at the end of the day

I am tired at the end of the day
this day
now
anyway

sitting in a chair
staring
at the computer

waiting for an idea
ah, gads, thoughts aren't around

which is kind of nice

and....

if I were living with someone , I'd be "too tired"
for sex

kissing yes
cuddling yes
OMing yes

so the connection would be there

it would end a good day


and now,
not living with someone

time for connection:
to me

sense my arms and legs
sense ten fingers and ten toes
feel the whole skeleton

and be sleepy

that's a day

talking out of the sleep box

Most talk is
sleep talk

we've got phrases
we yank 'em up,
spew them out

we sorta listen
and about ten seconds into what the other
person is saying,
que up the stock phrase that we'll insert
as soon as we can
often
before they've finished whatever they are
saying
which we stopped listening to
a
while

back

and
what if

what if

we listened,
without any words in our head,
just listened

and sensed our body in gravity
and watched them ( the other person, the other people outside of us)
in
light
and
sound
and maybe even 
attending with attention
awareness
waking up
call it what you want
to
our sensations in the torso
.........
the emotional listening
and feeling into them

and then
they finish
and we breathe
and look at them
and sense in
again
what do they need
or
what would be fun
or
what do we want to add to build the game
build the communication
build the
relationship

and then
not thinking too much
we start to talk
and sense our bodies in the now
in the up and down
of gravity
and feel our tongues moving
and watch them in light
and hear our own voices
in sound
and
in sensation in our throat and tongue
and mouth

it's bigger

slow down
and see
what being present as you talk
could be

it's radical,
indeed

slow sex, slow life, slow talk.....wake up.........why not?

The world of OM is sometimes
viewed as the world of possibility that opens
when sex
plus
attention
in the moment

combine to create
......
lots and lots


let's make a short list,
to which you can add at your pleasure and leisure;

connection
orgasm
sensation
now-ing
clearing
stirring
more sensations
attention to sensation
fun
more stirring
more connection

anyway:

OM happens by slowing down
sex
from
"trying to get somewhere"
and
from
being mood and arousal based
( turn on does happen, guess that should go on
the list above)
and
from reciprocity
and
from performance
and
from having to end
at climax
or exhaustion
or ?????

the timer rings,
13 minutes,
downstrokes
15 minutes

stop

it's over

we've slowed out of life
to connect and have a sort
of sex

we've connected

and then,
the rest of that day?

how can talking be like an OM

connection and sensation
and now
based

and there is a cheap version
of messing with people to get their sensation
up
and then there is a version
of deeply sensing
oneself
while talking

that slows things down
a
lot

the words stopping being it

the other person is seen and heard and felt,
but we don't need a reaction out of them
to fire ourselves
up

hmmm

there could be more
to
this



yeah,
there is...............

Waking Up

Tis a strange facet of life
this habit we most of us have
of walking and talking and working and
playing and resting and eating and
love making
and driving our cars
and
watching playing on using the
computer

we are asleep doing it

not the Zzzzz's in our bed,
but the going through the motions mechanically,
not knowing in the moment
about
our relationship to gravity
about air coming in and out
about light coming in
about our arms and legs
and spine
where are they,
what motion or shapes are they making.
and our lips
and our
ears:
what sounds are coming in?

that would be a full scheme of awakeness

and we don't have it

so....
we can always make an effort
and
then forget
and then remember that we forgot
and
make another effrt
and then
forget
and then remember we forgot and
smile
and sigh
and make another effort

and
so on yes

love and lust

love is good

lust is good

lust can get us in trouble,
or so they say

I don't think so:

lust can get us into sex

and being obsessed with when and how
the sexual partner should perform or behave
can get us in trouble,

but good old fashioned fucking,
sexing,
love making,

nah,
that's what life is about

partly

and the rest
is love

which is more trouble than lust really,
because so much of people's lives is based
on squandering every last ounce of their energy
worrying about,
scheming about,
making bargains and deals for,
"love"

ah, love:
that condition,
that verb
of people really being FOR the other person

and the killer is:
wanting to get it,
and not enjoying/ being thrilled to give

and that's where the freedom is.

giving love

love is for giving
not
for getting

don't forget
give

love


good

the taste of liberation

Just as the taste of all oceans
is
one taste
.....salt,

so
the taste of
liberation
is
one taste
.... truth



Had a bright and amazing coaching session the other day
many things covered
all confidential, of course,

but one layer
was how deep
and messy life
can be
if you hold back one
"little truth"

and then you need a
little bigger
cover

and then a little
bigger

and other people
get involved
and each need to be played
at some skewed version of
truth

and collisions
happen

wreckage happens

and
then
the immediate ways out:

get present

feel the pain

say what wants to be said

sense the sensations that come
up with the truth out

keep talking
keep connecting

move forward,
and
then.....
maybe it's a brand new game

or
it's over,
and that's a brand new game

but you can breathe

you are free




.........

and then, many a client
has gotten big quick amazing help with
the first question of the Byron Katie work:


"It is true?
about some belief, opinion, story

and if it's not
it's a.....

lie,


and how much longer do you want to
predicate your life on a lie?

how much longer do you want to suffer
from
a lie?


.........

a
truth,

the ocean that washes us
free


good

Sex Every Day: OM

you know the phrase:
OMG

OM good,
did you know that's what it stood for

and why is OM good

some Greek said that the "good"
after all the endless bullshit debates
was that which was every day

and OM,
with its 20 minute window
of grounding, 
and stroking and 
framesharing
and setting up, taking down the nest

is something that can
easily be every day

with the minor glitch:

you've got to schedule it

and if you don't...
it doesn't happen


so, let's look at a couple of angles:

you live with a mate,
and you're always "too busy" for "normal" sex
or .... ( admit it, annoyed, and wanting
to deprive and punish,
or at least avoid,
the other)

and you could just say:
every night at ten,
we are going to have sex

that would be great for your relationship

and,
if you want to back off from that bliss land
and make it an easier yes,
find a time,
preferably the same time each day,
kids asleep,
you're awake,
and OM each day then


if it's "hard"
OM

if it's a "piece of cake"
OM

if you are sleepy
OM

if you are jazzed to go,
OM

okay,
that's done

and then, "it" can
get a little harder

when you live alone
or with people who aren't OM partners,
then you've got to use your wits a bit

and mainly,
you've got a great chance to NOT listen
to
no,
to not obey,
the voice that says:
"it's too much trouble."

this excuses voice:
partners are too far away,
my schedule is too busy,
I don't like the available partners in my area

and so on,

and I'm not going to solve this problem for
you

just ask:
could you solve it
if you wanted to?

and about the excuses,
could you ask:
Is it true?
Is it absolutely true?

I bet you could

and think, feel, sense this:

how much fun you could have finding
out
if you can solve this puzzle

good.

finding your soul mate----yourself

i subscribed recently to an awful
but luckily free
webinar series on Finding Your Soulmate.

I don't want to,
but have a friend who believes in
this
and thought I could learn a few things

I did:

one:
the main way women lose oxcytocin is to be in a hurrty

and
two:
Liz Gilbert, of finding Love at the end
of Eat in Italy
Pray in India
and Love in Bali

said her love came from all the alone
time in India

and that she thought "loving yourself"
was too high an order,
but just being able to tolerate yourself,
so you aren't afraid to be alone

gives you the space to
find a decent person

she said her husband,
who she finds fabulous
and who adores her
is
one:
not particularly interested in yoga and whatever she's intp
two:
isn't her soulmate,
but is her companion, friend in the middle of the night, and lover

who is her soulmate:
herself

OMing does too,
in my opinion,

it's like praying with two

and it's a path to finding yourself as
your own soulmate

but, it's not usually seem that way
since it's not really taken for the power
it has to "wake up"

"wake up" is easier to say
than do

and can always be done

only not later
more on that,
later

snakes, boobs, and mangos

I do a very high level "body work,"
and I put that in quotes, since it's so much about tuning the
brain, rewiring the brain.

Yeah, back neck shoulder pain
ofter dissolve, but it's the high level functioning that
makes a big difference.

and today,
after a lesson,
when my client was walking with awareness
and integrating what he learned,
he was not walking with a free neck.

Two parts of good function, 
are
1. strong use of the center, the pelvic area,
and 
2. highly mobile neck and eyes

I asked him to scan the room,
as if he were out in the jungle,
to scan for snakes,
boobs
and
mangos.

Then I realized this was a nice metaphor for
various level of life:

the danger/ watch out level

the sex/ connection, find a mate level

and the survival/ pleasure eat and thrive level

these
are
all
part of
a great relationship

the sex every day relationship

Really?

sure.

the snake part
is what we need to learn to see as conditioned
( unless they are really dangerous, then call the cops,
and move on),
our anxiety that comes up
usually when we don't get our way


the boob part:
admit
express desires

say what you want,
100% of the time

and see what happens,

listen to no
listen to yes,
listen to the connection that comes from listening

and the mango:

taste life
taste the now
taste the other person

speak with awareness of your tongue moving
get really now

and then again,
taste your food

and
taste
your
partner

yes

forgiving, for giving, be happy

there's an old saying
that not forgiving
is like
swallowing the rat poison
and
hoping that the other person
dies

usually they don't
usually you feel bad
feel badly
feel awful

and the questions 3 and 4 of the work
work
well to get this as experience
rather than
moralizing

no
"You should forgive"

no
"let it go."

no
"move on"


you've got a grudge

"So and so shouldn't have done X"

it burns you up

you ask the first two questions
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know it's true?

and then:

when you believe that
"so and so shouldn't have done X" , how do you react?

That's # 3: How do you react when you hold this thought?

And you write down all the ways you feel bad,
when that thought is in your mind and
eating away at you.

#4, is just to try this out,
you don't have to "let go"

but, ask: "Without that thought in my mind, who am I? What am I?"

Go there.
Play.

And now,
get in two chairs and go back and forth:

This is me, when I hold the thought in belief

Change chairs:
This is me without the thought in my head.
or
This is me if I don't believe the thought.

Compare.

Go back and forth.

No "right" way to choose, and the difference feels so great
that the choice often simple makes itself.

Try it out and discover for yourself.
Good.

Sex, Love: Can you have sex without being present? Can you have love?

Can you have sex without being present?

Sure, you can fantasize, or think about how you are doing, or think about some goal, or yearn for some goal, or be pissed off about how your partner is doing.

You can be spacing out.

Most people close their eyes in sex, depriving themselves of knowing even the person with whom this intimacy is being shared.

And sex gets us "off" ( men much more than women, according to reports) and the blow off shuts down the mind for a couple of seconds,
but
basically,
sex is much
much less full

if not present

and you can have sex
and not be present.

You can't have love.
If you aren't present,
you are seeing/ hearing/ experiencing some
word picture
concept of the person you are with,
and hence it's not them,
and if you see them as anything other than
exactly as they are,
you can't love them.

Words in the head =
no love.

Experiencing them as they are
in that moment
Is love.

If you don't "like" what you experience,
then you aren't in the experience,
you are in a series of words
about your experience,
that are telling you that you
don't "like" what you are with.

Which is not loving.

And the not loving
is made
by not being present.

It's so weird and easy:

give up the words, concepts, pictures,
demands on the other:

what's left:
love.

Ah, so easy.
So hard.

And without it:
life is dead.
your choice.

the importance of OM

OM slows down
and let's sex come out

OM only takes 20 minutes
and you connect

OM is about paying attention
and
being turned on
and
following sensation
and
and raising sensation
and
handling the raised sensation

OM stands for orgasmic meditation

sometimes you climax
usually you don't

but you fill
and
you connect

OM only takes 20 minutes

it's simple:
up down
up down
up down

it's elegant:
he strokes her
she surrenders

it's clean
the nest is for OM

it's smart
you get deep connection
and
sexual intimacy
without
the
baggage of normal sex

it's free
one finger
one clit
one nest

and
twenty minutes

Sex Every Day-- yuk

Let's say you hate your mate
and
you have this commitment:
Sex Every Day

it can be OMing
it can be straight ahead sex sex
it can be various oral delights

but you have the commitment:

sex every day

and you hate the mate

that rhymes

you hate the mate

you hate your mate

which means: you hate yourself

which means: it's time to talk

which means: big deal
you've got a deeper commitment,
unless you are an asshole, and that's to
your relationship
as a spiritual practice

which means,
you've got a commitment
to stay connected no matter what

which means
you're going to have to talk

yuk

you're going to have to talk
about what you hate about each other
(which means what you hate about yourself)

and so here's the deal

it's not so hard

it takes about half an hour
it takes a timer

you've already go a timer
because you OM, and that's for 15 minutes

this time the timer is timing out
3 minute chunks

your mate ( whom you hate)
talks
for 3 minutes to
you ( whom you hate)

you listen, no interrupt,
no thinking what to reply
just listening
and following breathing
and connecting to gravity
and limbically connecting to their inner feelings

good

you listen,
they talk
the timer goes off

turn it around
take another turn,
have some fun,
talk and they listen,
be present while you talk
notice them while you talk
don't be the usual jerk all caught up in
your words
while you (whom you hate)
talk to them
(whom you hate)

so be it.

do that for 30 minutes,
then you'll probably love each other again,
and it's time for sex
Sex every Day

and if you don't love each other,
so what,
you know you've got a friend
A. who will listen
B. who is committed to staying connected
C. whom you can have sex with, no matter what the emotional nonsense
going on

why link sex only to feeling good

that's so silly

time to grow up

and.....
have
.....
Sex Every Day


good news for a Friday

Love dies ---good

Love dies
good

stick around for the funeral
enjoy the funeral
do the work on the story:
"this should have lasted."

do the work on the story:
"if it ended it was a failure."

do the work on the story:
"since it ended I'm a failure/ the other person is a bitch-bastard."

do the work on the story:
"I picked the wrong person"

what is the work?

judge reality
write it down
ask 4 questions
turn it around

question one: is it true?
question two: can I absolutely know it's true?
q 3: who am I and how do I feel act and live when I take this thought to be true?

q4: Who or what would I be:
either without this thought in my head
or
not believing this thought

The turn around:
You should love me more , turns around to
I should love you more,
I should love me more

You should listen to me
turns around to
I should listen to you
I should listen to me

and
love dies.

is it true that it shouldn't?

and is it true that it did?

and what is love,
once we let the story go?

ah, maybe that's what we discover if we
go to the funeral to
find out what will happen

good

the rules of play

1. Play includes all, but not all includes play.

2. Everything is, or could be, a part of the game

3. The lowest common denominator determines the level of play ( if the players are asleep)

4. The game always plays you

5. (So, hey, don't be a masochist, and...) Don't hurt the game



6. The highest game includes all

7. He or she with the least rules is most likely to win in the long run

8. Altruistic play loses in the short run, and wins in the long run

9. Play only happens at the level of volition

10. The highest play is surrender

This is the kind of thing you learn when you get involved in the crazy wonderful world of http://OneTaste.us, and the practice of meditation based around Female Orgasm.

when someone leaves you, you've been spared

sex every day
someone leaving you?

what's that got to do with each
other

something like this:
love fearlessly

if she leaves you
if he leaves you
you've been spared

one:
you've been spared someone who doesn't want to be with you

two:
you've been spared someone who doesn't want to work things through

three:
you've been spared whatever argument was ongoing between to two of you

four:
you've been spared worrying about if and when he or she will leave

five:
you've been spared from the myth:
only forever is good
and
the myth:
if something ends, it's not wonderful

figure it out:
life ends

so:
don't live

love can end

so:
love more
now
today
while you've got it

sex every day
is a nice way to keep that in action

good

the importance of death

Freud, if I remember, talks of orgasm
as a little death

and yeah, the climax kind
is like a blasting away of
everythng
into the emptiness

a moment or two or ten
of blessed relief

and death has got
to be like that:
no problem, say the jerky jerks
and when you die:

no
problem

and what about the better version?
you're welcome?

you've come to wellness
or come home

and here we get where we always need to
be
NOW

the present
is as empty as death,

unless you are telling a story about it
and that story is words and references
always from outside the
EXPERIENCE
of now

and so what?

and so,
all relationships
die

the other person conks
or we conk
which means die,
not fucking "pass away"

or they leave
or we
leave

and what if there was a commitment
to stick in out?

ah, most people don't want deep
they want a dream
and then when the dream was a lie
they blame the other and leave

and that's death

but the death of
truth

and that kind of death isn't important

the kind that is:

the
IS IT TRUE?
question
to any thought. story. belief we are using to hold
ourselves
back
from a turned on
awakened life

that's all
that needs to die

that's all




good

Love is in no hurry, why should we be?

Love is easy it tis never in a hurry

right now
with the Beloved
She is perfect
He is perfect

What more is there to learn
to see
to hear
to discover
to ask

wait, wait, listen inside the voice
listen, listen, inside the lungs,
what is waiting and wanting to be
said

we want to be seen
we want to be heard

slow down
to let love
catch up with you

and then,
like a tiny tomato,
or redwood
seed
it can grow
and grow
and grow

"Where is God?", according to Kabir, 15th century mystic

I was invited to AN important conference
where many learned men from different countries
were all going to address the topic

Where is God?

I was wearing my best clothes and had even fasted for a week,
hoping to sharpen my mind.
Just before I was to leave though,
I felt powerfully drawn to a little shrine in my bedroom,
and
I WENT there and knelt to pray.

I could not believe what happened next:
Kali threw HER arms around me and started tearing at my clothes,
then she started throwing delicious food into my mouth,
purposely missing several times it seemed,
to soil my pundit attire;

and then she MADE me perform many times as if I were her
husband; then she said, "Now, Kabir, don't be LATE for that big talk,
and don't change your clothes-- I like that love-stained look;
maybe it will become chic!"

I arrived just as it was my turn to stand before this august crowd,
and apologized for my appearance.

"So....Where is God?," the head of the conference asks me.

"Well ( well, I stammered) if you really want to know the truth
--if you hurry--
you might catch Her legs spread
back at my
pad."

Rendering by Daniel Ladinsky,  from Love Poems from God,
some 13 mystics, many of whom think along these lines

Mira's cure for sadness: reach out and touch Reality

I know a cure for sadness:   

Let your hands touch something that

makes your eyes

smile.

I bet there are a hundred objects close by

that can do that

Look at

beauty's gift to us----

her power is so great she enlivens

the earth, the sky, our

soul

Mira