Sex Every Day. Really? Yes.

Week Four, Day Four: LUST

Suck his Penis - MINDFULLY

Stroke her Clitoris — MINDFULLY

Go into Now

Go into Nature

Expand love

Expand life

Be grateful: write them down. Speak them.

Talk in turns.

More…. 

Seven actions for everyday

If you’ve got this far, here’s seven things you need to do every day:

1. Hug with awareness

2. Talk in turns about gratitude and what you love and what you aware of in the present

3. Every other day:

Have either a FOAM (Female Orgasm Awareness Meditation), ten minutes or so,  one way sexual meditation.

Or, a Mindful Penis Sucking (MPS, again ten minutes or so) one way sexual meditation.

Both NOT about the goal of climax. 

Both NOT about any goals other than awareness, presence, giving/ receiving and pleasure in the moment.

4. Write gratitudes in a journal and write goals in a journal

5. Do some form of “energy exercises” or mindful movement, together, in the present, both in the morning and before bed

6. Do some form of deep breathing/ meditation together every day. Or a mindful walk in Nature. Some form of non-verbal, going to connection with the person who is you when you are BEING and not DOING. Human beings, right, vs human doings?

7. Set out to be present, happy, and loving all day, no matter what comes your way.

That’s a lot.

Oh, well.

If you want a fabulous relationship, it’s going to require going against the grain of being housemates, or warring partners, or pent up disgust waiting for a divorce down the road.

If you want to wake up, you have to wake up.

Sex every day, in one of the non-reciprocal ways is a big part of an awakened partnership and marriage.

And it’s a one seventh part.

Without wakefulness the greatest sex will grow weird and greedy and will end up in one of these awful non-monogamy communities. I know people here and there get a big buzz out of these, and basically: they are unhappy, and filling the time with emotional therapy instead of really living life.

Without goals and gratitudes, you are basically drifting through life, which is what the world wants (as a drifter, you are easy prey for whatever they want to sell you, either material goods, or war, or some sort of massive distraction like Facebook)

Energy exercises are so obvious.

Movement with awareness is.

We are in a body.

Without connection down to our toes and out to our fingers, we aren’t really fully human.

Breathing/ meditation is even less obvious.

Being in Nature is not.

If you have children, you have probably experienced how they shift instantly when they are in nature.

If you have you, you have probably experienced how you shift instantly when you are in nature.

Meditation is sitting, doing nothing, except doing a lot with your attention. On your breathing. On being alive. On awareness. On sending a visualization of light to various areas (lungs, feet, liver, heart, ribs, brain) that you wouldn’t mind feeling and functioning better.

It’s like a self-love game.

Try it.

And so, this chapter is supposed to be about penis sucking.

Some would recommend a couple of months of the FOAM first. 

For couples who have zero or little sex, the guy needs to be brought into the strange and wonderful world of JUST RECEIVING.

So, we’ll start this today, in week four.

Make it every other day with letting her be in the world of JUST RECEIVING.

Lust Game # 13: Be awake and aware during non-reciprocal sex

Have non-reciprocal sex every day

One day, ALL FOR HER

One day, ALL FOR HIM

(Not that hard to modify for gay couples)

Don’t aim for climax

Be present

Feel the connection

Alternate which form of non-reciprocal sex every other day.

This is fair.

This is fun.

This is feisty.

This wakes up connection in a way that cannot be explained on the page.

You have to experience this.

Please do.

Summary of Week Four, Day Six: LUST

Lust for life.

Meditate/ go to nature

Gratitudes in a journal and in your speaking

Have non-reciprocal sex every day

Do the other from the list of seven. Every day is a miracle.

You are a miracle.

All seven help you wake up to the miracle of you as a miracle. 

Argue No More -- Three Delightful Steps back to Love

Week Two, Day One:  LOVE

Concept #8 : WE DON’T NEED TO ARGUE—

Say Five Times as Many “Good” Things…

 A Three Step Alternative

We love to argue, because we have conditioned minds. What do conditioned minds want most of all?

To be right.

And they are stupid.

So if we feel bad, or shift into reactivity and start feeling bad, our stupid conditioned minds have a stupid conditioned program called: YOUR FAULT.

This always seems true.

This always fucks up our life.

And makes it less fun.

And can lead to feeling like we’re miserable.

And we so-called “KNOW” (ha! An opinion masking as a “fact”) why we are miserable.

Because we believe a ridiculous thought, which is: You are at the cause of my feeling bad.

Which always seems true.

And which is always a lie.

And always makes us weak, because it’s firmly saddled in the victim mode that says: YOU are the cause of my feelings.

Here’s the sad and wonderful truth: we are always always, we are the cause of our feelings.

WE ARE ALWAYS ALWAYS THE CAUSE OF HOW WE FEEL.

Later we’ll see that it’s almost entirely our THOUGHTS about whatever the other person did that are “causing” our bad feelings.

And enough theory. It’s up to you to discover how you make yourself unhappy, and then to stop that.

You may be pleasantly delighted to discover that once you stop making yourself unhappy, you are automatically happy. 

ONCE YOU STOP MAKING YOURSELF UNHAPPY, YOU ARE OFTEN AUTOMATICALLY HAPPY)

(There is more to it, because out of of bodies and in our heads it’s very hard to live a fun and full and creative life…. And for now. Let’s kick the arguing habit into a corner, and have this wonderful three step process to be more alive, and connected and loving.)

LOVE GAME #5: Write two lists of appreciation: for yourself and for “the other”

Five things you love or like or appreciate about yourself.

Five things you love or like or appreciate about the other.

Love Game #6: Write two short lists: ONE thing each, to improve

One thing that you could do “a little better”. I know, I know, you are perfect. And…. there might just be ONE thing you could do a little inny weenie bit better.

One thing (ONE) that your partner/ friend/ child/ friend/ ???/ could do “a little better”.

This is a secret to good relationship. Five nice things to every one not so nice thing.

The brain likes to latch on to the negative. So, we need to start with five times as many nice things.

ABOUT OURSELVES, TOO.

We need to get in the habit of writing lists of what we love about ourselves.

Love Game #7: Discover the “we goal” behind the two wishes to improve.

For example:  I am too critical, sometimes.

The we goal: We are creating an environment of support and listening and patience and being present and grateful.

Or, another example: You should not withdraw when things go south.

The we goal: We are staying connected no matter what.

This can be any we goal that you want. It need only be something that you are sure that both of you agree and thrive by.

So, this is fun.

And this is a way to look at the half of the problem that is us.

This is a way to look at the “we goals” that are about the love and connection and fun and life richness that is what we really want.

Amen.

Awakened Love, Awakened Lust, Everyday Enlightenment

What’s Possible: In Love, Lust, and Enlightenment Coaching

AWAKENED LOVE COULD BE:

Love as the transformation of all the bad relationship habits of your whole life.

Love as daily communication, eye to eye, deep listening, not interrupting, not arguing.

Gratitude and awareness of now as central to your life together.

AWAKENED LUST COULD BE:

Sex in one of three forms, every day

Sex as a learning, a connection, a conversation

Sex as a dipping into the mystery of existence and coming back more in tune with God/ the meaning of Life

EVERYDAY ENLIGHTENMENT COULD BE:

happiness, in spite of anything, almost all the time

present in our bodies, in all circumstances, almost all the time

forgiveness as a path of joy, love and liberation… never going to bed with anything unforgiven, preferably any complaint forgiven within half an hour