Don't Believe your own Thinking

The new blog is a sub set of BecomeMoreAmazing.com

So, this will be there, too.

Perhaps a couple of times a month, I'll put them both places, just to keep this one going.
It might be a hoot to reach 1000 indexed posts!



Here's today:

Day Three: Super Power Liberation Pathway Number Three:

Love, Lust and Liberation by….

Don’t Believe Your Own Thinking

Here is some sad but true news: we are all crazy.

Or, wait a minute: this is liberating and happy news: we are all crazy. Huh? Read on.

Look at this craziness: We say we love someone, and then we obsess in our thoughts about how THEY are the cause of our unhappiness and how THEY should change. ( I love you just the way you are. Now, change.)

Or how about this, as even more dead ahead crazy: WE WANT THE PAST TO HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT.

Have you ever heard a more sure losing bet? Our whining has the power the rewind and rewrite the past we so often think, or “think” it should be called, in those moments when we are crazy, and believe our thinking and make ourselves unhappy.

This is either sad or funny: how much of human emotional suffering comes from demanding in our own idiotic way this impossibility: that the past have been different.

Let’s jump and leave those crazinesses behind in two ways. Big surprise from what we’ve done so far: in one game we’ll jump into gratitude, and in the other game we’ll jump into the present of the present. 

Don’t Believe Your Own Thinking Game #1: Jump to Gratitude

Find some crappy thoughts you are having about “someone”

Stand on some spot that you’ll call and feel as the “blame spot.” Once there, think more consciously the blame thoughts you are already thinking about the other person. 

Allow your body to crunch in.

Deliberately go over and over the thoughts.

Notice the crappy feelings that accompany the thoughts.

Now: the transition set-up.

Then, stand up straighter, and look out at the world (get out of your head) and take a deep breath.

Now, the shift:

Now JUMP, really, Jump to another spot, and in that spot take another deep breath. Lengthen and play with your arms a little. Look around and see some things you like. 

And..say aloud six gratitudes.

Three about life in general.

Three about this so-called “bad” person who did whatever to push your buttons.

EXPERIENCE DIFFERENCE: Now, slink back to the original blame spot, and feel the pain of that.  Go into believing the blame thoughts again. Notice the difference. Learn.

EXPERIENCE DIFFERENCE: And jump again to the gratitude spot. Again, three gratitudes aloud for life in general and three appreciations/ gratitudes about the other person.

And feel the differences, which is to say: learn. 

And from each gratitude spot, look back at the blame spot and see how diminished and sad it appears.

We’ve already experienced the power of gratitude.

And we’ve made it explicit that learning is noticing a difference that makes a difference.

Here we are jumping to two different spots, to have a gratitude based outlook on reality.

And experiencing the difference.

And… we can always slink back, temporarily, to the grumpy/ blame spot. Knowing that we have two alternatives, at least is an immense relief. Right?

For the next game, we’ll jump again, and this time we will once more jump back and forth and compare the two choices. This time we’ll jump from the impossible belief: the past should have been different, to the miracle space: we are alive right now, what is our three layered awareness right now.

Freedom from Crazy Thinking Game #2: The Past “Should” have been different vs. Jump to the Now

Stand in a sad spot, and take some belief in your head about some past situation that “should” have been different.

Grunt and groan and see if you have the power to change the past.

Crunch down and feel weak and notice how whining inside doesn’t move the past a bit.

Now.

EXPERIENCE DIFFERENCE. Jump.

To a new spot. Breathe deeply. And feel the breathing in your middle layer.

Wiggle your toes and feel you bottom layer.

Smile and feel the smile and look at the world with your eyes and hear it with your ears.

Now systematically, say a “Now I am aware…”, twice, of the bottom layer.

Then, “now I am aware…,” twice, of the middle layer.

Finally, “Now I am aware…,” twice of the top layer.

Delight in being present.

EXPERIENCE DIFFERENCE. Then, slink back to the “Past should have been different” belief pattern.

See, once more, how crappy and powerless this feels.

Notice the difference.

Realize that this is a choice.

EXPERIENCE DIFFERENCE. Make the other choice.

Jump to the Present of the Present Spot.

Again, work your delighted awareness through the three layers:

Bottom: toes, ankles, feet, legs, knees, hips, pelvis, balance, movement, toes

Middle: ribs, breath, belly, spine, arms, hands, fingers

Top: neck, skull, face, smell, sight, sound, smile, hair.

Feel the fullness of life.

From this fullness look back at the false belief (otherwise known as a LIE) that the past should have been different.

Stay in the present of the present spot and realize, with humor the silliness of the other spot.

Then, go find your partner and hold hands and take a walk.

Or, go take a walk on your own.

Delight in gratitude and the present. YOU MIGHT EVEN SHARE PRESENT AWARENESS AND GRATITUDE WITH THEM AS YOU WALK.

HMMM.

That’s enough for day three.

As daily activities, saying gratitudes while holding  hands: a pretty great idea.

Saying present awareness in three layers while holding hands a pretty great idea.

Taking a jump to gratitude or the present whenever you are unhappy and want to EXPERIENCE THE DIFFERENCE of an unhappiness free life ( otherwise known as happy): a pretty good idea, don’t you think?

Coaching: A free sample session for those who want to wake up to a much more full time happiness, love, lust and enlightenment. Text me. 360-317-4773

Lust Challenge: Not clitoris yet, nor naked make-out... Feet in the NOW

The First Lust Challenge

We are mammals

Let’s touch

Life is happening each day, and no matter how many hours we spend in a car, or on a computer, we are mammals. Our skin needs to touch the skin of other mammals.

Even shaking hands is a start.

If we are European, we might reach forward and touch people as we talk, especially women talking to women.

If we are normal kids we are always getting in trouble, or having fun, bumping into our friends.

And when we have a mate, there is sex.

Sex is much, much more than PIV.

I stands for “in.”

I learned this a couple of years ago, when I was the second oldest person in a group devoted to sexual awakening via putting attention and value on female orgasm.

Do you want to hear about that?

Maybe.

The goal was to have a form of sexual connection that wasn’t “sex” per se. The goal was meditation, in being present in each moment. And not striving for the over lauded climax.

The goal was connection in the moment at the point of greatest pleasure in the human body.

The head of the female clitoris. 8000 pleasure receptors in that little bee bee/ pea/ grain. They very in size.

They are always packed with pleasure receptors.

In this group, somewhat of a cult, but deeply dedicated to moving men out of stalemate and stalking and porn and masturbation, and committed even more to the stance that women needed a time and place to simply and deeply receive pleasure and attention and being present without having to “put out” or plan the reward later for her partner.

This is the secret of a great sex life.

Do I have a great sex life? At 72? With a 68 year old wife? Who until we met never really had the thrill of great sex. And me, pretty sure, that sex would be a pleasant memory after 65 or so?

Yes.

We have a great sex life.

Several times a day.

Always some non-reciprocal sex. Sometimes PIV once or twice or three times a day. But always some juicy meditation in the pleasure of life when connecting, in the moment, to the pleasure spots.

And the goal: to connect. To allow the other to receive. To be present and not “try” for results. To be thrilled with the pleasure of the moment.

And what is your lust challenge?

Sex once a day.

No.

Start the finger with coconut oil gently stroking the clitoris for 15 minutes as a meditation?

No.

Kissing?

Not yet.

A ten minute naked make out will be the second lust challenge. But for now, I want to give something you could do with a friend. It would have to be a pretty good friend, but still, touch is touch and everyone needs it.

Being present is life.

Everyone needs that.

Touching and being present is what great sex is about. Let’s start from the  bottom up.

Your feet.

Being touched by your friends hands.

In turns.

As a meditation on giving. 

And receiving.

And being present.

Practice giving attention and pleasure in five minute chunks.

Practice creating “learning” as part of this pleasure.

Practice noticing and talking about the present while you practice this taking turns touching.

Alright, alright, what is the simple level Lust Challenge?

Simple Level Lust Challenge,

Spend 20 minutes.

In the first ten minutes, take five minute turns rubbing and caressing each others’ bare feet.

Spend time making sure to play with the toes one at a time.

If you can move the toes with a slight, gently loving pull that allows you to feel all the way up to their hip (or even their neck, but only by SLOW and GENTLE and PLAYFUL pulling), so much the better.

Five minutes each way.

Get used to giving as a meditation, be present to your touch and what you are feeling.

Get used to getting as a meditation, be present to your partner’s touch and what is happening in all parts of your body as a result of this.

Especially sense your breathing.

Especially sense everything from the waist down.

Ten more minutes.

Take turns again. 

And add on speaking your awareness. Each say four or five sensations (not emotions, not thought) you are feeling in the moment. The giver will share their present moment sensations for four or five times. The receiver with share their present moment sensations for four or five times.

Then trade and go five minutes the other way, again, bouncing back and forth in your verbal sharing of the sensations.

No sex afterwards for at least an hour.

Sex every day + spirituality + mindfulness + connection = heaven

Sex every day is good.

Except, I was assuming that everyone who had sex every day, like Carol and I do, would have the delicious spiritual and friendship connection that Carol and I have.

And, duh, I've realized that this is not true.

Deeply hot sex, good in the short run to really jazz up your life, if not combined with a commitment to being present and a delight in nourishing the other.

And a patience for letting the other have their delight.

And a thrill with NOT going to climax.

Life is thrilling and sex is part of that thrill.

But, without mindfulness, life is wasted.

Always.

In work, if you aren't mindful, you may get things done, even done well, but there is no YOU there.

In play, if you aren't mindful, you may have deep satisfaction and enjoyment, and if things don't "go your way," you will have a meltdown.

Play with mindfulness, means that you feel at the middle of your actions the MOST IMPORTANT THING: which is?

You are alive.

Right now.

That's what play does: help you realize that you, right now, are alive, and that right now, LIFE is flooding through you, and this is good.

And sex, if awake, if present, then this is another play that helps not only nourish the excitement of being alive.

And CONNECTION.

And the thrill of being present to this very moment, its pleasure, its taste of love, its giving, its receiving.

It's a lot of everything.

And it's now.

And to be aware of the now as you are in the now: this is the way life is lived when you are AWAKE and aware and in the moment.

So: what's the deal.

Slow down in sex.

Don't go for the climax.

Spend time in non-repicrocal sex, where you are giving and present and the thrill of being present and giving is your delight.

Give.

Slow down.

Enjoy.

No hurry.

Lots of love.

This is a chance, daily, nightly to become closer to being the real you.

And what is the real you?

Keep asking this: this is one of life's great questions: who are you, really?

Argue No More -- Three Delightful Steps back to Love

Week Two, Day One:  LOVE

Concept #8 : WE DON’T NEED TO ARGUE—

Say Five Times as Many “Good” Things…

 A Three Step Alternative

We love to argue, because we have conditioned minds. What do conditioned minds want most of all?

To be right.

And they are stupid.

So if we feel bad, or shift into reactivity and start feeling bad, our stupid conditioned minds have a stupid conditioned program called: YOUR FAULT.

This always seems true.

This always fucks up our life.

And makes it less fun.

And can lead to feeling like we’re miserable.

And we so-called “KNOW” (ha! An opinion masking as a “fact”) why we are miserable.

Because we believe a ridiculous thought, which is: You are at the cause of my feeling bad.

Which always seems true.

And which is always a lie.

And always makes us weak, because it’s firmly saddled in the victim mode that says: YOU are the cause of my feelings.

Here’s the sad and wonderful truth: we are always always, we are the cause of our feelings.

WE ARE ALWAYS ALWAYS THE CAUSE OF HOW WE FEEL.

Later we’ll see that it’s almost entirely our THOUGHTS about whatever the other person did that are “causing” our bad feelings.

And enough theory. It’s up to you to discover how you make yourself unhappy, and then to stop that.

You may be pleasantly delighted to discover that once you stop making yourself unhappy, you are automatically happy. 

ONCE YOU STOP MAKING YOURSELF UNHAPPY, YOU ARE OFTEN AUTOMATICALLY HAPPY)

(There is more to it, because out of of bodies and in our heads it’s very hard to live a fun and full and creative life…. And for now. Let’s kick the arguing habit into a corner, and have this wonderful three step process to be more alive, and connected and loving.)

LOVE GAME #5: Write two lists of appreciation: for yourself and for “the other”

Five things you love or like or appreciate about yourself.

Five things you love or like or appreciate about the other.

Love Game #6: Write two short lists: ONE thing each, to improve

One thing that you could do “a little better”. I know, I know, you are perfect. And…. there might just be ONE thing you could do a little inny weenie bit better.

One thing (ONE) that your partner/ friend/ child/ friend/ ???/ could do “a little better”.

This is a secret to good relationship. Five nice things to every one not so nice thing.

The brain likes to latch on to the negative. So, we need to start with five times as many nice things.

ABOUT OURSELVES, TOO.

We need to get in the habit of writing lists of what we love about ourselves.

Love Game #7: Discover the “we goal” behind the two wishes to improve.

For example:  I am too critical, sometimes.

The we goal: We are creating an environment of support and listening and patience and being present and grateful.

Or, another example: You should not withdraw when things go south.

The we goal: We are staying connected no matter what.

This can be any we goal that you want. It need only be something that you are sure that both of you agree and thrive by.

So, this is fun.

And this is a way to look at the half of the problem that is us.

This is a way to look at the “we goals” that are about the love and connection and fun and life richness that is what we really want.

Amen.

Awakened Love, Awakened Lust, Everyday Enlightenment

What’s Possible: In Love, Lust, and Enlightenment Coaching

AWAKENED LOVE COULD BE:

Love as the transformation of all the bad relationship habits of your whole life.

Love as daily communication, eye to eye, deep listening, not interrupting, not arguing.

Gratitude and awareness of now as central to your life together.

AWAKENED LUST COULD BE:

Sex in one of three forms, every day

Sex as a learning, a connection, a conversation

Sex as a dipping into the mystery of existence and coming back more in tune with God/ the meaning of Life

EVERYDAY ENLIGHTENMENT COULD BE:

happiness, in spite of anything, almost all the time

present in our bodies, in all circumstances, almost all the time

forgiveness as a path of joy, love and liberation… never going to bed with anything unforgiven, preferably any complaint forgiven within half an hour

Do you Want Love, Lust and Enlightenment Coaching?

Do You Want Love, Lust and Enlightenment Coaching: 

Love as Sharing

Lust as Touching

Enlightenment as 

Ongoing Happiness

Total Forgiveness

Being Present

Deeply Meaningful Life

Love is communication. 

Love is listening.

Love is being present while you listen.

Love is being present while you talk..

How well are you doing at that?

Can and do you talk every day on non-business and non-contention areas?

Do you feel your talking is expanding joy, presence, love and learning?

Can you talk about what you want and what might make it better?

Do you have three or four fun ways to go when something needs to be resolved?

Lust ends up in sex.

And how is your everyday touching?

Is it new and fresh?

Do you love your nakedness together each night?

Is kissing a treat?

Do you have at least three ways of grandly exulting in the glories of sex?

Can you talk about what you want and what might make it better?

Enlightenment

Is being happy at least 90% of the time?

Are you.

Is being present in body awareness of arms and legs and spine and neck and breathing and fingers and toes at least 70% of the time.

Are you?

And, these numbers are just something I made up.

Enlightenment is enjoying what might irritate others, or the robot in you. Can you do that.

Enlightenment is forgiveness.

The past is over: can you live in and love that reality.

The present has no words of resentment or demands the past/ someone else “should” have been different.

Can you do that?

The future is open: can you formulate wonderful “we goals,” and take action toward them.

The healing can take place in you: can you work on, in yourself, whatever “flaw” is bothering you in the other. (Not be angry at someone’s anger. Not be impatient with someone’s impatience. Not judge someone’s judgment. And so on: this is a relentlessly useful practice.)

And enlightenment has to spill out: what is your wish for the bigger world, and where do you wish to joyfully, and in presence and love, put your self and partnership to work creating beautiful and necessary change?

Good.

Day Eight, Raw Cacao Smoothie, and Day Nine, Walking as Holy Trinity: Now, Nature and Love

Day Eight:

Cacao Smoothie

Enjoy raw foods.

Why?

They are full of enzymes.

They are easy to make.

They seem to promote anti-aging.

They are fun.

They are delicious.

Today you might try this mix. (Keep doing any or all of the prior day’s games. Especially writing in your gratitude journal. And some form of touching compared to non-touch sharing.)

Raw cacao. This brand I like. Just make sure you get raw and organic.

Coconut butter.

A little Stevia, preferably in the leaf form. (http://mountainroseherbs.com, is a fine source)

A few soaked almonds and walnuts and pecans (any nuts you like. Soak overnight first)

Ginger.

More ginger.

A Granny Smith apple.

Put into a blender or Vitamin or Blendtec.

Stir it up.

Pour.

Enjoy. 

Day Nine:

Love as Taking a Walk

By Yourself

With a friend

With Nature (and God) no matter what

What to do?

Today is a second cousin to the enlightenment game of sitting and doing as little as possible.

Today we’re going to take a walk.

You and your partner.

Or, you and your awareness.

Or, you and your God. 

If I hadn’t loved the God of Now and the God of Nature I wouldn’t have walked out of my apartment one morning in March of 2014 and walked down the street to the park.

And walked back, and there was Carol talking to the former owner of the house she’d just bought.

This was a house she’d fallen in love with, and bought to come “retire” from her executive life in the retail industry. (The quotes are because she/ and I have an amazingly full life now. Beyond what either of us could ever have imagined)

Anyway, I knew the owner and actually had fallen in love with the house from prior walks. One walk allowed me to see from the alley what an amazing addition the architect/ prior owner had created. Another walked allow me to meet him and praise his job and get a tour.

So I knew why Carol loved the house.

What I didn’t know was that the house would be our matchmaker.

Anyway, today:

Get your partner.

Go outside.

Take a walk.

If you have a park within walking distance, walk there.

If you don’t, move.

But for today, just walk in the most nature laden path you can take, the most trees and blue sky and gardens.

If this is your honey, hold hands.

If not, walk together.

Put your attention on:

Sensing your arms and legs as you walk. Walk is an incredibly complicated and beautiful part of human life. Sense this as much as you can.

Follow your breathing as you do this.

If you talk, talk about:

Gratitudes.

What you are liking, in that moment, on the walk. Colors in trees, of houses, birds. The sky.

Don’t be afraid to be silent.

Do go slowly in taking your turn to talk. This isn’t timed, and DO take advantage of any skills the timed talking is building to help you JUST LISTEN when another is talking.

And if you don’t have any partner: walk with yourself.

And pay attention as above, to arms and legs and the beauty of walking and your breathing.

Think about gratitude and about what you like.

Or think about nothing and just sense your walking arms and legs and weight shift and air shifting in and out.

And enjoy.

Smile.

Smile whether you are with a partner or not.

You are alive.

You are in Nature.

This is good.

Now, Nature and Love are a wonderful trinity.

What you like is the shy path toward what you love.

Sensing your arms and legs and breathing in now.

Nature is being outdoors. The ceiling five miles high reminds us where we came from as a species.

Life is big.

Take a walk and remember and rejoice in that.

Good.