Thursday, June 27, 2013

Jealousy and the famous "letting go" thing

Jealousy sucks, it drives you crazy,
it's genius for driving the other person away,
and it's selfish nonsense.

And it hurts and consumes and so on.

And a friend or adviser or guru could say,
"Just let it go."

So, this is a moment in my life when I wasn't trying to "let go," but did, and did by the waking up magic of the Work of Byron Katie.
In that work, you write down the thought that is driving you crazy.
You ask four questions.
Which you can see at Katie's site, or other entries in this blog,
and then you do what's called the "turn around."

This was 1998, or so. And the thought was
"So and so should love me more."

And why?
Well, so and so, after 7 years with me, had ditched our
fighting and sinking ship, and had gone of with another man, say Tom.

She was in love with Tom. She was with Tom.
Even though we'd fought like hell, and part of me knew that peace had descended, I was still
torturing myself
torturing myself
torturing myself
with the thought: "She should love me more."

The turn around is great in couple's complaining, so "You should listen to me more," becomes "I should listen to you more." And, "I should listen to me more."

"You should appreciate me more"  becomes "I should appreciate you more" and "I should appreciate me" more.

So, "so and so should love me more," became, and it was hard to swallow: "I should love so and so more."

And suddenly, it wasn't swallowing a bitter pill, it was a rocket ship to freedom, because I actually felt realized and understood that loving "so and so" more meant, well, actually loving her,
which meant:
being happy that she was with the person she wanted to be with.

This wasn't words.
This was love, remembering itself, and deeply happy for her.

I was set free.

Jealousy was gone.

My life was never quite the same after than moment.

Chris on Thursday.

Monday, June 24, 2013

What does Humanity Need?

What does humanity need?

I have couples go through this exercise, saying to each other,
while being present,
following their breathing,
looking each other in the eye:

"This is what I want for me.....
This is what I want for you....
This is what I want for us...."

To this, I think I'll now add:

"This is what I want for Humanity.....
This is what I want for the Earth......"

And here's the weird and wonderful part:

What I want for you, if I'm really thinking long game, and what's best for your life, this is what I want for humanity:
real sex
real connection

We are, you and I, playing a big game, this waking up and being true to ourselves and living in love and desire.
We are playing the game of leaving suffering behind.

And it can't be just for us, just you and me and a couple of our good sweet hot buddies and gals.
The whole world has had enough exploitation.
That we need to help end.

The whole worlds as had enough unhappiness because women's power, the power of her sexuality, the power of the creative and the messy and the earthy, and the confusing and the unknown, has been locked down and denied.

It's time to liberate ourselves and humanity and the Earth: get our hands in the soil, get our feet bare, waste time talking to our neighbors who live right next to us, mulch our gardens.

Even this,
a ramble if there ever was one:
it's a spilling out of that way of thinking:

everything matters,
the leaves you save instead of blow off and away
the crying your friend does that you enjoy and encourage
the confusion that you feel and honor
the truth you tell

the desire
the desire
the desire

to touch
make out
make love,
look in the eys
hold hands,
go slow

we are all pieces of God
wanting to get back to each other

this is what I want for you
this is what I want for me
this is what I want for us
this is what I want for humanity
this is what I want for the Earth:

in the present
with that which remains when all else disappears in
the present,
which is


cheers and happy Monday


Monday, June 17, 2013

Dyamnic Relationship vs Fixed Relationship


Chang from the paradigm of playing for each others captivity to playing for each others freedom by changing the perspective from Fixed to Dynamic Relating.


1, Concept driven, predictable and secure, two halves of a whole

2. Fixed roles where the purpose is to feel loved.

3. Trust means others should live up to your expectations, always trying to be "good"

4. Angry at others ( or , big baby, "hurt")  when they aren't "doing it our way, " the way we "trusted" (= imagined) they "should" do it

5 Angry/ hurt when we aren't in control.

6. Relationship is disposable, better at the beginning

7. Both agree to conform to fixed concepts

8. Control / love with conditions


1. Desire-driven, following the next right step, two wholes coming together, secure in themselves

2. Spherical relating that begins at and returns to Friend where the purpose is to love.

3. Trust others to be who they are, willing to be messy

4. Curious about others when their way is different than our way. Amused at our old "hurt" programming and see it as a childhood left behind.

5. Excited and the upside of freefall when we aren't in control ( call it orgasm, what the hell)

6. Relationship is eternal, stay connected no matter what the form, always best in the now

7. Both agree to be truthful, willing to negotiate, learn, and wake up

8. (Unconditional) Love

Friday, June 14, 2013

10 things women should know about men---- important stuff

Hi there, here's the second part
From Nicole Daedone's book: Slow Sex

buy it
devour it
change everything in your heart, mind and sex

What Women should know about Men:

  1. Men experience acknowledgment through a woman’s happiness.
  2. If you want him to treat you like an equal, then be his equal.
  3. Nice is the trump card.
  4. Say it to a man every time like the first time.
  5. Fixing is what a man does when he can’t figure out how to turn you on.
  6. His conditioning says for him to be autonomous and independent.
  7. He really is that simple, and it’s not the same as dumb.
  8. When you hit, it hurts.
  9. Men get confused when women withhold information.
  10. Approval turns him on.  

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Ten things Men should Know about Women ( warning, sex is in here)

From the book slow Sex

What Men should know about Women:

  1. For women, everything is connected.
  2.  Women want sex just as much as men—just not the sex that’s on the menu.
  3. Women will short order their desires
  4. Women have as much sexual energy as men, it just freezes more easily.
  5. What she really wants is access to your attention.
  6. Learn to navigate her desire.
  7. Women have no idea how much men love them.
  8. Behind every woman’s complaint is a desire.
  9. Women are not just dishonorable men.
  10. She doesn’t want to win

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

when you want to coast ...don't

when you want to coast.... don't

take a nap
take a walk
do tai chi yoga meditate

OM by golly,
get that sexual connection happening

or work a little harder
but from awake
and turn on
not from doggedness

let the dogs be dogged

let the humans be being
even while we are doing,
we can be human being

then the coasting is conscious
and we might even call it
or sailing
or Maria

we can call it anything we want
and if we are there
it's good
because it's life
us in life

and then again...
guess what?


Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Next dream... please

we move along,
we have a dream
we plod after it
and then
one day,
we get fired up
turned on,
we zoom to the dream
and beyond, sometimes,
almost effortlessly

and then what?

time for the next dream

There is a wonderful Moshe Feldenkrais story. He was doing a large group workshop, in which people needed to get up and down from the floor. One lady, restricted by cerebral palsy, was in need of a lot of assistance, and gamely kept up with everyone.

After the group lesson, Moshe called on her to be his demonstration student for his one on one Functional Integration work on the table. She came up, with assistance, and he sat her down and asked her what her dream was.

She said, to dance.

He nodded, and then worked his neurological magic for half an hour, then stood her up, and proceeded to waltz around the room with her, to not a dry eye.

Then he turned to her quite seriously and asked: "And now, what is your next dream?"

this is life:
the engagement
the solving of the riddles
the moving forward,
especially when the meandering and all inclusive feminine
is dancing with the one stop at a time, and linear masculine
to create a ability,
a new life
a new action
ah, bliss

and then:
"Next dream, please."

Monday, June 10, 2013

After Nine Month: Orgasmic Birth (????)

Yesterday, I graduated from nine months of the most intense inner work of my life. And since it really was inner work, it was hell. Since it was real inner work, it involved death, the dropping off of the clung to not-me, and that was hard, hard, to say the least. and on the other side: heaven. For 10 weekends, one a month from September of 2012 until June of 2013, I've been flying from Austin to San Francisco to learn the art, science and magic of Orgasmic Meditation.

And what is Orgasmic Meditation you might ask?
Stick around and you'll be answered. If not today. Tomorrow or the next day.

This program was so full and rich and world destroying and life rebuilding that I'm going to post about it for 30 days straight. Today is June 10. The last post in this series will be July 10.

Who knows what I'll say, but I'll try to convey at least a little of the riches I have received every day.

okay, okay, what to say today:
you've heard it a lot: the truth will set you free.
i've seen and felt and experienced that many times over the last nine months.
sometimes, the simplest truth, like: "I would like some help" can, if expressed, be a life changer

so can the vulnerable truth in the present.
as in now: I want to convey to you the wonders of Orgasmic Meditation as a PRACTICE, as a daily engagement, that will lead you, as it has lead me, to greater and greater connection with others, and greater and greater opening to what I'm really feeling.

This is what I want for you today: to sense in your body, the sensation of you, right now. And to feel in your emotional self, what your emotional feelings are.
One kind of feeling: sensation ( I feel a warmth and fluttering in my chest and a constriction near my eyes) and as emotion ( I feel tender and tentative).

And if you want to ask yourself: how could I feel more, sense more, connect more?
This is what it feels like for me, now, after nine months: all these three keep expanding and expanding and expanding, more sensations, more emotions, more connection.

And what is OM, what is Orgasmic Meditation?
Starters: a 15 minute partner mediation, where the stroker ( usually a man, but not always) storkes, with the gentleness of the weight of 2 sheets of paper, the upper left hand quadrant of a woman's clitoris. With a timer. And rules to keep this just a mediation. And guidelines to use this to enrich and clear up your life.

It's simple, it unearths a life based on desire ( ie our real selves vs our should/shouldn't good/bad sevles), it increases attention, and connection.

How? Stay tuned.

Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Life on it's own terms

life on it's own terms is
the sweet and easy way to go

and sometimes I forget
and want it on my terms

and lose

it's called suffering

and that suffering is part of life on it's own

and can be examimed

and experienced in the moment

wake up
and / or
turn on

can happen on a dine