What women should know about men: Say it like the first time

Every time you, woman, talk to a man ....
Say it like the first time...

(From Nicole Daedone's book:
Slow Sex)

 

 He is not as subtle as you..
Nor does he operate on many channels at once

If you expect him to remember the emotional overtones
of the last five times you brought up the idea of going
to a certain place

he might
and
he probably won't

he might have a schedule in his head
and he'll have to be asked,
do you remember how nice it felt last time we went to Barton Creek?

otherwise he hears a request/ (he might even hear a demand)
to change his schedule in his head around

and if he shifts one thing,
he'll have to shift these other three

and meanwhile,
you, woman, want the sunshine and the friends and his warm touch
on your thigh and his hug in the water

you want to connect
you want him to want to connect

you can never lose
saying what you want:

I want to connect
I want to spend some play time with you
I want to touch more
I want you to put down your iPhone and talk to me

and you can never lose
by
saying how you feel:

I feel like you are abandoning me
I feel like I'm horny and you're not
I feel like grabbing you, and I'm afraid to
I feel like slamming a door and having a tantrum to get some attention

Make it simple
He loves you
He wants to know what's going on

But he doesn't want to be confused

Say it to him like the first time

You'll be happier
He'll be happier

Good

Vows for Relationship Enlightenment

1. I vow to be present and authentic in and apart from our relationship.

Authentic means true to my feelings, wishes, goals and moment by moment inclinations.
It does not demand of you to match, join, or even approve of my authentic self.

And most especially, authentic does not include the cowardly "honesty" of complaining about what's going on in me and blaming that on you.

2. I vow to have zero tolerance for any complaining about you from me. I.e. not to do it.
Ever.

3. I do vow to be honest in my feelings, rather than repressed. To combine this with #2, I vow to state my feelings only in this shortened form:
"I feel angry."  Period. No "because you..."
"I feel sad." Period. No "because you..."

4. I vow to take total responsibility for all the "because-s" after any feelings I have.
These usually include some or all of these:
a. lack of being present
b. a story about how the other is not (and should) match some picture in my mind
c. a trigger from some past "wound," which means an area I haven't "done" the Work on yet.
d. a cowardly attempt/ habit  to blame others outside for what I feel inside.

5. I vow to do the Work ( the Work of Byron Katie, TheWork.com) on any and all of my stories.

6. I vow to commit myself to your happiness, to your achieving your life goals and wishes, to your need for space, time and respect.

7. I vow to listen when you wish to communicate. Fully. In the present. No interrupting. No interpreting.

8. I vow not to interpret any of your behavior, thinking or feeling, unless you are doing some inner work and ASK for this.

9. These are my vows.
You can join them or not. I invite you to, and that's your business.
I you join them, I vow not to nag, scold, or even point out when you "fail" to meet them.

10. On the other hand, I vow to listen to your observations about when and how I have missed the mark on keeping them.

11. I vow to make requests, not demands. Which means I vow to honor and even enjoy any and all "no's" to my requests, as what they are: you exercising your right and joy to be precisely the one whom I love: you being exactly yourself, moment by moment.

Good