Sunday, November 24, 2013

hugs// Relationship 1

I had a Gurdjieff teacher once,
whose wisdom had a slightly biting edge
to it at times

he talked of the "California hug"
( he was from New York), as "bringing people
close enough
to stab them in the back."

it's funny
and we all know that one,
the hug that disguises an undercurrent of
competition and unspoken animosity

and still:
it's a try

sort of

but there are hugs,
in a relationship situation
that beat a thousand words

when things are at some verbal impasse
and one or both the people want to say
"to hell with it"
and stomp away

try instead
a no talk
feel deep into the other person
of three to five minutes

and if the message starts to leak ( or pour ) through
and there is more love wanting to come out underneath
the fighting words,
go lie down

and talk in horizontal and hugging

see what happens then

(This just saved a beautiful relationship
with my darling, where we looked at the edge of
and sprung back to the depths that I felt were there,
and she did too once the body's wisdom inside the silent
hug began to sing out to both of us)

(there could be a whole book of when and how to
couldn't there?
For now though, just two, since they came up recently,
to great advantage in our relationship)

Say your relationship isn't in trouble,
but is "just" at loose ends
you want more to be happening
and it seems like it isn't
it seems like time to leave each other alone
for awhile
not out of trouble this time,
but out of a sense of "What do we really want to do?"

This is for an intimate relationship.
Don't go apart.
Don't go for entertainment.
Don't go for sex.
take off your clothes,
get under the covers,

Hug and talk.
Hug and sleep.
Hug and ....
you know the options.

Set it up as an hour date.

This often could be a substitute for going to the movies,
which is to distract the two of you from whatever is holding you apart.

Instead. Get naked.
Get close.

See what happens.
Don't demand anything.
Listen to and get to know each other.

You really have that hour to "waste."

It's about having a beautiful life
where love
is central.

The price you / I/ we need to pay:

some solid hug and wait and see time.

Try it.
You be delighted is my guess.

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