Love, Lust & Enlightenment: Falling back in love with your mate, and becoming "Almost Enlightened" to boot.
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Fear and Enlightenment
Fear can be real. Someone is coming at you with a knife. A car
is barreling down on you.
Move. Jump. Stay safe.
Then the iffy zone: a crazy person is asking for spare change.
If they are not dangerous, it’s a chance to rise to your humanity. Be present.
Be kind. Imagine what they have been through. Ask their name. Give them money
or not. See their soul.
Everyone else is afraid of them. Your greatest gift might be to
not be afraid.
And then there is the nutty world of “ordinary” awful life where
we let ourselves be pushed around by the opinions of other people.
A wise and amazing sage of the first half of the 20th
century, a kind of cross between Rumi and Osho, of name George Gurdjieff said
this was the central human slavery: our wish for outer approval and fear of
outer disapproval.
Gurdjieff was enlightened.
This is a book about enlightenment.
He said, “Like what IT doesn’t like.”
And IT, our unconscious/ conditioned/ mindless “self”, the false
self for sure, the source of our suffering, this IT very much is afraid of what
other’s think and feel.
The simple solution: to hell with them.
And hey, maybe a little follow your breathing and sense gravity
as you read and listen and I’ll do the same as I write , and will dig down into
this.
If it’s the central human slavery and we are humans and want to
be free, it behooves us to go down deep here, eh?
So: what is enlightenment?
Being in Reality and loving it.
Simple as that.
And what is Reality?
Some people like and appreciate themselves.
Some people don’t like and appreciate themselves.
Simple as that.
And how does that play out?
Those who like and appreciate themselves, will like and
appreciate you. They won’t demand you appreciate them, but they will enjoy it
if you do. They won’t NEED it, though, since they are already content from
inside.
And, if they are really wise, they are sensing themselves and
following their breathing and sensing gravity.
Why? That way they are giving themselves moment by moment the
famous “attention” that people talk about when they say they aren’t getting
“enough attention.”
If you fill yourself with inner attention, this is deeply
satisfying.
(Extra bonus: because you are present, you can make choices the
mindless you can’t)
Back to reality:
Those people who don’t like and appreciate themselves, will be
critical of you.
They have to be. They are busy beating themselves up inside all
day, and partly to relieve this pressure they need to project this out. If they
don’t like their sloppiness or selfishness or lustiness or happiness they will
be mad at you for being sloppy or selfish or lusty or happy.
It’s the way it has to be.
Unhappy people have to be critical of you.
Solution A: Avoid all unhappy people. Problem with this
solution. Makes a narrow world. Though it’s a good way to pick your few
friends. ( I’d go for awake and happy, and actually, without mindful, happy
always, always crumbles.)
Solution B: Feel bad when unhappy people have thoughts and
feelings critical of you.
Problem with this?
It’s insane. It’s like feeling bad because a dog poops. Dogs
have extra gunk, need to get it out, and poop.
So be it.
Unhappy people have extra gunk and need to poop it out of their
mind and heart and mouth.
So be it.
What does that have to do with you?
Nothing, unless you let it.
There is mumbo jumbo out there that other people’s emotions and
“thought forms” can bring you down.
And they can’t.
Unless they are criticizing you in a way that piggybacks your
own internal criticism.
So here’s the gift.
Someone criticizes you and you feel badly. Go inside and see how
you agree with them and then stop.
Simple.
Demanding.
(Exactly as is being present. Simple and demanding. And, the
only real path to freedom)
They have bad feelings, bad vibes and so on.
So be it.
See these bad feelings and vibes as you would a child who is
having a nightmare. Their thoughts are out of reality. They are afraid of their
own projection.
Calm them.
Or get them to become your client.
Or give them a little insight and if they take it fine.
Or say the truth: I feel your unhappiness.
Or ask if you can help, if you wish: do you want help with your
unhappiness.
Anyone in “bad vibes” is suffering from internal hatred.
How you deal with this is your choice.
But feeling bad because they are feeling bad, is like taking on
the feelings of a drowning person because they are drowning.
Nah. Throw them a life line.
Or it’s like feeling bad because a dog is pooping? Smile. What’s
that got to do with you?
Okay, enough philosophy, the only philosophy worth pursuing: Who
we really are (Love and happiness),
and how to be happy, and what are we meant to do with our lives.
We are meant to be free from being bothered by other people’s
mental or emotional dog poop.
We are meant to be free from other people projecting their
nightmare of how the world should be limited just the way their world is so
painfully limited.
We are meant to see the game.
Good, and today with your partner, we will NOT do the Byron
Katie work yet, we won’t forgive/ let go of the story they “should” have done
something different in the past.
We will hang out where we have freedom: in the future.
We will say our complaints, as we did a few days back, in
gibberish. But this time we will
voice a request for a future behavior in the future.
Notice a strange thing. Most people think these two lies.
One: The past “should” have been different.
Two: The future “can’t” be different.
Requesting every time you have a complaint will change your
life.
And today, the complaint in gibberish.
Tomorrow we will write it down and blast it free with the four
questions.
So, sit in the usual two chairs.
Partner A: I am alive. You are alive.
I notice these two things about myself in the present…
I notice these two things about you in the present..
Here is a complaint I have in gibberish…
Here is a request I have for what we could do together in the future to change this… ( No backhand slaps disguised as requests: You stop being an asshole.
And no, “it’s all you, you need to change requests like: You
should listen to be more.
Always a two person solution.
For example, behind the gibberish complaint is “You don’t spend
enough time with me.” The spoken requests could be, we take a twenty minute
walk holding hands each day. We go to a concert once a week. We set aside an
hour to talk each day. We give each other a massage each day. We hug and dance
each day.)
I notice these two things about myself in the present…
I notice these two things about you in the present…
Pause. Three breaths.
Now partner B responds like this.
I am alive. You are alive.
I notice this about myself in the present…
I notice this about you in the present…
This was the gibberish complaint I heard…(Do a fun copy. Even imagining what they were
saying, if you wish. But have fun)
This is the request I heard from you…
This is what I like about the request, and how I’d like to
help make it happen…
(Or, this doesn’t quite work for me, can we modify it in this
and this way)
I notice these two things about myself in the present…
I notice these two things about you in the present…
Pause. Hold hands. Three breaths.
And now, without any complaint. Have a discussion where you come
to an agreement on some action you are going to take together as a result of
this request, and the request having been heard, and any counter offers having
been made.
Then the other way around.
Partner B goes through the present and complaining in gibberish
and making a request.
Partner A responds as above.
Then another discussion
Then take a little walk and come back for one of the touch
games.
Cheers
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