feet

our feet are as far from our heads as we can get

many a person, perhaps even you, has realized that
being in our heads
think think think

is a way that often avoids life, love and connection

( yeah, yeah, there are problems
to be solved

good
when they are there to be solved
think

and then....

what about the rest of the time)

so
here's a game for today


put your attention as full
time
as possible

on sensing both feet

while you read this
while you do the next thing
while you talk
while you think

and especially
when you are interacting with your partner

in your half hour of love and sex before dinner

in the talking
in the ten minute naked makeout
in sex that is two way
in sex that is one way

in all of these
attempt

with joy and humor
and
intent

to have attention
on three places:

your feet
your heart
your breathing

if sex is involved,
then my all means enjoy your genitals
and mouths
and tongues

oh, yeah:

and look into each other's eyes
in all the activities
except the one way sex


ha, what a nice
assignment

but
don't forget

dive in
feet first

Talking about Talk

We are kinda crazy
us humans

we love to talk
we love to connect

and then
when it doesn't happen

we stop talking to the one
we want to talk to
because we can't talk
as well
or as easy
or as magically
or as honestly
or as being present

as we wish

and hey

you've got this game as part of

Love and Sex Before Dinner

the game:
talk for 18 minutes

each with 3 turns of 3 minutes

each practicing listening
from now
from no words/ replies in the head
from being present to our bodies

this is good stuff

....
two days ago, I suggested using this golden
opportunity
of listening

to
talk about sex

today I suggest
using this golden
opportunity
of listening

to talk about talk


what are you having a hard time saying?

when are you present and not present?

what are your requests for what you'd like to hear more about?

what are your requests for how your talking go

not only now,
in this magical zone

but all day?

and more,

you can even do that fun
game
of talking
in the
moment

about what your
experience

RIGHT NOW

is of talking

RIGHT NOW


it's pretty cool


it's enlightenment in action, actually

which is what relationships could ( ? should)
be about


cheers
chris

Waiting to Come, coming together

The ten minutes sex before dinner
as much as possible
should never end in climax

that's why the ten minute
naked make out
is so valuable

both are giving
both are getting

it's not genitally predominant

it's oral

it's tactile

go do it

Go slow, dance, close, kiss

Alternating touch and talk,
today is touch

and
let's dance

let's keep this in the
sex before dinner repertoire,

which is really,
sweet and juicy touch before dinner


and today,
or any day

as part of your ten minutes of touch
yum
before dinner

dance
no music,
keep the clothes on,
so you'll get in the habit of dancing a lot

and
dance,
slow,
and hum to each other
and
kiss
a lot

that's it:

slow,
left right left right

nothing fancy

close

hum

kiss

enjoy

good

Slow, Connect, Discover/ back to the 10 Minute makeup

Slow, Connect, Discover

I help people to
SLOW down
and
CONNECT deeply to themselves
so that they can

DISCOVER

Ease, grace, youthfulness, delight and pleasure

in
MOVEMENT and
LIFE


And you gentle reader
in your ten minute make out

this is your job

SLOW down the kissing
and the touching
and even the breathing

perhaps say what you are feeling as sensation
perhaps go even slower than you think is slow

and
pay attention to how the
CONNECTING
is happening

moment by moment

and in each moment see what you can
DISCOVER

about a new direction, pressure, stopping, starting, shifting

that would make
your make out

more
pleasurable, graceful, delightful, youthful

you know

just plain old

divine

cheers,
chris

how can I love you more?

# 8 in the Love and Sex Before Dinner series, all of which are at that blog, 
http://loveandsexbeforedinner.blogspot.com


Touch and Talk

Talk and Touch

that's the program
and it seems so simple
and
it's
not

so let's say in the talk you want
to help things
be better

the vibe, the feeling, the overtone of your relationship hasn't been so great lately
and you want it to change

so what to do

talk
talk with the timer

talk about what you want

talk about what you are afraid to say

talk about your guess as to what's going on in the other person

this is a lot

this is gold

this is why relationships

if taken as paths to awakening
are so
very
wonder
ful
and valuable



what you want vs. your complaint

what you are afraid to talk about, vs what's wrong with them

guessing what's going on in them, and make sure it's not an insulting guess

what are the fears and worries and prior woundings that are going on in them?

discover what you can
enjoy

10 minute naked make out///touch before talk

All the Love and Sex before Dinner essay poems will be piling up daily at http://loveandsexbeforedinner.blogspot.com as well as here for the first 40 days



As we meander through these essays, these daily chapters unfolding,
we will explore this one:

truth as the best foreplay

and sometimes
touch is the way to access that truth

and sometimes touch is the only
way
we can really remember how remarkable
connection is

one human
to another

and so today's suggestion is
to have 

a ten minute naked make out first

some days talk before the sex
and some days have the sex before the talk

always have both

and this is the touch/ sex practice I recommend most

the ten minute
naked make out

it's two way

it gives a lot of your body a chance
to connect with
feel
move with
caress
be caressed by

the other body

let's play it this way:

mindfulness
is the undercurrent

how much awareness can you have
as you kiss
and touch
and caress
and get caress
and let the legs play

and here's the catch:

set a timer

when it's over,
stop
thank each other

get out of the bed

get dressed

go talk

talk sitting up
talk in your clothes
talk in another room

maybe hold hands while you talk

touch is good

there are many subtleties to this practice
but for now

naked
timer
stay present

stop when the ten minutes is up

 you can do it again at the end of the day
with no timer and the falling into more sex that
we are so used to,
and
and
and

this is sex before dinner

this is a nourishment
that you are going to give yourselves every day

don't make it such a big deal
that you don't want to
keep it going
keep it up
keep it kissing along

day after
day
after
day


....
you begin to get the idea.

this might be very good for your relationship,
right?


cheers Chris

Ambivalence, Love and Sex before dinner, 3

Here's the deal:

You fall in love
and someone is heaven

why?
because you listen
because you are fascinated
because they are new, which means you are in the...

yes,
the
now

and guess what?  ( you know this)
in
the now
it's pretty much all love

and then
step two:
the mind/ head/ judgment/ fear/ control
comes along
and.....

they kind of suck
or
they way suck

or they are a betrayal of your fantasy
of (finally)
finding the perfect mate

oh, shit....

and then what?
well.

in the world of love
and mindfulness..

you could get vulnerable
and talk about your limitations

and talking about your limitations
would be admitting
and examining
YOUR OWN JUDGMENTS ( gasp)
as your limitation

the work of Byron Katie is
fine
/
wonderful here,
and don't take my word for it
get experience,
 go to her website
or immediately after reading this
take three judgments about any one
of those millions of less than perfect beings,
judge that person,
and
write that judgment down
and do the work

and
back to ambivalence

ambivalence admitted
can cut through the third stage
of relationship

the POWER STRUGGLE stage

To recap the stages ( first three of twelve):

one: fascination and being in the now

two: disillusionment and being in the judgments

three: power struggle

power struggle often takes the form
of come closer vs
go away

let's do it
let's end it

the usual whine: you suck, and if you'd just change 
the way I want you to
then it would all be wonderful again

or the good old fashioned:
let me tell you what's wrong with you

ah, gad.
so normal,
almost inevitable,
and
this is all bullshit

unless talked about from
mindfulness

i.e.
not believing your thoughts

and
that's enough for today

you either get it
how amazing and free life would be
if you didn't believe your thoughts

or
you don't

so be it

don't believe me , though,
don't believe my thoughts

try it out:
see what the difference is

sit in one chair and believe one of your judgments
sit in another chair and don't believe it

that's all:

get experience

that's the juice that can lift us from being tortured by ambivalence
to
using it as fuel
to deepen our spiritual and
emotional
and
relationship

lives

love &

awakening

good