Day Eighteen:
Lust Improvement by
Slow
Less Effort
Smiling and
Variation.
Get together with your partner.
Hold hands.
Go through the pelvic rocking together and go where sex often goes when people try to “get it right”. That is to say, a lot of effort and flailing around, and acting as if “getting to the finish” is going to be the end all, cure all for all of life’s ails.
So make the pelvic rocking a BIG DEAL. Hold on tightly. Clamp in your breathing. Pull tightly on each other as you rock. Try to be stronger and more forceful, as if it’s some kind of contest.
Wear yourselves out a bit, as if that proves anything.
Then stop.
Stand up.
Shake it out.
Smile and come back to sex/ touch/ movement as co-operation and enjoyment.
And go about this with the “do it better” mindset and variations. The one’s we’ve used before and just great for this movement and for a lot of life.
And of course, a lot of sex, will not only last longer. But have time for little diversions and explorations and delights along the way.
So, hold hands, and do the pelvic rocking together with these three grand variations.
SLOWER
SMILE
LESS EFFORT
And you are having another variation: holding hands. Enjoy that. Not only enjoy that, but learn from it.
Perhaps try one or two sets without holding hands.
And then hold hands and see what happens.
The goal of this is to start to establish goals other than the usual hurry, and get it done, and do it right goals that ruin so much of sex, to say nothing of so much of life.
If you want to try the fourth variation, something UNUSUAL/ NON-HABITUAL/ INTERESTING/ FUN
Try this:
Move your head in the opposite direction that you have learned so far.
As we’ve learned it, the head is a natural continuation of the way the upper back is curving. In the round and stomach in movement, the head is tilting down, to continue the folding in of the spine. In the arch your back and push your stomach out movement, the upper back is starting to tilt back, and so your head is too.
Now, as our variation to almost “do it wrong,” we’ll go against the so-called “natural” way.
It will be strange and a little difficult.
It won’t be a favorite form of movement in your life.
And.
It will help loosen an area that’s often killing musicians and people who work at computers: your upper back where it meets your neck.
And it will help your head and pelvis get much more familiar with the “easy” way of relating, by mixing it up and making it “hard.”
And, this will help you realize that their are slight shifts out there all over the place, that will make a huge difference in your life.
And…
Are fun.
Maybe not at first. But stick with it, variations that violate the rules of habit always end up fun.
Try it.
You’ll see:
So:
As you
Round your Back
Pull in your Belly
Breathe Out and
Rock your weight Back on your Pelvis
And begin to lower your sternum and the top of your check
Feel the “normal” movement for your head, and do the opposite:
LIFT YOUR HEAD UP, INSTEAD OF GOING DOWN AS USUAL
(This is more of less the awful way many of us interact with a a computer, hunched over in our back, and neck stretched in an unnatural and painful way, with your head tilted the other way)
And, go the other way:
As you
Push your pelvis forward
Breathe in to your
Expanding Belly
Arch your back
Begin to lift your sternum and the top of your spine towards the rear and up, feel the “easy” way for your head to go, and go the opposite way:
INSTEAD OF LIFTING YOUR HEAD AND LOOKING TOWARD THE CELING, LOWER YOUR HEAD
Believe me, this is weird.
Weird is good.
Weird is one reason I moved to Austin, and found, after many many adventures, Carol.
Why weird brining me to Austin.
I heard it was the “Berkeley of Texas.” That was appealing as I’d spent many happy and creative and learning years working and learning and participating in the Gurdjieff work and raising my children in Berkeley.
Austin had exactly two people I knew, and they were very cool. (And too busy to see me for the first six months)
And one real reason was the slogan: KEEP AUSTIN WERID.
Any city that had that as it’s unofficial slogan had to be pretty interesting.
Which was an understatement.
And back to you and this movement.
It’s going to be “weird,” which means out of the normal, and like a lot of “weird,” that deviation from the normal is going to teach you a lot.
So…
The slower you go, the better.
The less effort you make to “get it” right away, the better.
Laugh, fail and figure it out.
This has immense benefits to the upper back that is often immensely wrecked by all our work at computers.
This also gets the pelvis more excited to be a live and vital part of your life.
And,
your brain gets all sort of new and wonderful re-wiring.
And then,
Breathe, relax, see how you feel.
Then end with the regular way of doing the hand holding pelvic rocking and see/ feel/ notice/ enjoy how easy and more fully and delightful that is for the two of you.
Good.
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