Joy of Divorce, via Slowing down the emotional roar

In a time of divorce
or separation
or breakup,
the temptations are two:

to simply lie down, pull the covers over one's head
and
"give up:

and
to add a bunch of extra activities,
learn Spanish,
take dance lessons,
keep busy every single night

Ah, yes.
Well, in a way, both are useful if they
shift us out of the rut
we were in,
AND they are only useful
to our true discovery of ourselves
and our inner transformation,
IF
we take part in them as mindful actions.

So, if we go dancing:
pay attention to all the movements, thoughts and feelings
while showering and dressing to go
while getting in and driving the car
or getting on and riding the bike
while waiting for someone to dance with
while getting instructions
while either "getting" the instructions, as in knowing what to do, or not

In other words,
if we are desperate for approval,
and that's what our relationship seemed
to be satisfying,
and wasn't really,
and then we go off to dance,
and are desperate for approval there,
even if we find someone who seems to be the one
who will give that approval

it won't work

unless we are content within and
able to give ourselves approval up and down the line,
good days and bad,
in sickness and in health
in poverty and in wealth
in good mood and bad

then we aren't ready to pretend that someone
else is going to do that for us

they aren't

So, maybe only do one or two new things.
And take them as experiments to be mindful
the entire time.
And don't try to meet anyone.
And watch, and be lovingly humorous about
our wish, need, demand, craving for outside attention
and
approval
and
affection
and
"love"

Why don't we take this breakdown time
and a breather
a breathe in
and breathe out
time,
time to discover who we are,
who we would be without the approval, or disapproval
of any person
or set of people

Okay, and what of the head under the covers
path.

Slow down on that, too.

Can we go to the bed, slowly, and sense our entire body.
Can we feel ourselves on the bed,
can we feel the covers,
can we sense where our arms and legs and spine are
in space
can we follow our breathing

can we get so relaxed and "into" our body on the
bed under the covers
that we can start to watch our thoughts
as a very entertaining show

and if the thoughts are coming too
fast
or are
too mean,
can we slow them down?

how.
by getting a journal and writing them down.
slowly.
carefully.

One "Should"
and one "shouldn't"
at a time.

All misery has a should or shouldn't or a should have or a shouldn't have attached.

Can we slow down, by writing, and then looking at what we have written with our
eyes and heart and brain,
and say: Oh, that's what I believe.

Soon, with the shoulds and shouldn't written down
the transformation can deepen.

But just to get away from hiding from the thoughts
behind our misery
into writing them down
and recognizing them
is to move so much closer to mindfulness
as to almost constitute,
then and there,
the new life we want for ourselves.

Good.

a lesson for hearing, learning, living and enlightenment

What are these dancers hearing

and

from which ear are they

hearing

what?

Life is a dance.

Let's learn as we do so.

You know, sweet readers and learners,
long long ago, we all of us needed to survive in conditions
where hearing was of life and death importance.

In particular, hearing what was above and below and
especially
behind
us, made a difference between surviving and being someone else's
lunch.

And now we hardly even notice whether a sound is coming
from the right or the left,
and rarely play with/ learn about using one ear
and the other
and discovering their personalities, you know,
like strong points and weak points, habits, all that.

So, let's start.

1. Ye olde body scan:
Lie down on the floor
Notice the first difference: what is the difference between being horizontal and supported and living in the upright world

Noticing differences is the fundamental unit of intelligence

Learning is what separates humans from the rest

Rest assured, that if you lie down a couple of times a day and
just do that:
notice the differences, more and more in detail,
you will change your life.

2. Scan the parts, the biodiversity of you:
start with the right leg: toes to the hip joint, sense it all
next right hand, finger tips, each and all, to the shoulder blade, which is not the top of the upper arm, and how big is the shoulder blade, and what is it like to sense from five finger tips to the shoulder blade

fill in the rest: left arm, shoulder blade down
left leg, left hip joint down

pelvis

spine

head

ribs

all of you

3. Good

Now notice the difference: who and how are you after indulging/ gifting yourself with the time and attention to come back home to yourself in the horizontal out of gravity world?

And where is gravity, even though you are horizontal, can you feel yourself as one big foot?

4. Now, slowly turn your head right and left.
and
and what?

Notice differences

Always slowly, always less than the limit, always looking for pleasure, always making each movement new from the last, always being open to connections with other "parts" than the moving "part"

5. Rest.
What's the difference having done some heading home to the top?

6. Now, just turn your head slowly to the left.
and back to the middle.
many times.

Rest.

Now turn many times to that side and back just to the middle with the nose and takes your right hearing and turn it the same way as your head.

Imagine, the ear, the right ear is listening first to the left as your head turns that way
and
then
back to the middle as your head returns to the middle.

Go very slowly.
See if that ear, your right ear can tune to the left and then back to the middle.
Fake it till you make it. Imagine. Hone in. Discover.
Learning to learn is the game of transforming our lives.

Rest.

6. Turn your head slowly left and to middle without any ear stuff.
Any difference.

Now play with the left ear to the left as head turns that way and back
to the middle as your head comes back.

Rest.

Now alternate, 3 times the left ear, 3 times the right,
going to the left and back to the middle with the turning of your nose.

Rest.

7. Imagine, doing all the above with the ears, one at a time, tuning the opposite
way of the moving of your head.

8. Then do it. First left ear this time, tuning to the middle as your head turns to the left, and tuning to the left as your head returns to the middle.

Rest. Imagine this with your right ear.
Then do it.

Rest.
Then imagine alternating 3 times each ear as you move your head (the ear and the head both in imagination)
Then do it, experience it, love the you ness of your learning beyond who you thought you were.

Rest.

9. Do all the above in this way:
As your head goes to the left, sometimes rotate your toes to the left, and sometimes to the right.
Keep ankles as they are, and rotate your toes in your hips joints, like windshield wipers, and sometimes the toes wag left as your head is coming back to the middle and sometimes they was left as your head is turning to the left.

Play with that as a possible wake up to your day game.

Rest.

10. Add on ears to the head and toes game.

Rest.

11. For old time Feldies, eyes could be added, but I'd wait until another day,
and do a lot of imagining first.

12. Very important: get up and walk around, preferably outdoors, preferably at least twenty minutes with no cell phone any where near you.
Walk and feel each foot on the ground and play:
listening with the ear of the foot touching/ pressing the ground
and
listening with the ear of the foot lifting/ off the ground

Do this and follow your breathing

Do this and have no words in your head

Do this for the sake of the enlightenment of you and the whole race,
but don't think even that in words

Without words:
no you.

Vacation.

Peace that passeth all understanding.

Enjoy.

side to side: head and ribs and pelvis as a sweet happy aware of each other team

Side to side seems easy
and
often people get "confused."

Good. As our buddy Albert E says:
"Show me someone who's never made a mistake
and
I'll show you someone who's never learned anything."

One of the key principles of this work is
to sort of groove
on unknowning
to
relish ambiguity
to get
excited
about the state of :
what is going on?

In that state,
we can be new
and
if we are honest
that's always the characteristic of being "now."

Okay,
side to side.

Sit forward in a chair, both feet on the floor, spine straightish and feeling
as if it is holding up your head.

Lean a tad forward so you could hop up or to the side
easily

Now,  here, more or less on your skeleton,
play with this difference:

Head rotating left and right

Head tilting left and right

In the ROTATION, your nose goes left and right

In the TILTING, your nose stays straight ahead and your eyes tilt
so that when you tilt your head to the left, your right eye goes
up a bit and your left eye goes down.

In all movement lessons, always go "less than your limit."
About 80% at most.
And much less force than you think you need. At cut out
half the force, maybe more.
And go slowly: at least half as slowly as habitual.

And all that slow, and soft and less than limit
is
FOOD FOR YOUR BRAIN.

At habitual speed, force and cranking out to the limit,
no learning is going to take place.
You'll be a great donkey, but
why throw away the greatest anti-entropy organ
in the universe (that we know so far): the human brain.

Your brain.

So: to repeat: slow,  gentle, less than your limit. Always in something
you want to improve. For awhile at least.

Do the titling very slowly and feel / sense what is going
on in your neck
Be really honest if you are rotating your nose and neck, too.

Go back and forth: rotating, and tilting,
so that you can really, slowly and deliciously tell the difference.

2. Good. Rest. Sit upright, eyes closed and feel what a small
amount of aware and soft and learning oriented and not going to the limit
can do to organize your whole system.

3. Now play with your ribs, as such:
take each hand to the ribs on the opposite side,
and sitting upright,
pull your ribs first to the right,
and then to the left.

As per always: slow, gentle, less than limit.
And AWARE.
Notice the shape your spine makes when your ribs go
left and when the go right.
Notice which verterbrae move and how.
Notice any tendency to shift your weight as this happens.

4. Rest and sense yourself.
Notice shifts in breathing, ease, sense of your spine  etc.

5. Combine tilt your head and bringing your ribs right and left,
so that you begin to understand
THE NECK FOR WHAT IT REALLY IS:
YOUR WHOLE SPINE

Huh?

Well: go slow, gentle, aware and less than limit and explore this:
As your head tilts to the left,
pull your ribs gently, slowly, awarely to the right,
so you feel as if the tilting in your neck goes all the way down
your spine making a crescent shape in your whole back.

Go slowly , and at first just do this head tilting to the left (go slowly and gently enough
to catch yourself if you start to rotate the head, and then stop:
just tilt)
as your ribs in the middle are pulled to the right.
Notice that the top ribs and bottom ribs go to the left.

Really explore.
You get an A+ no matter "how you do."
See how delicious you can make this:
tilt your head left to involve you whole torso.

6. Now rest.
I know we haven't tilted right yet. Good.
Notice if the two sides feel difference
and notice any additional sweetness to your whole
self.

7, Now come back to readiness to move,
and IMAGINE tilting your head to the right, while
you pull the middle ribs to the left.
IMAGINE this several times
and then do it ONCE.
Notice in the doing what you skipped in imagination.
Imagine it again.
Do it again.
and once more: imagine, filling in more and more.
Do it once and see what you missed.

8. Rest.

9. Now, hands on ribs, IMAGINE going left and right tilt
with your head as the ribs make your spine into a long
crescent.
Then do this both ways a number of times.
Each time see if you can feel and notice and enjoy
something new.

10. Rest and feel all of you.

11. If you want to stop, this is a nice place to get up and take a walk.
If you want to continue, all good movement needs
to include the pelvis, so come back later, or forge ahead now to
the seat of you.

Notice your pelvis.
Shift your weight to the right "sit bone" and raise your left hip
a little off the chair.
Now shift to the left "sit bone" and raise your right hip
off the chair.
Go slowly.
Do this a number of times just raising the right hip and pressing in the left.
And then a number of times just raising the left hip and pressing down
the right.

12. Rest

13. Now, make the crescent shape of tilt your head
the full spine by practicing, exploring, enjoy this:

tilt your head to the left
pull the middle ribs to the right
(noticing the bottom ribs and top ribs going left)
put your weight on the right side off your pelvis
so your left hip can raise and complete the crescent shape
in your back.

Just do this way a number of times.
Until it is delicious.

14. Rest and feel your breathing and your spine.

15. as above, IMAGINE  doing the tilt to the right:
head tilt to the right
middle ribs to the left,
right side of pelvis up and toward the right ear
left side of the pelvis pressing down.

Now DO IT ONCE and compare to the imagining.
Go back and forth with doing and improving your
imaginary version.

16. Rest.

17. Go tilting of the whole spine both right
and left,
be slow, gentle, less than the limit, aware,
looking for pleasure and learning each time.

18. Rest.

19. If you really want some fun,
go through the whole thing again, at
each step singing some simple song
you love to sing.

20. Feel yourself in sitting. Compare to the beginning.

21. Come forward onto your feet and stand. Shift weight to the
left and right and see if something solid and easy and connected
has occurred in you.
Walk around.

enjoy you day and your life.

I take questions via email ChrisElms@vom.com
and invent these lessons to suit what's bothering
you.

Ciao
Chris

Chair lesson, for back ease and neck clarity, and joy of learning

Sitting and twisting in a probably new way

Sit in a chair. Let one elbow and forearm, your left, say, rest on your left knee, so you are bent forward and holding yourself up a bit with this left arm and elbow combination. Now take your right hand and place in behind your head, if you can comfortably do that. If not, put the back of your right hand on your check to the left of your mouth.

Either way, tilt your right elbow up toward the air, toward the sky, toward the ceiling and begin to make circles with this elbow. Imagine a long pencil or pen or feather dipped in ink with which you can paint on the ceiling or the sky. Make a nice circle from the elbow.

Go so slowly that your feel your ribs moving, so slowly you feel this in your pelvis, and so slowly most of all, so that you feel this in your back. Feel an arching when the elbow reaches a certain part of the circle and a folding in your back when the elbow comes to the other side of the circle.

Go slowly enough to notice where your circle gets away from a really round shape. Find the tension or hurry at those points and try to go even slower and with even less effort and see if that will help you draw the circle.

Bring your hands both to your lap and sit up and rest. Feel any changes.

Now, same left elbow down, and right elbow up and make your slow and interesting and pleasurable circles in the other direction

Rest again;

Now, switch arms and do the circle one way a number of times, and then rest, and then the other way a number of times, and rest then.

Feel on this side to a way to feel and connect and as if direct these circles from deep in your lower back and pelvis. Don’t strain. Don’t hurry.

Learn and enjoy.