Sex every day is good.
Except, I was assuming that everyone who had sex every day, like Carol and I do, would have the delicious spiritual and friendship connection that Carol and I have.
And, duh, I've realized that this is not true.
Deeply hot sex, good in the short run to really jazz up your life, if not combined with a commitment to being present and a delight in nourishing the other.
And a patience for letting the other have their delight.
And a thrill with NOT going to climax.
Life is thrilling and sex is part of that thrill.
But, without mindfulness, life is wasted.
Always.
In work, if you aren't mindful, you may get things done, even done well, but there is no YOU there.
In play, if you aren't mindful, you may have deep satisfaction and enjoyment, and if things don't "go your way," you will have a meltdown.
Play with mindfulness, means that you feel at the middle of your actions the MOST IMPORTANT THING: which is?
You are alive.
Right now.
That's what play does: help you realize that you, right now, are alive, and that right now, LIFE is flooding through you, and this is good.
And sex, if awake, if present, then this is another play that helps not only nourish the excitement of being alive.
And CONNECTION.
And the thrill of being present to this very moment, its pleasure, its taste of love, its giving, its receiving.
It's a lot of everything.
And it's now.
And to be aware of the now as you are in the now: this is the way life is lived when you are AWAKE and aware and in the moment.
So: what's the deal.
Slow down in sex.
Don't go for the climax.
Spend time in non-repicrocal sex, where you are giving and present and the thrill of being present and giving is your delight.
Give.
Slow down.
Enjoy.
No hurry.
Lots of love.
This is a chance, daily, nightly to become closer to being the real you.
And what is the real you?
Keep asking this: this is one of life's great questions: who are you, really?
Showing posts with label sex every day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex every day. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 19, 2017
Thursday, August 03, 2017
The Importance of Non-Reciprocal Sex
Week Four, Day Three: LUST
Enjoy this side of life: SEX EVERY DAY
And we aren’t talking, just the “usual” kind
Three flavors
At least one of the flavors every day
Really?
Yes
This is silly easy and so few people have this as part of their daily nourishment.
Just like being outside has to be part of your life.
Just like being present and in gratitude and in your body has to be part of your life.
What?
Gratitude.
Keep a gratitude journal. You remember the story: your brain can be in gratitude or fear.
Be in gratitude.
Outside: go outside about once every two hours, if not more often.
Nature is God in the form almost everyone can feel and resonate to.
Be present: as much as you can.
Why? Feel the sleeping/ robot quality of life when you aren’t present.
In your body: we have a body.
Sense it.
And sex:
A great chance to be in nature, as in the nature of our body as the miracle invented by evolution for living in an amazing way on this planet earth.
A wonderful excuse to experience the present as
Pleasure and
Connection with hints of
Love
And what sorts of sex would be good for your life as a daily nourishment?
There is the “usual.”
That’s fine, great, glorious and this book will be leaving that to you and your partner to discover how to radically improve that.
What we do want is two alternatives to the “usual” sex.
Both are non-reciprocal.
Which means, one is ALL FOR HER.
And, guess what, one is ALL FOR HIM.
The All for Her one, we’ve already talked about one. FEMALE ORGASM AWARENESS MEDITATION.
Stroking her clitoris. Gently.
With great attention and connection.
For a set amount of time: 8, 10 or 13 minutes.
Without the goal of climax.
With the goal of heightened and deeply present CONNECTION.
This is good for people, for couples every day, or every other day.
And then the other half: Something ALL FOR HIM.
And this is the old fashioned, she sucks his penis.
Except it’s RADICALLY DIFFERENT.
MINDFUL PENIS SUCKING.
Is not the same old same old.
She isn’t trying to win points.
She isn’t trying to “get him off.”
She is in the moment, and learning and not at all sure what the next moment is going to be.
She is enjoying each moment.
He is enjoying each moment.
Great value can come from slower and softer.
Greater than great value can come from exploration and discovery
THIS IS PLAY FOR ADULTS. MINDFUL PLAY. MINDFUL SPONTANEOUS PLAY.
No pressure.
Lotsa pleasure.
Remember:
No goal of climax.
Slowing down and backing off when it “gets too hot.”
Letting mutual pleasure and connection in THE PRESENT MOMENT be the guide.
Let mutual PLEASURE & CONNECTION in the PRESENT moment be the guide.
Set a timer. Slightly less: 5, 8 or 10 minutes.
When it’s over, it’s over.
Get dressed and go for a walk.
You might be tempted to jump into “usual” sex.
Wait a month of so.
Get used to just him.
Get used to just her.
You’d be amazed how a ten minute clitoris stroke, or a ten minute penis suck can change a day that looks like it’s coming unglued.
You need to know you’ve got a short and amazing alternative to pretending that you don’t have a great sex life.
Talk about nothing on the walk.
Or talk about gratitude.
And what you love.
And what you are aware of in that moment. (Not how, “oh wow” it was back in the sucking mode. Let the pleasure be the pleasure when it’s happening.
That’s good enough.
Now to make it all bold face, in case you want to find just the “game” of the day>>>>
Lust Game # 12: Mindful Penis Sucking (MPS)
Rub his thighs for two minutes first.
Then suck, mindfully for a set amount of time, 5, 8 or 10 minutes. No more for quite a while. Let it end with both of you still ablaze.
This blaze will fuel something, deep and subtle and amazing.
Suck slowly, and for learning, mutual pleasure and connection.
No goal, except awareness and pleasure in the moment.
Feel the real sensations, not your ideas about “how it’s going” or “where it should/ could go.”
Let the timer tell you when to stop sucking mindfully.
When you immediately stop the mindful sucking, then gently and with no “messing around”, hold his penis for a minute or two to calm things down. Do this, too, please, as a mindfulness meditation in touch and connection.
When’s it’s over, it’s over.
Go for a walk.
Talk about gratitude, what you love, what you are aware of.
Or: nothing.
This is a strange chapter near the end of the book and it’s absolutely necessary to a yummy life.
She needs to give him time to pleasure her in the FOAM practice, when she simply lays back and takes it all in.
He need to give her time to pleasure him in the Mindful Sucking practice, while he simply lays back and takes it all in.
The pressure to blow off the pleasure with climax is huge.
Pass it by.
You’ll see why.
Not right away.
But you will see why.
It’s about allowing the moment to flood with pleasure.
It’a about being present to way higher pleasure than you think you deserve.
It’s about being full.
It’a about being flooded.
It’s about giving and receiving.
It’s about having two sexual practices that can stand alone in great bliss and presence.
It’s about connection.
Don’t believe me?
No reason you need to.
This is for you to discover.
This is a deep learning.
Deep.
Try out each one every other day for a week or two and see what happens.
Summary of Week Four, Day Three: LUST
Non-reciprocal sex is fuel for a blissful life.
Sometimes ALL FOR HER.
Sometimes ALL FOR HIM.
Mindfulness.
Awareness.
Pleasure.
Flooding.
Good.
Great.
Yes!!
Wednesday, August 02, 2017
Sex Every Day. Really? Yes.
Week Four, Day Four: LUST
Suck his Penis - MINDFULLY
Stroke her Clitoris — MINDFULLY
Go into Now
Go into Nature
Expand love
Expand life
Be grateful: write them down. Speak them.
Talk in turns.
More….
Seven actions for everyday
If you’ve got this far, here’s seven things you need to do every day:
1. Hug with awareness
2. Talk in turns about gratitude and what you love and what you aware of in the present
3. Every other day:
Have either a FOAM (Female Orgasm Awareness Meditation), ten minutes or so, one way sexual meditation.
Or, a Mindful Penis Sucking (MPS, again ten minutes or so) one way sexual meditation.
Both NOT about the goal of climax.
Both NOT about any goals other than awareness, presence, giving/ receiving and pleasure in the moment.
4. Write gratitudes in a journal and write goals in a journal
5. Do some form of “energy exercises” or mindful movement, together, in the present, both in the morning and before bed
6. Do some form of deep breathing/ meditation together every day. Or a mindful walk in Nature. Some form of non-verbal, going to connection with the person who is you when you are BEING and not DOING. Human beings, right, vs human doings?
7. Set out to be present, happy, and loving all day, no matter what comes your way.
That’s a lot.
Oh, well.
If you want a fabulous relationship, it’s going to require going against the grain of being housemates, or warring partners, or pent up disgust waiting for a divorce down the road.
If you want to wake up, you have to wake up.
Sex every day, in one of the non-reciprocal ways is a big part of an awakened partnership and marriage.
And it’s a one seventh part.
Without wakefulness the greatest sex will grow weird and greedy and will end up in one of these awful non-monogamy communities. I know people here and there get a big buzz out of these, and basically: they are unhappy, and filling the time with emotional therapy instead of really living life.
Without goals and gratitudes, you are basically drifting through life, which is what the world wants (as a drifter, you are easy prey for whatever they want to sell you, either material goods, or war, or some sort of massive distraction like Facebook)
Energy exercises are so obvious.
Movement with awareness is.
We are in a body.
Without connection down to our toes and out to our fingers, we aren’t really fully human.
Breathing/ meditation is even less obvious.
Being in Nature is not.
If you have children, you have probably experienced how they shift instantly when they are in nature.
If you have you, you have probably experienced how you shift instantly when you are in nature.
Meditation is sitting, doing nothing, except doing a lot with your attention. On your breathing. On being alive. On awareness. On sending a visualization of light to various areas (lungs, feet, liver, heart, ribs, brain) that you wouldn’t mind feeling and functioning better.
It’s like a self-love game.
Try it.
And so, this chapter is supposed to be about penis sucking.
Some would recommend a couple of months of the FOAM first.
For couples who have zero or little sex, the guy needs to be brought into the strange and wonderful world of JUST RECEIVING.
So, we’ll start this today, in week four.
Make it every other day with letting her be in the world of JUST RECEIVING.
Lust Game # 13: Be awake and aware during non-reciprocal sex
Have non-reciprocal sex every day
One day, ALL FOR HER
One day, ALL FOR HIM
(Not that hard to modify for gay couples)
Don’t aim for climax
Be present
Feel the connection
Alternate which form of non-reciprocal sex every other day.
This is fair.
This is fun.
This is feisty.
This wakes up connection in a way that cannot be explained on the page.
You have to experience this.
Please do.
Summary of Week Four, Day Six: LUST
Lust for life.
Meditate/ go to nature
Gratitudes in a journal and in your speaking
Have non-reciprocal sex every day
Do the other from the list of seven. Every day is a miracle.
You are a miracle.
All seven help you wake up to the miracle of you as a miracle. Friday, December 09, 2016
Love, Lust & Raw Enlightenment.... Revised Intro to the Book.... Fun
Love, Lust & Raw Enlightenment:
This is a book about enlightenment.
No, wait, this is a book about great sex.
No, wait, this is a book about being a great friend to that person who is driving you crazy—your partner.
No, wait, this is a book about being a great friend to another person who is driving you crazy—yourself.
No, wait, this book is about eating enough raw food to lose all the weight you want, and feel at least ten years younger
No, wait, this book is about moving with awareness and learning and pleasure in a way that gets you moving and feeling twenty years younger
No, wait, this is a book about sex that gets you feeling 22 again
No, wait, this is a book about merging great sex and great love and great service to Humanity and to the Earth
No, wait, this is a book about meaningful talking—every day.
No, wait, this is a book about vulnerable truth every day.
No, wait, this is a book about eating raw to get younger and juicier and sexier as you so called grow “older.”
No, wait, this is a book about Fun, Forgiveness, Friendship and F…ing.
Yeah, that’s the ticket: this is a book about sex/love/love sex every day.
Every day?
That’s crazy.
Life is crazy. Crazy, slippery, slidey, changy, whirling, twirling, messy.
This book is about the messy wonder of life. And your diving into it.
No, wait, this is a book about connection.
Ah, connection.
Connection. Ah, yes. Connection.
This book is about wonderful & fabulous connection, every day, about awakened touching every day, about awakened talking every day, ( AND, yes, yes, YES, eventually, about awakened sex every day)
(( And not just sex, but the best sex you’ve ever had, no matter how old you are. Take it from a 71 year old odd and happily weird old fart (((who uses zero medication including zero viagra)) and who is in the hottest relationship of his life with his 67 year old lover/ wife and love of his life, Carol: THE BEST SEX YOU’VE EVER HAD IS WAITING FOR YOU!!!!
…. Every Day! ))
And it can’t be all about ourselves, no matter HOW great sex, love, lust and health are. The world’s a mess. We ARE going to make a huge difference in the world, if our lives are going to be meaningful.
Great sex isn’t just the delightful romp it’s meant to be. It’s the recharge so we can have a smile all up and down our bodies as we create success in all our relationships and all our business and in all our SERVICE TO THE WORLD.
So, no more waiting. This is it. Smile now and sense your breathing, now, and think of two things you are grateful for. This is a book of action , now, as you create joyously and even more deeply meaningful life that is, with a partner, making a huge difference in the world.
A huge difference? Yes.
Don’t just read that. Say, “Yes!” loudly.
Making a huge difference—-Yes!
Hey, that’s so fun, let’s
Shout out YES after each phrase
Great Sex —-Yes!
Great Talk —-Yes!
Great Health —-Yes!
Moving better than we have for years —- Yes!
Eating better and feeling better than we have in years — Yes!
Making a huge difference in the World —-Yes!
Fun —-Yes!
Forgiveness —-Yes!
Friendship —-Yes!
F…ing with Huge Love —-Yes!
Ongoing happiness —-Yes!
Awakened Life —-Yes!
This book is about the Yes! of life.
—Yes!
This book is about diving deep down together into the murky marvelous mess, the slippery whirling wonder of life, and creating together a fabulous relationship that feels a little bit like enlightenment and tastes a lot like heaven.
—Yes!
Please sing along, you know the tune…
Heaven, ta dat dat ta dat da
I’m in heaven ta dat dat ta dat da
And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak
And I seem to find the happiness I seek,
When we’re out together dancing cheek to cheek
Heaven is our destination.
Yes! And, it gets even better: heaven is our pathway to heaven.
Heaven.
Yes, heaven, ta dat dat ta dat da is the way to
heaven, ta dat dat ta dat da
Being present is heaven.
Real listening is heaven.
Really being listened to is heaven
Speaking from presence and truth and vulnerability is heaven
Falling more and more in love every day is heaven.
Real touch—dancing cheek to cheek, your arm being stroked, your neck being kissed, your this being licked, your that being sucked, your this being lightly stroked, your this in their that, or their that in your this—ah, this is heaven.
Ella and Louis wouldn’t lie to us, would they?
And if heaven’s our destination and our magic carpet ride to heaven, let’s jump onto some magic carpets that can change your talk, and your loving, and your sex, and your business life and your golf, which is to say: everything.
Gratitude,
Being Present in our Bodies,
Moving with Awakened Pleasure and Learning
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
at the end of the day
this day
now
anyway
sitting in a chair
staring
at the computer
waiting for an idea
ah, gads, thoughts aren't around
which is kind of nice
and....
if I were living with someone , I'd be "too tired"
for sex
kissing yes
cuddling yes
OMing yes
so the connection would be there
it would end a good day
and now,
not living with someone
time for connection:
to me
sense my arms and legs
sense ten fingers and ten toes
feel the whole skeleton
and be sleepy
that's a day
Monday, July 29, 2013
slow sex, slow life, slow talk.....wake up.........why not?
viewed as the world of possibility that opens
when sex
plus
attention
in the moment
combine to create
......
lots and lots
let's make a short list,
to which you can add at your pleasure and leisure;
connection
orgasm
sensation
now-ing
clearing
stirring
more sensations
attention to sensation
fun
more stirring
more connection
anyway:
OM happens by slowing down
sex
from
"trying to get somewhere"
and
from
being mood and arousal based
( turn on does happen, guess that should go on
the list above)
and
from reciprocity
and
from performance
and
from having to end
at climax
or exhaustion
or ?????
the timer rings,
13 minutes,
downstrokes
15 minutes
stop
it's over
we've slowed out of life
to connect and have a sort
of sex
we've connected
and then,
the rest of that day?
how can talking be like an OM
connection and sensation
and now
based
and there is a cheap version
of messing with people to get their sensation
up
and then there is a version
of deeply sensing
oneself
while talking
that slows things down
a
lot
the words stopping being it
the other person is seen and heard and felt,
but we don't need a reaction out of them
to fire ourselves
up
hmmm
there could be more
to
this
yeah,
there is...............
Friday, July 26, 2013
the taste of liberation
is
one taste
.....salt,
so
the taste of
liberation
is
one taste
.... truth
Had a bright and amazing coaching session the other day
many things covered
all confidential, of course,
but one layer
was how deep
and messy life
can be
if you hold back one
"little truth"
and then you need a
little bigger
cover
and then a little
bigger
and other people
get involved
and each need to be played
at some skewed version of
truth
and collisions
happen
wreckage happens
and
then
the immediate ways out:
get present
feel the pain
say what wants to be said
sense the sensations that come
up with the truth out
keep talking
keep connecting
move forward,
and
then.....
maybe it's a brand new game
or
it's over,
and that's a brand new game
but you can breathe
you are free
.........
and then, many a client
has gotten big quick amazing help with
the first question of the Byron Katie work:
"It is true?
about some belief, opinion, story
and if it's not
it's a.....
lie,
and how much longer do you want to
predicate your life on a lie?
how much longer do you want to suffer
from
a lie?
.........
a
truth,
the ocean that washes us
free
good
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Sex Every Day: OM
OMG
OM good,
did you know that's what it stood for
and why is OM good
some Greek said that the "good"
after all the endless bullshit debates
was that which was every day
and OM,
with its 20 minute window
of grounding,
and stroking and
framesharing
and setting up, taking down the nest
is something that can
easily be every day
with the minor glitch:
you've got to schedule it
and if you don't...
it doesn't happen
so, let's look at a couple of angles:
you live with a mate,
and you're always "too busy" for "normal" sex
or .... ( admit it, annoyed, and wanting
to deprive and punish,
or at least avoid,
the other)
and you could just say:
every night at ten,
we are going to have sex
that would be great for your relationship
and,
if you want to back off from that bliss land
and make it an easier yes,
find a time,
preferably the same time each day,
kids asleep,
you're awake,
and OM each day then
if it's "hard"
OM
if it's a "piece of cake"
OM
if you are sleepy
OM
if you are jazzed to go,
OM
okay,
that's done
and then, "it" can
get a little harder
when you live alone
or with people who aren't OM partners,
then you've got to use your wits a bit
and mainly,
you've got a great chance to NOT listen
to
no,
to not obey,
the voice that says:
"it's too much trouble."
this excuses voice:
partners are too far away,
my schedule is too busy,
I don't like the available partners in my area
and so on,
and I'm not going to solve this problem for
you
just ask:
could you solve it
if you wanted to?
and about the excuses,
could you ask:
Is it true?
Is it absolutely true?
I bet you could
and think, feel, sense this:
how much fun you could have finding
out
if you can solve this puzzle
good.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
when someone leaves you, you've been spared
someone leaving you?
what's that got to do with each
other
something like this:
love fearlessly
if she leaves you
if he leaves you
you've been spared
one:
you've been spared someone who doesn't want to be with you
two:
you've been spared someone who doesn't want to work things through
three:
you've been spared whatever argument was ongoing between to two of you
four:
you've been spared worrying about if and when he or she will leave
five:
you've been spared from the myth:
only forever is good
and
the myth:
if something ends, it's not wonderful
figure it out:
life ends
so:
don't live
love can end
so:
love more
now
today
while you've got it
sex every day
is a nice way to keep that in action
good
Friday, July 12, 2013
Vulnearble
real
we want to be real
we are afraid to be real
we want our deep close friends to be real
they are afraid to be real
ah, me, ah my ,
what's to be done?
talk slowly.
set it up so you listen
listen a lot
listen without thinking of what to say
in response
sometimes it's useful, at least I've found it very useful
to go back and forth with a timer
3 minutes each
4
5
6
7
building up as each takes a turn, talking while the other listens without interrupting
and both attempt to be present
be present to themselves
be present to the other
not just the words
but really present
and then there's this:
either in a turn of this time talk thing,
or just on your own,
start saying this,
"I'm afraid to say this....."
and then say it
see if the world ends
see if your friend leaves you
if they do, they don't really wan the real do
if they don't, they've been honored with your sharing what's the
real you
the vulnerable you
this is essential to
sex every day
extremely
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)