Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Loving the X, especially if you have kids

 Back from here, but nice to look at

If you have kids,
and you gave yourself a divorce
or found one snuck up on you,
or even got knocked around by one,
that's done,
and you still have the kids

and the X is still a huge part of
their life

and if you don't love the X,
even the stinky, yucky parts of the X,
then that resentment/ dislike/ hatred/ fear
whatever it comes up as for you
that glunk, let's call  it,
is going to sneak into your relationship
to your children

and damage them

and you don't want to do that

so why "forgive"
or let go
and learn to love the gunky X?

for the children's sake

for the sake of your soul

and do get this clear:
"Loving your enemy" does not mean
getting back together with them,
or even condoning actions they still do
that might be harmful to the children

But if their behavior is slightly unappealling to
or even hugely unappealling
it's your job to love them anyway

for your soul's sake
and for your children's sake

This is a big subject, and might as well start
plugging and working away on any and all resentments,
because if you have even the tiniest left,
even though you can find a new mate,
you won't find a relationship of unconditional love,
until you've learned to do so
with the parent of your children

their gunkiness
is their business
and it's torturing them every day of their
whether they know it or not

oh, wll

your resentment and lack of forgiveness
torturing and poisoning your insides
making it harder or maybe even impossible
to make as much money as you'd like to make
as I keep pointing out:
undermining your children's ability to love themselves

even if they think they are
"doing fine"
and you think they are "Doing fine,"
if they sense your lack of love,
that's going to cripple them not only
with the X,
but with themselves,
because whatever gunk the X has,
they'll pick up part of it,
and if they don't have the ability to forgive
themselves this,
then they are trapped in the old self hatred trap

which isn't a nice place to be

what to do

First and easiest
is the work of Byron Katie (http://thework.com/)

Judge your neighbor
Write it down
Ask 4 questions
Turn it around

"My X shouldn't have ....."

There it's written.

Q1 Is it true that "My X shouldn't have ....."?

Q2: Can I absolutely know that "My X shouldn't have ....."?

Q3 How do I feel, react and live when I believe that "My X shouldn't have ....."?

Q4… Who would I be without attaching to, or without having the thought that "My X shouldn't have ....."?

The turn around requires some explaining, but it's like:

"My X should have loved me more"

turns around to I should have loved my X more

and I should love myself more.

On this screen this doesn't seem like a way to transform your life.

You can work intensive days with my and get huge parts of suffering out of the way, and do great upgrading to the way you enjoy and move your body, and without that, you can go to
and find videos and worksheets to guide yourself through it.

It's work, not just lazily wishing you felt better.
But it's working like gardening or building a home
that will radically improve your life.



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