Saturday, September 22, 2012

"Resistance" as a red herring, sort of

someone, a wise someone asked me to go beyond the smart guy
and share feelings as I post this and that:

I'm feeling less than my usual cocky about this,
a little shy,
a little hesitant,
and also excited,
to see what I come up with,
and to share some opening that I think others might enjoy

full disclosure,
partly to show off for a sweet gal,
with whom the brains are flirting, too

And here goes:

Resistance is so widely used, that we take it for granted,
as in:
Yes, I'm in resistance,
or, He/ She is obviously in resistance

Okay, let me fumble around and try to find some loose ends
and I don't know how they tie together,
and I'm shy/ scared/ curious, confident that something will emerge:

Fritz Perls has this idea:
Distraction is just attraction away from where it's "supposed"
to be

I've gotten great mileage from that, to
the point of having a "distraction" journal,
side by side with something I'm "really" trying to write,
to give attention to the distraction before returning to what
I'm "supposed to" be writing

NLP, however messed up,
has this very sassy idea:
There are no resistant clients, only bad therapists

I loved Nicole Daedone 's  riff in Austin on NLP as the parallel to Buddhism
to mask, ameliorate suffering rather than Buddhism for liberation,
and a couple of their things, like this, and the strangely hard to accept:
The meaning of the communication is the response you got,
are brilliant

They got this from modelling Milton Erickson, possibly the genius
of psychology of the last century, who never had resistant clients.

They always moved nicely from A to B to C.

This story illustrates:
Young boy comes in, doesn't want to sit in the chair
for hypnosis.
Stomps his foot on the floor.
Milton nods:
Very good. But a "Big Boy" would stomp much harder.
Is there something wrong with you?

The boy stomps like hell.
Pretty good, and a Big Boy... would do much more,
and on and on, until the kid can't wait to sit down..

Compare if Milton:
you've got resistance, lad,
just sit down,
it'll all work out

The boy had defiance,
the boy had foot stomping energy

Obviously this is the same as following the stroke,
which in our One Taste world, I've gotten massive help
with being told to be more of my anger, or arrogance, or
"dirty old man."

So, where's the rub:

It's the way this goes down:
A has some project for B,
who balks, hesitates, whatever

A to B: you are in resistance

Two problems, at least:

People don't like to be told what they are
Two it's a power struggle,
Three, this missing ingredient:

This COAL, from Dan Siegel, author of Mindsight,
with new book on children, the Whole Brain Child,
which finds good parenting exactly the path to enlightenment

Loving ( Kind regard)

With that, the "resistant" person, is dealt with not as resistant,
but fascinating: What's going on?

And so on.

This is as far as I can go.
Maybe resistance is okay, not really red herring,
maybe it's a chance to have people express fearful energy
they want to put in a habitual direction

Actually, what the hell,
all I'm trying to unravel is the core of coaching/ therapy,
so obviously I should get it in twenty paragraphs or less

and anyway,
I feel sad (don't know why, a feeling I can muck around and "not know"
and be loved here) and honored to, to have this playground
for expressing,
living in the juice of "I don't know."


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