Be of Good Cheer

BE OF GOOD CHEER
Chapter 4 in the forthcoming book: Love, Lust & Enlightenment: Falling deeper in love with your mate, and becoming "almost enlightened" to boot

Be of Good Cheer

There is a force that grows the green grass, thrusting up even in the most vile parking lot. There is a tinkle, as of Tibetan bells, in the laughter of children.

There is the moan of lovers, coming together slowly and sweetly after the trials of the day, and perhaps even the troubles that their conditioned behaviors have caused each other.

There is the play of otters in the mud, dolphins in the blue ocean, there are those wild geese, flying freely throughout the chapters of this book and the bright blue skies of the world, there are the blue bonnets and the California Poppies and the orange/ apricot/ pear/ cherry/ redbud/ honey locust blossoms bursting in spring, full of bees making honey. Birds singing. The birds and the bees and the bright green leaves flickering golden in the trees, in the breeze, in the sun, in the sky, in our hearts.

Always there for us. And we can miss it, deny it, forget it. Chose the other, darker, sadder path.

Like this:

Life can be a bummer. Or Life can be a joy.

You can drink through one of two straws: one is sweet and one is bitter.

Happiness is an inside job.

Unhappiness is an inside job.

One way to be in the joy/ sweet/ happiness current is to be of good cheer.

All the time.

Things gong your way: be of good cheer.

Things going crappy: be of good cheer. (This isn’t Pollyanna. It’s good cheer.)

Feeling great: be of good cheer.

Feeling tired/ sick/ weak/ pain and so on: be of good cheer.

Why?

Because it feels better to you.

Because it feels better to those around you.

Because choosing to drink from the sweet not the bitter straw is one of the prime human abilities.

Because it is what Life wants of us.

(Is that true?

Find out for yourself.)

I have a group of friends who call this “Being in the energy.” There’s a whole way of accessing this, that you can find out about in the first appendix, but for now let’s look at “being in the energy” like this.

Accessing the happy child in you, always game for friendship, for play, for learning, for silliness, for delight, for discovery.

For the new.

That lives in the now.

Okay:

Go couples, be of good cheer, try this and see what happens.

Partner A:

I am alive. You are alive.

I am going to die. You are going to die.

I notice these two things about you in the present…

I notice these two things about myself in the present..

I like this about you…Pause. Breathe. Look at your partner. Then say it from the heart.

I like this about myself… Pause. Breathe. Look at your partner. Then say it from the heart.

I like this about us as a couple… Pause. Breathe. Look at your partner. Then say it from the heart.

Now take three breaths. And go through the whole sequence again. Set the timer for at least three minutes of this.

Now two minutes of “feedback” of the “only listening” sort. So you aren’t going to be giving any opinions or interpretations.

Partner B’s “feedback.”

I am alive. You are alive.

I am going to die. You are going to die.

I notice these two things about myself in the present..

I notice these two things about you in the present..

I heard you say you liked this about yourself… Pause. Breathe. Look at your partner. Then say it from the heart. Say only one thing each turn that you heard them say.

I heard you say you like this about me… Pause. Breathe. Look at your partner. Then say it from the heart. Say only one thing each turn that you heard them say.

I heard you say you like this about us as a couple… Pause. Breathe. Look at your partner. Then say it from the heart. Say only one thing each turn that you heard them say.

Then the timer goes off after two minutes, and do it the other way around. Partner B shares their self and other and couple “LIKE-ING” for three minutes (or more, you pick) and then partner A gives “only listening feedback” for two minutes.

Ah. Three breaths together. Ten breaths together. Live it up.

Now.

Touch.

Let’s massage a foot today.

4 minutes in two 2 minute turns.

1^st turn: “just” massaging.

2^nd turn: thinking of “being of good cheer”/ the happy and exploratory child, as you massage their foot.

Then the other way around.

Then a couple minutes of sharing: how was it different both giving and getting as “straight ahead” massage, vs. “being of good cheer” massage.

Have a great day.

You could even be of good cheer all day, if you wished…

Cheers

Chris

Complaining as "love making"

Complaining as "love making"

That's a trick title

and not really
it's not really a trick,
because without alchemy,
life is prison,
is hell:

the old way of complaining 
is hell
is prison
and never turns into Love making, except make up sex,
which isn't love,
it's froth

but,here,
let's discover some magic

( why else be in a relationship?)

we just need to turn the world on its head

and

that's what we always need to do

if we are to be 

awake

and 

happy

and

effective

and what other kind of life would you want to lead?

so:

you got a complaint

we have this ongoing series:

Love and Sex before dinner
 which has
10 minutes of some sort of touch connection
and 18 minutes of back and forth communication,
3  non interrupted minutes per turn, 3 turns each

so,
you have a complaint,
and it's your turn to talk....

ta da

you have three minutes to tell it to your sweetheart

here's some pointers:

be present and remember:

this is the person you love

remember:

what you think they are doing wrong,

you are too

so

try to say how you do it, too

when you say how they do it
( you don't listen, I don't listen; you get angry, I get angry at your getting angry; you take me for granted, I take you for granted..... search, it doesn't have to be an equal amount)

remember , three:

beneath all complaints is a desire

which means,
beneath all complaints could be a request

suggestion
(just in case you want to "make" love)
make the request

so:

I feel so punk when you are too busy for me

Ah, I love you

Ah, there are times when I get too busy for you

Ah, I'd like to make sure we spend more time together..
Can we talk later about some extra times we can spend together?

Now....

this half hour before dinner, Love and Sex before dinner
( see the expanding collection at the blog  http://LoveandSexBeforeDinner.blogspot.com ,
if you wish)

is

the MINIMUM

to have sweetness

how can you get more out of it?

do it more

but only for the love and fun

of it

and the joy of waking up as a partnership in enlightenment

Sneaky Marriage/ Sullen Divorce.... then what

I'm going to try something new in August.
This mode: story
antidote
poem

We'll see.
Here it goes.
Like this.

Joe and Sally have a sneaky marriage, both having affairs, and, of course, 

blaming the other for their unhappiness.
This leads to a sullen divorce, which exhausts them, but...
they feel free..
liberated.

At last the green pasture is wide open. And they find someone SOOO much better.

Except the pattern is their: problems can be so sweetly avoided by a little side sex,
and then bigger problems can be avoided by a torrid affair and then this green
pasture wasn't so great after all.

And must be left behind.
As is the next.
And the next.
And the next.

Antidote/ teaching:
Clean up this mess, or the green pastures we see will turn into one more gravel pit.

And a poem:

if you are wrong
and I don't have to listen
and I can get so much fun
in someone else's bed

why should I learn
how my thoughts and actions
help you be a worse you
that you want to be

how can I learn
what I could have done and known
and tried
to love you better

even if we need to part
if I can't love you
(the famous, "love your enemy" schtick of either
Christianity, or the Work of Byron Katie...
in one a preaching
in the other a result)

then I haven't really figured out how
to love myself
and so the next one,
the sooooo much better one
will eventually
(what with sex not forbidden
and communication not learned
passion burns out
and intimacy
which is what relationship is all about
doesn't grow)
that one falls apart

and the next
and the next

and it's the same
old
thing
again
and again


alas:

and the way out:
Clean up this mess.
Don't finish your divorce,
or better yet,
even start,
until you can
"love your enemy."

You don't have to live with them,
but if you don't love them,
you'll never really leave them.

Aha.

Good.

Relationship Enlightenment, Day Seven : Now vs "the feelings"

This is also published in RelationshipEnlightenment.blogspot.com

In relationship, we get these feelings.

You know the ones: anger, fear, frustration, neediness, jealousy, worry, sad, lonely, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, confused.

A grand thing to do with those and any feelings in the work of Byron Katie, and that will be the last seven days of our 21 day program. Her work is all of therapy wrapped up in a simplicity and elegance that not only "heals" the various emotional wounds we are carrying around, but can carry us to the enlightened state if we just keep asking: "Is it true?" and "Who are I without the story?"

But for now, today,, let's play with understanding our loss when we leave the present.

You can do this with your partner.

You can do this alone.

Give yourself some time, and allow yourself to "go to" the feeling that is most disturbing you right now.

Say aloud that feeling in it's shortest form:
"I feel angry."
"I feel sad."
"I feel afraid."

Skip the "I am..." form. Why? Because who you are is vast, so much more vast than any mere feeling, or thought, or set of words, or concepts.

So, just say the feeling without any of the becauses.
(You know; "I feel angry because you never come home when you say you will." No, stay small, stay direct, stay with yourself: "I feel angry.")

2. Whether alone or with your partner, fill in the "because" part of the feeling, but make it spoken in gibberish.
"I feel angry because ......NFNEIFH JJKIUMO  NNORYQPVAB." Make up sounds and convey the feeling of your big bad sad angry hurt victim story about how much they are "doing it wrong."

But don't actually say the words.

This gets you a step away from taking it so seriously, or maybe several steps.

If you are in front of your partner, it spares them all the blame about why you imagine you are feeling as you are feeling.

3. Pause. Breathe. Look at your partner. Smile.
Feel your breathing.
Watch their breathing.
Say aloud: "I am alive and breathing." Pause and notice your breathing. As you do so watch their breathing at the same time.
Say aloud: "You are alive and breathing." Pause and notice both your breathing.
Notice them in the light.
Say one or two things you notice in the present from the information light is bringing into your eyes.
"I see you looking at me." "Your shirt is blue."
No, no, no interpretations.

4. Go back to the feeling.
Explore when in the past you felt that way.
Talk about when in the past you felt that way.

5. As you talk about the past, which isn't in the present,
notice,
in the present,
IN THE PRESENT NOTICE,
your sensations in your body. Your chest. Your skin. Your neck. Your eyes. Your legs and arms and spine.
Some might feel tense, usually around the torso area. Some areas might be just fine, say your feet and ankles.
Report the physical sensations that go along with talking about and exploring this feeling and it's roots in the past.

6. Pause and go back to #3. Notice what being alive in the present is about.

Go through the breathing and saying the truths of that section.

7. Keep looking at your partner ( if alone, imagine whomever you are having the feeling about).
Switch between them in the present,
them in some past where they were triggering the feeling,
and
the past persons who triggered this feeling first.

Go back and forth.
Notice how calm the present can be.

Notice the agitation of going back to the "story" of their "crime."

Notice the difference between your partner ( or annoyance person, for this can be an X, with whom you need closure) and the person from your more distant past.

Notice the three possibilities:
the way past woundedness ( and how does that feel in your body)

the slightly past woundedness, when you go into the story about your partner or whomever

the present.

8. Come back to awareness of yourself in the present.
Say aloud, sensing yourself and noticing your breathing and theirs:
"I am alive. You are alive. I am breathing. You are breathing.
I am going to die.
You are going to die."

Have some quiet time, to walk, or rest, and then repeat the process the other way around if you have both people in the same room.

Give yourself lots of time.
Do not explain the gibberish, even if they know.
Do not "defend" yourself against the gibberish, even if it's obvious what it is.
Do not "help" the other with their past feelings. Especially do not go into: I told you so, you weren't really angry at me, I knew all along it was your father.

If you want to be grateful for the present, or for the other person, and to express that.
That would be a fine idea.

Good.

Being in Action: Chapter 14 from the Book: Happy vs Unhappy

Happiness and unhappiness.

This book is about moving toward and living in a state of “Almost Enlightenment” we could call the Tao of Now. Living there for our own bliss, yes, and also to increase our effectiveness in being useful to ourselves, others and the Earth.

Enlightenment plus acting in the world. Acting in the world to increase enlightenment. Being in our being to improve our action.

When we discover ourselves, present moment by present moment, we get our lives and our freedom back. Writing can help us focus our self-witnessing. So let’s start this game today: writing about times we are happy vs. times we are unhappy.

Especially useful is to begin to find times we are unhappy that we “blame” on other people. “If so and so would just respect/ like/ listen to/ love me more/ be nice to me more, THEN I could be happy.”

Writing down is slowing down and can really help wake us up to how we give away to others the power to make us unhappy.

Much “aha” can come from noticing when we fall into the “sleep” of “carping” about others, of “blaming” them for our unhappiness.

This can be a beginning to enlightenment: seeing how often we fall for the sad old, same old story – “If only so and so would shape up, then I could be happy.” (Which means: as long as so and so stays the same/ unshaped up, I have an excuse to be unhappy).

(Which means “so and so” is in charge of my happiness/ unhappiness, a weak place for action; a failed spot for enlightenment)

Noticing this giving away of power can be bracing or amusing or dreadful or a relief. Whatever it is, our waking is on the way.

For, whose job is our happiness?

Whose life is it, eh?

Which moment is not a grand one in which to wake up?


Write two lists. Times you are happy. And times you aren’t, with special emphasis on sentences, short sentences, like: “When so and so does such and such, I feel unhappy.”

Try to have a rough balance between happy and unhappy sentences.


Don’t use this as an excuse to feel bad. Instead “get into” the difference between when we feel “unhappy” and when we feel “happy.”

Notice the big differences, and then more and more differentiation: inner voice tone, breathing, sensation patterns, where we put attention (unhappy usually doesn’t
leave room to look out at, or listen out to, the world), how we structure our posture, and so on.

REAL INTELLIGENCE IS NOTICING DIFFERENCES THAT MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

Experience deeply your emotional power, your ability to set up your own happiness and unhappiness.

Keep connecting to the results of where you put your attention: this is me happy, this is me unhappy.

Real intelligence is increased skill in noticing differences. Increase your intelligence.

Enlightenment is to be present with whatever is. Increase your enlightenment.

Good.

See Links at top of the page for buying the book.
Four prices, same book: $13, $27, $54, $108
108 meditations/ games/ learnings.
What is the value to you?
What is your value to yourself.

Good

The Elusive Obvious

In his grand and glorious
book
The Elusive Obvious
our man Moshe
is prattling on about babies,
and he finds
himself
saying something he has said
over and over and over



and he is disgusted to catch
himself repeating one of
his favs
like a robot

" Every time I hear myself say

something by habit as the previous phrase.

I catch myself thinking like a machine,'
albeit maybe a clever one." p. 81

and i can write this
like a robot
too

how to
be in the world of
words
and be
awake

tricky
tricky
tricky

and worth a try
without out it
life is
......
fill in the blank
with some of your old phrases
or let's empty our minds
and see
if anything new
comes
from:

without the awakeness
life
is
........