More Love, More Lust, More Enlightenment.. Principle #6

Principle Six: More Love

Love More. 

Sex More. 

Awaken More. 

Expand into your real and more amazing Self.

You could easily expand and fill out your life now with almost any of the prior principles.

This one is to remind us that life is limitless.

And that any day we don’t improve in a few ways, is not the life as big and joyful and wonderful as we want.

Carol and I were recently at a retreat led by Adyashanti, an American born Zen teacher in his early fifties. The spot was beautiful, Asilomar, on the Monterry coast of California. The month was December and the theme was the Jesus story as guiding myth to discover what heart centered enlightenment might look like.

One of the breakthrough moments was the mentioning of how Anthony DeMello, whom Adyashanti calls an enlightened Jesuit priest, would start all his seminars and weekend retreats by letting the audience know: “I’m an ass and you’re an ass. If we can start from there, we can get somewhere.”

That’s a great place to go for humor, clarity and truth any time you and your loved one start to spat.

Another high point of the retreat was when during the dialogue period one woman stood up and said she’d deeply enjoyed a recent course he’d given online about Love.

In particular, she thanked him for the exercise of saying, silently to ourselves, before we talk to anyone, “I love you.”

This sounded pretty great to me.

Combined with a recent blog by the Chinese master known as Dr. B (from “the energy”, see http://energyforsuccess.org ) on inclusion, this gives you, me and anyone a hugely more open and wonderful chance of connecting with and relating to people.

The inclusion blog states that you don’t have to believe old tired programming that says others don’t want to connect with and/or talk to you.

Assume the goal and vibration of inclusion and move forward. See what happens.

Let’s combine the two:

More Love Game for Talking to People #1: Inclusion

When you are around people, notice any tendencies to think they are different or somehow don’t want to talk with you.

Assume instead that you might enjoy each other.

Encourage in yourself the vibration of “inclusion.”

Feel something like “the energy” in your heart.

Smile.

Take a breath down to your belly.

Go talk to them.

See what happens.

This is written during the Christmas season.

This worked with all sorts of people the programming (which dr B calls “the matrix”) said wouldn’t be open to conversation.

Many wonderful conversations and connections happened.

And now let’s add the suggestion of Adyashanti:

Love More and Others, Game #2:

When around others

As you either “just” see them around you

Or, are about to talking to them,

Say to yourself, “I love you”

And then see what happens

What will happen for you?

Find out.

This is putting your heart first. Go ahead and love everyone. The creeps, the saints, the normal, and the exceptional, the dull and the exciting.

“I love you.”

Say it to yourself.

Go up to them. Add in the inclusion vibration.

How will that work?

Find out.

Love More and Your Partner, Game #3 : Dread >>Willing>>Looking Forward to

This is “hard”

So what?

Think of something you are “dreading” that your partner do again.

Do the “work of Byron Katie” on how they “shouldn’t” do that

Shift to saying: I am willing for them to do that.

Do the work of Byron Katie again. Really feel the difference: when you believe that they shouldn’t. And who you are without believing that story.

Now shift to saying: I am looking forward to ……., whatever it was that you dreaded

This is weird

This is magnificently liberating.

Try it and see what happens.

These three games , inclusion, and “I love you,” and “I am looking forward to….”(whatever used to scare you/ that you dread), can send your life into an ease and delight 

There are surely more.

That will be another book. Or two.

And now Lust.

This is going to be a bit raunchy.

Skip if you want your spiritual development and joy to be less than blissful.

Let’s have some fun.

Lust and Opening to More Life Game #1: 

Stroking the Clitoris for 15 minutes

This is for a couple that involves a woman.

The receiver is a woman.

Who takes off her panties. And leaves on the rest of her clothes.

The stroker is a man or a woman, who straddles this receiver in a certain way.

See the illustration.

The stroker looks toward the clitoris.

The receiver has her legs butterflied out.

The stroker gently rubs the thighs of the receiver for two minutes.

The stroker puts coconut oil on their right thumb and one of their left fingers.

The thumb goes in the outer edge of the lower part of the vagina.

The left hand finger, very slowly and very gently strokes the clitoris for 13 minutes.

Gentle.

Slow.

Mindful of the point of contact.

Mindful of the pleasure you feel through the stroking finger.

The receiver stays mindful of the spot being stroked.

Feeling the pleasure.

Moment by moment.

No goal for either person.

Just the pleasure and sensation of now.

Then, after 13 minutes, two minutes of slowing down.

Then, clothes on and hugging.

Or clothes on and cuddle and take a nap.

Or clothes on and take a walk.

Clothes on and anything besides “normal sex.”  

Do this every day.

This is complicated, and easy.

Just pay attention, in the moment, without a goal of climax. Pay attention to the spot on the human body with the most pleasure receptors.

The stroker, stroking gently the clitoris, will feel warmth and electricity and more.

The strokee, feeling this, will feel…… A lot.

Let’s say a few non-proven by studies possibilities:

Easier menopause.

Radical increase in oxytocin and well being.

Re-opening to sexuality

Re-orienting of how to go about sexuality

Realization that sex can be a meditation

Realization that life is a pleasurable meditation

As always, don’t believe me.

Try it out.

And see.

How often?

Every day.

What?

Every day.

Whether you have “normal” sex or not.

Have this sex, the sex that concentrate of female orgasm as pleasure in the real moment, and not as climax.

Every day.

Practice stroking softly.

Practice being present in intimate touch.

Practice NOT having a climax goal.

Practice the small and real point of real connection in the real moment.

Learn, feel, realize the connection at a deep and non-verbal level that comes from this.

Enjoy.

Another lust game: 

More Lust Game #2

Listening to Your Heart

Have a goals journal

Get silent and still

Write gratitudes first in the gratitude journal

From the present and gratitude, do a few “source energy” exercises 

From the energy and gratitude and being present, ask you heart

“Heart, what are your great wishes”

Listen.

Write them down. On the left side of the page. Or on the left page with the right page left open.

Or the right side, or right page, write one small action step that could take you closer to achieving this goal.

This could be seen as using “the energy” in one of the ways its meant to be used. ( Another is simple reverence for the glory of Life. Another is bliss and gratitude at the miracle of being alive.)

This is giving the “energy” somewhere to go.

Giving your vitality somewhere to point.

Giving your optimism a place to play and work and move toward.

Reminding you that life is a game and a treat and all challenges are a change to change and grow and expand and evolve.

Good.

And with the evolve vibration, let’s slip up and over to “enlightenment” games.

More enlightenment is more or less a nonsense idea.

And so what…. it points the way to a feeling of the generosity of life being echoed by the generosity of your participation.

More Enlightenment Game #1:

Love What “It” Doesn’t Like

As you go about your day, pay attention to your AVERSIONS

Use the work of Byron Katie,

or becoming present

or ongoing joy of life to

make the shift:

Love that thing, person, news, whatever the “it,” the conditioned and programmed and “matrix” part of you dislikes

This is very much like the looking forward to what you dread action.

Except that it gives you something moment by moment to use as a “wake up.”

The part of us that dislikes, unless it is a very pure dislike, for example, hatred of a child being mistreated, is usually very narrow and selfish and programmed and stupid.

To wake up to the painful feeling of dislike is the start.

To “turn it around” in this full and radical way causes us to wake up.

Wake up to what?

Wake up to this definition of enlightenment

More enlightenment game # one million:

Love What Is.

That’s all.

You’ve got an upset stomach: love it.

You’ve got cancer: love it.

You don’t know how to cure it: love that.

You are willing to look in spite of the IDK (I don’t know): love that.

You get contradictory and even bad advice: love that.

Some people avoid you: love that.

Some people over advise you: love that.

And so on.

I don’t know what to write next.

Love that.

You don’t know how to do this:

Love that.

The nice thing about What Is, is

One: It’s always changing

Two: It’s always here, right now

Three: You always have the choice:

Love it

Fight it

Ignore it

Pretend to be “okay” with it

And so on.

This is your life.

Always now.

Always changing.

Always chuck full of your own variation of the What Is of life.

Your life.

Your life as a novel, movie, play, TV show.

Love it.

And if you don’t.

Try the two spot or two chair method:

One spot or chair: Don’t love/ resist/ complain about your life

The other spot or chair: Love your life

More enlightenment #3:

If things aren’t the way you want them, write a goal.

Problem solve.

Get in the energy.

Go for some creative and new way to solve/ change / shift the problem.

See it all as learning.

Learning is noticing differences:

What can you do , feel, think, breathe, be aware of differently.

So that new learning can be happening.

In your brain, heart and soul

and Body

Right now.

This is a bit far out.

Good.

So is Love, Lust and Enlightenment.

If you want the normal self help crap, go find it.

This is all of you, having great sex and great relationship and great success and great fun.

If you want it, be amazing.

That’s who you are meant to be.

How?

Play this or ANY game in the book.

Good.

Don't read this unless you want an amazing sex life

Week Three, Day Three: LUST

Life is Good

Stroke Her Clitoris

For Fifteen Minutes

This is weird.

This is wonderful.

This is a game and life changer.

If done in the context of Love and Enlightenment. 

If done as a wonderful, slightly bizarre addition to your sex life, it WILL make for some great pleasure. 

WILL make for some daily oxytocin. 

WILL make for a deeper connection between a man and a woman (or two women. Sorry Gay guy couples: This is a clitoris thing. Imagine your own version. It will work).

And, without the love to help you communicate and forgive, it can make things more volatile and out of control.

And, with the commitment to and joy in the now of the everyday Enlightenment we are aiming for in this work, it can turn into a delightful addiction, much safer and cheaper than almost any other addiction. And still: without commitment to presence, not really connecting you to your deeper layers.

And you might be having so much fun, you don’t care.

Oh, well.

For awhile, too much fun is just the right amount.

And, what’s this hooey all about?

Let’s call it the Female Orgasm and Awareness Meditation. It’s got other names, but FOAM has a certain charm to it.

The important highlights are:

Orgasm.

Awareness.

Meditation.

(Female kind of goes with the clitoris territory, AND the emphasis on her, and the one way-ness of this meditation make it powerful in subtle ways that build and build and build.

Female>  It’s about her.

She has zero attention on pleasing him.

She might feel in her being his pleasure at her pleasure, but that is not her goal.

So much of sex is one person worrying about the other, and women, as the caretakers, often fall for this deeply.

Not in this mediation. She lays back. The other strokes. She is saturated with pleasure, which we’ll call…

Orgasm.

Is not climax.

It can include climax, but is basically the flooding of pleasure.

And the acceptance of that flood without needing to blow it out the top with a climax.

Awareness.

Of the touch.

Of the stroke.

Of the pleasure.

Of all the places in the body the pleasure is being felt.

Of the breath.

Meditation.

All that awareness is for both partners.

It’s in the now.

It’s not trying for anything.

It’s not holding back because of “too much” pleasure.

It’s not grasping for “more” pleasure.

It’s just right now, breath, touch, sensation in both partners, in both bodies in this moment.

Meditation, 2:

As this builds, each partner will feel not only what is happening in their body, but in the body of their partner.

This is strange.

This is wonderful.

This changes a lot about a relationship.

How does this work?

This is a starter explanation. Individual coaching is a good idea. And… any slow stroking, for a timed amount, that is very light, and not climax oriented will get a couple moving in an amazing connecting and deepening and waking up to now together experience.

So, here goes:

He/ she/ the one who is stroking the clitoris, keeps all their clothes on.

The stroking person sets up a “nest” of various pillows on a blanket on the floor. Not on the bed.

At first.

The ideas is to have a game that’s different from the “usual” sex of two naked people connecting at the genitals. . (I learned just recently that this kind of sex, with a man and a woman is PIV sex, Penis in Vagina. )

So, we have our sex in bed.

And the FOAM game is on the floor.

It’s different. 

That’s a start.

Here’s more…

The one who is getting stroked, takes off her panties, and pulls up her dress or takes off her pants/ jeans. She keeps her top on.

The stroking person keeps all their clothes on.

Let’s call the one who is getting her clitoris stroked, the Receiver.

She is on her back, with her legs spread out, butterfly style, knees resting on two pillows.

She is rather exposed, and it’s just for twenty minutes.

The Stroker sits in a weird way, facing toward her feet, with the left leg over her belly, and the right leg under her right leg.

This doesn’t have to make sense.

There will be a picture sooner or later.

There is a towel under the Receiver’s bottom.

There is a jar of coconut oil nearby.

There is a two minute warm up. Which means we hold off on the coconut oil and the clitoris for a bit. The Stroker settles down and warms up and otherwise connects with the receiver by rubbing her legs and feet.

It’s pretty nice.

Then it’s time for the coconut oil and ten to thirteen minutes of stroking.

Where to gather the coconut oil?

Good question:

The right thumb, into the jar. It’s juicy.

One of the left fingers, from big, to middle, to ring finger, is dipped in the coconut oil.

The right thumb goes VERY SLIGHTLY in the bottom of her vagina.

The left thumb pulls back slightly the hood of the Receiver’s clitoris.

The left lubricated finger ( I use my ring finger, most people use the biggest finger) slowly, slowly, gently strokes the clitoris up and down.

This is weird and “hard” at first. Sometimes it’s not so obvious to find the clitoris. Keep exploring. Use your eyes. Feel for a little bump. Or you might see a fairly big one. It’s there. She may need time to realize where it is and how wonderful it will feel when it’s singled out.

That’s okay.

After awhile, you’ll feel different areas on this clitoris. It’s a whole amazing world. That will become a big part of the meditation— noticing the various areas of the clitoris and the difference responses each get.

Go slowly. Vary the pace. Vary the intensity, but always keep it very soft. The Receiver can request:  firmer/ softer, and can request faster/ slower and can request longer/ shorter.

This is a meditation, kind of a huge trick, because if meditation is about keeping awareness in the present, stroking the place on the human body with the hugest number of pleasure receptors is pretty good incentive to stay present.

And the stroker. He or she can feel a lot. A lot. A lot.

Both people can stay present and blissful and then a timer tells them 8 minutes or 10 or 13 minutes.

Then they go very slowly, and come to an end. Have an approximately two minute slow and calm down.

There’s techniques to all this, and the idea is to stay present.

To go slowly.

To follow your breathing.

To feel the electricity.

To NOT strive for climax.

To slow and speed and back off from climax.

To enjoy.

A lot.

Why do this?

Try it every day for a week and see what happens.

So that’s it, the zowie lust game. Well, one of two zowie lust games.

Lust Game #8 : FEMALE ORGASM AWARENESS MEDITATION

One of you (possessor of a clitoris) take off your lower clothes.

The other leave them all on.

Set up a situation where the Stroker is facing her feet, and has pleasant access to her clitoris with their left hand.

Stroke her clitoris with one finger and coconut oil very lightly.

Stay present.

Breathe.

Have a two minute warm up, an eight, ten or thirteen (or you pick) minute stroking, and two minute relax on down.

When it’s over get up and take a walk.

Then, if you want to, have sex.

Good.

If you don’t want to have sex, good. For awhile, it might be a good idea not to. Wait until that night and see if the arousal and connection is different and more subtle and more magical.

For the Receiver, this is an experience unlike any other.

For the stroker, the ability to GIVE is greater than you might imagine.

Alas, words don’t describe what you’ll feel and enjoy

So, try it seven days in a row and see what happens.

Summary of Week Three, Day Three: LUST

Stroke her clitoris.

Slowly.

Gently.

For a small amount of time, that is enough to be amazing.

Lots of attention and awareness.

Be present to this present for both of you.

Good.

Week Three, Day Four: LUST

Noticing differences is the root of intelligence.

Noticing differences in FOAM brings magical intelligence.

How?

Discover for yourself.

Way back in the beginning, I shared with you my good fortune and delight to have first discovered, and then trained in the Feldenkrais Method®. This method of learning and transformation heals backs and shoulders and necks and special needs children and transforms musicians and athletes to a whole new level of learning, ease and coordination. And more, with the core of it being not “fixing” or “training” but creating conditions for our brains to learn, at a non-verbal level, usually, how different / new/ non-habitual/ novel  movements create different possibilities for our ease, and our grace and our coordination. 

Kids are full time learning machines.

The Feldenkrais Method® returns us to that state.

We can experience this right now in our necks.

Which seems a bit of a diversion from orgasmic awareness meditation, and then again, awareness is awareness is awareness.

And learning is learning is learning.

Let’s play like such: 

Lust Game #9: Neck improvement via novelty and awareness and learning

This is a game of learning.

With three stages.

Stage One: Turn your head easily right and left.

Notice differences.

Go less far, and notice differences with more ease, since you aren’t straining.

Pick a direction, right or left, to improve.

Let’s call this the “happy” direction.

Now, turn from the middle to the happy direction and back to the middle a number of times.

Feel how this is.

Stage two:

Turn both directions, but in the happy direction do two things differently from the midline on:

One: go slower

Two: go with more ease.

Go back and forth, with the slower and ease being part of your turn to the happy direction, and doing the other direction at normal speed and normal effort.

Rest.

Stage three:

Continue to go both ways, with the happy direction being slower and with less effort and add on this:

From the midline to the happy side, smile.

And breathe more deeply.

And do the other direction without a smile and at normal speed and effort.

Rest.

Test:

Go both directions.

See if these small steps made a difference.

Most “lessons” contain at least ten different variations, so avail yourself of a Feldenkrais course in whatever city you live. They will help your brain and ease and coordination. They are very unlike yoga, and can vastly improve yoga.

And now, back to touching your partner. The clitoris, yes, we’ll get back to that, and first, let’s make life more simple, and practice touch and listening and being present and variation in a slightly less zowie spot.

The feet.

Lust Game #10: Rub each other’s feet.

With requests and offerings.

This seems simple.

Oh, well. 

It is a chance to learn what most people are really truly awful at: asking for what they want.

And, offering something new.

Get a timer.

Set it for five minutes.

Partner A rub partner B’s feet for five minutes.

In this time partner B spends a lot of time simple enjoying this.

And, occasionally, partner B will make requests:

Faster or slower

Harder or softer

Bigger strokes or smaller.

In this place more, please.

Always say please.

Always be content to the request to be granted slowly, not a jump to thing, but an easing in to something different.

The requests aren’t to practice being the big boss, they are a chance to ask for what you want.

And the giver of the requests gets to practice noticing that the other person can enjoy variation.

Then, go the other way.

Same deal, five minutes. Some requests.

Then, smile and take a little walk.

Then, another five minutes each way.

This time the Giver of the Massage makes offerings.

The Receiver can say, “Yes, please.” Or, “No, thank you.”

The offerings are some possibility.

“Would you like firmer?”

“Softer?”

“Faster?’

“Slower?”

“On the heel/ middle/ toes?”

“On the big toe?”

“Longer strokes?”

“Shorter strokes?”

This is all a warm up for variations in the delicate and ecstatic touching of the clitoris.

And all this is a wonderful chance to practice asking, or offering.

Lust Game #11: Do this with the Clitoris Stroking.

Make requests.

Make offerings.

Go slowly.

Enjoy everything.

Good.

You don’t need details.

You need to be present.

You need to feel what you feel.

Remember: you’re not gunning for climax.

Remember: this is a lot and it’s going to get better and better.

Discover: different ways of wonderful.

Welcome to real sex.

Summary of Week Three, Day Four:

Variation is how the brain learns.

Feet are good.

Learning is good.

Life is good.

Stroking the clitoris can be a meditation.

And a learning.

Make requests.

Make offerings. 

Be present to it all. Don’t try for climax.