Thursday, April 02, 2015

Fear and Enlightenment, and talking to your love

From the forthcoming book:
Love, Lust & Enlightenment: Falling back in love with your mate, and becoming "Almost Enlightened" to boot.
call  for three free chapters

Fear and Enlightenment

Fear can be real. Someone is coming at you with a knife. A car is barreling down on you.
Move. Jump. Stay safe.

Then the iffy zone: a crazy person is asking for spare change. If they are not dangerous, it’s a chance to rise to your humanity. Be present. Be kind. Imagine what they have been through. Ask their name. Give them money or not. See their soul.
Everyone else is afraid of them. Your greatest gift might be to not be afraid.

And then there is the nutty world of “ordinary” awful life where we let ourselves be pushed around by the opinions of other people.
A wise and amazing sage of the first half of the 20th century, a kind of cross between Rumi and Osho, of name George Gurdjieff said this was the central human slavery: our wish for outer approval and fear of outer disapproval.

Gurdjieff was enlightened.
This is a book about enlightenment.
He said, “Like what IT doesn’t like.”

And IT, our unconscious/ conditioned/ mindless “self”, the false self for sure, the source of our suffering, this IT very much is afraid of what other’s think and feel.

The simple solution: to hell with them.

And hey, maybe a little follow your breathing and sense gravity as you read and listen and I’ll do the same as I write , and will dig down into this.
If it’s the central human slavery and we are humans and want to be free, it behooves us to go down deep here, eh?

So: what is enlightenment?
Being in Reality and loving it.

Simple as that.

And what is Reality?
Some people like and appreciate themselves.
Some people don’t like and appreciate themselves.

Simple as that.

And how does that play out?

Those who like and appreciate themselves, will like and appreciate you. They won’t demand you appreciate them, but they will enjoy it if you do. They won’t NEED it, though, since they are already content from inside.
And, if they are really wise, they are sensing themselves and following their breathing and sensing gravity.
Why? That way they are giving themselves moment by moment the famous “attention” that people talk about when they say they aren’t getting “enough attention.”
If you fill yourself with inner attention, this is deeply satisfying.
(Extra bonus: because you are present, you can make choices the mindless you can’t)

Back to reality:
Those people who don’t like and appreciate themselves, will be critical of you.
They have to be. They are busy beating themselves up inside all day, and partly to relieve this pressure they need to project this out. If they don’t like their sloppiness or selfishness or lustiness or happiness they will be mad at you for being sloppy or selfish or lusty or happy.
It’s the way it has to be.
Unhappy people have to be critical of you.

Solution A: Avoid all unhappy people. Problem with this solution. Makes a narrow world. Though it’s a good way to pick your few friends. ( I’d go for awake and happy, and actually, without mindful, happy always, always crumbles.)

Solution B: Feel bad when unhappy people have thoughts and feelings critical of you.
Problem with this?
It’s insane. It’s like feeling bad because a dog poops. Dogs have extra gunk, need to get it out, and poop.
So be it.
Unhappy people have extra gunk and need to poop it out of their mind and heart and mouth.
So be it.

What does that have to do with you?
Nothing, unless you let it.

There is mumbo jumbo out there that other people’s emotions and “thought forms” can bring you down.
And they can’t.
Unless they are criticizing you in a way that piggybacks your own internal criticism.

So here’s the gift.
Someone criticizes you and you feel badly. Go inside and see how you agree with them and then stop.
(Exactly as is being present. Simple and demanding. And, the only real path to freedom)

They have bad feelings, bad vibes and so on.
So be it.
See these bad feelings and vibes as you would a child who is having a nightmare. Their thoughts are out of reality. They are afraid of their own projection.
Calm them.
Or get them to become your client.
Or give them a little insight and if they take it fine.
Or say the truth: I feel your unhappiness.
Or ask if you can help, if you wish: do you want help with your unhappiness.

Anyone in “bad vibes” is suffering from internal hatred.
How you deal with this is your choice.
But feeling bad because they are feeling bad, is like taking on the feelings of a drowning person because they are drowning.
Nah. Throw them a life line.

Or it’s like feeling bad because a dog is pooping? Smile. What’s that got to do with you?

Okay, enough philosophy, the only philosophy worth pursuing: Who we really are (Love and happiness),  and how to be happy, and what are we meant to do with our lives.

We are meant to be free from being bothered by other people’s mental or emotional dog poop.
We are meant to be free from other people projecting their nightmare of how the world should be limited just the way their world is so painfully limited.
We are meant to see the game.

Good, and today with your partner, we will NOT do the Byron Katie work yet, we won’t forgive/ let go of the story they “should” have done something different in the past.

We will hang out where we have freedom: in the future.
We will say our complaints, as we did a few days back, in gibberish. But this time  we will voice a request for a future behavior in the future.

Notice a strange thing. Most people think these two lies.
One: The past “should” have been different.
Two: The future “can’t” be different.

Requesting every time you have a complaint will change your life.
And today, the complaint in gibberish.
Tomorrow we will write it down and blast it free with the four questions.

So, sit in the usual two chairs.

Partner A: I am alive. You are alive.
I notice these two things about myself in the present…
I notice these two things about you in the present..
Here is a complaint I have in gibberish…
Here is a request I have for what we could do  together in the future to change this… ( No backhand slaps disguised as requests:  You stop being an asshole.
And no, “it’s all you, you need to change requests like: You should listen to be more.
Always a two person solution.
For example, behind the gibberish complaint is “You don’t spend enough time with me.” The spoken requests could be, we take a twenty minute walk holding hands each day. We go to a concert once a week. We set aside an hour to talk each day. We give each other a massage each day. We hug and dance each day.)
I notice these two things about myself in the present…
I notice these two things about you in the present…

Pause. Three breaths.

Now partner B responds like this.

I am alive. You are alive.
I notice this about myself in the present…
I notice this about you in the present…
This was the gibberish complaint I heard…(Do a fun copy. Even imagining what they were saying, if you wish. But have fun)
This is the request I heard from you…
This is what I like about the request, and how I’d like to help make it happen…
(Or, this doesn’t quite work for me, can we modify it in this and this way)
I notice these two things about myself in the present…
I notice these two things about you in the present…

Pause. Hold hands. Three breaths.

And now, without any complaint. Have a discussion where you come to an agreement on some action you are going to take together as a result of this request, and the request having been heard, and any counter offers having been made.

Then the other way around.
Partner B goes through the present and complaining in gibberish and making a request.
Partner A responds as above.

Then another discussion

Then take a little walk and come back for one of the touch games.


No comments: