Thursday, June 27, 2013

Jealousy and the famous "letting go" thing

Jealousy sucks, it drives you crazy,
it's genius for driving the other person away,
and it's selfish nonsense.

And it hurts and consumes and so on.

And a friend or adviser or guru could say,
"Just let it go."

So, this is a moment in my life when I wasn't trying to "let go," but did, and did by the waking up magic of the Work of Byron Katie.
In that work, you write down the thought that is driving you crazy.
You ask four questions.
Which you can see at Katie's site, or other entries in this blog,
and then you do what's called the "turn around."

This was 1998, or so. And the thought was
"So and so should love me more."

And why?
Well, so and so, after 7 years with me, had ditched our
fighting and sinking ship, and had gone of with another man, say Tom.

She was in love with Tom. She was with Tom.
Even though we'd fought like hell, and part of me knew that peace had descended, I was still
torturing myself
torturing myself
torturing myself
with the thought: "She should love me more."

The turn around is great in couple's complaining, so "You should listen to me more," becomes "I should listen to you more." And, "I should listen to me more."

"You should appreciate me more"  becomes "I should appreciate you more" and "I should appreciate me" more.

So, "so and so should love me more," became, and it was hard to swallow: "I should love so and so more."

And suddenly, it wasn't swallowing a bitter pill, it was a rocket ship to freedom, because I actually felt realized and understood that loving "so and so" more meant, well, actually loving her,
which meant:
being happy that she was with the person she wanted to be with.

This wasn't words.
This was love, remembering itself, and deeply happy for her.

I was set free.

Jealousy was gone.

My life was never quite the same after than moment.

Chris on Thursday.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

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