one of life's most important questions.

The Wallpaper Stays 

What were Oscar Wilde’s last words?

“Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.”

This is fun. This is brilliant and…

This is an ass kicker.

What are your last words going to be?

Oh, fuck, he’s not really asking that, is he?

Yes I am:

What are your last words going to be?

This is one of life’s most important questions:

WHAT ARE MY LAST WORDS GOING TO BE?

You do know there will be a last breath, don’t you?

This is not information that we like to have in our awareness. 

AND…. one of my promises to you in this book, is two questions that will change your life.

One was: what shifts when you come into the present.

The second is this: WHAT ARE YOUR LAST WORDS GOING TO BE?

Damn.

Who wants to think about that?

Well, let’s not just “think” about that, though we’ll let thinking be a quarter of our answer. We’ll ask our head. Then our heart. Then our body. Then our soul/ real self:

What do you want your last words to be?

First, the head.

Ask your thinking mind: 

HEAD: what do you want your last words to be?

Don’t rush.

Wait for an answer to come.

What is it?

You can do this many, many times, and this, your first stab has a certain answer, or flavor of an answer, or hint of an answer.

When you ask your head, what do you want your last words to be, what is your answer?

Write, scribble, doodle something.

Next layer, the heart. Time to shift into the present. Go for being present without standing.

Yet.

Do shift to feeling your butt in gravity on the chair. Do shift to sensing your breathing and how you notice this that you know that you are alive.

Go more deeply into noticing that you are breathing.

Sense your heart in the middle of the chest, in the middle of your breathing.

Breathe a little more deeply, into your chest and your belly. Let your ribs expand and contract as you breathe.

Feel your heart beating, if you can, in the middle of this. Feel your emotional layer. Feel the you that feels into life, at a slower and deeper, and perhaps older layer than thinking.

Ask your heart:

HEART: What do you want your last words to be?

Write, scribble, doodle something…

Smile a bit.

Stand up and wiggle around.

Walk a bit, if even in small circles.

Breathe a little more fully, as if into your whole body. Try lifting your arms one at a time and sensing one finger all the way down the opposite leg to the opposite toe.

Sense both arms and both legs and two sets of fingers and opposite toes. Add on the delight of seeing out into the world and listening while being in your arms and legs and fingers and toes.

Dance just a bit.

Raise up your arms over your head and do something fun and rhythmical. Breathe as you dance around.

If you can move either outside, or to a place where you can see outside, this will be even better, so you can feel your body and your living self for what it is: a part, a real and living and vital and amazing part, of nature.

And, now, feeling as sensation, the you that is living, right now, in your body: ask your body: 

BODY: What do you want your last words to be?

And now, walk a bit more and wiggle some more, and if you are outside, maybe go to another area, or if inside, to to another area.

If you have an idea of what your “Soul” is, this is what we are going to be asking next.

Maybe, the idea of your “Real Self” makes more sense.

And how you get in touch with this is the work of a life devoted to discovering what is most meaningful in life.

So, go as far as you can toward this “Soul” or toward this “Real Self.”  Don’t demand any intellectual clarity on what this means. Just wing it.

And ask, hey, Real Self, Soul…

SOUL/ REAL SELF: “What do you want your last words to be?”

Listen from a quiet place. Listen as if to a whisper from the unknown and invisible world.

What do you hear, or feel, or guess?

Day 29: Sunday: Laziness is next to Godliness

I had a friend once who said that:
"Laziness is next to Godliness."

And you know
and I know
what he meant:
do a little or a lot less,
less effort,
less do-ing
more be-ing

especially on Sunday,
what with even God resting,
at least in the Bible

though maybe She went surfing
or played golf as her rest

who knows?

and for you and me today,
let's play in the fields of easy:

let's do the simple things:
nap
and read
and less computer
(almost none, or all ways none)

and sensing the breathing
and the gravity on our bones

and that's enough

laziness without awareness is
fine
if the mind is empty

and if it's up to its usual chatter
look for the silence behind the chatter

and do a little less
a lot less
and sense the breahing
your breathing
and sense gravity

and
oh yeah,
one more "little thing"
remember that you are alive:

Good.

Mindfulness Day 7: What about Heaven?

 

What about heaven?

Heaven is our natural state. When we are

Present
and honestly present and so
no words pulled in from the past storage banks, just

Now &

Now &

Now

So today, try this: be mindful of how soothing and pleasant it is
to “just”

Be

Be in your breathing if you wish

Be in sensing arms and legs and fingers and toes

Be in sensing your spine

Be light coming in and

Sound coming in

If that pleases and amuses you

(Bach, when asked about why he composed thousands of works of music and had umpteen children, said:

“For my own amusement and the

glory of God.”
Pretty good, eh?)

Just Be

Enjoy the ease of that

and here’s the deal: when unhappiness or discomfort or annoyance or any of that

Shit

Sneaks in

Smile and look for the “should” or “shouldn’t” in your thinking

This is the next stage in mindfulness, of course<

Be in the body

Be in the breath

Sense look and listen

And then watch thoughts, especially the “should” and “shouldn’t”
so called “thoughts (auditory hallucinations) try to steal our

Real selves away

and who and what is our real self?

find out this heaven in the quiet of real now
and when your mind thoughts up,
like a mirror fogging up,
notice:

Ah, unhappiness,
Ah, “should” or “shouldn’t” thought

Then maybe come back to reality

Enjoy

Day One:Breathing in, or Breathing out

Day one, of what? A thirty one day jag jog challenge:
31 days in July
31 postings on Mindfulness

and let's start with
the glory:
we are alive

and how do we know we are
alive?

breathing is a good start

and what in mindfulness?

there are probably much more
cool
and sophisticated versions
but:
it's putting our attention
or mind
somewhere where we
know we are putting it

like:
right now:
do you know if you are breathing in
or breathing out?
you can be holding in a pause
at the end of breathing in
or breathing out

but this is a gas,
and slows us down
and reminds us we are alive
and puts us in the famous body

this is life on Earth
in the human form:
breathing in
maybe pause maybe not
breathing out
maybe pause maybe not

without that
no life

with breathing
life

can you feel the breathing coming in your mouth
or nostrils
and where is floats down into you

and without getting too
fancy
feel / sense what happens in your
ribs and belly as
you breathe in
and as you breathe out

just notice:

where are you breathing?

how does it feel now?

breathing in, or out, or pausing?

and the big thrill:
what is different about noticing/being mindful
of your breathing
and not
being mindful of it?

enjoy,
this can be done with amazing effect
when you imagine you are listening
to another person,
or when you are speaking to another person

or
any
time

good

Relationship Enlightenment, Day Seven : Now vs "the feelings"

This is also published in RelationshipEnlightenment.blogspot.com

In relationship, we get these feelings.

You know the ones: anger, fear, frustration, neediness, jealousy, worry, sad, lonely, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, confused.

A grand thing to do with those and any feelings in the work of Byron Katie, and that will be the last seven days of our 21 day program. Her work is all of therapy wrapped up in a simplicity and elegance that not only "heals" the various emotional wounds we are carrying around, but can carry us to the enlightened state if we just keep asking: "Is it true?" and "Who are I without the story?"

But for now, today,, let's play with understanding our loss when we leave the present.

You can do this with your partner.

You can do this alone.

Give yourself some time, and allow yourself to "go to" the feeling that is most disturbing you right now.

Say aloud that feeling in it's shortest form:
"I feel angry."
"I feel sad."
"I feel afraid."

Skip the "I am..." form. Why? Because who you are is vast, so much more vast than any mere feeling, or thought, or set of words, or concepts.

So, just say the feeling without any of the becauses.
(You know; "I feel angry because you never come home when you say you will." No, stay small, stay direct, stay with yourself: "I feel angry.")

2. Whether alone or with your partner, fill in the "because" part of the feeling, but make it spoken in gibberish.
"I feel angry because ......NFNEIFH JJKIUMO  NNORYQPVAB." Make up sounds and convey the feeling of your big bad sad angry hurt victim story about how much they are "doing it wrong."

But don't actually say the words.

This gets you a step away from taking it so seriously, or maybe several steps.

If you are in front of your partner, it spares them all the blame about why you imagine you are feeling as you are feeling.

3. Pause. Breathe. Look at your partner. Smile.
Feel your breathing.
Watch their breathing.
Say aloud: "I am alive and breathing." Pause and notice your breathing. As you do so watch their breathing at the same time.
Say aloud: "You are alive and breathing." Pause and notice both your breathing.
Notice them in the light.
Say one or two things you notice in the present from the information light is bringing into your eyes.
"I see you looking at me." "Your shirt is blue."
No, no, no interpretations.

4. Go back to the feeling.
Explore when in the past you felt that way.
Talk about when in the past you felt that way.

5. As you talk about the past, which isn't in the present,
notice,
in the present,
IN THE PRESENT NOTICE,
your sensations in your body. Your chest. Your skin. Your neck. Your eyes. Your legs and arms and spine.
Some might feel tense, usually around the torso area. Some areas might be just fine, say your feet and ankles.
Report the physical sensations that go along with talking about and exploring this feeling and it's roots in the past.

6. Pause and go back to #3. Notice what being alive in the present is about.

Go through the breathing and saying the truths of that section.

7. Keep looking at your partner ( if alone, imagine whomever you are having the feeling about).
Switch between them in the present,
them in some past where they were triggering the feeling,
and
the past persons who triggered this feeling first.

Go back and forth.
Notice how calm the present can be.

Notice the agitation of going back to the "story" of their "crime."

Notice the difference between your partner ( or annoyance person, for this can be an X, with whom you need closure) and the person from your more distant past.

Notice the three possibilities:
the way past woundedness ( and how does that feel in your body)

the slightly past woundedness, when you go into the story about your partner or whomever

the present.

8. Come back to awareness of yourself in the present.
Say aloud, sensing yourself and noticing your breathing and theirs:
"I am alive. You are alive. I am breathing. You are breathing.
I am going to die.
You are going to die."

Have some quiet time, to walk, or rest, and then repeat the process the other way around if you have both people in the same room.

Give yourself lots of time.
Do not explain the gibberish, even if they know.
Do not "defend" yourself against the gibberish, even if it's obvious what it is.
Do not "help" the other with their past feelings. Especially do not go into: I told you so, you weren't really angry at me, I knew all along it was your father.

If you want to be grateful for the present, or for the other person, and to express that.
That would be a fine idea.

Good.