Sunday, December 22, 2013

Freedom #5: the alchemy of happiness, in sad times

sad feels heavy
like you are walking through mud
like you are breathing thru mud

like what you want is far off
or never going to come
or has been taken away from you

you are wanting
you aren't present

feels like shit
sometimes

and sometimes
we get lucky
we realize that we can wake up
inside this unhappiness

we can come back to

the reality of
our body

our body is having sensation,
often it's
 a feeling in our chest,

heavy,
as if the heart weighs a hundred pounds

a big heart
has a big break


that's the spoiler alert

we all have to do this work
in our downs

we all have to go in
and sense the sensation

and breathe

and be aware 
of gravity
and light
and sound

and breathe

and we still might feel
heavy

but

that heaviness
is part of us

or better:
it's visiting us

it's not us

and who is us


who are we

ah, damn
more spoiler alerts:

discovering who we are
is 
very good news indeed

very

and only a hint
(but a big one,,,
and I've forgotten this, too,
and
oh
so sweet to remember to remember)

who is it that is noticing all the heaviness
and
the 
gravity in arms and legs and spine
and
the
light coming into our eyes
and
the
air coming in and out of our nose and inards
and
the 
sound coming in our ears

and we 
can even notice the
"story"
that is trying to take us over

and we can write it
down
and do the work of Byron Katie

or we can shortcut
and ask,
"Is it true?"

or we
can say: Hi, story,
I've got better things to do,
and 
come back
to sensing our down,
but not necessarily believing in it

and what is there to believe in?

This moment,
really

That's all I know you can 
count on

What about you?

Where can you put your attention
that will always be useful
and liberating?

I guess that's the life game,
isn't it?

Trying a bunch of worthless places
to put
our attention

and then coming back
to the bright
clear
now
of
knowing:
I am alive

Now.

(And since Christmas is

coming....

that might be why it
is
such a
present

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