Starting Even Easier: Better Sex, Health, Breathing and Dancing with a Simple Movement

Day One

Getting Sexier

(and Healthier

and More Enlightened

and Able to Love)

Right Now

Please stand for a minute.

Feel how big your head is. Put out your hands to make an image of how tall it is and how wide.

Then check with your real head, and put out the tall and wide dimensions in front of your face to see and realize.

Now, feel (as sensing) how big your MIDDLE layer is. This is from where your neck meets your skull down to your navel.

Before you look or measure with your hands, GUESS how tall and wide that is.

Put our your hands to see your “guess-timate.”

Now, actually measure with your hands and put the visuals out in front. How tall and how wide is your MIDDLE layer?

Now, smile, and wiggle a bit.

Enjoy standing on your feet, the bottom layer.

Before we check the bottom layer, put your hands out to visualize the head size, vs the middle size.

Fun.  Now, measure your bottom layer. From navel to toes.

How big is it?

Now, do all three one after another:

How big is your head?

How big is your MIDDLE, from skull bottom to your navel?

How big is your BOTTOM layer, from navel to toe tips?

Noticing their relative size, ask yourself: how much time you spend in your head, how much in the middle (and not in ache and pain, but feeling your heart, or your breathing, or your hands and fingers and arms)

And how much time below the navel?

The navel and below….

What’s the center of all that?

YOUR PELVIS.

THIS IS HOW TO START WAKING UP TO YOUR REAL BODY, YOUR REAL SELF, YOUR SEXUAL SELF, and the self that moves easily, breaths easily, dances easily, walks easily.

And more.

YOUR PELVIS.

Can you feel it right now?

Sit if you aren’t. Preferably on a firm chair or log or bench.

Do not lean back.

Why? So you can feel the weight of your body pushing through your pelvis into the chair or whatever is below.

GRAVITY.

Is with us full time once we leave the womb, if we are not in outer space.

The chair pushes up, and our pelvis pushes down.

The Earth wants you, is attracted to you.

You want the Earth, are attracted to it.

Feel the connection.

Please sit and let's start the fun/ improvement/ joy/ sexual upgrading.

And now, MOVEMENT GAME #1: MOVE THAT PELVIS, EASILY PART ONE

This is simple.

This gets “down there” moving.

This is a vacation from being in your head.

This will heal and improve your back and your breathing.

This will improve your sex life.

If you don’t have a partner, when one comes along, you will be ready to a much more full connection.

(Brief note: great sex is necessary to fabulous love. And it’s not sufficient by a long shot. Even with a partner, I recommend holding off on any small or large sex improvement for a couple of months. Get the communication and the simple touch improved first. Learn deep forgiveness first. Learn real listening without interruption first.

And learn movement with touch first.

Holding hands touch.

This may seem little.

And… it’s huge)

Here’s the MOVEMENT GAME #1: PELVIS… BREATH … RIBS

Sit on the chair bench log.

Smile.

Breathe in easily and a little more fully.

Allow your breathing to fill out your belly just a little (or more) as you breathe in.

Put your hands in two places: one hand on your belly. One hand on your breast bone/ sternum.

Do these two movements:

BREATHING IN MOVEMENT

Breathe in, feeling your belly push out one hand

Rock forward on your pelvis

Feel the shift in your weight and relationship to the chair

Allow your ribs and sternum to lift a little. Feel that in your other hand.

Allow your head and nose to tilt slightly up toward the sky/ ceiling.

Stay there, pointed to the ceiling for a bit.

Smile.

Feel the shape of your back.

Feel where your weight is on your pelvis.

Feel the one hand pushed forward and the one hand raised a bit.

Now, smile some more and go the other way

BREATHING OUT MOVEMENT 

Breathing out, as if releasing, push your belly in, and feel that.

Rock backward on your pelvis, more toward as if your spine is on the chair.

Feel your weight shifting on your pelvis.

Allow your ribs and sternum to lower and even “slump” a little. Down toward your belly button.

Allow your head and nose to point down toward the chair, or even toward your pelvis.

When you get to the lowest position, pause again and

Feel your shape.

Your spine shape.

The belly in shape.

The sternum / ribs down shape.

The head and nose circling back in shape.

Enjoy that.

And then, breathe is and rise on up.

For purposes of this book, we’ll call the belly forward and head up shape, back “arching.”

And the belly in and head rounded over toward the crotch, we’ll call that shape, “rounding” your back.

So, after pausing, do this pelvis rocking movement including with all the above, a feeling of the differences of your back when it is arching and when it is rounding.

This is a huge part of staying young: having a flexible spine.

This is a sly part of living through boring meetings: doing little versions of this.

This is a slow and easy part of having a great sex life: do this four or five times every day.

Why?

For your own enjoyment and a future of fabulous sex.

And more.

Gratitude Games for your New Life, Love and Connection

GRATITUDE — the first Magic Carpet
(Wedding Vow #3: We are Delighting
in the Wonder of Life and
Constantly sharing our
Gratitude
with Each Other and the World)

Let’s start.

When?

Now…

Where?

In our hearts.

How?

With a game where we amp up our gratitude.

Why?

Why a game?

Because to become different we need to “do” something different. And if it isn’t fun and interesting, then why bother?

Anyone can think or imagine that they are changing. And you have to change something to change. Change is change is change is change. 

Games are one way to try out something new.

 Play is a pretty useful path of change.

Let’s play. Let’s have our “doing” in the mode of “playing.”

Let’s play four gratitude games. 

1, Saying it aloud as we sit. 

2, Writing it down as we sit. 

3, Standing up and saying gratitudes.

4, Standing up and playing with awakened movement as we say gratitudes.

One, two, three, four gratitude games.

Play.

Something different.

See what happens.

Why gratitude?

No gratitude means no possibility of joy. Our brains and nervous system are wired that way.

We can be grateful or we can be in fear, but we can’t be in both.

Fear means: no gratitude.

Gratitude means: no fear.

Guess what? You can’t be joyful in fear.

And when’s a good time to start these games?

Now, of course.

Now, where the life of a child, and the life of you, and the life of me, exist.

Gratitude Game #1: SAY ALOUD three gratitudes.

Simple.

Start these three sentences and finish them, and say them aloud:

“I am grateful….”

“I am grateful…”

“I am grateful…”

Gratitude Game #2: WRITE down, in handwriting,  three gratitudes.

Any paper will do, any pen or pencil.

The writing is handwriting, not typing onto a computer or thumbing it into a smart phone.

Good old fashioned, handwriting, where you use your hand and fingers and arm to move the pen, and watch with your eyes as the letter swoop out and  are formed and then change, as the now does, into the next letter, and the next and the next.

If you have no paper in this moment and can’t get to any, then handwrite it in the air, or on your leg.

If you are at the bookstore, reading this book, finger write it on the back page.

Then go buy the book, and borrow a pen, and actually write your three gratitudes in the pages provided for this in the back.

But one way or another, write down three gratitudes.

Now.

Right now, write now, right now, write now.

Not later alligator, when you’ve finished the chapter. Or, God forbid, when you “get around to it,” which almost always means… never.

Whatever you wanted out of this book will start growing right now, as you write, right now, write now, right now, write now three gratitudes.

Want to stay the same and pretend you want to change?

Then “think” about, or “be interested in” the games of this book, but be too busy, or too aloof, or too stuck in reading as an escape, or too skeptical and too stubborn, or too lazy, or whatever.

But, if you want to stay the same, then don’t waste your time reading any more.

Want to change?

Make sure you’ve played, already the first two games:

One: Said aloud at least three gratitudes.

Two: Written in handwriting as least three gratitudes

Get into the learning mode.

Huh?

Get into the learning mode.

How?

Notice the difference that saying gratitudes made. 

Notice the difference that writing gratitudes made. 

Hint:

Why this book will work: Learning is noticing differences.

Every time to notice differences you rewrite your brain.

We are doing things differently, to feel notice and transform from the differences new doing creates.This is central to the effectiveness and fun of all the “games”of this book: Do something new. Notice what’s new in your as a result.

And hey, let’s get MORE OF OUR BODY INVOLVED.

Hint: we are alive.

Which means, we can change almost instantly by remembering that we are in a body that goes all the way down to our toes.

If we want better sex, better health, better fun, better sports, better picking up the grandchildren, or dancing around the floor, or just waltzing around our houses: we need to get back to delighting in being in this body of our.

Let’s DO IT!!!!

Gratitude Game # 3: STAND UP and say aloud 3 new gratitudes or the three gratitudes you just wrote, or some combination of new and just written.

Doesn’t matter.

Stand. Feel your feet on the ground or floor. Feel your head held up by your spine. 

Speak from this taller, more fully human you.

FEEL THIS AS MANY PLACES IN YOUR BODY AS YOU CAN.

“I am grateful…”

“I am grateful…”

“I am grateful…”

What happens when you do this?

What shift to you notice, when you stand and sense yourself and say three gratitudes?

Notice this difference.

Very soon we will hone in on this as crucial to a  happy and loving and successful and fun and sexy human life: noticing differences.

Because that’s what learning is.

Don’t take my word for it.

Just keep noticing differences.

And hey, add on this as one more way to create a difference that’s often very immediate and easy to notice.

Smile.

That’s it, “just” smile.

REALLY,

Gratitude Game # 4 Move

With Awareness

Stand again.

And pick a place where you are either outdoors or can see out of a window.

Do a reversible motion, like this:

UP

Breathe in

Lift your heels up off the floor as you press down into your toes

Feel the air coming into your chest or belly

Feel your legs and feet pressing down against gravity

Feel your head lifting

Notice the shift in what you are seeing

DOWN

Breathe out

Lower your heels down to the floor

Feel the shift in your connection to gravity

Feel the shift in your ribs and/or belly as you let the air out

Notice the shift in what you are seeing

Do this at least five times, with awareness on three layers of your body, (below the navel, in the midsection, above the neck).

See how much you can enjoy this.

Stop, smile, walk around a bit.

Now do it again,

And as you do the UP part say: “I am grateful for…”

And on the way DOWN say a word or some short phrase of what you are grateful for.

This is the beginning of a brand new way of life. Writing gratitudes, saying gratitudes, and standing gratitudes.

Moving and saying gratitudes and noticing breathing in and out.

What’s good about this?

Do it and notice the shift.

This is you make small changes that make a big difference.

What difference?

That’s for your to discover and delight in and be grateful for.

And then share that gratitude with your journal and with another.

How many gratitude buddies can you find in the next month.

Let’s call that 

Gratitude Game #5:

Find two to five people in the next month to be your “gratitude” buddies.

Agree to either speak or text three or more gratitudes to each other every day.

See what happens to your relationship to them.

And to life in general when you have pals on the gratitude path with you..

You are alive... that's the basis of reality// some high level yammer (concepts)

Love and Enlightenment, Let’s Start Now

How to have better sex?

How to have more aliveness, vitality and sensuousness?

How to move away from fear toward love?

How to be continuously happy as we make a huge difference in saving  the planet and humanity?

Here’s how we start: the now, gratitude, awakened movement.

And the start of the start?

Let's start with the obvious and the most important and the often forgotten central truth of our lives.

We are alive.

Central Concept #1: We are alive. Right now.

Can you feel that? In your deepest and most real self? Right now? 

Can you sense your breathing right now?

Are you breathing in? Or breathing out? Or pausing in between?

How deeply into your body is your breathing going?

How happy and relaxing does your breathing feel, right now?

Ah>>> Sensing our breathing, right now!

What shift does that create?

Sensing our arms and legs, right now!

To the human brain, through hundreds of thousands of year of evolution, this is super important: where are our hands and arms? Where are our legs and feet?

Try it now.

Notice.

Put attention on the obvious and oft forgotten: where are all four limbs and both feet and both hands?

Humans who knew this survived.

Those who didn’t died.

We are protected in modern life, and yet, to know this is to be awakened to the fullness of being a human being on this planet Earth, right now.

Right now, where are your feet and legs? Where are your hands and arms?

What happens when you allow your attention to go where it often doesn’t go, below the neck? 

Slow down and notice this shift.

What happens when you allow yourself to sense, right in this changing and always now now,  and even enjoy knowing and feeling where are your hands, where are your arms, where are your legs, where are your feet?

What shift takes place in you when  you come back to planetary reality?

And add on breathing to arms and legs and hands and feet.

What happens when you sense breathing in your center and arms and legs and hands and feet at the full edges of yourself?

What happens to your realization of what it means and feels like, as sensation, to be alive?

You are alive.

Does sensing your arms and legs and breathing help make this more real, and present and vivid to you?

This is the first central concept of this book. Or is it a reality, unlike most concepts?

Once again

  Concept/ Reality #1: You are alive, right now. 

Nourishing the realization of this reality:

sensing arms and legs and  

hands and feet and 

your in or out breathing 

can awaken and deepen and 

make present, real and concrete that 

the Realization

“I am alive. Now”

 in any moment you wish

“Hey! I am alive now.” What if you say that, or think that. And add the next adornment to this miracle called being alive:
“Hey, thank you, I am alive.”

Who are you thanking?

It doesn’t matter.

Can you feel, right now, gratitude for being alive?

If yes, great.

If not, can you feel gratitude for anything?

This is the second central concept of this book: If you aren’t in gratitude, you are fucked.

Am I really saying that?

Yep.

If we aren’t in gratitude, we are fucked.

Huh?

Central Concept #2: If  we aren’t in gratitude, we are fucked.

Really?

Yep.

If we aren’t in gratitude, we are fucked.

And what does that mean, for you and I and the big blue sky?

A lot.

Everything.

Why?

Because >>>

When we need to “reset” our thinking, or “reset” our mood, or “reset” our momentum,  this is always a good place to start. A reliable place to start. A foolproof place to start?

Really? Foolproof?

Yes… Why? Read on……

Brain research is showing what deeply happy, or spiritual or loving or awakened people have known forever: that 

the brain and heart can be either in gratitude, or fear, 

but not both.

See how important this is?

See how this book is staring: get present to your arms and legs and breathing, and now>>> get into gratitude.

What will this change?

Everything.

GRATITUDE IS THE WAY OUT OF FEAR AND STUCK-NESS.

People have known for centuries that you could and would lead a vastly more happy and productive (and healthy) (and sexy) life

if you gave thanks to the Lord, or 

if you spoke gratitude or wrote it down every morning or night, or 

if you had a heart full of thankfulness/ gratitude for the big and small gifts of your being alive right now, today

This book is for those who want a fabulous love at the center of their life.

Saying that again:

This book is for those who want a fabulous love at the center of their life.

This book is for those who want awakened talk and  loving and happy communication to be a central part of this fabulous love.

This book is for those who want mindful touch and glorious sex to be a central part of this fabulous love.

This book is for those who want an “enlightenment” that is full time, and not so special, and creates a glow of happiness and awareness and joy and service as the full time undercurrent of our lives.

Service: saving humanity and the Earth from the drift toward selfishness and ignorance and racism and sexism and inequality.

And how to do that?

Start with awareness.

Your arms, your legs, your breathing.

Move on to gratitude.

And then one more thing in this chapter.

( And gobs more awakening and love and touch and sex and happiness and “saving the world” games throughout the book)

Ready to shift toward even more happiness?

Good.

Get out a pen and paper and play the first love game, the write down your gratitude game.

LOVE GAME #1: WRITE, RIGHT NOW, FOUR GRATITUDES

The writing should be handwriting, not typed into a computer or smart phone.

“I am grateful…”

“I am grateful…”

“I am grateful…”

“I am grateful…”

If you don’t have paper, handwrite in the air (air writing) four gratitudes. Or “air write” on your leg, or on a nearby table.

Doesn’t matter: just write, right now, four gratitudes.

Paper is nice.

If you have a piece of paper, handwrite four gratitudes. Write slowly, so you are present to your hand and feet and breathing and sight and sound while you write your four gratitudes.

A “gratitude journal” is even better.

Before the week is out get yourself a “gratitude journal.” ( And get a couple more. One will be for goals. The other, awareness plus loves and likes plus “brain/heart searching” for the new and more meaningful and amazing life.)

Do soon buy a journal that is just for gratitudes.

Do soon initiate the practice of doing this at least twice a day.

Why?

Because the brain cannot be in both fear and gratitude at the same time.

I said that before.

Oh, well… this is news to change a life, 

CHANGE YOUR LIFE 

IN ANY MOMENT YOU WANT

TO CHANGE 

FROM WORRY/ UPSET/ ANGER/ SADNESS/ FEAR/ ENVY/ 

ALL THAT SHIT.

Why?

Because the nervous system is wired for love or for fear. Gratitude is a central way of opening your love channel.

How often can you go to gratitude?

As often as you want to feel good, or shift yourself into being able to love and perform and enjoy life.

So….

Let’s do it again.

Never too much gratitude. Right now, write now, four more…

“I am grateful…”

“I am grateful…”

“I am grateful…”

“I am grateful…”

Great. Now read aloud all the gratitudes you have written and listen to your voice and even let yourself smile as you read them.

Okay. We have two giant ways back toward the happiness and love who is who we really are:

Waking up to the moment and realizing: I AM ALIVE.

Shifting from whatever was on our minds and heart to : I AM GRATEFUL FOR…

And now, one more game, a game that will help enlightenment and sex and happiness, a getting out of your head game different than the sensing feet and arms and breathing and different than getting into the heart and hand and writing gratitudes.

This is an “Awareness Plus Movement Plus Learning Game.”

This is a great way to end a chapter of creating instant and wonderful shifts in your life, right now.

Here it is:

Aware Body Game #1: Stand and lengthen and smile and breathe deeply. Connect to gravity. Feel yourself expand.

We are human beings of this planet. Those who knew how to move well survived. Deep in our brains we crave and love graceful and pleasurable movement. Watch any child. Watch any couple of any age dancing together. Remember the last time you skipped.

Being in our bodies with awareness is one thing.

Moving with pleasure and ease and awareness is another.

Why?

Central Concept #3: Without movement there is no life.

Lift up onto your toes. Push down into the earth from your legs as you lift your heels and press into your toes.

Feel the difference: toes into the earth/ ground/ floor and heels up.

Feel what happens to your legs and hips and ribs and spine and head.

Movement is movement, creates a change in your shape on this earth, this planet, this place of gravity, of constant gravity.

Push down your toes and lift your heels, as you..

Take in air as fully as you wish.

Let something like a smile come to your face.

Lift up onto your toes as you breathe in.

Smile as you do this.

Come back down on your heels and let the air out.

Do this four or five times.

Make each time enjoyable and a chance for awareness of you, in a bod y, in motion and breath and awareness.

Central Concept #4: Without awareness we are at a donkey level in our movement. With awareness we are waking up to really being human. With awareness we can increase ease, grace and skill.

Stop.

Notice your body.

How to create more awareness and less donkey?

Have variation.

Let’s try this.

One time as you go up with your heels breath in.

The next time you go up on your heels breathe out.

Feel, sense the difference.

Enjoy, sense the difference.

Delight in exploring and noticing the difference.

Do this a number of times and feel how it is a great combination of soothing and energizing.

(This is a subset of my ten years training in the Feldenkrais Method® and the Anat Baniel Method. More on them later, but at the core they are ways of re-engaging the brain/body as a learning unity the way we were when we were preverbal children and learning to roll over, sit up, crawl and all that good stuff was the center of our life and learning.)

Learning is noticing a difference that makes a difference.

It is not memorizing words.

Go up with breathing in.

Go up with breathing out.

Notice the difference.

Enjoy.

Learn. 

This is not something a donkey, or a worker-outer in most gyms can do. This is not crank it out movement. This is not “range of motion” movement. This is not “stretch” (an abysmal concept) movement. This is not get stronger movement.

Except to get stronger/ smarter/ more aware in the brain.

Let’s get some more variation.

One turn:

Pressing down on the toes ( toes down and heels up) with breathing in.

Back down so heels are flat on the floor/ ground/ earth.

Pressing down on the toes with breathing out.

Back down so heels are flat on the floor/ ground/ earth

Next turn:

Pressing down with the toes, heels up with breathing in

Back down so the heels are pressing into the ground/ floor/ earth and the toes are slightly raised up

Pressing down on the toes, heels up, with breathing out

Back down so the heels are pressing and the toes are slightly raised.

Next turn:

Foot flat on the descending part, as in the first turn

Next 

Toes raised on the descending part, as in the second turn

And back and forth.

So neither becomes a rut to get into.

So your brain and body continuous have differences to notice:

Breathing in vs breathing out when going up

Flat foot vs toes up when going down.

Try this a number of times and start to add a smile with the breathing in.

Or a smile with the breathing out.

Or a smile all the time.

What difference does that make?

This book is about transformation.

Transformation is about learning at the level deeper than words.

Learning is about noticing differences.

Please delight in noticing and sensing the differences, as well as the simple wonderful pleasure of using your body/ mind slowly and gracefully:

How is it different to be on your heels and on your toes.

How is it different to have the foot flat on the descend vs having the toes up on the descent?

How is it different to be breathing in and breathing out?

How is it different smiling and not smiling?

(And here’s another crucial difference: how is it different doing this as an exploration vs doing this to “do it right?”)

None of these are a quiz. None of these need and should have a verbal answer.

The sensing is in you.

Have fun.

Be aware.

Notice learning in all of your life.

If you want, go write some more gratitudes and notice the difference that makes.

Good.

See you in the next chapter..

( PS: Can you feel how useful this being in your body and learning differences in movement, and being in gratitude and noticing differences in your state of being will be later for your sex life?

I hope so.)

Good again.