forgiving, for giving, be happy

there's an old saying
that not forgiving
is like
swallowing the rat poison
and
hoping that the other person
dies

usually they don't
usually you feel bad
feel badly
feel awful

and the questions 3 and 4 of the work
work
well to get this as experience
rather than
moralizing

no
"You should forgive"

no
"let it go."

no
"move on"


you've got a grudge

"So and so shouldn't have done X"

it burns you up

you ask the first two questions
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know it's true?

and then:

when you believe that
"so and so shouldn't have done X" , how do you react?

That's # 3: How do you react when you hold this thought?

And you write down all the ways you feel bad,
when that thought is in your mind and
eating away at you.

#4, is just to try this out,
you don't have to "let go"

but, ask: "Without that thought in my mind, who am I? What am I?"

Go there.
Play.

And now,
get in two chairs and go back and forth:

This is me, when I hold the thought in belief

Change chairs:
This is me without the thought in my head.
or
This is me if I don't believe the thought.

Compare.

Go back and forth.

No "right" way to choose, and the difference feels so great
that the choice often simple makes itself.

Try it out and discover for yourself.
Good.

Jealousy and the famous "letting go" thing

Jealousy sucks, it drives you crazy,
it's genius for driving the other person away,
and it's selfish nonsense.

And it hurts and consumes and so on.

And a friend or adviser or guru could say,
"Just let it go."
Right.

So, this is a moment in my life when I wasn't trying to "let go," but did, and did by the waking up magic of the Work of Byron Katie.
In that work, you write down the thought that is driving you crazy.
You ask four questions.
Which you can see at Katie's site, or other entries in this blog,
and then you do what's called the "turn around."

This was 1998, or so. And the thought was
"So and so should love me more."

And why?
Well, so and so, after 7 years with me, had ditched our
fighting and sinking ship, and had gone of with another man, say Tom.

She was in love with Tom. She was with Tom.
Even though we'd fought like hell, and part of me knew that peace had descended, I was still
torturing myself
torturing myself
torturing myself
with the thought: "She should love me more."

The turn around is great in couple's complaining, so "You should listen to me more," becomes "I should listen to you more." And, "I should listen to me more."

"You should appreciate me more"  becomes "I should appreciate you more" and "I should appreciate me" more.

So, "so and so should love me more," became, and it was hard to swallow: "I should love so and so more."

And suddenly, it wasn't swallowing a bitter pill, it was a rocket ship to freedom, because I actually felt realized and understood that loving "so and so" more meant, well, actually loving her,
which meant:
being happy that she was with the person she wanted to be with.

This wasn't words.
This was love, remembering itself, and deeply happy for her.

I was set free.

Jealousy was gone.

My life was never quite the same after than moment.
Good.

Chris on Thursday.

The end of suffering, if we want: Question #4: Without story, what's left?

if we have shit in our head

and it's usually about how
someone should be different,
or how we should be different,

and we've done the first three quesions
(see yesterday's "poem")

then this is left:
#4: Who or what would we be without the thought?

Simple.
"Just" be the who or what we are,
with no thought in our head.

Hmmmmm

A little difficult.
Well, well,
well: on the way, try
#4 minor: Who or what would we be if we didn't believe the thought?

And most bestest sweetest finest:
see how many seconds
we can have no thoughts

what happens to our suffering?

Don't have an answer:
have an experience

good

The attachment game viewed closely: Question #3 from Byron Katie

Ah, life, ah, habit:

this happens doesn't it?
something doesn't "go our way"
we tell ourselves that it
"should have"

we feel bad

and then,
weirdly, we tell ourselves that again,
and we still feel bad

and then we tell ourselves that
again
and
low and behold (whatever that means)
we feel bad as before

And here's a game,
when we feel bad,
Ask the first two questions
of the thought behind our feeling bad
(#1: Is it true,
#2, Can I absolutely know that this is true?)

And then ask ourselves:
#3: How do I react when I attach to that thought?
I.e. how do I feel, as emotion,
how do I feel, in my body as sensation,
how do I live: what do I avoid, what do I do/do/do
whom do I treat not so well

the consequences
as they are
line them up
write them down

take clarity in seeing:

Thought in/
attachment applied/
results


Another word for attaching to the thought
could be believing it

this is the start of freedom,
perhaps

and to goose up things a little,
and get a jump on Question #4 tomorrow

after lining up the misery ducks
from attaching to the thought

take the 5 second
NO THOUGHT IN THE BEANO
VACATION
that Adyashanti mentions
as the quick and easy way
to discover
who you really are

Good.