whom I adore
who is in the throes of
"Can I forgive?"
in that old awful way,
as if forgiveness is wearing a hair shirt,
or swallowing toxic waste
or at the very least
sitting through a bad movie for hours and hours
ah,
and this sweet person was once a heavy duty Christian
and these poor folks
for reasons that are both sad and delightful
have often the hardest time forgiving
( and I did hear this in a church, by a straight ahead
boring believer:
"Not forgiving is like swallowing rat poison
and
hoping the other person will die."
Which is s beginning of the higher level of
forgiving,
but not the end)
And you,
gentle reader,
are
A. going to have to forgive me
for jumping around and packing
so many angles and concepts into a short
poem/ ramble / essay
B. Wake up
and really feel and think your way through
this,
since it's is perhaps the number one source
of human suffering,
this holding on to our woundedness
,,,,,,, Okay
forgiveness
let's just make this the starter ramble and posit three levels
One:
the forgiveness of the righteous,
the believers
the goody goodies
this is on the
holding one's nose
and saying
"Well, you are stinky,
but I will hold my nose,
and so-called forgive you for being
so stinky
because I am so much better than you
and it's so good for my image of
being so much better than you
to say the words,
'I forgive you,'
all the while letting you know
that I am vastly superior to you,
you bad, bad stinky inferior sinner whom I so graciously,
forgive,
so I can look good to myself, and those around me, and get
points in pretend heaven."
Two:
The sliding it off, half ass "acceptance."
Me here Chris Elms could go on some fun
rants about all this
"It's all good,"
Buddhist-ish
"acceptance"
which is better than the stinky cheese clothes pin nose
model,
but is
like
a disconnected feeling,
an
I'm indifferent,
I'm separate
I'm not going to let it get to me.
This has some of the very very true
selfish enlightenment of the above rat poison model
which knows,
sometimes with blinding clarity,
that
when you fight what is already over,
hell,
once you think it through,
you know you're always going to lose
so chill
accept
let it go, man,
it's all good
(bleeek---- my comment)
and three:
third level forgiveness,
not just giving the other person a break,
though that's a superb start,
but giving them a delighted break
a congratulatory break
really?
delight?
really
this is crazy, this level,
and strange,
because we are so used to being slaves
that freedom feels creepy weird
but this is level three:
thanks and thankfulness
and gratitude for whatever "wrong"
was bestowed on you
by another segment of God
ah, God,
well, hell,
heaven
let's play with God as a burst apart being
and we are all pieces of Her, trying to get
back together,
and whatever "sin"
someone gifted you with,
was a piece of God, trying,
in however an awful, ignorant, or half assed way,
to reconnect with God
as you
So,
it's like this:
in this forgiveness,
you would have paid the bad, bad person
to do whatever they did
why?
you figure it out,
you wouldn't believe me if I told you
and you shouldn't believe me
it's your experience that is
A. your life
B. your nourishment for enlightenment
stay in this experience
and feel your heart's way through this
new world:
forgiveness as delight and you would have paid the
other person to
do
their bad bad "sin"
really,
this is some heavy lifting for the heart
and without it,
sadly,
life is misery
cheers,
chris
....
you do want to be enlightened, don't you?
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