( these are, the improve love and sex posts, being published in
http://Loveandsexbeforedinner.blogspot.com)
One: take the time.
that's what the twenty minutes before dinner is about
and that's not to top limit. you can talk for hours if you want
Two:
be present
we get lost in our stories of
how another person should have been
in the present
we can at least report:
this is my sensation
this is my emotion
and
then go into the song and dance if we have to
Three:
Listen
that's what the timer game of you talk for three minutes
while your partner is non interrupting and preent
and they talk for three and you return the favot
and
here's a new twist:
Four:
Ask
Take 3 or 4 minute turns,
ask a question,
listen to the answer
do not comment on or respond to the answer
just
ask another question
ask questions and listen to answers until the timer runs out the time
Ask deeper and deeper questions:
How are you feeling?
Upset.
Would you please tell me about it?
I don't feel that we are working very well as a couple.
Could you tell me a couple of ways that seems true to you?
......
What would you like to see changed?
How are you feeling as you say this?
What would you like me to do differently?
How do you think you could change?
And so on...
Asking good questions takes awhile.
Love takes awhile.
We think ( imagine) that with the right chemistry and going out to dinner enough and drinking enough wine everything is going to be fine
If your robot matches theirs, it might
otherwise.
if you want love
you gots to put in your time
and asking questions
and listening
in the present
to the answers
and then asking a caring and curious next question
this is how we can "make" love
with our clothes on
good
