Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Latest Special Needs Children blog posting, and good "work/love" for us all

I've covered this before,
but the more I think and talk about these
the more I find them applicable to almost any
process of transformation.

Where transformation
is deep change,
brain rewiring
behavior changing
life altering change,
so not just the coating outside,
but change from the inside out.

And these six are the ingredients that
Dr. Dan Siegal came up with for helping a bipolar lad
to come out of his stuckness without drugs.

Here I'm oing to use them as stepstones
to more of what I like to emphasize:
this change for our children
can be so much more kind to ourselves
and them
if we see and allow ourselves to be in
as well.

So, what would the steps be for parents?

1. Good sleep

Well, sorry, this could be the hardest with certain children
and you know as well as I that deals can be made with
our mates,
and perhaps caretakers
to at least every other night get a good sleep.

there is naps.
20 minutes, once or twice a day.
(Even in the office.
If they catch you, tell them to judge your
productivity increase
and suggest a nap for everyone)

And lying down,
for 5 minutes
on your back, or side
on a rug, some grass, any firm and useful surface.

Lie down, and move very slowly
with awareness and self-learning
and self-love,
as if you are giving AND getting a lesson
from and for yourself.

2. Good food
including brain food

Brain food includes omega 3 from eggs of chickens on pasture (not the same as free range,
which just means chickens in dirt), and grass fed meat and buffalo, and wild caught fish, and
flax seed, and if you are lucky, the weed purslane.

Brain food also includes high quality fats: raw butter or at least spring pasture butter, organic olive oil (they use disgusting chemicals in non organic production to kill extra olives), soaked nuts and seeds

I'd even include green smoothies as brain food.
I could be wrong, but I suspect not.

On the good food line, and I tell people this when they think my lessons "cost too much,"
How much more iron does organic spinach have than non organic?
80 times.

3. Relationship
The way you touch, talk to, and think and talk about your child is fundamental to your relationship to her or him.

The way you touch, talk to, and think and talk about each other is once
big surprise,
fundamental to your relationship.

It's no surprise, but sometimes worrisome, to realize how
stressful being a parent of a special needs child,
and in Austin, TX as least, there are lawyers who specialize
in divorces among these parents. Creepy perhaps, but a pointer
to the troubles.

So, what do I recommend.

Call me for counselling if you wish.

Do the work of Byron Katie, almost daily. (http://thework.com)

Talk to each other with a timer, taking turns,
3-3-3-3 4-4-4-4 or 5-5-5-5 minutes back and forth,
all listening, no interrupting when the other is talking

being present
looking the other in the eye
not nodding nor frowning, let them say it without your feedback,
even non verbal
send love when listening
send love when talking
look in the eye when talking
go slow
take a breath
take many breaths
say what you are "afraid to say"
be vulnerable
make all I statements (I am scared when you...., not You shouldn't)
and as much as possible talk about yourself and leave the other out of your side of the talk
if there is an "issue," make sure to give yourself at least a half an hour to deal with

it's a lot quicker in the long run
than a divorce and an unhappy child/ children

4. Novelty
Buy Anat's dvds and do them at least twice a week
Buy my book and do one of the games at least once a day
Go to the Feldy blog site and find "movement lessons" label and do one a day
Write in a journal each day with the left hand
do something different every day
be present, then novelty will spring up all around you

5. exercise
stand up, touch the ground (knees bending all you want,)
touch the sky
five minutes,
huge variety,
huge pleasure
lots of shifts of weight
pay attention fingertips to toes to spine to ribs to pelvis to heartbeat
to breathing
love yourself

take a walk each day

touch your partner, lovingly, each day

6. Mindfulness:
Do all the above while sensing your arms and legs
and following your breathing

if you can

do everything with a chunk of your awareness in the present

meditate a bit each day
(get my book,
or just sit and breathe and follow breathing
and count the breaths one to ten,
and sense spine and arms and legs as well)

five to twenty minutes

make a gratitude list:
be mindful as you think and feel about it
that's a pretty nice essay, isn't it.

Have a great week.


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