Thursday, June 21, 2012

Love letter to an X lover

Hey you,
Good to see you, talk to you.
Not surprising, but not heartening to hear you down on yourself,
quite sure you are F....d up, because of your body ailments.

From now now F.......d up will be FU.

This is the secret of life, my friend, my good friend,
my sad because she's beating the crap out of herself friend:
you are perfect just as you are.

And without knowing,
in the immediate 4 brain mindfulness way
exactly where you are now,
you can't change.

This is a pedantic letter,
oh well.
Maybe it's helpful pedantry.

Say you can pleasantly lift 14 oz,
and women your age mainly can lift 30 oz.

So, by the laws of making ourselves miserable with comparison
you are FU.

And I, who like eight pound rocks to lift and play with
am FU compared to the big guys at the gym who sling around
30 pounds as if it were nothing.

And if I feel:
as sensation,
what exactly is happening,
when I'm where I can pleasantly move,
at my 8 pounds,
or if you feel exactly where you are,
at your 14 oz you can
begin to feel the "how" of your movement,
and we can vary,
we can arch and lift,
round our backs and lift.

Try it sitting and standing.
Shift weight right and left in sitting and standing while we lift.
Rotate the lift to the right and the left.
Let our head and eyes follow the lift or go opposite.

Have weights of slightly different heaviness in each hand.

Lift with one hand and pay attention to sensing and relaxing
our other hand, and our jaws and our tongue.

Lift as we rotate slowly slowly slowly our heads
right and left while s s s we move our eyes in the opposite direction.

And then: who knows, we might get stronger.

But along the way, we are present and alive and curious.

You're the cgi Buddhist.
Curious, gentle, intelligent.

If we don't know,
at four levels exactly where we are,
A) can't be present
B) can't change.

Four levels:
Sensing/ body level
Feeling/ emotional level
Thinking/ chat chat level   
Awaring/ vision, hearing, smelling level

And maybe a fifth: our awareness of the I AM
the awareness of our awareness,
the us-ness of being the one noticing and enjoying all this

The only real perspective is
from the graveyard.

In your last three days, if you can lift a tea cup to
your mouth,
and nothing any heavier,
will you really care,
balanced against the immense gift of life.

And then for another road with this,
a Moshe Feldenkrais road.

Once upon a time, some beefy fellow challenged him
to arm wrestling and whooped his ass.

Moshe asked to rematch in two months.

He went home and got a hammer and slung it
side to side with his elbow on the table like
in arm wrestling.

The next day he wrapped one stand of copper wire onto
the hammer, too small to detect, but a real weight increase,
and slung again.

The next day another wire.

Soon, never feeling any painful,
or even noticeable weight increases
he's sling around a mammoth weight.

And he wins the rematch.

There is a "law" the talk about in the Feldie
work, Feber-Vechter,
and it's not necessary to the tale, to the pedantry,
to the possibility of you realizing
that loving yourself exactly as you are,
and making little fun kind curious gentle intelligent
Buddhist/ Feldenkrais/ experimental changes

and life can get better and better and better.

Note the heading on this blog.

Love yourself.

Just like Byron Katie taking the exact number of drinks
of booze she needed to get to her free and enlightened and immensely
useful place,
you are the exact weak/ strong you need to be to become the
even more amazing person you are meant to become.


No comments: