Saturday, November 30, 2013

Relationship 2, Believing the story, or not

This is a game I have people play
who are doing the Work of Byron Katie with me.

Question 3 is: How do you react when you believe the thought?
Question 4 is: Who or what would you be without that thought in your head/ beliefs?

I have them take a thought,
some normal and life ruining one, like
"my parents should have treated me better:"

and on one chair
they recite their litany of victimhood and agony over the poor parents
they had

then they switch over
and in the other chair
see the parent,
being the not so great/ awful parent,
but with no thought/ feeling/ belief that the parent
have been different

And they see how that feels

then they go back to the first chair:
how is it to believe the story

and back to the second:
how is it not to believe the story

that's all

that's all it takes, really, for one solid chunk of liberation,
they all
add up

Movement 2, In a chair, rotation for the fun of it

Sit easily in a chair and turn to the left and the right
Do all movements with ease and as little effort as possible
as much attention and enjoyment
as possible.

Turn left and right a few times and notice the difference.

2. Now, just turn to the left and back to the center
Feel the neck vertebrae and feel what else in you moves
or wants to move
Do this and all movements an easy number of time,
six to twelve, say,
Feel each one as interesting, pleasant and unique unto itself

Close your eyes and simply, and deeply sense yourself

3. Now, put your hands on the opposite shoulders
and turn your shoulders
and your head to the left
and back
a number of times

Pause at the far left of this movement
Then bring your head back to the center
while leaving your shoulders to the left,
and then swap them around,
so that the shoulders come toward the center
and your head goes to the left

With ease and noticing

4. Feel your right knee
Push from your hip, your right knee forward,
so that your pelvis rotates to the left,
Do this a number of times


Now put your hands on your opposite shoulders as before
and turn to the left
with your head
and your pelvis
and your shoulders

Do this a bit
and feel it
and enjoy it


5. Now
with the hands in the same position,
push the right knee forward, rotate the shoulders
to the left
and turn the head to the left

Now split up your movement,
so that the head and the pelvis come back to the middle
as the shoulders stay to the left

and swap them,
so that the head and pelvis go to the left
while the shoulders come to the middle

as with all the movements:
with pleasure awareness and a wish
for discovering something new
each time


6. Invent any other combinations you'd like


7. Now simply turn your head right and left
and see if anything has changed


Friday, November 29, 2013

freedom, 2

hello on so called Black Friday

the black death
and then
Black Friday

sorry, or not, that's the way my mind

I mean really....
what we need is more cheap crap?

Is this what people want on their tombstones:
shopped smart,
got lots of deals?

so, that rant doesn't even seem worth having

and I'll just pop over to a thought I've enjoyed for at least 20 years:

being happy
is one of the most subversive activities
especially happiness
of the simple
being present sort

that needs almost nothing else but a pleasant stroll
or a neighbor to schmooze with
or a sunset, cloud fest, tree to watch

that sort of thing

needing no stuff

how would be economic shenanigans survive?

see what I mean about subversive

Monday, November 25, 2013

Freedom 1: Is it true?

Is it true?

This question can save you thousands of hours of suffering.
Or grief.
Or discontent.
Or worry.

You feel badly, say. And you have the good
fortune to be present enough
notice that you feel badly.

Emotionally you feel badly,
and there is almost always a
thought that accompanies the suffering.

That seems to "justify" the suffering,
but really,
it's the stage,
the edifice,
the platform on which the suffering lives.

Frequently about someone else, and how they
should treat you, or someone you like,

Note the word should.
It's almost always lurking next to suffering.

What is,
to how it "should" be.

And here's where to pop in the
"Is it true?"

Who says "what is" "should" be different?

Is it true, this
set of words,
this platform,
this edifice?

Compared to what?

Well, to your breathing say.
Are you breathing in or are you breathing out
or are you in some pause between the two?

Compared to your connection to gravity:
are you pressing into the Earth,
with feet,
or thighs,
or back,
or hands,
or arms,
or belly,
can you feel where you are pressing into the Earth,
having read Newton,
is pressing back up
into your body?

Breath and gravity.
These seem true no matter what words we tell
about them,
or thoughts we have,
or who agrees
or who disagrees.

But that "so and so should ...... more"

"It it true?"
and see if a little of a lot of freedom
appears on the other side
the question.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

hugs// Relationship 1

I had a Gurdjieff teacher once,
whose wisdom had a slightly biting edge
to it at times

he talked of the "California hug"
( he was from New York), as "bringing people
close enough
to stab them in the back."

it's funny
and we all know that one,
the hug that disguises an undercurrent of
competition and unspoken animosity

and still:
it's a try

sort of

but there are hugs,
in a relationship situation
that beat a thousand words

when things are at some verbal impasse
and one or both the people want to say
"to hell with it"
and stomp away

try instead
a no talk
feel deep into the other person
of three to five minutes

and if the message starts to leak ( or pour ) through
and there is more love wanting to come out underneath
the fighting words,
go lie down

and talk in horizontal and hugging

see what happens then

(This just saved a beautiful relationship
with my darling, where we looked at the edge of
and sprung back to the depths that I felt were there,
and she did too once the body's wisdom inside the silent
hug began to sing out to both of us)

(there could be a whole book of when and how to
couldn't there?
For now though, just two, since they came up recently,
to great advantage in our relationship)

Say your relationship isn't in trouble,
but is "just" at loose ends
you want more to be happening
and it seems like it isn't
it seems like time to leave each other alone
for awhile
not out of trouble this time,
but out of a sense of "What do we really want to do?"

This is for an intimate relationship.
Don't go apart.
Don't go for entertainment.
Don't go for sex.
take off your clothes,
get under the covers,

Hug and talk.
Hug and sleep.
Hug and ....
you know the options.

Set it up as an hour date.

This often could be a substitute for going to the movies,
which is to distract the two of you from whatever is holding you apart.

Instead. Get naked.
Get close.

See what happens.
Don't demand anything.
Listen to and get to know each other.

You really have that hour to "waste."

It's about having a beautiful life
where love
is central.

The price you / I/ we need to pay:

some solid hug and wait and see time.

Try it.
You be delighted is my guess.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Toes and Nose: Day One of 108 Experiments in Movement, Relationship & Freedom

Movement One, of a new series
Movement One, of the sub-series: Bed-ercize, i.e. exercises you can do in bed

Here goes,
and go slow
and don't do the advanced versions if
you want
and take lots of rests,
even though this is very unstrenuous

1. In bed, under the covers:
Move your toes right and left
with your heels stationary
as if the feet are windshield wipers

do this
and every movement with 3 elements;
a. slow -pleasure -awareness
b. as little effort at possible
c. noticing each movement as possibly different than the last

stop after eight or ten or twelves
and rest
just breathe and sense your entire body
in the bed
legs arms back pelvis head ribs toes fingers
enjoy the rest
enjoy the sensing

follow these instructions at each and all rests

2. Now, as your toes move right and left
move your nose/ head right and left
to the same side as your feet are moving

again not too many
and all the instructions above
and then the rest as per above

3. Now, as your toes move right,
slowly slowly and with pleasure awareness and enjoyment,
move your nose and head the opposite way,
and then when your toes move right, head and nose to the left
and back and forth like this for awhile

8-12 with ease and so on
rest as per above

4. Now, do 3, but fancier:
toes left, noses right,
eyes to the left,
as if following your toes,
and then
toes right, nose left, eyes right, again
as if following your toes

go really slowly
and gently
and easily
and with lots of amused awareness
make sure to breath

figure a way to enjoy this

rest and try it again,
with more pleasure and enjoyment

That's enough.
Later we'll get the jaw into this,
but let's start easy

This is a great waker upper
a compromise between the nothing of the night
and the movement of the day

and it wakes up spine and brain and neck and eyes and hip joints
and toes

and what else?

What else wakes up for you?

Play with this and find out.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Why have lessons, for a child.... Why live a life, is simple language, for us all

The reason to have lessons is this:

You are wonderful, and these lessons help you become more wonderful.

You have a brain.
The brains' main job is learning.
Learning comes from noticing differences.
The lessons show more and more differences, that you can FEEL in your body, and FEEL in your movement.
They give you a smarter brain.

You have a heart.
Hearts are to love and to be happy.
Loving and liking are close.
The lessons are to help find more and more ways that when you move you feel happy.
The lessons are to help find more and more ways that you like to move and love to move.
The lessons are to make you happy by discovering ways of moving and learning you never knew before.

You have a body.
Bodies like to move.
Bodies like to discover.
Bodies like to play.
Bodies like to be more easy and graceful.
Bodies like to move with us in our brains and attention noticing them You have attention. Or call it awareness. Or call it noticing. This is close to who we really are. These lessons help us develop the fun and skill and joy of awareness . Awareness of our hearts and our bodies and our brains. It's a fun game, getting better at life. This is what the lessons are for.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Liking first, then sex...... what is kin? What is kind? Slowing down. Slowing way down.

In relationship
sex is sweet
and sex is amazing
and often
gets ahead of itself and has to carry the freight of the whole relationship.

too much.
too hard.

sex as sex
sex as om
sex as make out,

should come after solid connection

this is not "sex only with the special ONE that you are
exclusive with,"
though it can be that

it's more serious;

it's liking
the person with whom you are
making out

means trust

like means connection if
times get rough

liking means having communication

in a way it's bigger than what we usually call loving

and it's a lot of what's missing in what we usually call loving

in fact,
it is loving

but liking people

that's the glue

but not golf club liking
not beer buddy liking
but kin

liking that you  burn to be around
that person
a lot

liking that they matter to you
a lot

liking that you really, really are curious
about them, them, them





kindness comes from kin
close group

skip OM, skip sex, skip making out 
until the person
and you

Wednesday, November 06, 2013

namaste, loving the haters

Byron Katie was an obese, chain smoking alcoholic in the backwater Southern California desert town of Barstow. (She didn't call herself Byron Katie then. That's another story).

She was suffering from depression, too. Screamed at her family a lot.

A mess.

She wanted to die. Not to kill herself. Just to die.

Somehow, with no meditation, spiritual path or any of that, she "woke up."

Her old self, tied together by believing her thoughts about the world and others and about herself, her old self died.

She was free, happy, and didn't call it enlightenment. Still doesn't. Back when I used to hang out with her she called it "a moment of clarity." Who knows what she calls it now.

At any rate, in this lit up state, she discovered that judging others had been her major job in life, and discovered instant pain when she judged in her new lit up state, and instead of doing any of the "let go of judgements stuff," she invented a simple system to "undo" the thoughts behind all our suffering.

It's not about being good.
It's about admitting and writing down our judgments, and then "doing the work" on them.

This is her suggestion:

Judge your neighbor.
Write it down.
Ask 4 questions.
Turn it around.

(You can find the 4 questions for yourself on prior blogs of mine--click on the work of byron katie label below, or simply go to her site: )

Okay, now to the title of this blog: Namaste
and Loving the Haters

So.... back in the late eighties there was Katie, pretty much full blown enlightened, not at all spiritual, but with the work ( four questions and a turn around), amazingly able to help people in any and all forms of emotional suffering.

So people would flock to Barstow and get her help.
And then when they would leave,  and some being from New Age land would say, "Namaste."

Katie had never heard namaste. This is Barstow. She's not "into" spiritual stuff.

She reports thinking, "Oh, they are so wise, they are saying, 'No mistake.'  "

And anyway, a "No mistake" event is ripping through my life just now, giving an opportunity some people to heap vilification on me, and for others, prior supporters, to cut me off, stop supporting me.

Believe me, I spent my time suffering with this, and then it was time to stop suffering and I brought out the big guns, the turn arounds.

They are 100% tight. There is no fudge room in then. If I (or you) want to stop suffering, we have to learn the hard work of practicing what we preach.

They go like this: 3 ways:
"So and so should appreciate me more."

One: Turn around the direction;
"I should appreciate so and so more." (Since I preach it, can I do it?)

Two: Turn the advice inward:
"I should appreciate me more."

Three: Turn around the demand and let reality be what it is. (As if we have a choice)
"So and so should NOT appreciate me more." ) -- Not their job yet. Or, they need to do this so I can learn something. Or, god forbid, I've actually done something that needs to be examined. Any way: they should be doing what they are doing.


If someone disrespects me, and I want respect, the turn around is not just to respect that person in general but to respect their act of not respecting me.

Same with anything: appreciate their not appreciating me.
Listen to their not listening to me.

I want support.
My turn around, here, is to support their lack of support for me.

Not easy.
Freedom is the game.

Not being a victim.
Not demanding they be different.
But swallowing the medicine I want them to take.

Their lack of supporting me, that's their business.
I can't waste time and energy, or disrespect them in their path by demanding, wanting or whining that they be different.
If I want them to support, I need to learn the heavy lifting of supporting them while they don't support me.
Bringing it full circle: I can practice, learn and thrive from supporting their very lack of support as exactly what they need and have to do right now.

Everyone is doing their best.
My job: to support them.

Yes, but only for an ego that doesn't want to die.

As Katie says:
"When you argue with reality you lose, but only 100% of the time."


Monday, November 04, 2013

Revised rules of play

Play includes all, but not all includes play

Everything is of consequence

[Either[ the lowest common denominator [or the most awake player] determines the level of play

The game always plays you

[Therefore] Don't hurt [fight/ kill] the game.

[Loving what is, uses the least amount of energy]

The highest game includes all.

[Sometimes] altruistic play loses in the beginning, and it always wins in the end

[Highly skilled altruistic play instantly jumps the game up a level or two]

She or he with the least rules, wins in the long run

Play only happens at the level of volition

[In a game that nobody loses, everybody wins]

[Death is the wild card.]

[Love is a form of death]

The highest play is surrender.

[ the stuff in brackets is my rendering/ addition/ whatever.
the rest comes from One Taste, an organization dedicated to female orgasm and human liberation]