Complaining as "love making"

Complaining as "love making"

That's a trick title

and not really
it's not really a trick,
because without alchemy,
life is prison,
is hell:

the old way of complaining 
is hell
is prison
and never turns into Love making, except make up sex,
which isn't love,
it's froth

but,here,
let's discover some magic

( why else be in a relationship?)

we just need to turn the world on its head

and

that's what we always need to do

if we are to be 

awake

and 

happy

and

effective

and what other kind of life would you want to lead?

so:

you got a complaint

we have this ongoing series:

Love and Sex before dinner
 which has
10 minutes of some sort of touch connection
and 18 minutes of back and forth communication,
3  non interrupted minutes per turn, 3 turns each

so,
you have a complaint,
and it's your turn to talk....

ta da

you have three minutes to tell it to your sweetheart

here's some pointers:

be present and remember:

this is the person you love

remember:

what you think they are doing wrong,

you are too

so

try to say how you do it, too

when you say how they do it
( you don't listen, I don't listen; you get angry, I get angry at your getting angry; you take me for granted, I take you for granted..... search, it doesn't have to be an equal amount)

remember , three:

beneath all complaints is a desire

which means,
beneath all complaints could be a request

suggestion
(just in case you want to "make" love)
make the request

so:

I feel so punk when you are too busy for me

Ah, I love you

Ah, there are times when I get too busy for you

Ah, I'd like to make sure we spend more time together..
Can we talk later about some extra times we can spend together?

Now....

this half hour before dinner, Love and Sex before dinner
( see the expanding collection at the blog  http://LoveandSexBeforeDinner.blogspot.com ,
if you wish)

is

the MINIMUM

to have sweetness

how can you get more out of it?

do it more

but only for the love and fun

of it

and the joy of waking up as a partnership in enlightenment

Resurrection: What Dies, What Lives

There's a dramatic story going down each year on a pagan day.

The day is set like this:
The first Sunday
After the first full moon ( we just had it)
After the equinox ( March 20-22, depending on the year)

So this coming Sunday is that Sunday.
It's called Easter

Does Easter have something to do with the East
with the sun rising in the East
and the day breaking in the East
and the stars and moon rising in the East

I don't know,
but I'd guess so

And it has a lot to do with a man we call Jesus,
but who
was a Jew
and was perhaps called Yeshua back in his day,

maybe

And he taught revolution:

turn within
find the Kingdom of Heaven

turn without
turn outside yourself:
Love your neighbor ( no small job by the complaints so many have about their real life neighbors)
Love your enemy

Love your enemy:
That isn't theory

That's the divorced mate you feel justified in hating because:
they had an affair
they go boring
they watched porn
they trash talked you
they drank
they hit
they neglected
they controlled

they always did something wrong, correct?

The enemy can be horrible.
I've been reading a book about Nigeria.
Half of a Yellow Sun

It's about the slaughter of the Ibbo people in Nigeria

one tribe committing genocide
ugly awful stuff
at least in part,
if not mostly set in motion by the British rulers brilliant use of divide and conquer

( Moshe Feldenkrais talks of how Jews and Arabs
co existed for centuries in Palestine until the British set them
against each other....

and the ease with which one tribe/ nationality/ religion
can be set against each other brings us back to the point

)

LOVING YOUR ENEMY IS A BIG DEAL

and Jesus preached this

and they killed him

This was just too rebellious
loving your enemy

how could divide and conquer work?
how could people stay miserable and easy to oppress?
how could people feel weak and powerless if they could forgive?

ah,
better kill this dude

so they did



and what's the resurrection:
letting go of whatever you haven't forgiven

seeing it's the other person's problem
letting it go

now is now

the kingdom of heaven
is
now

or never

dive in

now

ciao

Sneaky Marriage/ Sullen Divorce.... then what

I'm going to try something new in August.
This mode: story
antidote
poem

We'll see.
Here it goes.
Like this.

Joe and Sally have a sneaky marriage, both having affairs, and, of course, 

blaming the other for their unhappiness.
This leads to a sullen divorce, which exhausts them, but...
they feel free..
liberated.

At last the green pasture is wide open. And they find someone SOOO much better.

Except the pattern is their: problems can be so sweetly avoided by a little side sex,
and then bigger problems can be avoided by a torrid affair and then this green
pasture wasn't so great after all.

And must be left behind.
As is the next.
And the next.
And the next.

Antidote/ teaching:
Clean up this mess, or the green pastures we see will turn into one more gravel pit.

And a poem:

if you are wrong
and I don't have to listen
and I can get so much fun
in someone else's bed

why should I learn
how my thoughts and actions
help you be a worse you
that you want to be

how can I learn
what I could have done and known
and tried
to love you better

even if we need to part
if I can't love you
(the famous, "love your enemy" schtick of either
Christianity, or the Work of Byron Katie...
in one a preaching
in the other a result)

then I haven't really figured out how
to love myself
and so the next one,
the sooooo much better one
will eventually
(what with sex not forbidden
and communication not learned
passion burns out
and intimacy
which is what relationship is all about
doesn't grow)
that one falls apart

and the next
and the next

and it's the same
old
thing
again
and again


alas:

and the way out:
Clean up this mess.
Don't finish your divorce,
or better yet,
even start,
until you can
"love your enemy."

You don't have to live with them,
but if you don't love them,
you'll never really leave them.

Aha.

Good.

Byron Katie, 101

You've got stuff bothering you.
Little stuff: someone didn't smile when you said hello.
Big stuff: your mate went out and had an affair.


Everyday stuff: your friend, lover, buddy should appreciate/ respect you more.

You feel bad.
Good. You always will until you don't, and
here's a way to don't...

The work of Byron Katie......

1. Judge your neighbor (complain)

2. Write it down

3. Ask four questions

4. Turn it around


Why judge? Cause all our complaining is judging.
Be honest.
Don't be too good.
If you feel bad there's always a judgment.

Write it down.
Why?
Slows it down.
You can see the root of your suffering in a couple of words:
Mom should have been nicer to me when I was growing up.

Small batch of words, and it can lead to a lifetime of suffering.

Or: to liberation.

Ask the four questions.
Here comes liberation.

1. Is it true?

Mom should have.....
Is that true?
I want that, wish that, can have people agree, but is it true like gravity, or the color of the sky, on being on an inbreath or outbreath?
You decide.

2. Can I absolutely know it's true?

That Mom or Dad or friend or lover should have....

Can I know, in the big scheme of the universe that this bit of reality "should" have been different?
Can I know that this wasn't there for me to learn.....


Those two questions help to realize: is this thought true or is it opinion/ belief/ idea.

The next two questions are practical Buddhism: try out attachment, try out non attachment

3. How do I react when I believe the thought?

That Mom should have
That Dad should have...
That ex lover should have....

Write the list down. Feel how the suffering comes when we grab onto the thought.

4. Who or what would I be without the thought?
Either empty mind. Or, not believing the thought.

Mom, Dad, ex lover are still what they are, but we don't believe the should have been different.
Not to be good. Not to forgive. Not to "judge not that ye not be judged"
But to discover, who and what are we when we let reality be reality?

Experience the difference.

I offer this addition: move from place to place or chair to chair as you hang out in question #3 and question #4.
Experience the difference.
Don't mentally choose, but let life tell you where you really want to be.



Judge your neighbor
write it down
ask four questions
turn it around


All's left is the turn around, the famous "seeing others as the mirror."
And you turn the darn sentence around:

Dad shouldn't have been so critical of me.
I shouldn't have been so critical of Dad.

So and so should appreciate me more.
I should appreciate so and so more.

See our own inability to practice what we preach.
Get humor and humility.

And the "back to ourselves" turn around.

Dad shouldn't have been so critical of me.
I shouldn't be so critical of me.


So and so should appreciate me more.
I should appreciate me more.

Cut out the middle man.
Stop waiting for the love appreciate approval we want and give it on back to ourselves.

There you go.

Judge your neighbor.
Write it down.
Ask four questions
Turn it around


The WORK of Byron Katie.
Can't just snap your fingers.
Got to work a bit,
half an hour, and hour maybe for a couple years of therapy
or Buddhist meditation.

A good trade, bargain, pathway, game, liberation path.

Try it.
Or not.

Good.

Awakened Christianity: the baby and the bathwater there

I haven't posted a long time
in my Awakened Christianity blog,
and only a few people have looked at it

And
the mystical universe being what it
is
someone of high intelligence
and good
heart
crossed my path
in the night
and we talked of these things:

the baby and the bathwater of Christianity:


The bathwater
nonsense
demeaning aspects that make this fine possible religion
a burden to people's minds, hearts and souls:


ONE:
The idea of death as the "bad guy"
as if it's okay for the carrot to die
for us to eat it
and the bird to die after flying around
and glorifying the world in song
for its span on this beautiful planet
and it's okay for the summer to die into the fall die into the winter die into the spring

but
people can't die

so, you have to be afraid of it
or allow yourself to be afraid of it
or , the real thing: don't inquire about
the fear
and since "everyone" knows death is bad/ scary/ to be avoid/ the worst
people
accept,
like good sheep,
yeah, yeah, death = bad

and the essay on why be fearless and even happy
and excited at the prospect of eventual death,
that's another one

but for now,
the death as big
deal
and then the whole
pivoting of everything on Jesus' dying
as a big
deal

but, hey, folks,
death is what people do,
if Jesus wants to do the human thing,
die He must

on a cross is severe, no doubt,
and so is liver cancer and burn victim car crash
and having your head bashed in by your neighbors
during the genocide in Rwanda

death can be less pleasant than going to sleep
at night
or
it can be just the same

and I degress
a bit,
(not really, it all fits together,
just have fun with it,
let your own examinations of what "they" say,
be a source of endless amusement and freedom
for
you)

TWO, in the bathwater: BRIBERY
it's as if Christians allow themselves to be big
versions of little children
who
if they are good, and Santa knows,
yes, Santa knows,
they get presents
and if they are bad,
they get no presents

but worse, meaner awful really,
as if any God based on love and understanding
wants to send people to Hell

but anyway: this deal,
making life a big good get ticket to heaven
bad, get punished go to hell
is demeaning to what it really means to be human

and dumb
to the actuality:
when people are living out of love and the present
their lives are hell
so they don't have to wait until after death

THREE: EXCLUSIVITY,
as if God doesn't want as many avenues to Her or Him or It
as possible
and the Christian insistence that it's "my way or the highway" ( to hell,
to boot)
reduces a beautiful religion to the level of Go Seahawks, or Go Cowboys,
my team is the winning team

alas,
so
why bother:

because
"The kingdom of heaven is within"
right now

"Let he who is sinless cast the first stone"
perhaps the best spiritual story of all times

"Love your enemy"
easy to say, supposedly hard to do,
and until you and I and everyone learns it,
we are in hell

and it's not that hard,
just get real about what the un-loving is doing to your heart,
mind, guts and soul

or,
if you want some help,
jump on in with Katie:
thework.com

and you don't need the books,
but the titles get you thinking
about what a real world of God consciousness
might be:
Loving What Is



I Need Your Love: Is that true?

A Thousand Names for Joy
this the rendering by Stephen Mitchell once more of the tao ti ching, and Katie's take on what life as an awakened one/ master is about, pretty great