Love "making"

I like the term love making

love is worth
making

making better

making more conscious

making more communicative


what if every communication
were a
chance
to
"make"

love more real

what if the various thrashings around
under the sheets
were
slowed
slowed
slowed

way down

and the big huff and puff to climax
were sidestepped

and in
the slow
slow
slow

the making
of the WE
that baby of US

were what was important?

wouldn't that be a worthwhile way
to waste time
in the flesh

or in
the talk

or in
the silence
of non talk
not touch

but together

making....

what?

ah, discovery


good

Waiting to Come, coming together

The ten minutes sex before dinner
as much as possible
should never end in climax

that's why the ten minute
naked make out
is so valuable

both are giving
both are getting

it's not genitally predominant

it's oral

it's tactile

go do it

How Can I love you more, 2

How can I love you more? Part 2
( these are, the improve love and sex posts, being published in
http://Loveandsexbeforedinner.blogspot.com)

One: take the time.

that's what the twenty minutes before dinner is about
and that's not to top limit. you can talk for hours if you want

Two:
be present

we get lost in our stories of
how another person should have been

in the present
we can at least report:
this is my sensation
this is my emotion
and
then go into the song and dance if we have to

Three:
Listen

that's what the timer game of you talk for three minutes
while your partner is non interrupting and preent
and they talk for three and you return the favot

and
here's a new twist:
Four:
Ask

Take 3 or 4 minute turns,
ask a question,
listen to the answer
do not comment on or respond to the answer
just
ask another question

ask questions and listen to answers until the timer runs out the time

Ask deeper and deeper questions:

How are you feeling?

Upset.

Would you please tell me about it?

I don't feel that we are working very well as a couple.

Could you tell me a couple of ways that seems true to you?

......

What would you like to see changed?

How are you feeling as you say this?

What would you like me to do differently?

How do you think you could change?

And so on...


Asking good questions takes awhile.

Love takes awhile.

We think ( imagine) that with the right chemistry and going out to dinner enough and drinking enough wine everything is going to be fine

If your robot matches theirs, it might

otherwise.
if you want love
you gots to put in your time

and asking questions
and listening
in the present

to the answers

and then asking a caring and curious next question

this is how we can "make" love

with our clothes on


good

July 4th: Independence and Connection: Why not just "Do yourself?"-- day 4

In the practice of Orgasmic Meditation, the stroker, usually a man, but fairly frequently a woman, sits full clothed astride a woman with her pants off and her legs butterflied out.

The stroker, with lubricant, very very gently, for 13 minutes strokes the woman's clitoris. Most especially the upper left hand quadrant of her clitoris, though on some days her clitoris "tells" the stroking finger ( asks) to go somewhere else.

The speed can be varied.

The pressure can be varied.

The length of stroke can be varied.

The central focus of stroking can be varied.

The woman asks for this, making requests: " Would you please stroke a little lighter?" "Would you go a little faster, please."

And so on.

She asks.

The stroker says thank you and does what is asked.

At the end of 13 minutes, there are 2 minutes of "downstroking", to bring the energy back into the woman's here and now body, so she can function afterwards.

Then there is a pressure stroke.

Then a wipe off.

Then sharing frames.

And that's an OM..  ( see the demo video at onetaste.us , it's pretty juicy and leaves nothing out)

Okay, now to the question: why not a woman just jerk herself off?

1. She's got to be the one in charge when she masturbates, and so doesn't get to surrender to the moment.

2. She's not able to put herself out of control when she's in control.

3. She's not connected to another person when she's masturbating.

4. Masturbating is usually goal oriented, to go over. OM is goalless: to feel what each feels ( as sensation), in the moment. If she climaxes, fine. If not, and that is usually, then the full symphony of sensations is the orgasm, and this fills her ( and him) day after day after day.

5. She doesn't share frames, get grounded, have a chance to make requests, feel herself in the moment.

6. Which is to say: masturbation, which could be a meditation, usually isn't.

7. Many have said that the orgasm of OM, whether or not climax is reached, is over time far more nourishing that a boatload of regular sex climaxes.

Try it and find out.

Cheers on the Fourth of July.
This may be an independence deeper than any you could ever have dreamed.

cheers
Chris 

Cancer and Love

I had a long post a ways back
on food,
and emotions,
and getting outside
and this and that
for Cancer.

I highly, highly recommend buy my book
and starting movement lessons in the Anat Baniel Method
or the Feldenkrais Method.

Without newness
without novely,
the whole soul really doesn't have a reason to live.

These lessons unleash the new
and the now
and a sense of wonder and discovery
and help life get fresh again,
along with helping anyone,
anyone no matter how clunky or
how "advanced" they are in their body,
to improve and feel more ease and pleasure
and awareness in their embodied self.

And then there's love.
Love making.
Making more love room
in your life.

Making more love.

Three steps.

1. UNDO ALL RESENTMENTS AND GRUDGES.
ALL OF THEM.
Get to the Work of Byron Katie
(see thework.com, for all you need to do
IT ALL,
though the book title is a good reminder
of how far this can lead




No matter how big
nor how petty your complaints
about anyone
and EVERYONE
in your life,
get them released via this work,

or any other way you know.




2.  Make more love
by listening more.
EVERY DAY
SET ASIDE 30 MINUTES.
Get a timer.
You talk for five minutes, your partner doesn't interrupt.
When their turn comes, they don't comment on
nor talk about what you said.
They explore what means a lot for them.
Back and forth, 3 times each, of 5 minutes.

3/ Then make love.
Sex.
No sex, that's not important.

Get naked.
Touch.

Touch a lot.

Bathe in this wonder of being human.

Each day,
after talking with real listening.

Real listening:
no interrupting,
eye contact,
try not to even be "thinking" inside of your
responses to what the other said.

Just listen.
Follow breathing.
Be aware of yourself and the other as alive.

Caring this over into making love
the clothes off,
lots of touch,
who knows what's going to happen
way.

Each day.

Your soul needs
food.

If you combine those three with non habitual movement,
the joy juice in life will go way
up.

Try it
and love your life more.

And here's  books on food:

Nourishing Traditions




Green Smoothie Revolution
Green for Life

Raw 50, Carol Alt at 50 not sick for 14 years, beautiful and raw










Here's her starter book:
Eating in the Raw


This on great on fermented foods
and how fun, yummy and vital they can be:










This on how a whole family transformed:
one losing gobs of weight,
one stopping asthma
one stopping diabetes
one ending heart ahrhythmica
(and later they discovered they need to add green smoothies to raw,
Carol adds raw meat and dairy,
also important for super super top notch health,
in my opinion,
and here's.....
Raw Family



And one more,
if I had cancer, I'd closely follow the recommendations for my blood type,
and especially my sub geno type,
laid out in this book:
Diet and Genotype;







And this on relationship, and making more money, essentially by love and giving:
The Go Giver

the big C: great news----Change or Die ---Feeling, Finding, F...ing, Feeding, Frolicking, Fun, Feldenkrais and Waking Up

If you have cancer you can keep doing
what you always did,
and
die

or you can change.

I am, in this essay going to offer a bunch of possibilities for
change,
and every single one of them would mean a more wonderful
life for you, and you, and you,
whoever and wherever you are,
with or without cancer.

The most important change is
Finding.
Finding your true self.

This means waking up, because if we aren't in the moment,
and aware of what we are doing, thinking, feeling and being in
that moment,
then we are being pulled pushed or mashed along by our
programming.

It's strangely obvious,
so obvious that it's like the fish unable to discover water,
but here it is:
if the real "I" isn't home,
then the programming has to be running the show.

And the real "I" isn't the thinker,
though real thinking is an attribute of the real "I,"
and real thinking has almost nothing to do with the chatter
in our heads we call thinking.

So,
Finding out
Feeling into
the real you.

Later I'll recommend buying my book.

For now,
see what "being present" feels like for you?
Look at the next couple of sentences, then get up from the computer
and walk around
and see if you can have as little of the "chatter" inside your
head
as possible,
and just look and listen and feel your feet touching the ground
or floor,
and follow your breathing.

See if the sweet and amazing Being inside of you
can be your central experience as you walk a bit.

Okay, up from the computer:
take a walking of Being in the Moment.

Now

.......

Okay, so I walked around. You walked around.
Sometimes we were present,
sometimes not.

When we were, that was the real us.
When we weren't, all sorts of wishes, worries, wants,
traditional thoughts, obsessions, hungers etc came up.

Oh, well.

Take lots of walks.

In as beautiful of places that you can find.
As close to where you live as possible, so that we can avoid
the car habit a bit.

Finding,
Feeling.

What do you feel throughout the day?

If you are happy, this is a sign you are close to or at who you really are?

Dis-ease has a hard time sticking around happiness,
so being happy is healthy as all get out.

And if you have unhappy moments,
like unhappy you have cancer,
feel those feelings.

Feel how that unhappiness is something you
have felt
with slightly or hugely different reasons,
many, many times.

Feel the "itness" of that unhappiness.
Feel the real sensations in chest and belly and breathing and eyes.
Wherever it takes place for you.

Then notice that the sensation of any unhappiness
is wordless.
It's just sensation.
Notice that the words almost always make you feel
bad
and aren't in the present,
they are auditory hallucinations in your head.

This is what people call "thoughts," but it's more like
unhappiness programming.

What do do about the unhappiness programming?

Do the Work of Byron Katie
(if you are away from this link,
just remember: TheWork.com )

Her website will show you how.
I have written many essays on here work, and clicking on the label at the bottom
will bring them up.

Also, my book, has a whole systematic build up and working through
of her method.
Book can be bought to the right,
and has 108 ways of being more happily thrilled to be alive.

It would be good for cancer or wanting to have a more full
and happy and awake life, or both.

And the Katie work leads to something crucial in
any
dis-ease.

Forgiveness.

We could, if we don't beat ourselves up about it,
look at "dis-ease" is a form of suicide.

And we could look at suicide is a form of anger turned against ourselves.

And then we can figure out whom out there we are angry at.
It can be petty, and have been held onto forever and ever,
or some major "hurt," that is festering away in us.



If we admit our angers toward all the people we were ever angry at,
and do the work
The Work of Byron Katie

to dissolve that anger,
then the dis-ease will be bathed in ease,
and again, dis-ease tends to dissolve in ease.

........

Feeding.
Ah, sigh, this is a big one.

Give up some things, at least for a while:

Give up: white carbohydrates: ie. sugar and flour, all pasta bread and so on

Give up: non food: anything with a list of ingredients, any chemicals, sugars, fructose, corn syrup, all that crap.
give it up.

Give up: All grains, even whole except millet, buckwheat, quinoa and amaranth.

Give up:  all meats and egg not raised on pasture. "Free range" in poultry can mean hanging out in a lot of dirt.

Give up: most eating out, unless you are willing to pay for good real organic grass fed food. Otherwise the restaurant has the incentive to get you cancer filled low cost corn and pesticide filled yuk.

Okay, give up those:

Add on: lots of high quality water

Green smoothies at least 2 quarts a day.


Raw food, at least one meal a day,
and all snacks.

Raw protein, from animals: raw meat and fish, and butter.

Some do well with raw dairy.
Some not.
Or some do well with raw dairy if it's fermented as in keffir and yogurt.

Food is big, and lots of people don't like to change.
And who knows: stopping bread etc seems preferable to chemo
but I'm not an expert
though I'm pretty healthy.

I'd recommend these three books to have some new ways to think
feel and act
about eating

Carol Alt Raw Fifty: lots of testimonials of people who undone cancer, as well as other stuff











Sally Fallon:  Nourishing Traditions, whether raw or not, get this book, amazing information from teh discoveries of Weston Price, a dentist who in the 1930's went looking for the healthiest people in the world









Victoria Boutenko, Green Smoothie Revolution: read it, and start green smoothies, actually start today, just add fruit, organic, and greens organic and make something that tastes good to you. Add soaked sunflower seeds, soaked almonds, soak pumpkin seeds for fat and protein

I showed this above, it's worth buying two,
and maybe add this:

Okay, there's more to curing cancer:
The Felkenkrais stuff
and the Anat Baniel stuff:
this is a long discussion and deserves its own
posting,
but these movements,
in group or private lessons will:
balance the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems
produce calmness and helping breathing and sleep
lift depression and encourage enthusiasm for life
create more self love
create inner ease, both physical and mental
teaching slowing down
help people to be present
reinforce self loving
return to a youthful discovery and excitement about life
plenty more

find an Awareness Through Movement class with a Feldenkrais practitioner
or
a Transformational Movement class with an Anat Baniel method Practitioner,
and read
Anat's book
of nine essentials for lifelong vitality,
This will help undo many unhappy habits in movement, thought and relationship

Move into Life

And last and maybe this should be number one:
Make love
more.

Once a day.
But first talk.

get a timer
set a timer.
5 minutes you talk, your mate listens, no interrupting

look into each others' eyes

don't "think" of what you, as listener, are going to say

look into eyes and listen to the sound of the words

both listen: talker and listener

go slow

discover new things to say

don't complain

talk about loves and likes in life
and wishes and dreams
and what noticing in the present

go back and forth for 30 minutes

then make love

every
day

this will be immense

try it and see


Also:
if you want,
come to one of the places I live
and experience an intensive
in Enlightenment in Action

Which will include all the above and more

Okay, that's a good start.
email me questions, comments, discoveries