Showing posts with label control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label control. Show all posts

Thursday, July 04, 2019

Freedom and Freedom: July 4th awakening

July 4, 2019
Freedom and Freedom
Waking up to our real freedom


Fourth of July is either a big deal or not, AND it could be a reminder that freedom, real freedom, is our birthright.
First level freedom - - you know, freedom from illegal search, freedom of speech and press, freedom to drive down the street and not be stopped because of your skin color, freedom to live where you want, freedom from being thrown in the clinker without being told why - - these and more and a wonderful baseline to good life.
And not everyone has them.
And for most white Americans, they exist, of course with greater and greater reliability to more money you have.
And,
leaving aside my not so subtle political ranting, let’s look at a deeper level of freedom, the freedom of our own soul, the freedom to be at peace inside, the freedom of your own inner weather.
This is our birthright. This freedom is a buddy of our birthrights: happiness, awareness, love, learning.
And the easiest way to talk about and explore this inner weather, inner freedom is to lay out what causes the central slavery of most of humanity:
  1. fear of dis-approval from others
  2. fear of dis-approval from our own inner judgment machine ( and machine is exactly the right word: this inner attack robot is totally automatic)
  3. believing any of our hard-luck, poor-me, victim, should/shouldn’t, life-is-unfair thinking.

Disconnect from these three and we are in the land of freedom and happiness and learning and love.
So let’s check them out, briefly, one at a time.
And you, gentle and becoming more wise everyday, reader, keep checking them out every time you are unhappy. Chances are one of these slaveries is grasping you by the soul, heart and balls.

Fear of outer disapproval. 
Just notice how often this colors, or guides or constrains what we are willing to do, or not to do.
And notice this reality: they can dis-approve until they are blue in the face and we don’t have to believe it.
Or, if it’s true to some extent, we don’t have to think we are unfit as a human. We are just human. We can change.

There is judging: we could have gotten up earlier and gotten a run/ walk/ meditation in.
And that might be true.
And there could be an intonation to the judgment: you are yuk because you didn’t get up earlier.
Nah, we can consider that benefits and disadvantages of getting up earlier to run/ walk/ meditate.
We can chose freedom from yuk and not agree with, or buy into the intonation.

Watch this in all arguing.
It’s vastly more crippling than we realize, not the least of which is fear of improvement because when we hear the yuk intonation we knee jerk reject the possibly useful feedback.


Fear of inner disapproval. That sticky voice of : you are wrong, bad, little, terrible, etc.
Listen for something like that any time unhappiness sneaks in to know you our of a full and delightful life.

And this inner disapproval is actually a subset of believing our own thinking.
Big chunks of this book we be about shift we can make when we get lost in should and shouldn’t about the world, and ourselves and other people.
We will dive deeply into the work of Byron Katie, which to my experience is the quickest way out of first world suffering. (The suffering of people being mean, inconsiderate, or the job not working out, or sickness / death coming at the “wrong” time, vs third world suffering of being bombed, shot, rapped, stabbed.)
This way offers one main thing: freedom.
It offers this by learning, learning the difference between when we believe our poor-me thinking and when we either don’t believe it, or just hop out of thinking into real time, now time present reality.
Let’s talk about this tomorrow.
For today, though, let’s stick with the real freedom of what it would be like to not believe our thinking about how the world “should” or “shouldn’t” be as it is.
This is enlightenment by the way: giving up our struggle to demand that reality be different than it is.
An elephant comes down the road.
We want it to be a giraffe.
Impossible.
The more we think life is cruel and unfair because it isn’t a giraffe, the more we suffer.
This is slavery.
The more we love it being an elephant the happier we can be.
A simple example to be sure.

Harder:
A friend dies at 52.
The friend should have lived longer.
No matter how much we want that to have been different, the friend is still dead.
Which way is freedom?
Which way is slavery?

Slavery: wanting to control what we can’t.
Freedom: being present to the reality of our life in the moment.
This is big work.
This is enlightenment not “just” to achieve some fancy high grade word. This is enlightenment to return to our birthright: freedom, happiness, presence, delight and love. (And more, and more: great sex - - LUST - - being one. Being able NOT to be trapped in arguments - - LOVE - - is another.)
Consider your life and inner weather in any and all moments: are you free and happy?
If so, good.
If not, who is causing this slavery?

Could be you.

More tomorrow.

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Love is, Love Ain't 9

You can try and control reality
and
you'll fail

You can ask for what you want
and in
the mean time
what you've got is best treated this way:

love it


I've practiced this awhile, and have had the great
gift and good fortune to be reunited ( see the blog,
Love is Love Ain't 8: The Heart Knows What the Head has Forgotten)
with a love
who was deep
and it was a mess

and it stopped

and various of us thought the other was wrong
and then we got in the same room
after enough time
and no one was
wrong

it was just love


and tonight she's with an old lover
so be it

loving her
means loving her having what she wants

tonight she wants him
( this morning she came to me,
she's a woman full of love)

this makes me happy

call me crazy

or call me out of control

or call me wanting this women to be who
she is
and discover her true path

whatever is up

I love her
and wish them a wonderful night.

Yewo.

Wednesday, September 04, 2013

staying awake by staying at least a little uncomfortable

we came from the jungle
ADD, the jumping of attention from one thing to another
would seem useful in a wild environment, when any direction
including up and down, could yield danger,
could yield food

life was intense
awareness was high
or
you died

and then life
got safer
and safer
and safer

and so when someone says:
what was the flavor of your last kiss?
we finally feel something,
the lights go on,
the charge comes back
the jungle

walk barefoot on uneven ground,
find a place where you have to look up and down,
spin daily, or more,
touch the ground and keep your eyes up
high,
touch the sky and let your eyes watch the ground

play around

with the habits
with the right way to do things,
where "right" means "comfortable" means "rocking no one's boat"
means
low sensation

so, what's the cure?
do something not right today.

but kindly
other people count too

fucking with people is not the game
not really
though it might,
in small doses,
be a stage

but we've got to get more uncomfortable,
which means saying what we really really want to
say
which is different than using our umpf to blast
other people because they dare be different than we want
them
to
behave

give up control
talk about uncomfortable
talk about not knowing what going to happen next
talk about living in freedom
which can be defined as
"I don't know."

this is a ridiculous little ramble
and what's the point?

Don't be too careful
don't be too good
make yourself uncomfortable
hang in there with the sensation

it's just you in the present moment
which is
just
life

which is just
everything

Good

Monday, June 17, 2013

Dyamnic Relationship vs Fixed Relationship

RELATIONSHIP AS A SPIRITUAL PRACTICE

Chang from the paradigm of playing for each others captivity to playing for each others freedom by changing the perspective from Fixed to Dynamic Relating.


FIXED:


1, Concept driven, predictable and secure, two halves of a whole

2. Fixed roles where the purpose is to feel loved.

3. Trust means others should live up to your expectations, always trying to be "good"

4. Angry at others ( or , big baby, "hurt")  when they aren't "doing it our way, " the way we "trusted" (= imagined) they "should" do it

5 Angry/ hurt when we aren't in control.

6. Relationship is disposable, better at the beginning

7. Both agree to conform to fixed concepts

8. Control / love with conditions






DYNAMIC:


1. Desire-driven, following the next right step, two wholes coming together, secure in themselves

2. Spherical relating that begins at and returns to Friend where the purpose is to love.

3. Trust others to be who they are, willing to be messy

4. Curious about others when their way is different than our way. Amused at our old "hurt" programming and see it as a childhood left behind.

5. Excited and the upside of freefall when we aren't in control ( call it orgasm, what the hell)

6. Relationship is eternal, stay connected no matter what the form, always best in the now

7. Both agree to be truthful, willing to negotiate, learn, and wake up

8. (Unconditional) Love

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

New Website: thejoyofdivorce.info



 .com wasn't available
And Info is always good:

there are only three pages on it.
Please check it Out:

TheJoyOfDivorce.info
the three pages so far:

One: the home page.

Two telling of two Friday night intro evenings
and a five month process

Three: telling of an intensive 2 or 3 day process for one
or both of the people undergoing the divorce.

Here's a bit I like from the website:




In Chinese, the character for
Crisis
is the same as that for
Opportunity

Most lives in contemporary society are mere shadow lives, played out behind a SOCIAL MASK, squelched by CONDITIONING,
and riddled by PARALYZING FEAR OF DISAPPROVAL,
that reaches into our every movement,
thought,
feeling, & even
spiritual aspiration.

Times of breakdown are among the few in our life when we can “GO BACK TO ZERO”
and
reconstruct ourselves as we really are,
and really wish to be,
and are really
MEANT TO BE.


This has huge parallels to the Feldie
and ABM work,
since sadly, though people could be going from good to great
to better in dance and sports and music and breathing and walking,
they
mainly come in when things are
"broken."

The above quote, from me,
is a nice reminder: these broken periods
are VERY fertile times for building a new
life.

Good for us.

Good for the broken ones who clomp on in.