaching for the floor again

Six:
As in five,
but now
when you get all the way to the left with your head
do the "cat and cow" we've done in earlier lessons,
that is
( all while curved left and sitting on the right "sitz bone"
have your
belly go out
roll forward on this right side of your pelvis
arch your back and bring
your head back a bit

then
roll back on the right side of your pelvis
pull your belly in
bring your tilting head a little forward

go back and forth like this

rest
test for the floor reaching
rest more

Seven
get up and walk around
notice differences side to side

Eight:
If you want,
do this sequence on the other side

Movement #5: Waking up our back, in a chair

One: Sit comfortably in a chair
Notice what you notice about what it is like to sit in the chair
Your spine
Your ribs
Your head
Your breathing
Smile,

Now
Lean forward as if to reach the floor between your legs
Don't strain
Notice as you lean, how far you can easily go.
Do this twice

Rest:
Which means simply sit and breathe and look around
the room or yard or beach
Find a thought of something you are grateful for

Good

Two:
Put your hands, one over the other on your chest
Let the hands sink as your ribs and sternum go down toward the floor
Then come back to upright, feeling the sternum move
Do this a number of times, paying kind and easy attention to your ribs

Now, to help the hands and sternum go lower
Let your belly come in and
Roll back on your pelvis

Do this combined belly, sternum pelvis motion
a number of times,
Down and back to upright

Make each time easy and interesting
and see if you can notice just a
little bit more than the last movement

Good

Now,  reach down toward the floor as in the beginning
Notice any difference in range AND in ease

Rest

Three:
Hands on sternum again
Begin to lift the sternum with your hands
and come back to neutral
Do this a number of times

Now, to help the lifting,
Roll your pelvis forward in your chair
and let your belly soften and come forward

Sternum
Pelvis
Stomach

All three as you rise in your sternum and come
back to neutral

Good

Smile
Think of a gratitude
Lean down for the floor again,
Looking for ease, range and awareness
and
Pleasure

Rest

Four:
Put your hands under the opposite armpit
Combine both up and down with the ribs,
This time allowing the head to raise and lower
slightly
You'll know which way

So ribs down
Stomach in and back
Pelvis rolling back

and then up
and then

Ribs up
Stomach soft and forward
Pelvis rolling forward

Breathe easy
Do a number of enjoyable times

Smile
Stop
Think of another gratitude

Reach for the floor again
Notice pleasure
ease
range
parts of your back and neck and ribs and pelvis
that participate in this
Smile

Rest

Stand up and walk around, feeling any ease in your movement
and increase in height in your standing

Good

rules of play.... my modification of a one taste creation

RULES OF PLAY

- Play can include all, but not all are willing to play

- Everything is of consequence

- If no one is awake:  the game plays all, and the lowest common denominator sets the level

- If someone is awake, the game is for freedom

- One day we will all be dead

- Altruism seems to lose at first, then wins

- He or she with the least rules will win in the end

- Love is a game without a game

- A game of liberation needs to be played from volition.

- Don’t hurt the game

- Question the game. With humor. And emptiness.

- Be happy

- The highest game includes all

- The highest play is waking up / surrender / love

happiness

Our man Thomas Jefferson,
born, like me, on April 13
wrote some good shit.

"Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness"

Which sounds like happiness is
down the road
and we have the right (? duty?) to chase along
after it

and I just discovered this:
pursuit in his day,
was like the pursuit of bird watching
the pursuit of reading
the pursuit of brisk walking

close to the way we use the word
practice
a practice of meditation
which is his mode
could be played out as
the pursuit of meditation

so:
that's a nice way to do
what life really wants us
to do:

make a practice of happiness

Freedom #6: waking up, freedom and happiness

"My life has had a lot of trouble,
most of which never happened."
Mark Twain

You know it and I do, too,
we can worry about the future
and ruin this moment

or we can experience this moment
and feel our life as we are in it

feel our life
and know
in our bones and nerves and breath
and eyes and ears:

this is me
here
now

and if we leave the now
a certain conditioned agitation
begins to take over

the restless feeling that now isn't quite
enough
but later,
the next thing will make it all right

or, getting the next thing "done"
will ease this agitation

or, the next thing is "what we really want
to be doing"

and yet,
when we get to that next thing,
we are stretching out ahead,
again,
to the next next thing

all along
missing the breath
the inner sensations
the feelings
the sights
the sounds
the smells
the opportunities ( a person over there, to go meet,
a flower to go observe and smell, a body posture to shift,
right now,
to one slightly ((or a lot)) more
comfortably)

Right now:
what little shift in your body shape could create a certain
ease?

right now:
what colors out there
are a turn on
to look at and enjoy?

right now:
what crime would befall
what disaster
if you just stopped,
closed your eyes
and followed a few breaths?

there are plenty more
ways to be present
not just reading this hooey
but in whatever you do
when you look up from the computer
and go about
being present
in the moments of your life

which is to say,
being present to your life
good< br />
                                                                                   

Freedom #5: the alchemy of happiness, in sad times

sad feels heavy
like you are walking through mud
like you are breathing thru mud

like what you want is far off
or never going to come
or has been taken away from you

you are wanting
you aren't present

feels like shit
sometimes

and sometimes
we get lucky
we realize that we can wake up
inside this unhappiness

we can come back to
the reality of
our body

our body is having sensation,
often it's
 a feeling in our chest,

heavy,
as if the heart weighs a hundred pounds

a big heart
has a big break

that's the spoiler alert

we all have to do this work
in our downs

we all have to go in
and sense the sensation

and breathe

and be aware 
of gravity
and light
and sound

and breathe

and we still might feel
heavy

but

that heaviness
is part of us

or better:
it's visiting us

it's not us

and who is us

who are we

ah, damn
more spoiler alerts:

discovering who we are
is 
very good news indeed

very

and only a hint
(but a big one,,,
and I've forgotten this, too,
and
oh
so sweet to remember to remember)

who is it that is noticing all the heaviness
and
the 
gravity in arms and legs and spine
and
the
light coming into our eyes
and
the
air coming in and out of our nose and inards
and
the 
sound coming in our ears

and we 
can even notice the
"story"
that is trying to take us over

and we can write it
down
and do the work of Byron Katie

or we can shortcut
and ask,
"Is it true?"

or we
can say: Hi, story,
I've got better things to do,
and 
come back
to sensing our down,
but not necessarily believing in it

and what is there to believe in?

This moment,
really

That's all I know you can 
count on

What about you?

Where can you put your attention
that will always be useful
and liberating?

I guess that's the life game,
isn't it?

Trying a bunch of worthless places
to put
our attention

and then coming back
to the bright
clear
now
of
knowing:
I am alive

Now.

(And since Christmas is
coming....

that might be why it
is
such a
present

Relationship #5:I need your love/ you should love me/ is that true?

So and so should love me.
IS THAT TRUE?
Not really.

IS THAT ABSOLUTELY TRUE?
No

WHEN I HOLD THAT BELIEF, HOW DO I REACT?
I feel shitty, sad, angry, cheated. the  usual victim package

IF I DIDN'T HAVE THAT THOUGHT IN MY HEAD, WHO OR WHAT WOULD I BE?
Alive.
Free.
Me.

TURN IT AROUND

DIRECTION:
I should love so and so.
Especially I should love so and so's non interest in loving me.
I preach, letme practice.

BACK TO SELF
I should love me more.
Sure;  if I can't, why should so and so.

UNDO THE STATEMENT
So and so shouldn't love me.
Why?
So I can learn to love everything, especially this "hard" one.
The harder the loving is to do, the stronger our heart gets.
Good.

Move as If Your Life Depended on It: Movement #4, toward the floor

This is too hard for you
But it's to show off something for certain people
Don't worry
The lesson below "just" gets your back twice as easy and your brain three times as smart and adds at least half an inch to your height and has you feeling five or ten years younger

That's all


Movement is life

Lean down toward the floor

DO NOT STRETCH
Just reach for the floor
Let your knees bend
This isn't yoga, you aren't trying to be good, this is just reaching down for something on the goddamn floor

It's fun

Try NOT to reach the floor
Just down


Good

2.
Put your hands on your knees
Bend your knees
Have your arms straight

Do the cat and cow,
the most intelligent "pose" in yoga,
since it's not a pose
it's a movement

Goes like this:

Arch your back ( belly forward)
As you tilt your asshole toward the ceiling
As you bring your eyes toward the sky

As if your head were going toward your butt
and your ribs and pushing the other way: forward

That's the cow:
Mooo

It's also the lion:
ROAR

3. Alternate that with the cat
Hiss hiss

Ribs up and back
Middle back toward the sky
Belly in
Head down
Nose toward your crotch
Crotch toward your nose:
Pelvis rotating under

4. Back and forth
Slowly
Deliciously

Do it a couple of times
Simple feeling the pelvis and lower backs'
participation in this

Do it a couple more
noticing the ribs going up
and the ribs going forward

Oh, wait:
Notice and enjoy

Oh, wait
Notice and enjoy and
FIND SOMETHING DIFFERENT AND INTERESTING EACH TIME

Oh, wait:
Go slower
slower than you want to go

And then a couple of times
The neck and your head
Do all the "oh, Wait's" with that

And now the whole back:
Enjoy it
It's you
Alive
In motion

5.
Then stand up straight

Feel how you feel

6. Reach down for the floor again
Notice the difference

Enjoy the difference

7 , Put both hands up in the arm
above your head

Rotate them in a circle

Feel this in your heels
Watch with your eyes
allowing your head to move as it follows
your hands

Feel this in your pelvis
Which goes backward when your hands go forward in the cirlce
and
the other
way around

Stop
Breathe
Do all the "oh, wait's"
And reverse the circle

8.
Hands down
How do you feel

9 Touch the floor again,
No wait,
Reach down toward the floor

Easier?
Farther?
Funner?

10. Stand up and skip around the room or lawn or park or riverside

You are moving
You are using your brain
You are enjoying having more attention

Good

Relationship #4: Loving the Leaver

Loving what is seems like the hardest thing
in the world
sometimes

and then,
it's just....
heaven


So... someone leaves you

It was great love
It was great and troubled love
It was troubled and great love
It had great promise
You fell more deeply in love than they did
They found someone else
You were a jerk and drove them crazy
They weren't willing to work it through
You weren't willing to work it through
One or both of you didn't know what to do when it got messy
You had a power struggle that was too much for the other person

There are many scenarios,
and all hurt,
usually when the other person leaves

It can even be petty stuff:
You wanted to end it and didn't have the courage
to pull the plug
and they did before you could

Oh, well.

They are gone
Empty bed
Empty dream

Lots of possibilities in reaction, too:

Anger
Poor me
Denial
Substance use to numb out
Getting busy

And here's a way that's pretty amazing:

Love.

Yeah.
Think about, feel about what loving them exactly
as they are
would be.

They want to be somewhere else.

Loving them means wanting them to have what they want.

Damn, the logic just rolls along,
but it's the heart really that can't do this:

Loving them means loving them being gone
because that's what they want

You can think it's a wrong decision
You can think they should care more about your pain
You can think until you're blue in the face
and they are still gone

They, for good or bad, for smart of idiotic, for whatever reasons
of the heart and head
and their own life path,
have decided what they want is Not You

So, that what love is:
Loving their having what they want,
the big fat empty Not You

and hey,
guess what

just like when someone dies
... they can't hug you anymore
and you can still keep loving them

you can feel the love
write it to them
whatever you want

and wanting them to have what they want,
loving what is

sounds hard

I just did it
It's heaven

It really is

Freedom #4: Not anxiety, lots of gratitude

In the letters of Paul,
a passage recommended by my friend Dick Staub,
Philippians 4: 6
this goes down:

"Never be anxious, but in every prayer
And each entreaty,
add your thanks to God."

Simple.
Amazing.

Don't ask for anything unless it's riding
soft sweet and easy on a current of praise
on a magic carpet of gratitude.

Never be anxious.
Never.
Not, kind of chill out on the anxiety.
Not, only be a little anxious when you can't help it,
and besides, your friends like it when you're down.
Not, it's the way it is, get worried, it's a messy world.
Not....

But, "Never be anxious."

Fear is what?
Real when a tiger is about to eat you,
but usually is
just about something this simple:
things not going our way.


Anxiety is the loss of control because we
have a picture that Reality should be a certain
way,
and Reality just goes along
being what it is.

We can want to control.
And smile.

We can want to control
and feel anxious.

We can love what is.
And what do we feel like doing when we love what is?

Give thanks.


How bout this song, by Alanis Morissette,
titled, by golly : Thank U

"Thank U"

how bout getting off all these antibiotics

how bout stopping eating when I'm full up

how bout them transparent dangling carrots

how bout that ever elusive kudo

thank you india

thank you terror

thank you disillusionment

thank you frailty

thank you consequence

thank you thank you silence

how bout me not blaming you for everything

how bout me enjoying the moment for once

how bout how good it feels to finally forgive you

how bout grieving it all one at a time

thank you india

thank you terror

thank you disillusionment

thank you frailty

thank you consequence

thank you thank you silence

the moment I let go of it was the moment

I got more than I could handle

the moment I jumped off of it

was the moment I touched down

how bout no longer being masochistic

how bout remembering your divinity

how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out

how bout not equating death with stopping

thank you india

thank you providence

thank you disillusionment

thank you nothingness

thank you clarity

thank you thank you silence

.......

Never be anxious,

give thanks to India, to sickness, to disillusionment to clarity to shit to crap

to what we think shouldn't be

thanks to Reality

it's the winning hand,

why not roll around in heaven all day

with the winner

and never be anxious that we

made the wrong choice

how bout that?

Relationship #3,people leave, God replaces, abundance is the Way

This Place of Abundance

we know nothing until we know everything

I have no object to defend
for all is of equal
value
to me

I cannot lose anything in this
place of abundance
that I have found

If something my heart cherishes
is taken away

I just say, "Lord,
what happened?"

And a hundred more
appear

.....End of Poem

So life. It's good, right?
People come into our life.
If we are lucky we love them.

If we are lucky they love us back.

If we are lucky they stay with us until one of us dies.
If we are lucky they don't
or we don't.

There's a funny idea out there: if something
ends
that means it was wrong.

No:
we get in relationships.
We screw up.
They screw up.
Someone can't take it anymore and
leaves.

And check this out:
often, almost always actually, what the one who leaves can't stand
is their reactions to the other person.
They can't stand the manifestations
that are stirring up in them

so they split.
and
that means they are bad, right?

no.
it means that they are wounded

and when we hurt another in
the relationships that ended:
we were wounded

and that means we can keep doing it, right?

wrong.

it means we can wake up to when
we are awake in a relationship
and in those moments
be the person we want us
to be
and be the person we
want them to be

and if we can't do that
yet
bless us

let's just keep trying

....
and back to the poem:
if someone leaves us,
ah well,
they are wounded 
and so are we 
and....
the abundance is here
always
that's the way God wants it,
so...
a hundred more will pop
up

and it's our job
to be kinder to that hundred
because of what we learned the last time around


....
ain't that a lot of relationship building to chew
on?
yes

FREEDOM, 3-----POEM, Denise Levertov, Primary Wonder

PRIMARY WONDER Days pass when I forget the mystery. Problems insoluble and problems offering their own ignored solutions jostle for my attention, they crowd its antechamber along with a host of diversions, my courtiers, wearing their colored clothes; caps and bells.                                                     And then once more the quiet mystery is present to me,  the throng's clamor recedes:  the mystery that there is anything, anything at all, let alone cosmos, joy, memory, everything, rather than void: and that, 0 Lord, Creator, Hallowed one,  You still, hour by hour sustain it. -- Denise Levertov

Movement #3, in bed and easy on your back, great in your brain

Lie in bed on your left side, with your right leg on top of your left leg.

Have your arms extended straight out, forward, which is the direction your nose is facing. Your right hand rests palm down, on your left hand which is palm up.

1. Slowly, slowly, move your right hand forward, feeling the vertebrae of the spine join in one by one from the top down your back. Then bring the hand back and feel the spine moving the other way.

How far does the movement in the back extend?

Go back and forth many times, each time seeing if you can do it slower, easier and with more enjoyment and awareness.

Do this maybe ten or twelve times.

2. Rest on your back.
Breathe easily and notice any difference side to side.

Take a while to just be present to being in a body, in your body, in your body now, with each breath.

3. Slowly, slowly, slowly, move your right knee "forward" as if it were peeking over the edge of the left knee.

Feel this movement moving UP in your back.

4. Rest

Make all the rests an active, awareness enhancing, pleasure increasing feast for yourself.

5. Play with this,

and go very very slowly:

Bring both your right hand and your right knee forward, as

if they were a 

team.

Forward and then back.

Feeling how the ribs roll, how there

is less movement in the spine, feeling

what is happening in your neck and hips.

Really enjoy this.

Breathe easily as you do it.

6. Rest

7. Now, get fancy and go slowest of all
Move the hip and knee forward as

the hand and shoulder move back,

and move your hip and right knee back, 

as

your right hand moves forward.

Stop if you get confused.

Do less.

Rest between "tries."

When you get it, feel how the vertebrae at the top

of your back

are moving in the opposite direction as the vertebrae on the

bottom 

of your back.

Really indulge in noticing and enjoying this.

8. Rest on your back.

Notice the differences side to side

Take a little nap.

Come to sitting (roll up, do not yank up through the middle) and stand and

walk around.

How do you feel?

What do you notice?

Go slowly in your life for another five or ten minutes.

Tis the season to SLOW DOWN.

good.