Movement and Love, Feldenkrais and Love, the whole shebang

I used to post on Wednesdays some thoughts
of a Feldenkrais nature.

I have strayed, it appears in these various Poems from Now,
and love thoughts,
and relationship enlightenment rambles,
and perhaps the straying has not been so far.

AND
I want to stray back to a once a week essay,
in this weird poems style, which I like as more readable,
and more easy to let the thoughts,
creep out
one
at
a time.

To say nothing of our great Feldie friend:
variation.

One word lines
like
yes
and then letting the words jumble rumble along and go all the way to the end of the page and then wrap around and keep going in word processor style

And
today's topic:
Feldenkrais and love, which I've explored several times before. (next week I'll write about "anti-aging" as the "main topic," but watch and see:
Feldy
and love
and anti-aging all meet at a sweet point.)

And what is the sweet point:
The Kingdom of Heaven is within.
And the Kingdom of Heaven is now.

Life without love is, in a certain way, not really worth living,
and it's about knowing the kingdom of heaven
within oneself
and seeing feeling and encouraging that in your partner,
and in everyone you love.

And in Feldenkrais, we
appear to be moving bodies
in space
on tables
or chairs or the floor,
with an occasional brave "standing lesson."

Are we looking for the "Kingdom of Heaven,"
(which I'm conveniently, and on purpose leaving
vague and open ended)
in these bodies?

Yes.

We are loving these bodies in the usual way
of real lovers who:
1. listen
2. like what they hear
3. are willing to go very slowly with any shifting
4. aren't afraid to suggest alternatives
5. listen to the results of those alternatives
6, are deeply concentrated on things being perfect and getting even
better for the other

All this could be elaborated,
and won't be.

You fill in the extras, if you are a Feldie.

You fill in the examples if you are in love.

You look for where you are missing the mark if you are not in
love right now.

.........
Tidbit:
I've taken this website name:
Mindful-Dating.com
to help and encourage those who might wish for
relationship based on awakened and present existence.

And have an ongoing blog:
RelationshipEnlightenment.blogspot.com/
for those in our out of relationship,
again, wanting, wishing, even demanding
awareness as core
to their love

....


And here we are back to the theme of the day:

Feldenkrais: where Awareness is crowned as life's chance for freedom
(See Moshe's Awareness Through Movement, the first section)
and Movement is the way to most easily get there

Love; where awareness of ourselves in the present,
and in our bodies
allows our minds and our inner chatter to
shut up enough
so we can actually indulge in the great gift
and glory of another person
in all their rags and riches, beauty and warts,
in our presence
and beyond this indulgence and our own joy,
shower them with this greatest of all gifts:

our awareness of them,
in the present.

Okay, that's enough.

Plenty of blanks to fill in, meadows to plant with wild flowers,
poems to write for yourself.

Go out.
Love the world.
Give great lessons.

Feed awareness with awareness.

Core to the Koran,
the light Verse,

core to that Verse:

Light upon Light

Good.

Vows for Relationship Enlightenment, part 2

12.To speak the truth.
This was in #2. As in saying this, which could be true:
"I feel angry."
Rather than this, which is a lie: "I feel angry because you ...."
The real truth is "I let my anger come out when I tell myself the story that you should..."

And to speak the truth means more:
"I want to be a big baby and have you all to myself."

"I want you to worship and adore me, when I want attention,
and I want to be ignored and let alone when I want time to myself."

"I want you to read my mind,
and know what I want without me having to articulate it."

I.e. To speak the humorous truth of my own self centered nonsense.

Which is to say the egoic mind, the me, me, me fellow who thinks it is
Me vs the world.

La, la.
To speak the truth of my lies, any lie that demands another be under my control.

13. I vow to live an awakened life.
As much as I can.
And I vow to create conditions for you to live an awakened life.
As much as you wish.

This does NOT mean lectures, advice, programs. It means listening. Being curious. Searching for an awareness of the unique brilliance of your being alive, right now.

As I can vow to connect with the unique brilliance of my being alive, right now.

Good.

It's already here: love, enlightenment, you name it

You want love
from so and so
and they aren't
"coming through"

Relax
the love is already here

Call it God
call it your real nature
call it nature, tweet tweet blue skies,
heaven every day,
and Love is in there,
waiting

you love you
you love life
life loves you
this other person loves you

they can't help it
(even if they don't know it)
love is their true
nature

yours too

(the miracle is how
great we are at disguising and forgetting
this)

you might forget this
and
so
you'll suffer
and whine when so and so
doesn't "come through"

and...
it's already there

The peace and joy
you want
from your mediation:
it's already there,
before your butt's on the pillow

find it,
then put your butt
down
and watch the mind
/ ego
try to steal the peace
and joy
that are the real you
from you

don't let that happen
indulge
sink into
emerge in the
peace
and joy
of this being alive thing

good

it's already there

and
even now

stop
or slow
and let yourself long
for
what you really long
for

and then
go inside
and find it:

it's already here

Good.

Vows for Relationship Enlightenment

1. I vow to be present and authentic in and apart from our relationship.

Authentic means true to my feelings, wishes, goals and moment by moment inclinations.
It does not demand of you to match, join, or even approve of my authentic self.

And most especially, authentic does not include the cowardly "honesty" of complaining about what's going on in me and blaming that on you.

2. I vow to have zero tolerance for any complaining about you from me. I.e. not to do it.
Ever.

3. I do vow to be honest in my feelings, rather than repressed. To combine this with #2, I vow to state my feelings only in this shortened form:
"I feel angry."  Period. No "because you..."
"I feel sad." Period. No "because you..."

4. I vow to take total responsibility for all the "because-s" after any feelings I have.
These usually include some or all of these:
a. lack of being present
b. a story about how the other is not (and should) match some picture in my mind
c. a trigger from some past "wound," which means an area I haven't "done" the Work on yet.
d. a cowardly attempt/ habit  to blame others outside for what I feel inside.

5. I vow to do the Work ( the Work of Byron Katie, TheWork.com) on any and all of my stories.

6. I vow to commit myself to your happiness, to your achieving your life goals and wishes, to your need for space, time and respect.

7. I vow to listen when you wish to communicate. Fully. In the present. No interrupting. No interpreting.

8. I vow not to interpret any of your behavior, thinking or feeling, unless you are doing some inner work and ASK for this.

9. These are my vows.
You can join them or not. I invite you to, and that's your business.
I you join them, I vow not to nag, scold, or even point out when you "fail" to meet them.

10. On the other hand, I vow to listen to your observations about when and how I have missed the mark on keeping them.

11. I vow to make requests, not demands. Which means I vow to honor and even enjoy any and all "no's" to my requests, as what they are: you exercising your right and joy to be precisely the one whom I love: you being exactly yourself, moment by moment.

Good

Other people love us, and sometimes they forget

So much of life
is so agonized by wising, wanting, demanding
that some one,
or some ones
appreciate or love or approve of us more.


Trick and truth is:
they do love us.
They may be capable of appreciating us.
They may have the generosity to approve of us.
They may not.

And they do love us.

They just don't know it.

This is an exercise from the book, for sale to the right:
And it's a doozy.

Take someone with whom things seem not to be "going so well,"
and write a if from them to you,
a pretend
letter
to you.

In that letter say exactly what you want to hear.

This is them.

If the letter is kind and loving and apologetic and open
and insightful and seeing how you and they are the same,
and admiring and loving you.

This is who they really are.

You'll feel it.
You'll notice it.

They might never notice nor ever feel this love.

Oh, well.
It's there.

Life is good.

Just relax when someone can't come through with the goods.

Life is good.

They would love you if they could.

They are afraid,
or don't know how to love,
or are afraid to love more,
or afraid to love at all,
or never really learned how to love.

And where are they going to learn?

You loving them, even when they forget that
they love
you.

That's one way they'll learn.

And another: they'll discover the pain of not loving themselves,
and stop.
If they are wise and alert and notice what's what.

If not, they'll keep suffering and
not yet knowing how to love you,
and so be it.

Love them all you can.

They are you, when you forget how much
love you have.

When you forget how much love,
you
are.

Good.

If you are Single and want an Amazing next Relationship

If you are single and want an amazing next Relationship,
here are five things that could be essential:

1. Make a list of everything "wrong" with the last person,
your famous X.
And if there are other further back "X's" who still "bug" you
make a list of everything "wrong" with them.

Then look down the list, breathe, smile and realize every one of
those traits is you, too.

2. Write an apology letter to the X, or X's for your criticisms.
Don't tell them you were right.
Tell them you've realized that you, too, were the one you were pointing the finger at.

3. Write down the statement:
"I really need a new partner to be happy."
Do the work of Byron Katie,
http://thework.com,
on that story.

4. Write down other statements,
"This last relationship was a big mistake"

or
"I'm a failure because the last relationship ended"

or
"If only so and so had been such and such , we could have
had a good relationship."

Any, and every grumpy statement about your past relationship.
Clear it up
with the work of Byron Katie.

5. If you are experiencing loneliness,
look within:
go back and forth between being totally present
and
putting awareness on a loneliness story/ or feeling
back and forth

In the present any sensations of a loneliness "feeling" are real.
Any story accompanying the sensations is non real thoughts/ words/ story in your head.
In the present, be in reality of now.

Contrast that with going for/ being in/ attaching to/ believing your story.

5. Take your pick and be honest about the pick you are taking.

Good.

From Relationship Enlightenment: Listening and Reflecting Back

This is from my new blog:

http://RelationshipEnlightenment.blogspot.com

This is so simple.
And it works.

It works because it violates several of the habits
of the conversations
that we have that either "get nowhere"
or
"go downhill fast."

It violates the habit of interrupting when we get worked up
about what the other said.

It violates the habit of defending ourselves before we've really
considered the "other side."

It violates the habit of:
"What I have to say is important. You, shut up and listen."

It violates the central habit of arguing, the two sided game
of
"I'm Right and you are Wrong."
"No, no, you've got it backwards: I'm Right and you're Wrong."

And you've heard of it before,
it's called reflexive listening.

And here it is again.

1. Get a timer. Set it for two minutes.
Let your partner have their turn.
They say anything they want for the two minutes.
You say nothing.

2. After the two minutes, you repeat back to them
what you heard.
No interpretations.
No defending.
Just what they said.
Pause. Breathe.

3. Ask them of you missed anything.
 a. If so, have them repeat what you missed
 b. And you repeat back what you missed.
 c. And you asked again, Did I miss anything there?
 d. If not, move on. If yes, go back to 3.a.

4. Now it's your turn.
You talk for two minutes.
"Your side" of the issue.
Or just what's important to say, having heard and listened to
what they said.
Go slowly.
Don't try to be right.
Try to talk from your feelings and wishes, leaving out
any criticisms ( including criticisms of them for being
critical. One person at a time wising up)
Talk from what you want and you wish for and the solution
you'd like to see.

Go really slow and actually listen to yourself,
your voice tone, your undercurrent messages, your needs or wants or feelings.
Try to sense your body as you talk.

Which is to say: As much as you can, be present.

5. The timer rings ( later, you can go up to 3 or 4 minutes,
you'll have to discover how long you can listen and still hear it
all and repeat it back). You stop.

They tell you what they heard and ask if they missed anything.

6. And so on.


You'll  know you're really getting somewhere when you're as interested in
their side of things as you are in your own.

This is your life.
You supposedly love this person.
This is a chance to make things better.

Take it.

Loneliness is a Blessing in Disguise

You are in a relationship, and your partner goes away for awhile.
And you're lonely.

You have a relationship, and you or your partner (or both)
decide it's time to end it, and
you are lonely.

You haven't been with a partner in a long time,
or can only find partners that turn out to be contentious,
or duplicitous, or boring, or ...., and the relationships don't last long,
and you long for a Real Relationship,
and you
are
Lonely.

And in all these cases, you get a marvelous chance to discover
what it is like to love.

To love yourself as all the cliche´s say.
That really isn't it, but we might as well get this one out of the way.

Most lonely people, and this isn't going to sound right,
but
oh, well,
are lonely at least in part because they are selfish.
In a way they "love themselves" too much, in the sense
that they,
like you and me and everyone,
fall prey to the me, me, me disease,
and want things to go their way.

And when things don't go their way,
they cause a stink, and the partner gets sick of them
and leaves,
or they are so precious that they have to leave the partner
because they didn't get their way.

This sounds harsh,
but think of it
as oh, so human.

The human condition:
we imagine that other people have a purpose in the universe
and that purpose
is to help us feel good or comfortable or happy or safe
or...
what WE want to feel.

And sometimes, darn them,
they just forget what they are "supposed" to be doing
and actually think that THEY are the center of the Universe.

You can see how this might cause problems.

If it weren't for sex and children, and fear of loneliness,
relationships could probably never last more than a couple
of weeks.

And now we are back to loneliness again.

Do you get lonely walking in the woods,
or in a beautiful meadow?

Usually not. We feel at one with Nature,
and we aren't demanding that the wildflowers
like us more or appreciate us more or lose weight.

We can love Nature for what it is.

This is the kind of self love we need, too.

Are we sad?
Love the sadness.

Are we afraid we will never find a partner?
Love the fear.

Are we bored?
Love the boredom.

Do we wish we could make less mistakes?
Love the learning of HOW we went about making the mistakes,
why we went about making the mistakes, and even ( or maybe especially),
how the mistakes were lessons for us.

So we are alone.

Time to think,
and watch our thinking.

Do we think kind thoughts about ourselves?
Not boastful thoughts, though that isn't the biggest crime in the world,
but kind as in: you are a good person. You are able to learn. You have these interests.
You are learning this and that and that. This is what you enjoy: how about spending more time doing the things you enjoy. This job doesn't really make you happy, how about looking for another one, or thinking about what you really want to do.

If we have unkind thoughts, this is were the fear of loneliness comes in.
Being alone is fine, but if we use the time beating ourselves up inside,
then life gets grueling.

And one thing we can beat ourselves up about is the idea:
I should have a partner right now.

I won't go into the Work of Byron Katie just now.
It's easy to find: thework.com
And if you google my blogs and the work of byron katie you'll find
plenty of essays.
Or buy my book, which lays it out over many smaller chapters.
Or buy Katie's book.

But for now:
this is a gift we can all give ourselves in any lonely moment:
to take the thought that "I'm not okay just here, by myself"
and ask:
Is it true?

If you have a partner and they are off doing something they enjoy
or want
or need
to do, doesn't love recommend loving their doing that,
and self love recommend you enjoy the time free.

Same when loved ones and you have parted ways.

You are spared the troubled times.

You have time to meditate and practice loving
every moment of every day.

When you get even halfway good at that,
so many people will want to be in your company you'll be shocked
and pleased,
and have to use astute heart and mind intelligence to find with whom
you will have the most wonderful time together.

Hint: find someone who is not afraid to be alone.
They won't cling to you.
And since, if you know how to at least halfway love everything
you do,
in partnership or alone,
you won't be afraid to be alone.

And so when you are together,
it can be love time,
not hiding from fear of loneliness time.

That seems like an improvement,
don't you think?

What to do when your Lover isn't Perfect?

(This is a reposting of a mini essay from
my new blog:
Relationship Enlightenment,
which is at http://relationshipenlightenment.blogspot.com/

This is the first posting, in a blog that will be entirely devoted to upgrading and making relationship a vehicle toward enlightenment, and a sweet place to hang out in the present.

Sometimes there are trick questions, and this is one:
What to do when your Lover isn't Perfect?

Because the answer is contained in the question.
Take our the r from Lover and you have what to do?
Love.
Love them.

Think about it: when does someone need love most?
When they are tip top full of vim and vigor and their most charming lovable selves?

Or when they are a bit pissy or selfish, or even mean?

I mean, we all have the mean moments. And never from sitting down and deciding:
damn, I'm bored, I'm going to be a real rat for awhile.

Nope.
We are feeling down about ourselves,
or stuck in our work,
or feeling wounded by someone else,
or some memory from the past,
and suddenly, an innocent (or maybe not so innocent, that doesn't matter)
comes along,
and zap:
we send them a little mean juice.
Say a mean thing.
Give them a look.
Ignore.
Use the tone of voice.

You know the stuff we pull when we aren't tip top.

And that's when we need our Lover, our Friend, our Mate,
to step back
and wonder… ˙Hey, what's eating you? Is something wrong?
Do you need something? Some time? A hug? Some praise? Some listening?

And so,
that's what to do when your Lover isn't perfect:
Love them.

And ask some slow, gentle, curious, caring questions.

That's all.

(And that's a lot).

Geothe on decision, a quote

"Until one is committed,
there is hesitancy,
the chance to draw back,
always ineffectiveness.

Concerning all acts of initiative,
there is one elementary truth,
the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans:
That the moment one definitely commits oneself,
then providence moves too…
Whatever you can do,
or dream you can,
begin it.

Boldness has genius,
power, and magic in it"


Geothe

what to do when angry with your lover?

Ah, yes, it happens
you get angry
with your lover

the perfect one
becomes....
yuk

oh, well,
it happens
and you can't really love someone
unless you can hate them every
once
in awhile

but here's some tips:
breathe
don't say anything
don't make any decisions
go away for awhile

leave them alone
they don't need to hear
anything
from
you

yet

go away and
write down
all their sins

they aren't perfect
they probably pulled some shit

i mean face it:
if they were perfect would they
be with you?
 no,

oh well,
they pulled some shit
and you write it down

and stew
and stew

and then,
hey,
try this
sense the stewing inside
you
and notice
the stewing inside you

this is the anger
churning away

it's yours
your treasure
for as long as you want

and then do
something else besides stew
you've go a life:

go work
or walk
or read
or meditate
or garden
or pay attention
to who you are without the stewing story
of how  they should have been perfect

pay attention
to what you are
without the bad/imperfect lover
to disturb
you

what are you?

who are you?

and what about happiness?
can you be happy
about your loved one,
and with your loving inside,
deep inside,

even with the shit
they pulled?

if no, keep waiting
keep working
keep meditating
keep not saying anything
keep not deciding anything (you can imagine it though:
 never going to speak to them again, never going
to buy them candy, going to smack them in the face
with a big cream pie.... keep the crimes non violent and
in your mind)

and then
when you remember this:

I love you

you can say something
you can go back to them

but first
remembering

I Love You

write your list again,
calmer
and in love

and still don't say it

go say the

I Love you
part

and say that in an hour or two you'll
say the list
of what made you angry

but wait

there's plenty of time
for lovers

there's always time
to wait

until love is the ocean
and everything else just
bobs
up and down
up and down
life's a merry go round
gently gently gently gently
life is but a dream

what is there to say about Love?

What is there to say about Love?

without it
life is parched
and senseless

and:

it is always there
within
always there
our true nature

and:
in the world of guys and gals
(in any combination)
the cleaning up
of the last "relationship"
super important
(according to the thought
thinker,
life watcher
inner and outer garden
grower,  the one writing here)

big deal important:
clean up the last one
get clear
not even forgiveness
but more
like ecstasy of
seeing this:
"oh, my, I was an asshole ,
too,
oh well,
better apologize,
how wrong and foolish
I was"

and then
to move on

on to the empty ease
of loving
just
yourself
all alone

and if no one
ever shows up
again:
fine

the full ease
of life as full
so much to love:

plants people sky dogs horses
work rest cars roads paths paper
pens computers laughter
baby's asses diapers
food
frolic
dance
paint
the conversations
with strangers
and friends
the confusion
the clarity

so much to love
you could spend a thousand
lifetimes of love

and life so full of
somethings and someones
and somewheres and somehows
to love
and

loving all that
and not even noticing

someone comes along
also in no hurry

also in no worry

and there you are

trapped again
in bliss

God bouncing back and forth
God grinning to God
God caressing God

God golly wow
here we go again

and this time
a little slower
a lot smarter
a soft waiting for the
other to unfold
exactly
at their own mysterious pace

always this is
waiting

....
the world is full of
people who love you

most don't know it

oh, well

someone always comes along
who bursts through their sleep
and sees what you have
waiting
for them you life

they sense the possibilities
they go for it
or you do
and slowly you unfold together
into the mystery

love songs ring in your head
and they aren't true
it's easier than that
and quieter
even when it wants to shout to the
mountain tops

very quiet
very easy
very gentle


....

good

Where does Love Live?

Look for yourself with the eyes: nothing to see
Listen for yourself with your ears: nothing to hear
Reach for yourself with your hand: everything to touch

the soil and the baby's face
the hammer and the pen
the skin and the boot

and they are not you

where are you?

Seamless
un-namable
we spring from the Nothing

and in the middle of this Nothing:
love

a light to guide us
back
to
Truth

which can't be tasted
or seen
but can be
Lived

squoze heart suffers, but always

Sometimes my heart
(the conditioned,
small fearful
heart that shoves aside
sometimes
the real
the big as the Universe
the abiding in the Glory of Life
real
Heart)
wants more from you

you can =
the ME, ME, ME story
the Loved One
God
Life

and so on

wanting is nice
       when the fullness of Life
       is what one wants of One
       or more really One, through one,
        wants One

wanting more for all One of
us

and when the squoze too small
hearts starts demanding
always: suffering

Good

Life is meant to pulled burning
hands off hot stoves
and withdraw stung fingers
from hornets' nests

and why the suffering?

ah,

demands are skewed
they forget
the joy of the honest
request

they forget
the glory of
Now

they forget, demands do,
that all the love in
the world
is always
here
always here
all ways here

right
now



..........

good

If God is love, is Valentine's day holy?

Here's how to be present:

Don't try
Just realize:
you are alive

go with the obvious:
you are breathing
and
you are in gravity
and
you are in light
and
there is sound
around

that's four anchors to the now:

your breath

the bones and flesh of your legs and spine and arms creating
the shape
whatever shape of you
is now
right now
in gravity

feel gravity's pull
feel / sense your arms and legs and spine

that's two

three:
realize experience pay attention to enjoy:
whatever light
is
right now
coming in your eyes

four:
sounds
ears
what's the nowness
of that

that's a good solid anchor

in bed
walking
fixing breakfast
eating
talking
quieting
driving a car
working
talking on phone;;

breathing
light
gravity in arms and legs and spine
sound in ears

this is you
alive
now

full
sweet
amazing wonderful


And if God is love, is Valentine's day holy?

if God is love
every day is holy

every hour

every moment

every now

wow

good

tuesday today, next tuesday VAlentine's

roses are red
violets are blue
tell me a secret
I love you

this poem could
be read
by all of our real selves

to everyone else's

and they wouldn't even have
to tell a secret

and I don't think that's the real verse

tell me a secret:
i love you

is the secret we
all have

and are all holding our breath
to hear

and what would it be like
today
tomorrow
for a few days
to think feel remember that

for everyone we see:
I love you

everyone we talk to:
I love you

everyone who sees or talks to us:
they love us

interesting results
perhaps

let's find out

if love were free, then what? if it had a cost, what would it be?

this sunset a while back

at Enchanted Rock

a wild wonderful place in Texas

you know the phrase,
sixties stuff, or Hugh Heffner kind of nonsense:
free love

which means, usually,
fooling around and not sticking it out
with the going gets rough
and jumping on to someone else

that's not free really
because it's not love

it could be good sex,
could be an invitation to disaster
and definitely isn't the
deal
with love

because love does have a price

a minor one:
death

ha, got ya?

and the death isn't literal
it's worst:

good old ego gets to bite the dust

and this sounds big
and it is
cause the ego that bites the dust with love
isn't the one that learns spanish and tai chi
and takes you out dancing when you need
to clear your funk
or plant a garden when you need to get grounded

no it's the ego
that's the piggidy piggy piggo:
the me me me
I come first
give me what I want when I want it
baby demanding tyrant

ugh

we fall into that pig now and then
and love's price
and it's gift:
a wake up message:
hey, the other person has their own
world
other things to do
beside worship and serve and accommodate
to us

so love has a price
death of the pig

and the reward:
we are free
free from all those me me me chains

so love is free

love is free because when
we love
we are free

wheeee!

super bowl

this sun shone

not knowing or caring that super bowl, the super bowl,

was dancing, charging and flaring 

along

the teams play in this super bowl,
in every super bowl
and zillions watch
root
toot
eat
flip channels
want to buy something they didn't know
they wanted to buy
drink
not drink
and meanwhile
on some real piece
of ground
somewhere on this planet
the super bowl bashes and dances
and strategizes forward

and
someone wins
someone loses

if it's a "good game"
they get to take turns
being ahead
and believing they'll
win,
each of them wants
to win

which is fun for the one who
does
or is it
or is it just not feeling bad
by losing

either way
it's over
it was close

life goes on

and in our love life
we can win
and that makes
our loved
one the loser

and if we gloat
about that
or feel righteous
or feel that we are bigger or smarter
or better than them,
then
what happened to the love
that flourishes
when
they are a delight
and a
wonder
and a bit of a
(or a lot)
a mystery to us

a mystery
we are intrigued
to discover
and meet
and merge with
and talk to
and leave alone
and come back together

the day
by
day
stuff

that's important

and being alive
and
awake
and
happy

whether they are there
or
not

for surely we don't want our
happiness
pinned to them

too much pressure
and our job
in love
anyway
is
to enjoy
and encourage
and adore
and that kind
of valentine's thing

why?
it feels good to love

we can't really help
it
when we stop the bullshit

....
good

today is the last day of the end of your life

live it well

today is the last day of everything that has gone
before

love it
it's what you were and did and felt and experienced

and let it go

it's gone
gone
gone

and now
what with all that gone
what's left?

now.
your life.

now.
your life

now
your life

live it as if you were going to live forever
or
as if this was the last day
or
both

since both might be
true
who knows

we don't and
all that leaves
is

of course

now

good

love is important, yes, yes

How many times can you say

that
love is
important?

As many as you want to.

And that seems a little silly.
And silly is one of the best wrods
in the English language.

Along with land and love and work
and joy and ease and laughter.

It's okay to be silly every once in
a while
and it's good to fall in love
often

preferably with the same person
but if that person dies
or leaves you
or you leave
them,
fall in love with someone else

And can you love someone who leaves
you?
Yes.
And can you love someone you leave?
Very important: yes.
Love them while you are with them
and then love them when any
parting comes.

For half a day.
For a week.
For the rest of your lives.

Why stop loving just
because the roof isn't shared
any more?

And what about marriage?

Marriage is good.
An agreement to share the roof,
come hard times or good, come this or that.

Basically: an agreement to work it
out
if things need to be worked out.

I'm a big fan of working things out
as
foreplay.

Let me repeat that:
I'm a big fan of working things out
as
foreplay.

Not this old theatrical way:
of screaming and arguing and then someone
or both bursting into tears
and then the hugs
and then the sex.

Yikes. That's just a recipe for rewarding
screaming cat fights.

No, the working out of listening:
Oh, that's what you think.
Oh, that's what you feel.
Oh, that's how you see it.
Oh, of course you are right from your point of view
and of course I'm right from my point of view
and we don't have to be so coarse as
to demand that only one of us be right.

Let's both be right.
Let's both be wrong.
Let's both be smart.
Let's both be fools.

Ah, their is so much the same
about us.

We are one,
the human family,
the you and me and our love
family,
the awakening to reality family,

and that's the foreplay.

Waking up to the love
that is there

always
for everyone
when we are awake

and certainly for our mate
if we have one

and for ourselves and the trees
and our dogs and cats
and friends
if we don't

love is important
like breathing

it's always there
and when we remember
and experience it:
it feels like our life
is being lived
as we were meant
to
live

ah
yes

good

Love and Fear

Love is fearless
but the ego is not

and so the ego
is afraid of
love

sometimes

of course,
love can "look good"
to the ego,
and not just trophy lovers,
but the real actual juicy delight
of sex

is good for
the body
and good
for
the soul
and good
for the ego
too,

because the poor ego,
which doesn't exist,
has this idea
that there is something basically lacking

and good sex
at least temporarily
makes the ego,
which doesn't exist
feel as if it did

and the body exists

the we
the us
the real me
right not BE the body
but it
me
you
I
are in these sweet bodies

and what about love
and fear:

good love
scares the ego
because in good love
the ego dissolves
and all that is left is adoration
of life
really

though it can appear to be of the
other

and the ego
wants to cling to time
and wants "this love right now
so hot so fine"
to last forever
which it might
but we'll never know
except one now at a time

is this making any sense?

sense to the part of you
that doesn't have to fit all
the words
together
but knows

you've been scared sometimes
when love seems
too good

as if you don't deserve it

or as
if,
without guarantees
of ever and ever
it's too much a risk to
love so much

or
as if,
the world
so deliciously out of control
will dissolve

and it
will

it will

read Rumi
read Hafiz

fall into the empty drop
delightful magic carpet of now:

it's all gone
this moment and the last ten million
and all that's left

is.....

love

Valentine's Treat

Valentine's Day is

like this:
I love you
and
I hope you love me
and let's show off that we have something pretty nice

And everyone doesn't have something pretty nice
and
some of those showing off
are,
as they say,
"blowing smoke out their asses"
and putting on a public show
while there is plenty of suffering back home

So what to do about
making it better
making love
happen
as a more consistent and ongoing thing?

Ah, me, ah my
it's always the same answer:

be present.

Got a grudge:
come into the present and actually
look at your partner

Your partner is gone
and you have a grudge
:
Look out the window
enjoy the birds
the bees
the sky
the trees
and be glad to be alive

Wish they were kinder:
be kinder to them
and to yourself

Wish they would listen more:
listen to them and
listen to yourself

If they bore you,
be present
be honest
ask for what would make it
work

Don't demand
Be happy

See what happens

there's more,
always more,
its one of life's great
ships
the relationship

and if you are "single"
single out plenty
of time
to really
really
really

love yourself
and your
life
exactly as it is

Good.

And now for an announcement:
I have a class at the UT informal classes
that I "accidentally" scheduled for February
7 and 14.

So instead of going to a movie, or out to dinner,
or,
in addition,
you could come upgrade your relationship
by:
communicating in the present
releasing resentments
creating harmony
moving into the moment

this can be with a mate
or without

couple
or
single

sign up
here:

UT informal class:
The Joy of Divorcing Your Pain/ Suffering/ Old Stuff/ Whatnot