Grounded....the ground is desire: we want to move because...

This is a rerun
on the exploration of "being grounded."

GROUNDED:

It's still as simple as noticing
gravity,
our pull down
into the earth.

And as humans, that is important,
not for the wonderful bliss of knowing we are on planet Earth

but because we want to be non-trees on planet Earth.

We want to MOVE

we want to move to eat,
the play,
to hunt,
to work,
to hug,
to mate

movement is simplicity itself:
we go over there to get something we want
we reach out and bring something to ourselves we want

we want to enjoy a dance together,
we move with
we want to enjoy sex 
we move with
we want to build a house
we pick up, saw, carry, hammer, nail,
we move things around and
create something we want
or get paid to create and we want the money

and any good carpenter wants the
satisfaction of making something that wasn't there before

a painter paints
a poet writes

stuff happens,
moving thoughts
moving emotions
and someone in there,
moving the body

you name it,
almost any it and it's about movement

AND WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH GRAVITY/
WITH BEING GROUNDED AS CONNECTION TO AND USE OF SELF IN GRAVITY?

EVERYTHING:

a baby who can crawl is not the same being
as one who can't crawl

this is where a lot of the "babies are Buddha" people
get a little nutso:

The goal of babies is not hanging out in bliss:
it's eating when they want to eat,
and being held (that's bliss, surely)
and
crawling across the room to
get the toy
to explore
to get in trouble
to eat the dogfood
to drive their parents crazy

kids want to move in the world

and when they can crawl they are
GROUNDED

they know,
hands push down to hold the front part
up
knees push down to hold the hips up

and this is their transformation:
they know how to PUSH DOWN INTO THE GROUND
in just the right sequence of hand and knee and hip and back
and shoulder and all that good stuff
and that moves them forward

they like that

the are CONNECTED inside,
back to arm to hand to floor
inside back to pelvis to thigh to knee
to floor

it's not that simple
it's really complex
and it's simple to say:
they are grounded because they know feel and use the ground

MOVEMENT WITH ATTENTION
this is Anat Baniel's first essential in Move into Life
and her children with special needs book:
Kids Beyond Limits

and it's central obviously to the Feldenkrais® work:

Awareness comes thru Movement
because
we need love enjoy have to move

and until we are in space
we have to move in and in spite of
and in connection with
and in coordination with gravity

this is good
life is good

happy grounded day
happy moving day

let yourself be moved by the glory of
life

if you wish


good

Grounded

 Being grounded, means pushing into belly and sternum and rooting in pelvis, and the we can push the head up.

This is learned. It's not a pre program. A huge part of the brain loves/ needs/ organizes around this.

Grounding is for real, until you can into outer space, and the phrase "spaced out," hints at more than might meet the feet.

Recently in a class I was taking, a comment about being grounded came up, and the suggestion was given  that this could be accomplished by sensing the genitals. I thought this nonsense, and want to go about showing how simple "grounded" is.

My prior intro, which delays the meat of the posting, is now at the end.
like a modern novel, or something.


Sensing one's genitals roots us in the sexual yum yum hum hum
of existence, but it doesn't ground us.

The human brain comes out of the birth canal at one fifth its
final size.
 
A huge amount of what the baby and her brain learn and
expand the first two years is movement,
and it's always movement in gravity,
which means learning to connect to gravity
and how pushing down with the belly allows the head to
lift to vertical that's crucial,
and that's part of learning to be "grounded."
To roll over, by pushing down here, and moving there, again, more connection to "ground"

And then crawling: standing on four limbs in crawling is a super duper
understanding of gravity and the ground in two hands, two wrist,
two shoulders, two hips, two knees. Our hands push into the ground, that holds the head and chest up. Our knees push into the ground, and that hold the butt up. As we crawl, we push backward into the ground to go forward.

no understanding of the ground: no crawling.

In fact, to those wanting to "get more grounded," crawling has a lot
to recommend itself.

As does walking barefoot on the good old Earth.

Grounding can be seen thru the lens of the four parts of One Taste,
mainly these three:

Simplicity:
the ground is the ground. Unless you are in space,
you are attracted to the Earth. It's pulling. You're pushing.
Where? Notice.

which is
Attention:
If sitting now, are hands and feet pressing down into something,
which is pushing back up?
Which side of your pelvis is most pressing down?
Are you leaning back? Then your back is being used as a foot,
which is a shitty use of the back, except when lying down.

The two sitz/ sit bones are good feet substitutes.
Leaning back, in primitive / survival conditions is an invitation: kill me.

Connection:
If standing, which part of the foot is connected to Earth, or to your shoe or sock
and how does that connection snake/ connect up through your skeleton to your head,
with the eyes and ears and the top?

Sitting, same: pelvic bones to butt flesh to clothes to chair to chair legs to floor, to ......
And up, pelvic to sacrum to spine to ribs, the shoulder blades and head

And so on

And the last guy:

Desire:
Well, desire to sit up straight can be a conditioned/ finishing school kind of thing,
and it can make you better on horses, if you need to attract an upper class mate,
or stand taller if you want to look better as a breeding partner,
and
there is this desire:

to not be dead

so it's like this:
conditioned sitting up straight: make others happy/ get approval

sit up to be able to move quickly: an inner happiness, freedom, vitality and survival thing

it's pretty deep,
but without grounding,
in the way of the world of most of humanity over most
of its existence: we get taken down

No grounding,
we get killed,
And there it goes:
no big limbic party fun

ah....
there's where the desire can have a lot of fun,

not just in survival,
but moving toward the object of our desire

  let's walk across the room to the one who turns you on....
every step is pressing back into the ground
to push through all your skeleton to
move your forward

simple shit
key to being alive

and attention can get finer and finer:
stand:
put weight on insides, outside of feet.
one inside, one outside.
mainly one foot.
mainly one foot and the big toe
mainly one foot and the ring toe

two feet and the toes of one foot and the heels of the other

sound familiar, this increasing of mindfulness by
attending to the details

sure


good

happy week
happy fall as fall in Austin

happy falling into grace
and now
and ground
and desire

where ever you are


Chris 

the original start:
I have a friend, a male friend,
with whom friendship is getting deeper and deeper.

We regularly say I love you.
It's a pants on kind of love, and deep, deep,
friendship to the core, to the mud, to the blood,
and
one
reason it's so strong is that I can occasionally tell him:
"I love you and you don't know what you're talking about."

(This you may recognize from Moonrise Kingdom,
which I've seen 3 times, which you can guess how much
I like. And this is perhaps my favorite line,
"I love you and you don't know what you are talking about.")

The recent not knowing was a cute and radically upbeat
idea of being grounded,
which was to sense one's genitals.

No.

Sensing one's genitals roots us in the sexual yum yum hum hum
of existence, but it doesn't ground us.

The human brain comes out of the birth canal at one fifth its
final size.

The "No" thing; when we say it, when others say it

The "no" thing

I'm feeling smooth and a little apprehensive bringing this up here, and happy that I'm so happy in the small amounts of clarity I'm getting

The giver of the "no's"; when I or we give our "no's" out to people, what's going on? Especially in an invitation to get closer in some way, not the "fill up our time with more nonsense " kind of invite.

There's a Robert Frost poem about "Good Fences make good neighbors," where he questions: what are we fencing out and what are we fencing in?

That's the kind of inquiry I enjoy in my no's and the no's of others:
What in me is making this about my comfort zone and how the other person is going to upset that?
And that upset, is it really anything more than "too much" sensation?

This is very powerful in my life right now,
noticing my fear of fear
or fear of anger
or fear to some "uncomfortable" thing<
just an excuse to not want "too much" sensation
inside me

And who says, when I really sense it without a story
and really am "now" with it,
who says it's "too much,"
except my old "keep everything the way it's always been" mind?

And more about saying no to another's request to get closer:
 the usual suspects: is there something in the other, I don't want to see in myself, and by "no-ing" them away, I'm "safe" from dealing with that in myself

So, it can kind of be a nice education: what is it in me, I don't want and the no protects, so called protects, me from; what is it about the other person I don't want near me?

A nice idea: what is the reality of the situation?

And is it really the other person I'm saying no to, or some picture/ box/ story/ reputation/ look/ stereotype I'm "protecting" myself from. What am I walling out and pretending it's them, and have I given myself the time and curiosity to discover what this person is REALLY like? What am I denying myself with my petty little boundary. Or really important boundary. Or totally habitual boundary. Or totally unconscious boundary. Or conscious for old and not present moment reasons boundary?

What am I keeping away when I stop the connection from happening?

In a certain way, the path of liberation and the Gurdjieff idea of "like what 'it' doesn't like," saying "yes" to our biggest "no" is the stuff of revolution/ dissolution/ freedom

and of course, easier typed out than done

And the getting the no's

hmmm.
If we "need" the yes, then we are a sitting duck for disappointment.

Let me go personal, what a concept: when I was all worried and worked up about getting yeses, the no's were quite devastating and I was back in Jr. High, what's wrong with me, blah, blah

Now, that I'm pretty full, and clear that this ( the OM practice, but that doesn't matter, people want connection want connection want connection; if we offer and they reject, it's a very interesting place to be free and curious and compassionate; read on)
 is something many many many women are deeply hungering for, and they just need to be found, I'm pretty easy with no's

I can see it from the attitude: their loss

or the curiosity route: I wonder what's stopping them?

potentially it could even be compassion: too bad they've got a fence up, what else is it constraining in their life

and then good old Byron Katie, with her quip, so true, so true, that when someone rejects you, you have "been spared."

Yes, the no means, their mood, or their putting you in a box, or their busy ness, or their "not being into you," you don't have to hang with that. You've been spared.

and here's a place I'd love to see us go as a community:

"Would you like to OM/ do something that will get us closer together?"

"Of course, but a no is coming up. Would you help me figure that out, so I can come to a Yes?"

"Sure. Give me some ideas about how I could help you."

"Well... " And a whole toolkit could be available here, which is the kind of thing I love to invent, and will leave open ended for a group invention

Kids, tantrums, having enlightenment thanks to kids pushing us to be awake when it's hard to be awake

After enlightenment, do the laundry. 

How to get enlightened?

 Be present with a child, 

or yourself, 

or any loved one or creature, plant or feature

on this planet. 

Kids are dissatisfied sometimes,
and they don't hold it in.

They scream, hit, throw things,
you know the drill.

And our job, as parents,
and as human beings working toward real
livng
which in my opinion means
being awake to the present moment

we don't take it personally

unless we do,
and then we "flip our lids"
as Dan Siegel, MD amused us describing in Austin
recently talking about the Whole Brain Child.


and how this happens:

parents "lose it"

he says: okay, it happens,
admit it, apologize,
talk to your child about her or his feelings before you
"lost it" and when you "lost it"

just repair the damage and they'll be resiliant,
and know something wonderful:
you don't have to be perfect,
you just have to be willing to communicate the love
that got lost in the "lost it"
moments

and,
guess what,
that wasn't what this was headed to be about:
it was headed to be about
when the child is in tantrum, anger, or whine mode,
and you are still present,
a fun and useful thing to do,
is not to repress their anger,
not to make them feel bad about that,
but to make it a game,
where you present alternatives:

would you rather throw the book, or the ball?
would you rather scream this loud or this loud?
would you rather look at me when you scream or look at the floor?
Can you switch your whining to this tone?
To this tone?

Can you hit with your other hand?
Can you stomp with this foot?
And that foot.
Can you make this sound when you hit?

AND THIS IS IMPORTANT, ME THINKS<
if their hitting hurts,
tell them:
I am a real person,
that hurts.

I get that you are angry and let's find six different
ways you can hit the couch,
and call it me,
and tell me you hate me

so you can be angry and hit,
but I don't get hurt

I'm a real person, so
the couch doesn't mind being hit,
and what about kicking the couch
(or those little blow up clowns with sand in the bottom,
punching bags)

This not only lets the child knwo
they are safe to be angry,
but that in the context of being angry,
a real adult can see alternatives,
can allow them to experience differences,
which means being more mindful and aware of themselves

and the adult is seeing anger as an energy,
something to be used
and used in a variety of ways

this is good news all around

and if that isn't enough;
Here's a  TED talk with Dan Siegel and Goldie Hawn
on mindfulness and childrearing:
TED TALK ON MINDFULNESS AND CHILD REARING

"Resistance" as a red herring, sort of

someone, a wise someone asked me to go beyond the smart guy
stuff,
and share feelings as I post this and that:

I'm feeling less than my usual cocky about this,
a little shy,
a little hesitant,
and also excited,
to see what I come up with,
and to share some opening that I think others might enjoy

and,
full disclosure,
partly to show off for a sweet gal,
with whom the brains are flirting, too

And here goes:

Resistance is so widely used, that we take it for granted,
as in:
Yes, I'm in resistance,
or, He/ She is obviously in resistance

Okay, let me fumble around and try to find some loose ends
here,
and I don't know how they tie together,
and I'm shy/ scared/ curious, confident that something will emerge:

One:
Fritz Perls has this idea:
Distraction is just attraction away from where it's "supposed"
to be

I've gotten great mileage from that, to
the point of having a "distraction" journal,
side by side with something I'm "really" trying to write,
to give attention to the distraction before returning to what
I'm "supposed to" be writing

Two:
NLP, however messed up,
has this very sassy idea:
There are no resistant clients, only bad therapists

I loved Nicole Daedone 's  riff in Austin on NLP as the parallel to Buddhism
to mask, ameliorate suffering rather than Buddhism for liberation,
and a couple of their things, like this, and the strangely hard to accept:
The meaning of the communication is the response you got,
are brilliant

Three:
They got this from modelling Milton Erickson, possibly the genius
of psychology of the last century, who never had resistant clients.

They always moved nicely from A to B to C.

This story illustrates:
Young boy comes in, doesn't want to sit in the chair
for hypnosis.
Stomps his foot on the floor.
Milton nods:
Very good. But a "Big Boy" would stomp much harder.
Is there something wrong with you?

The boy stomps like hell.
Pretty good, and a Big Boy... would do much more,
and on and on, until the kid can't wait to sit down..

Compare if Milton:
you've got resistance, lad,
just sit down,
it'll all work out

The boy had defiance,
the boy had foot stomping energy

Obviously this is the same as following the stroke,
which in our One Taste world, I've gotten massive help
with being told to be more of my anger, or arrogance, or
"dirty old man."

So, where's the rub:

It's the way this goes down:
A has some project for B,
who balks, hesitates, whatever

A to B: you are in resistance

Two problems, at least:

People don't like to be told what they are
Two it's a power struggle,
Three, this missing ingredient:
COAL

This COAL, from Dan Siegel, author of Mindsight,
with new book on children, the Whole Brain Child,
which finds good parenting exactly the path to enlightenment

COAL =
Curious
Open
Attentive
Loving ( Kind regard)

With that, the "resistant" person, is dealt with not as resistant,
but fascinating: What's going on?

And so on.

This is as far as I can go.
Maybe resistance is okay, not really red herring,
maybe it's a chance to have people express fearful energy
they want to put in a habitual direction

Actually, what the hell,
all I'm trying to unravel is the core of coaching/ therapy,
so obviously I should get it in twenty paragraphs or less

and anyway,
I feel sad (don't know why, a feeling I can muck around and "not know"
and be loved here) and honored to, to have this playground
for expressing,
searching,
living in the juice of "I don't know."

Thanks,
Chris

a real poem for once: You do not have to be good

a real poem for once: You do not have to be good. This is Mary Oliver. She has the real shit.

She goes out in nature every day and listens to the world beneath words.

She translates.

Here's what she heard one day:

Listen, listen, listen.

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

~ Mary Oliver ~

My feelings: I love Mary Oliver.
I feel soft and free when I read this, as if someone understands.
I am weary of being good, even the being good of "not being good."
I am
Grateful, I have found my gang, in which the soft animal of my body can love what it loves, and the soft ocean of my heart can swish and swirl in many and all directions, not necessarily knowing where it's going, but reaching more and more connection, finding the joyous scary peaceful thrill in the family of all things.
ALL things.
love,
Chris

Beneath the facism of appearance, what's left?

attractiveness is a sorting pattern
that makes sense
in breeding beautiful children

and otherwise
it's fear and scarcity based:

these are the standards,
the closer you get to them,
the more points you get to play against
someone's money points, or car/ stuff points
or good personality points

the world of relationship
as buying selling and bartering your
assets for theirs

cruel nonsense

the only place I've ever heard this
talked about out loud
was in a Byron Katie, 14 day school,
and someone in the B group of attractiveness
talked about how the A group there,
as everywhere had created a sort of ascendency

this was shocking
and true to behold
and it keeps going on 
and on

and then,
to leave that behind....

  what's that leave?

the wonderful world of now:
what is your experience
in the present
with that person

and if things go
awry (took google to spell that, pronounced uh rye)
and they will,
what to do?

be present
be honest
see where "I don't know"
will lead you

the truth will always
either set you free
or set you closer to freedom,
and more truth will help you
see
where you
and I
and You
and I
and we

aren't yet free

yet,


weeeeee!

Beneath the Limbic, the happy cat, the hunting cat

I am in this glorious world now,
in training
in learning
in transforming,
the world of One Taste
see, if you want a buzz and thrill,
http://OneTaste.us

they are great
I am great
you are great

they have a practice
we have a practice
OMing,
with four cornerstones:
Desire
Attention
Connection
Simplicity

it's about the mammal in us
that wants to touch
and make love
and frolic
and have emotional connection
the wiring in our innards all primed and
glorious for being social
and sexual animals
on a big and beautiful planet

and this is called the limbic system

and the limbic system doesn't mean shit
if you are dead

so we have the lizard system,
the warrior system,
the hunger and hunter system
and it is about:
touching the ground, for real,
so you can move toward food,
away from danger,
having arms and fingers ready to reach out and create
or love
or defend
or kill food

having a neck free to look in all directions
and ears free to hear in the directions you can't see

and that sounds like a lot,
and it's why people climb ropes
or ski
or ice skate
or surf
or do tai chi
or dance

all the fun things that get us into our
feet
and unstable and mobile (the two go together,
inversely) on the planet, in gravity, in motion

a cat is always sensing,
not vigilant,
relaxed most of the time,
but she knows where all here paws and legs are, the shape of her spine,
what is in her visual field,
what she is hearing

this is the Gurdjieff meditation
:
wake up
sit up

sense your right leg, all the flesh blood bone muscle nerve
from toes, up up thru knee up to hip joint,
keep the full leg "lite up" with sensing
and then add on the right fingers to the right shoulder blade
hang out with these two "lite up"

then add on the left arm, shoulder down to fingers,
hang with the 3,
then add on the left leg, hip joint to toes,

then hang in there
full of sensing
as long as enjoyment allows
and add on listening to sounds
from outside your head

now you have inner and outer attention

and then open your eyes
and pay attention to reflected light coming in your eyes
and hang there:
two arms,
two legs
sound
light

I like to add, from the Feldenkrais idea of "5 lines" as our primary
self organizing image as a human being, the "line" of sensing pelvis-spine-head

this is a meditation that is done
all day,
not just in sitting

it is life being lived
from the relaxed and miraculous animal that we are

and hey:
add on the limbic when others are around,
but from real, not just bullshit saying "grounded" and not
knowing your relationship in all five lines to gravity,
nor worn out from so called "exercise"
but in your body as an ongoing "home base"
add on the sex and the heart and the lips
and the pulse of
you and another

then things
get full

I mean,
really full

Truth vs a higher grade bullshit

Last night I got to participate in an event that so -called
stretched my limits

Going to bars and asking women this and that
and being rejected 10 times

I'm super glad I did it,
but the best parts,
were waking up to Now
within a scene almost totally asleep

standing in an the noise
and people 
and with all the "I have to go this and this" story,
and dropping the story,
coming home
to the non story,
non important
pure reality
me



the me
without image

the me
without accomplishment or
non accomplishing

the alive
one

and alive
is
enough


and just stopping
back to breath
back to gravity
back to sensing feet underneath,
knowing the seeing of what I was seeing
knowing the hearing of what I was hearing

knowing this,
this nowing of me as alive right then
was fabulously more important than
my thoughts and feelings and goals and successes
and failures in the "talk to a woman" game

the game can be played
to learn...
that's good

the game can be played
to wake up...
that's gold



and then when it was over,
walking down the street
sensing each step,
aware of the I AM ALIVE
as now, now, now miracle

I was glad not to have been as lost
as I could have been

This is a brutal truth
folks,
for me and you and you
and even now,
typing this in,
even now,
reading this:

we only have three choices

Low grade asleep
High grade asleep
or Awake


actually, there are thousands of gradations of
sleep
and what passes as most "transformation"
work
is just upping the level
of sleeping functioning

but without the spark of conscious awareness
in the moment
something is lost

and DO NOT take my word for it
live today to
discover the difference in
each and every activity
and
non activity

life is a gift
learning is infinite
awakening is always now


ciao (rhyme)

Chris

the being alive thing

what is the key to a good life?

perhaps this:
realizing you are going to die,
and hence,
you are alive,
and hence,
can be experiencing one and only one
moment:

now

supposed to be uncomfortable in relationship, part 2

in the Buddhist model
1. there is suffering
2. suffering caused by grasping or aversion
3. way out: enlightenment
4. eightfold path to enlightenment: right this and right that

in the world of relationships

1. relationships, unless you marry your twin, or have perfect parents both of you, are uncomfortable

2. the uncomfort is  from trying to make someone who isn't you, be just like you, or at least repress the hell out of themselves so YOU won't have any buttons pushed

3. way out: unconditional love
= looking forward to your buttons being pushed,
because then you can deprogram that one more button,
and love even better

4. the pathway:
pay attention, deeply
be open to what comes up, in you, guess what , you are perfect and if shit comes up, it's your shit
be curious about your shit
be thankful for your imperfect partner for showing you that you are imperfect
kiss the Earth and their feet for all your and their imperfects
love what is, the so called "worse" the better


Good

Relationship: if you've got it right, things aren't going right

Or, when the you is "too different" we try to fix them to be back like us,
which they don't like
and we don't like their reaction when they don't like it
and the circle goes around and around.

Unhappiness.
Statemate.
Fighting or boredom.

And is there a way out:

Heck, yes:
Say what you feel, in the present.
As sensation, as feeling.

I'm a big fan of the 5-5-5-5 talk, where each person gets center stage, no interrupting by the other, just five minutes at a time for at least the first half hour or so, and then questions, if they can come from real interest and compassion.

But first, tell your side: what's going on. Skip any "you should change" stuff, and say how whatever they do makes you feel. Not as their fault, but as your reaction. "When you don't talk to me, I feel left out. To say that now feels scary. I feel the fear as tightening in my throat. Now I feel like crying when I feel how lonely I feel sometime. And I don't want you to save me, but I miss our connection."

Or whatever you have to say.
Keep bringing it back to the present. "This is hard to say. " "Feels good to say."  "I'm afraid/ shy to say." "I sense this and that in my body right now." "I see you there, your eyes are ...., you are breathing in and out."

Any reporting on the other is just reporting."I see your smile/ frown/ looking into my eyes/ looking away." "I notice your breathing." No processing of how they do this and that because of their mother, or their pattern.

If it's a "trouble zone," only mention specific behaviors: "When you come home and go right to the internet"  Not, "You never give me the attention I want."

And spend time talking about just you.
"What's going on with me, is that I have this vision of writing a novel, and worrying about you, keeps me from doing it. maybe it's just an excuse. as maybe it's real distraction. but I've been wanting to write this novel for sixteen years. Now I notice I'm looking away from you while I say this, and I feel kind of ashamed of myself. When I look at you, I realize....."

Obviously, this is an art form.
The listening should be just to listen.
Watch them.
Hear their words in your mind and heart and body.
Do not prepare your response.

When they finish ( a timer goes off at five minutes), pause. Try NOT to say anything you prepared to say while they were talk. Try NOT to defend yourself or present "your side." Try to start with now, how you feel now, in this moment having heard what they said.

This is love in action.

Love is supposed to be work.
And the work of loving someone who pushes your buttons and isn't "just right," is what love is all around, because if it's not unconditional, it's not love.

Good, and signing off for Thursday, the night of Mushkil Gusha. Sign up for my newsletter, out today and two weeks from today, if you'd like

Love and freedom in all aspects of your life,
Chris

Work, a happy word, with son, in LA, the "valley"

i was lucky enough in my younger years
thirties and forties and some of fifties
to mainly do what i call
"real work"

I moved my body and brain
and a hammer or saw
or wheelbarrow,
I build decks, put in French doors,
remodelled, built small outbuildings,
put in amazing gardens that included bizarrely wonderful fences,
combines fruit and vegetable and flower beauty
and to cap it off created the three acre core
of what has become the five acre
public garden, the Sonoma Garden Park

whoopee for me?

who knows,
and then I learned this and that
about how to be relaxed and happy in any body
and yesterday I was out with my son, who is 36,
and we were digging the holes and mixing the cement
for what's going to be on Thursday an amazing
and shade producing and plant holding and
space defining trellis arrangement

and I was dead tired after
and so was he
and we ate a lot
and conked out easy
and

life is good

( this is in LA, the valley, where it gets
hot in the nineties in the day,
sort of like Austin,
but no humidity and no bugs,
and unlike Austin
gets to a cool low seventies high sixties
at night,
and as we worked late yesterday,
pulling out cords and lights to work by,
no mosquitoes,
and we finished,
tired,
body tired,
and this was something we co designed,

and building something real
with a grown child is
a great
gift to one's life

i hope it happens  for you


,,,,
Chris)

6 step Protocol: Deep Change, including depression, bipolar, huge life shift

I've written on this before,
at "6 steps for your special needs child, or yourself in times of amazing
and real change"

and it took me a long time to stroll down the index to find it June 28, 2011
and I was impressed by all the different posts you might read.
or I might re-read,

And anyway: this has "come up" a couple of times recently,
and I love to see how I can do from memory so here goes:

This is a protocol Dr, Dan Siegel used to combine brain plasticity
and mindfulness with many backup and supplemental pieces
to help a teenage youth who was verging on serious bipolar,
not need to get involved in meds.

This is not to try at home,
and could be an adjunct to any real change
that you wanted deep and clear and amazing in your life.

The parts are:

1. Good sleep.
Which doesn't have to be all at once, the standard 8 hours,
but does need enough so you feel really rested,
which might well include
naps
and being able to "meditate" in times of waking at night,
with "no worries" about sleep coming or not.

Which ties in with the last, mindfulness.
To be mindful in waking night time is one of life's
great
and under appreciated joys.'


2. Food
that feeds the body soul and brain,.
with a high emphasis on high quality omega-3 (grass fed , wild caught, you know
the drill)
my food ideas are long and detailed.
you can see them at the
FOOD PAGE
of
my website, BECOME MORE AMAZING

suffice it to say, Don't panic, go organic. And the closer to Paleo you can hang and love it, probably the better.

3. Exercise:
Movement is good.
Movement with attention is better.
Movement with attention and fun and variation and slower and learning is even better.
Dan Siegel just says: Move.
I say, move in the amazing ways of the Anat Baniel Method and the Feldenkrais Method®

4. Relationship:
The better the better.
Core to my coaching is that any movement level and any relationship level
can get better and better.
At least a great start in honest and present communication will eliminate a huge
section of the stress that can push mental states into unsavory place.

5. Novelty.
Break habits, improve the brain, get back to life as it is meant
to be
one of continuous learning.
Love is very close to this,
in a way that whole
books
or grand mystical poems could hint toward.
For today: the above movement with amazement and learning
is perhaps the quickest way to novelty
and my executive coaching hinges around finding at least five
ways to do EVERYTHING,
from standing up from a chair, to saying hello, to thinking about someone you like
and/or don't like, to behavior toward those same folks, to....

6. Mindfulness
Dr, Siegel teaches meditation and a life of examination.
This is a great start.
Being present is wonderful:
always here,
always a goal
always a means
always makes a real and immediate change
always now
and then
the next now

and
even this one


Okay, have fun with this.
If you or someone  you know would like to explore this as a pathway with
me, find a link to the right for setting up an appointment via time driver

or CLICK HERE FOR TIME DRIVER


MEANWHILE , LIFE ALWAYS BEING NOW:
feel free to one at a time
play with the above potent six in
your own life.

Good,
Chris

win win

you're going to die it's all over
you've got nothing to lose
by being happy
and loving
all
za
time

and life is bizarrely wonderful:
if times are great,
love it

if times seem to suck
love it as
a chance to find, listen to,
inquire and smile your way
out
of the story alone
that keeps you trapped

you've heard that before
you know it

and sometimes forget
oh, well

i do, too

it's like that:
forget
remember
forget
remember

and underneath:
joy and happiness
and love
course thru us
just waiting to the crack to come fizzling up

good

rules and Rules and Love

there are many rules in life one of mine is "do tai chi before computer stuff"

and here I am breaking the rule

we'll see if lightning strikes me down

(almost all rules are untrue,
and then again:
please mainly stop at red lights,
car people)

life is so simple, isn't it:
one now after another

and I couldn't wait to announce
the ridiculously obvious news

ah, me
ah, my
the dancing in the streets
that is God's preferred way of wasting time

and in God/ Life/ Yes
time is brightly un-wasteable
(you heard that word first here

maybe)

so good for you
dancing in the streets of your heart
or busy
or suffering

all is food for the alchemy of
now

we have so little to lose
by embracing the impossible

what does that mean?

break some rules
dance in the streets
make some more money
love more that you are supposed to

see what happens

we think it "just can't get any better"

and then it does,
when we ask:
"It that True?"

so far,
no lightning


wow

meditation on reality or on self image

back in the days when I used to give a hoot
about meditation

I'd do this:
have a "wow" moment
and then spend the rest of the meditation
preparing and rehearsing the description
of my "wow" moment to someone else

ah, ego:

since it doesn't exist
does need constant propping doesn't it

and let's dance:

hello, God
not the beard one,
but the shimmering Life stuff,

hello Life stuff
in us all
slithering and wiggling
and lusting for out
for union
for play

God let us have each
day
our daily silliness
love
touch
dance
and
de
light


Good

Don't think, realize: All Moments are Equal

Time to get back
to a love poem a day

a love poem
to God
who is
What Is

who is
Now

who is
You

who is
Me

who is Life

who is
Yes

............

I once had a rascally fine teacher,
who said:
Don't think,
realize

He also said:
Time is for beginners,
breath is for finishers





..........
As my own teacher,
I had this realization in Dancing Together:
When I let go of the story that
any moment
is better than any other moment....

whoosh,
I'm free

the bottom falls out
the skies upon

what is embraces me
and I embrace what is

whoopie

Special Needs Children: 3 ways to go with a heel that won't touch the ground

 

Change from outside vs. change from inside:
Or: Fixing vs. connection

This happens: a child with cerebral palsy, through great inner desire and perseverance, comes to walk. And yet, the putting their heel to the floor eludes them, so it seems as if they are walking on their toes all the time.

There are at least three ways adults can react to this, three routes to take.

To the rescue: the knife

One route is the surgeon's scalpel, cutting into the Achilles tendon, to allow the heel no recourse but to lower. If we discount what a child goes through in surgery, this seems to solve the heel down problem. But…

Push, prod and correct

Parents and various professionals can try to soften the tissues by “stretching,” or massage, or both. They can try pressing the heel forcefully down to the floor. They can “remind” ( nag, usually, unfortunately) the child with some range of possibility to do what she or he is “supposed to do.”

Braces can be put on the foot, to mold it to “how it should be.”

Again, a step in the right direction it seems, but…

The problem with these

These are all outside forces. They demand and force the change. Not only are they teaching the child, One: there is something wrong with you, and Two: only by outside initiation can any change happen, they tend not to work very well. Stretching, botox, scolding all wear off. Even the surgery often begins to undo after the foot begins to heal from the trauma.

Calling on….the brain.

What if the child in this story is not missing a foot that defaults to a 90 degree angle with the leg, but she is missing a representation in the brain, totally missing a feeling and idea and body awareness sense of what it’s like for a heel to press against the ground? That just doesn’t compute for her.

And if pushed and stretched and prodded, the feeling of touching the floor is always vastly diluted by all the stress and effort going on.

So, here’s the solution in the Anat Baniel Method and the Feldenkrais Method®. The child lies on her back, already a great start from the complexity and demands of walking. And then, instead of pushing and efforting the foot to 90 degrees, a false floor is brought to the foot.

The false floor

A book is held against the child’s foot, exactly at the angle of the foot. Slowly pressing the book against the foot, the whole foot more or less touches at once. Other things are done that make sense from having had a 4 year training, to help deepen this, but you get the idea: the foot feels the way it would if it were “normal” in terms of the contact of the entire foot with the ground.

The brain = the child is now in the picture

Now, the foot, and the brain and the child all begin to expand her idea of what a foot is, and how the heel really is part of the same “story.” Connections with the whole foot and the rest of the body are made.

Ideas and pathways are laid down in the brain with this “whole foot” feeling of the thing at the end of the leg. It’s a delight and a revelation, and the child is smarter, and has one more experience of creating change by creating more awareness.

Awareness is life. Awareness is freedom

This learning will spill over to other movement improvement the child is ready to make.

This learning will “work” not just in movement, but speech and school and play and life. The more differentiation and awareness we have, the more freedom to become and do something different.

What can a parent do?

Bring the child in for lessons.

Watch the lessons, be enthusiastic about small changes, encourage the What Is, of even the most minute improvement. All improvement that involves the brain spills over to almost everything, as mentioned about.

How about the book on the foot?

No, not really.

But parents can remember not to scold. IF THE CHILD COULD DO IT DIFFERENT, THEY WOULD.

And the parents can play with variations of many other things: directions of bringing foot to the mouth, pitch and length and texture of sounds, ways of moving a ball or a toy or a small chair.

Kids Beyond Limits, Anat’s new book!

Read and reread Anat’s book. It’s full of small and non demanding activities that don’t take much time, that create pathways for learning, and maybe best of all, create time and quality for bonding and love between you and your child.

My kids' blog, specialneedschildren-chriselms.blogspot.com/, too, has many examples of small but significant actions you can take. For example: do anything you usually do at half speed, and make this a game.

Another: follow your own breathing, for your own relaxation, and to create a "vibe" of inner awareness for your child. As above: awareness equals freedom. For you and for your child.

If you haven’t signed up for lessons recently…

Now is a great time to do so.

Is Anger a Bad Thing? an article this time

 

Is anger a bad thing?

You ever had this happen to you? You’re apparently minding your own business and your partner tells you, “You know what? You’re really angry?” And, since nobody likes to be told what they are feeling, you argue.

Or not.

And later, the thought plagues you: Am I angry? And there’s often this underthought: What’s the matter with me, anyway?

Ah, anger. Is Anger a Bad Thing?

I was at a bookstore a few days ago and in the stairwell (Book People for those in Austin), there are bunch of kid toys. A kid event had just ended, and going up, I passed a Mom I know coming down, so we stopped to talk.

I sat on the top stair and as we talked her son decided to use a punching toy to punch my shoulder. No pain. No insult, of course, and I thought it might be good to help him redirect.

So I said, “I’m a real person, and real people don’t like to be punched. Would you please say my name and pretend that box over there is me and punch it.”

He’s a kid. He had some fizz and aggression. The box was a fine outlet.

Notice I didn’t tell him he was angry, or to cool it.

Anyway: this isn’t going to be a long treatise on anger. I’m going to attempt to send out an article three weeks a month as part of my newsletter. The idea will be to give you a few useful tidbits to reward your time in visiting this newsletter. There will be many more articles dealing with anger and special needs children, anger and making money, anger and healing from divorce or perking up relationship and so on. (As well as articles on the gamut, which you know if you read my blog)

And back to anger: It comes with the human territory. Anyone who’s had frustrations, or learned to cork things in, or hasn’t reached full enlightenment, is going to have moments of anger. Or big reservoirs of anger. (In some later article I’ll tell of my father’s amazing way of teaching me to stuff my anger when I was in high school).

We come from cave men and cave women.

We are geared for aggression, at certain times.

Obviously, one bit of understanding toward an amazing life, is to pick our times, and pick our usage of anger. And to cut ourselves a break for being human.

So, the anger is there. And “WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?”

One: Realize, as per above, this is part of who we are. Stop the second level stuff, of being angry or judgmental at ourselves for being angry.

Two: Realize other people have it in them, and take the giant step and be curious: what’s really bugging them? Asking is good, too, if the time and relationship is right. And to merely go beyond, “Man, they are full of anger. Bad news.” To “I wonder what’s the grating inside their psyche” is to be on the road to compassion and good relationship.

Three: As with the little boy: Find benign or even useful outlets. A benign and humorous one: Write the name of someone you are angry at on a piece of paper and tape it to the bottom of your shoe and walk around with that all day. A biggie: write a song about it. And anything in between.

Four: Spend some time finding the depths. Where were you frustrated in the past, and how can you come to the present and move on in ways that delight you and move your life forward? For Entrepreneurs, channeling the anger into work and making money, as they discover compassion for themselves and others, talk about win/win. For a musician this can be writing the above song, or creating the melody of the anger stripped of all that endless “story.” For lovers it can be, shutting up, coming to the present and finding the love that’s always here, always now.

Five thru 200: To be revealed by me and discovered by you. Any deep coaching has fun, not agony, with this powerful energy, and for starters and to end the article let’s wrap up with the starting question:

Is anger bad?

Answer: no.

loving the down, loving the up

life
ah
 life can have moments of...
ugh

feeling like sh..
feeling
 bad, sad, mad
the usual suspects

and then the
fun
begins:

loving ourselves
which is not so fancy
it means
being present
to ourselves
and that's

feeling towards ourselves
and our "ugh"
one: that's good enough
two: that's pretty great
three: that's wonderful
four: I love you

five: (you go there)


and so it's a weird inner
spiral,
and i know,
i've been forgetting
and then remembering
and then forgetting
and then remembering
this a lot lately:

the spiral of
being happy to be alive
and loving
all of the now-ness of life,

...
including
the ugh

including the
feeling bad
being mad
glunked in sad


it's me
it's you
if it's now

wow:

a chance to love
"even that"

and "even that"
is total bullshit
which means we're still comparing
the now to some better imagined
future now

it's so sneaky
and wonderful
and forgiving
this now thing

it's always here
love is always here
happiness
"even" in our unhappiness
is always here



so we dive in
and stand at the edge
and complain

what a sweet choice
free will
gives us

the power of God:
to create love in
each
and every moment

good

If someone rejects you....la, la... how to love life, then

Bill was rejected by Janice who thought he was too eager and Carol who thought he was too intellectual and Diane who thought he was too earthy. This got to him and he started to feel badly about himself.


The hint about the way out:

Other people's ideas of us, are their juice/ karma and right.
An, "oh, well," goes a long way
Semi poem:

if you can love  your cancer,
says Bryon Katie,
you can love me

if you can't love your cancer,
she says,
then the first time I annoy you,
you'll reject me

people like to reject
if they are uncomfortable

getting comfortable with the uncomfortable
is not their game usually

the uncomfortable scares
and the fear seems more real
that looking in to what set up fear,
and the default mode becomes:
stay away from scary areas

and there is
another possibility,
if we are on the route to freedom:
 go to the scary
and see how it's set up inside

this is good in the money world
the relationship world
the God should have done something different (not brought death to....,
for example) world

And hey, Bill can even start with another thing
Byron Katie says:
when someone leaves or rejects you,
you've been spared

you've been spared
being around someone
who doesn't want to be around you

Sneaky Marriage/ Sullen Divorce.... then what

I'm going to try something new in August.
This mode: story
antidote
poem

We'll see.
Here it goes.
Like this.

Joe and Sally have a sneaky marriage, both having affairs, and, of course, 

blaming the other for their unhappiness.
This leads to a sullen divorce, which exhausts them, but...
they feel free..
liberated.

At last the green pasture is wide open. And they find someone SOOO much better.

Except the pattern is their: problems can be so sweetly avoided by a little side sex,
and then bigger problems can be avoided by a torrid affair and then this green
pasture wasn't so great after all.

And must be left behind.
As is the next.
And the next.
And the next.

Antidote/ teaching:
Clean up this mess, or the green pastures we see will turn into one more gravel pit.

And a poem:

if you are wrong
and I don't have to listen
and I can get so much fun
in someone else's bed

why should I learn
how my thoughts and actions
help you be a worse you
that you want to be

how can I learn
what I could have done and known
and tried
to love you better

even if we need to part
if I can't love you
(the famous, "love your enemy" schtick of either
Christianity, or the Work of Byron Katie...
in one a preaching
in the other a result)

then I haven't really figured out how
to love myself
and so the next one,
the sooooo much better one
will eventually
(what with sex not forbidden
and communication not learned
passion burns out
and intimacy
which is what relationship is all about
doesn't grow)
that one falls apart

and the next
and the next

and it's the same
old
thing
again
and again


alas:

and the way out:
Clean up this mess.
Don't finish your divorce,
or better yet,
even start,
until you can
"love your enemy."

You don't have to live with them,
but if you don't love them,
you'll never really leave them.

Aha.

Good.

life is beautiful and so what?

tis a crazy hot morning in Austin
I want the windows open and then
the steamy heat comes leaking in


so be it

life is beautiful and
so what?
means....

i don't know
that's the fun of writing what comes
up
and then seeing what comes up

and so what
so what?

can be angry
or
it can be amused

I'll pick amused
and I rememmber
times I've been all swamped
worried depressed by the story

and done the Famous
Work of Byron Katie
and what bothered me
before
went through several stages of liberation:

--so what?

--hmm, interesting


--charming

--I love it



this can be something simple:
a person doesn't return a phone
call
which is a pet peeve
(which means  conditioned route
to unhappiness )
or something so called tragic
a girlfriend "leaving"
or someone angry at me
or rejecting me
for some interesting/ wonderful
offer
i have made

( and aren't all my offers
wonderful?

well, yes to me
and luckily
for the world
and the Universe
I don't run the world
nor the Universe
so 
when people say "no"
they have their own reasons)

life is beautiful
and so what?

the goal
maybe
and i guess we get to pick
day by day
moment by moment

is to live

and what does that mean?

leave the computer behind and discover 
what 
is next?

and i might not do
"the right thing"

and,
so what?

if i'm conscious
i'm doing the life
thing
and that seems 
just hunky
dory
so what or so great
or
????????


GOOD good good

joy and learning

the day is long our attention can be lost
or found

best yet:
enjoyed,
our own inner light
shining out,
and in,
on what,
and then what
and then what?

and if we are lucky,
we don't "understand" something
or aren't as skilled at something as
we want to be

and we can put attention
on the now
of how

the now
of how
we are going about
whatever it is

and,
guess what:
try something else,
anything else?

see the effect

have fun
learn

notice in the now

wow

what happens

and do nothing
and
notice

what happens

wow


....

have a good day

Love and Meditation

last day, supposedly,
of the mindfulness post/ poem
derby

sigh,
I've kind a gotten "into" it

and today:
try some
stop
sit
close eyes
sense your arms and legs
and spine
and (even, if you want) genitals
and breathing

and hang out
there,
not believing thoughts,
nor working with any effort
to keep them abay

and then
go about your day:
looking out
as you sense in

and love,
if you can
when you can
as best you can
how you can,
everything

everything you see outside

everything you sense
inside

that's a whiz bang
end

or not?

who cares

love the light
coming into your eyes
even now
at the half life
we live in
front
of our computers

love
Chris

An Anat Baniel story: the importance of mistakes, for us and for special needs children

In Anat's book, Kids Beyond Limits,
she is quite direct:
"Don't correct mistakes."

Use them as a stepping stone for variation.
Then learning to do and experience life as richer
occurs,
instead of experiencing.  "Oh, oh. I'm wrong again."

Here's a story:

Cello player, one of best in world,
comes to Anat with pain.

She asks him to play something simple.
After humfing and hawing, he decides
he can play something simple,
which he does, exquisitely, of course.

Now Anat asks him to play it poorly.
"Me. I can't play poorly. Blah, blah."

Anat: Do you have a student who plays poorly.

Cellist: Yes.

Anat: Can you play like them?

Cellist: Yes

So , he does.

And then Anat has him repeat.
And he's reluctant again, but not quite as much.

And again, and he's getting "into it."

And a couple of more, "poor" vatiations.

Good: his pain is gone.

Cool, eh?

My theory: he was so stuck at 98% perfect, he
couldn't feel and try anything else.

By variation on "poorly" he discovered some hiden
possibilities and was freed.

Good advice to us all,
as we strain and ruin ourselves to be more than we possibly
can be.

And for the children:
even a "less good" variation,
is good.

Way good.

experiencing the all of it up and down of it, now of it, yet

the times of day:
the day changes
and we use up energy

and can we be aware
of how we either "like"
or "don't like"

our state of energy throughout the day

and if we don't "like" what we are
aware of in our present expereince,

can we come back to "just" experiencing
the experience without a judgment

can we live
without our inner comment on
"how are we doing now"

(compared to what?
is always the good question,

or yesterday's question:
Who and what are we, without our story?

As the day shifts
and our energy shifts
can we keep
"just"
loving what is?



Good.

Day 29: Sunday: Laziness is next to Godliness

I had a friend once who said that:
"Laziness is next to Godliness."

And you know
and I know
what he meant:
do a little or a lot less,
less effort,
less do-ing
more be-ing

especially on Sunday,
what with even God resting,
at least in the Bible

though maybe She went surfing
or played golf as her rest

who knows?

and for you and me today,
let's play in the fields of easy:

let's do the simple things:
nap
and read
and less computer
(almost none, or all ways none)

and sensing the breathing
and the gravity on our bones

and that's enough

laziness without awareness is
fine
if the mind is empty

and if it's up to its usual chatter
look for the silence behind the chatter

and do a little less
a lot less
and sense the breahing
your breathing
and sense gravity

and
oh yeah,
one more "little thing"
remember that you are alive:

Good.