Saturday, December 12, 2015

Recharging Your Relationship: Day Twelve

(This is day 12 of 21 days of games to recharge a relationship that wants to be more fun, more loving, sexier and more connected to real spiritual growth.

There are a number of exercises that have been worked up to one by one.
This is an advanced flavor of a life that could be lived as a completely different level.

For a free half hour of coaching and exploration of how you could have a magical and awakened relationship, call 360-317-4773.
Well: email first with what you want.)

Here's day 12:

Day Twelve: Setting Goals as a Way Out

Remember myth #3: there is no way out. By now you’ve got a basketful of ways out and this goal thing, especially if written when you are by yourself, or spoken as a “we” goal when you are with your partner, is one of the most potent ways out.

Attention is powerful.
If we put our attention on our complaints, we stir ourselves down to bitterness and frustration.
If we put our attention on what we want, we tune ourselves toward a better life.

And here’s the deal: We want to speak to our partner, and write (in handwriting) our goals in two segments:
The masculine segment: What we want to get done, or what we want to have happen.
The feminine segment: How we want that to be as it gets done.

I can have the goal of finishing this book by December 15. That’s the masculine goal.
I can have to goal that this is done without pushing, and with a lot of ease, delight and discovery. That I am present and relaxed and happy as I write.
That brilliant ideas come naturally and easy to me.
That the catalog of all my discoveries over all of my years be easily and readily available to me.

So that’s the goals you want to say in your “we” goals.
What you’d like to happen:  “My we goal is that our communication improve.”
And how you’d like it to happen: "My we goal is that we easily and almost magically keep discovering ways to communicate that help us to talk and hear each other in ways better than we can even imagine.”

Ask for it all.
Point the arrow of life where you really want it to go.

And what helps give fuel to this arrow:
Being present.
Being grateful.
Being in like and love.
Being in the learning mode.
Being in the laughing mode.

Love, laughter, learning and listening: Listening to the now. Listening to the other. Listening to your intuition. Listening to your body.
All these will fill you with a kind of love/ divine/ happy power energy to get your life going toward these goals.

Learning is the noticing of differences that make a difference.
Over and over we alternate between hanging out in the complaining mind and the real you, the you that is present and grateful and likes and loves, and is in your body in this moment and is aware of the outside world at this moment.

As part of your rapid development, and as a gift from the Feldenkrais and Anat Baniel training, here is another movement to fuel both learning and presence and deeper and more pleasurable breathing.

Stand and put your hands behind your head.
One: arch up your head and breathe in deeply as you push your belly out.

Two: shift your weight to your left foot and bend forward as you breathe out and move your right elbow toward your right knee.

Three: Keeping the weight on your left foot, raise your head and body and elbows and rotate your left elbow up and to the left as you breathe in and push out your belly.

Four: Breathe out and shift your weight to your right foot and take your left elbow toward your right knee as you lean forward and round.

Five: Breathe in and keep your weight to your right, and push your belly out and lift your gaze and your right elbow up and to the right.

Back to two. And keep repeating a number of times.

Notice lots of differences: weight on the left foot and weight on the right. Breathing in and breathing out. Belly in and belly out. Back arching and back folding. Twisting to the right and twisting to the left.
Do this a lot.
Enjoy it.

And now let’s do day twelve:

Have a big fat complaint in your head.
Stand opposite your partner and do three rounds of the above movement.

Partner A now starts.
First: Saying I like… I love… I am grateful for… twice each.

Second: shift to another spot and think the complaining thought.

Third: come back to in front of the partner and share observations in the present, now standing but as before: “Now I am aware, in myself of…” ( Picking something below the waist). “Now I am aware, outside myself of….” “Now I am aware, in myself of… (Picking something above the waist). “Now I am aware, in the outside world…”

Fourth: Move back to the complaining spot, think the complaining thought and feel the shift.

Fifth: Come back to the real you spot and do the arching/ rounding and twisting movement

Sixth: Go back to the complaining spot, thinking the thought. Feel the differences in your mood and your body and your breathing.

Seven: Come back to the real you and formulate a “we goal,” that includes both what you’d like for the two of you and how you’d like it to be.

Eight: then fuel this more by any or all of the real you energizers:
Commenting on the present.
Liking / loving and gratitude.
And, aware movement with variations and presence.

Then smile.
Say “thank for listening” to your partner, and each take three deep breaths together.

Reverse this.

And do it again. Each way, all eight steps.

This is a  lot.

So what? We’ve spent a lifetime programming ourselves to believe the nonsense of our complaining minds.
Now we have the contrast to feel
Now we have the fuel to energize our goals as to what we really want.

To have different results we get the great joy of “working on ourselves.”

If you want a meaningful life, this is the price of admission. Pay in time and attention and notice the differences.
Don’t believe anything you don’t experience.

Hell is your state of mind that is complaining.
Heaven is reality.

Enjoy the difference.

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