Ways to treat ourselves, our Children, our Mate

Many people, asked what they feel in their bodies, only report what’s missing.

“I’m don’t feel comfortable.”

“I’m not as relaxed as I want to be.”

“My hip is bothering me.”

“My back hurts.”

The last two remarks were a judgment of what wrong.

The question was not how they feel, but what they feel.

An answer could be: “I feel a tightness in my shoulder.” “I feel my breathing is slow and shallow and mainly in my chest.” “My neck feels slightly pinched, more on the left side than the right.”

God forbid they actually report something that feels good. “I like the warm feeling in my fingers.” “My spine feels up and over my pelvis and is playfully balancing my head.” “My muscles of my leg feel warm and full.”

This is our mind in mediocre mode.

Not on the positive.

Not on the real.

This is a good distinction to remember One: when we are talking to our children.

And Two: when we are talking to our mates.

And Three: when we are talking to ourselves.

The child is making a lot of noise.

Command: “Stop making all that racket.” ( Command plus judgment).

Judgment: “That sounds awful.”

Statement of fact: “Your voice is loud and jumping around a lot.”

Request: “Could you be more gentle and sing with your voice.”

Your mate hasn’t given you enough affection, you feel.

Complaint: “You never give me affection.”

Demand: “Be nicer to me.”

Request: “Would you please say five things you like about me.”

Turn Around : “You look great. Can I give you a hug?” ( Giving what you want to get)

Yourself:

Complaint: “You didn’t get enough done today.”

Judgment: “You never get enough done.”

Statement: “You did this and this. You wish you’d also done this.” Or, “I did this and this. I’d like to have gotten this done, too.”

Kinder statement: “I liked that about doing that. I like that about doing this.”

Connecting: “I think I’ll call Joe and ask what he liked today and tell him what I liked.”

That enough.