Relationship #4: Loving the Leaver

Loving what is seems like the hardest thing
in the world
sometimes

and then,
it's just....
heaven


So... someone leaves you

It was great love
It was great and troubled love
It was troubled and great love
It had great promise
You fell more deeply in love than they did
They found someone else
You were a jerk and drove them crazy
They weren't willing to work it through
You weren't willing to work it through
One or both of you didn't know what to do when it got messy
You had a power struggle that was too much for the other person

There are many scenarios,
and all hurt,
usually when the other person leaves

It can even be petty stuff:
You wanted to end it and didn't have the courage
to pull the plug
and they did before you could

Oh, well.

They are gone
Empty bed
Empty dream

Lots of possibilities in reaction, too:

Anger
Poor me
Denial
Substance use to numb out
Getting busy

And here's a way that's pretty amazing:

Love.

Yeah.
Think about, feel about what loving them exactly
as they are
would be.

They want to be somewhere else.

Loving them means wanting them to have what they want.

Damn, the logic just rolls along,
but it's the heart really that can't do this:

Loving them means loving them being gone
because that's what they want

You can think it's a wrong decision
You can think they should care more about your pain
You can think until you're blue in the face
and they are still gone

They, for good or bad, for smart of idiotic, for whatever reasons
of the heart and head
and their own life path,
have decided what they want is Not You

So, that what love is:
Loving their having what they want,
the big fat empty Not You

and hey,
guess what

just like when someone dies
... they can't hug you anymore
and you can still keep loving them

you can feel the love
write it to them
whatever you want

and wanting them to have what they want,
loving what is

sounds hard

I just did it
It's heaven

It really is

Freedom #4: Not anxiety, lots of gratitude

In the letters of Paul,
a passage recommended by my friend Dick Staub,
Philippians 4: 6
this goes down:

"Never be anxious, but in every prayer
And each entreaty,
add your thanks to God."

Simple.
Amazing.

Don't ask for anything unless it's riding
soft sweet and easy on a current of praise
on a magic carpet of gratitude.

Never be anxious.
Never.
Not, kind of chill out on the anxiety.
Not, only be a little anxious when you can't help it,
and besides, your friends like it when you're down.
Not, it's the way it is, get worried, it's a messy world.
Not....

But, "Never be anxious."

Fear is what?
Real when a tiger is about to eat you,
but usually is
just about something this simple:
things not going our way.


Anxiety is the loss of control because we
have a picture that Reality should be a certain
way,
and Reality just goes along
being what it is.

We can want to control.
And smile.

We can want to control
and feel anxious.

We can love what is.
And what do we feel like doing when we love what is?

Give thanks.


How bout this song, by Alanis Morissette,
titled, by golly : Thank U

"Thank U"

how bout getting off all these antibiotics

how bout stopping eating when I'm full up

how bout them transparent dangling carrots

how bout that ever elusive kudo

thank you india

thank you terror

thank you disillusionment

thank you frailty

thank you consequence

thank you thank you silence

how bout me not blaming you for everything

how bout me enjoying the moment for once

how bout how good it feels to finally forgive you

how bout grieving it all one at a time

thank you india

thank you terror

thank you disillusionment

thank you frailty

thank you consequence

thank you thank you silence

the moment I let go of it was the moment

I got more than I could handle

the moment I jumped off of it

was the moment I touched down

how bout no longer being masochistic

how bout remembering your divinity

how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out

how bout not equating death with stopping

thank you india

thank you providence

thank you disillusionment

thank you nothingness

thank you clarity

thank you thank you silence

.......

Never be anxious,

give thanks to India, to sickness, to disillusionment to clarity to shit to crap

to what we think shouldn't be

thanks to Reality

it's the winning hand,

why not roll around in heaven all day

with the winner

and never be anxious that we

made the wrong choice

how bout that?

Relationship #3,people leave, God replaces, abundance is the Way

This Place of Abundance

we know nothing until we know everything

I have no object to defend
for all is of equal
value
to me

I cannot lose anything in this
place of abundance
that I have found

If something my heart cherishes
is taken away

I just say, "Lord,
what happened?"

And a hundred more
appear

.....End of Poem

So life. It's good, right?
People come into our life.
If we are lucky we love them.

If we are lucky they love us back.

If we are lucky they stay with us until one of us dies.
If we are lucky they don't
or we don't.

There's a funny idea out there: if something
ends
that means it was wrong.

No:
we get in relationships.
We screw up.
They screw up.
Someone can't take it anymore and
leaves.

And check this out:
often, almost always actually, what the one who leaves can't stand
is their reactions to the other person.
They can't stand the manifestations
that are stirring up in them

so they split.
and
that means they are bad, right?

no.
it means that they are wounded

and when we hurt another in
the relationships that ended:
we were wounded

and that means we can keep doing it, right?

wrong.

it means we can wake up to when
we are awake in a relationship
and in those moments
be the person we want us
to be
and be the person we
want them to be

and if we can't do that
yet
bless us

let's just keep trying

....
and back to the poem:
if someone leaves us,
ah well,
they are wounded 
and so are we 
and....
the abundance is here
always
that's the way God wants it,
so...
a hundred more will pop
up

and it's our job
to be kinder to that hundred
because of what we learned the last time around


....
ain't that a lot of relationship building to chew
on?
yes

FREEDOM, 3-----POEM, Denise Levertov, Primary Wonder

PRIMARY WONDER Days pass when I forget the mystery. Problems insoluble and problems offering their own ignored solutions jostle for my attention, they crowd its antechamber along with a host of diversions, my courtiers, wearing their colored clothes; caps and bells.                                                     And then once more the quiet mystery is present to me,  the throng's clamor recedes:  the mystery that there is anything, anything at all, let alone cosmos, joy, memory, everything, rather than void: and that, 0 Lord, Creator, Hallowed one,  You still, hour by hour sustain it. -- Denise Levertov

Movement #3, in bed and easy on your back, great in your brain

Lie in bed on your left side, with your right leg on top of your left leg.

Have your arms extended straight out, forward, which is the direction your nose is facing. Your right hand rests palm down, on your left hand which is palm up.

1. Slowly, slowly, move your right hand forward, feeling the vertebrae of the spine join in one by one from the top down your back. Then bring the hand back and feel the spine moving the other way.

How far does the movement in the back extend?

Go back and forth many times, each time seeing if you can do it slower, easier and with more enjoyment and awareness.

Do this maybe ten or twelve times.

2. Rest on your back.
Breathe easily and notice any difference side to side.

Take a while to just be present to being in a body, in your body, in your body now, with each breath.

3. Slowly, slowly, slowly, move your right knee "forward" as if it were peeking over the edge of the left knee.

Feel this movement moving UP in your back.

4. Rest

Make all the rests an active, awareness enhancing, pleasure increasing feast for yourself.

5. Play with this,

and go very very slowly:

Bring both your right hand and your right knee forward, as

if they were a 

team.

Forward and then back.

Feeling how the ribs roll, how there

is less movement in the spine, feeling

what is happening in your neck and hips.

Really enjoy this.

Breathe easily as you do it.

6. Rest

7. Now, get fancy and go slowest of all
Move the hip and knee forward as

the hand and shoulder move back,

and move your hip and right knee back, 

as

your right hand moves forward.

Stop if you get confused.

Do less.

Rest between "tries."

When you get it, feel how the vertebrae at the top

of your back

are moving in the opposite direction as the vertebrae on the

bottom 

of your back.

Really indulge in noticing and enjoying this.

8. Rest on your back.

Notice the differences side to side

Take a little nap.

Come to sitting (roll up, do not yank up through the middle) and stand and

walk around.

How do you feel?

What do you notice?

Go slowly in your life for another five or ten minutes.

Tis the season to SLOW DOWN.

good.

Relationship 2, Believing the story, or not

This is a game I have people play
who are doing the Work of Byron Katie with me.

Question 3 is: How do you react when you believe the thought?
Question 4 is: Who or what would you be without that thought in your head/ beliefs?

So,
I have them take a thought,
some normal and life ruining one, like
"my parents should have treated me better:"

and on one chair
they recite their litany of victimhood and agony over the poor parents
they had

and
then they switch over
and in the other chair
see the parent,
being the not so great/ awful parent,
but with no thought/ feeling/ belief that the parent
SHOULD
have been different

And they see how that feels

then they go back to the first chair:
how is it to believe the story

and back to the second:
how is it not to believe the story


that's all

that's all it takes, really, for one solid chunk of liberation,
and
they all
add up

Movement 2, In a chair, rotation for the fun of it

Sit easily in a chair and turn to the left and the right
Do all movements with ease and as little effort as possible
and
as much attention and enjoyment
as possible.

Turn left and right a few times and notice the difference.

2. Now, just turn to the left and back to the center
Feel the neck vertebrae and feel what else in you moves
or wants to move
Do this and all movements an easy number of time,
six to twelve, say,
Feel each one as interesting, pleasant and unique unto itself

Rest
Close your eyes and simply, and deeply sense yourself

3. Now, put your hands on the opposite shoulders
and turn your shoulders
and your head to the left
and back
a number of times

Pause at the far left of this movement
Then bring your head back to the center
while leaving your shoulders to the left,
and then swap them around,
so that the shoulders come toward the center
and your head goes to the left

Rest
With ease and noticing

4. Feel your right knee
Push from your hip, your right knee forward,
so that your pelvis rotates to the left,
Do this a number of times

Pause

Now put your hands on your opposite shoulders as before
and turn to the left
with your head
and your pelvis
and your shoulders

Do this a bit
and feel it
and enjoy it

Rest

5. Now
with the hands in the same position,
push the right knee forward, rotate the shoulders
to the left
and turn the head to the left

Now split up your movement,
so that the head and the pelvis come back to the middle
as the shoulders stay to the left

and swap them,
so that the head and pelvis go to the left
while the shoulders come to the middle

as with all the movements:
slowly
easily
with pleasure awareness and a wish
for discovering something new
each time

Rest

6. Invent any other combinations you'd like

Rest

7. Now simply turn your head right and left
and see if anything has changed

Good

freedom, 2

hello on so called Black Friday

the black death
and then
Black Friday

sorry, or not, that's the way my mind
works

I mean really....
what we need is more cheap crap?

Is this what people want on their tombstones:
shopped smart,
got lots of deals?

so, that rant doesn't even seem worth having

and I'll just pop over to a thought I've enjoyed for at least 20 years:

being happy
is one of the most subversive activities
especially happiness
of the simple
being present sort

that needs almost nothing else but a pleasant stroll
or a neighbor to schmooze with
or a sunset, cloud fest, tree to watch

that sort of thing

content
present
needing no stuff

how would be economic shenanigans survive?

see what I mean about subversive

Freedom 1: Is it true?

Is it true?

This question can save you thousands of hours of suffering.
Or grief.
Or discontent.
Or worry.

How?
You feel badly, say. And you have the good
fortune to be present enough
to
notice that you feel badly.

Emotionally you feel badly,
and there is almost always a
thought that accompanies the suffering.

That seems to "justify" the suffering,
but really,
it's the stage,
the edifice,
the platform on which the suffering lives.

Frequently about someone else, and how they
should treat you, or someone you like,
better.

Note the word should.
It's almost always lurking next to suffering.

Comparing.
What is,
to how it "should" be.

And here's where to pop in the
"Is it true?"

Who says "what is" "should" be different?

Is it true, this
set of words,
this platform,
this edifice?

Compared to what?

Well, to your breathing say.
Are you breathing in or are you breathing out
or are you in some pause between the two?

Compared to your connection to gravity:
are you pressing into the Earth,
with feet,
or thighs,
or back,
or hands,
or arms,
or belly,
can you feel where you are pressing into the Earth,
which,
having read Newton,
is pressing back up
into your body?


Breath and gravity.
Now.
These seem true no matter what words we tell
about them,
or thoughts we have,
or who agrees
or who disagrees.

But that "so and so should ...... more"
Hmmmmm

Ask,
"It it true?"
and see if a little of a lot of freedom
appears on the other side
of
the question.

hugs// Relationship 1

I had a Gurdjieff teacher once,
whose wisdom had a slightly biting edge
to it at times

he talked of the "California hug"
( he was from New York), as "bringing people
close enough
to stab them in the back."

it's funny
and we all know that one,
the hug that disguises an undercurrent of
competition and unspoken animosity

and still:
it's a try

sort of

but there are hugs,
in a relationship situation
that beat a thousand words

One:
when things are at some verbal impasse
and one or both the people want to say
"to hell with it"
and stomp away

try instead
a no talk
feel deep into the other person
hug
of three to five minutes

and if the message starts to leak ( or pour ) through
that
and there is more love wanting to come out underneath
the fighting words,
go lie down
and
hug
and talk in horizontal and hugging
position

see what happens then

(This just saved a beautiful relationship
with my darling, where we looked at the edge of
termination
and sprung back to the depths that I felt were there,
and she did too once the body's wisdom inside the silent
hug began to sing out to both of us)


And
Two:
(there could be a whole book of when and how to
hug
couldn't there?
For now though, just two, since they came up recently,
to great advantage in our relationship)

Say your relationship isn't in trouble,
but is "just" at loose ends
you want more to be happening
and it seems like it isn't
it seems like time to leave each other alone
for awhile
not out of trouble this time,
but out of a sense of "What do we really want to do?"

This is for an intimate relationship.
Don't go apart.
Don't go for entertainment.
Don't go for sex.
Do,
take off your clothes,
get under the covers,
and
hug.

Hug and talk.
Hug and sleep.
Hug and ....
you know the options.

Set it up as an hour date.

This often could be a substitute for going to the movies,
which is to distract the two of you from whatever is holding you apart.

Instead. Get naked.
Get close.

See what happens.
Don't demand anything.
Listen to and get to know each other.

You really have that hour to "waste."

It's about having a beautiful life
where love
is central.

The price you / I/ we need to pay:

some solid hug and wait and see time.

Try it.
You be delighted is my guess.

Toes and Nose: Day One of 108 Experiments in Movement, Relationship & Freedom

TOES AND NOSE;
Movement One, of a new series
Movement One, of the sub-series: Bed-ercize, i.e. exercises you can do in bed

Here goes,
and go slow
and don't do the advanced versions if
you want
and take lots of rests,
even though this is very unstrenuous

1. In bed, under the covers:
Move your toes right and left
with your heels stationary
as if the feet are windshield wipers

do this
and every movement with 3 elements;
a. slow -pleasure -awareness
b. as little effort at possible
c. noticing each movement as possibly different than the last

stop after eight or ten or twelves
and rest
just breathe and sense your entire body
in the bed
legs arms back pelvis head ribs toes fingers
everything
enjoy the rest
enjoy the sensing

follow these instructions at each and all rests

2. Now, as your toes move right and left
move your nose/ head right and left
to the same side as your feet are moving

again not too many
and all the instructions above
and then the rest as per above

3. Now, as your toes move right,
slowly slowly and with pleasure awareness and enjoyment,
move your nose and head the opposite way,
and then when your toes move right, head and nose to the left
and back and forth like this for awhile

8-12 with ease and so on
rest as per above

4. Now, do 3, but fancier:
toes left, noses right,
eyes to the left,
as if following your toes,
and then
toes right, nose left, eyes right, again
as if following your toes

go really slowly
and gently
and easily
and with lots of amused awareness
and
make sure to breath

figure a way to enjoy this

rest and try it again,
with more pleasure and enjoyment

That's enough.
Later we'll get the jaw into this,
but let's start easy

This is a great waker upper
a compromise between the nothing of the night
and the movement of the day

and it wakes up spine and brain and neck and eyes and hip joints
and toes

and what else?

What else wakes up for you?

Play with this and find out.
Good.

Why have lessons, for a child.... Why live a life, is simple language, for us all

The reason to have lessons is this:

You are wonderful, and these lessons help you become more wonderful.

You have a brain.
The brains' main job is learning.
Learning comes from noticing differences.
The lessons show more and more differences, that you can FEEL in your body, and FEEL in your movement.
They give you a smarter brain.

You have a heart.
Hearts are to love and to be happy.
Loving and liking are close.
The lessons are to help find more and more ways that when you move you feel happy.
The lessons are to help find more and more ways that you like to move and love to move.
The lessons are to make you happy by discovering ways of moving and learning you never knew before.

You have a body.
Bodies like to move.
Bodies like to discover.
Bodies like to play.
Bodies like to be more easy and graceful.
Bodies like to move with us in our brains and attention noticing them You have attention. Or call it awareness. Or call it noticing. This is close to who we really are. These lessons help us develop the fun and skill and joy of awareness . Awareness of our hearts and our bodies and our brains. It's a fun game, getting better at life. This is what the lessons are for.

Liking first, then sex...... what is kin? What is kind? Slowing down. Slowing way down.

In relationship
sex is sweet
and sex is amazing
and often
sex
gets ahead of itself and has to carry the freight of the whole relationship.


too much.
too hard.

sex as sex
sex as om
sex as make out,

should come after solid connection

this is not "sex only with the special ONE that you are
exclusive with,"
though it can be that

it's more serious;

it's liking
liking
liking
the person with whom you are
OMing
sexing
making out

like
means trust

like means connection if
times get rough

liking means having communication
open
always

in a way it's bigger than what we usually call loving

and it's a lot of what's missing in what we usually call loving

in fact,
it is loving

but liking people

that's the glue

..
but not golf club liking
not beer buddy liking
but kin
liking

liking that you  burn to be around
that person
a lot

liking that they matter to you
a lot

liking that you really, really are curious
about them, them, them

kin

kin

kin

.....

kindness comes from kin
family
close group

skip OM, skip sex, skip making out 

until the person
and you
are
kin

namaste, loving the haters

Byron Katie was an obese, chain smoking alcoholic in the backwater Southern California desert town of Barstow. (She didn't call herself Byron Katie then. That's another story).

She was suffering from depression, too. Screamed at her family a lot.

A mess.

She wanted to die. Not to kill herself. Just to die.

Somehow, with no meditation, spiritual path or any of that, she "woke up."

Her old self, tied together by believing her thoughts about the world and others and about herself, her old self died.

She was free, happy, and didn't call it enlightenment. Still doesn't. Back when I used to hang out with her she called it "a moment of clarity." Who knows what she calls it now.

At any rate, in this lit up state, she discovered that judging others had been her major job in life, and discovered instant pain when she judged in her new lit up state, and instead of doing any of the "let go of judgements stuff," she invented a simple system to "undo" the thoughts behind all our suffering.

It's not about being good.
It's about admitting and writing down our judgments, and then "doing the work" on them.

This is her suggestion:

Judge your neighbor.
Write it down.
Ask 4 questions.
Turn it around.

(You can find the 4 questions for yourself on prior blogs of mine--click on the work of byron katie label below, or simply go to her site:  TheWork.com )

Okay, now to the title of this blog: Namaste
and Loving the Haters

So.... back in the late eighties there was Katie, pretty much full blown enlightened, not at all spiritual, but with the work ( four questions and a turn around), amazingly able to help people in any and all forms of emotional suffering.

So people would flock to Barstow and get her help.
And then when they would leave,  and some being from New Age land would say, "Namaste."

Katie had never heard namaste. This is Barstow. She's not "into" spiritual stuff.

She reports thinking, "Oh, they are so wise, they are saying, 'No mistake.'  "

And anyway, a "No mistake" event is ripping through my life just now, giving an opportunity some people to heap vilification on me, and for others, prior supporters, to cut me off, stop supporting me.

Believe me, I spent my time suffering with this, and then it was time to stop suffering and I brought out the big guns, the turn arounds.

They are 100% tight. There is no fudge room in then. If I (or you) want to stop suffering, we have to learn the hard work of practicing what we preach.

They go like this: 3 ways:
"So and so should appreciate me more."

One: Turn around the direction;
"I should appreciate so and so more." (Since I preach it, can I do it?)

Two: Turn the advice inward:
"I should appreciate me more."

Three: Turn around the demand and let reality be what it is. (As if we have a choice)
"So and so should NOT appreciate me more." ) -- Not their job yet. Or, they need to do this so I can learn something. Or, god forbid, I've actually done something that needs to be examined. Any way: they should be doing what they are doing.

So:

If someone disrespects me, and I want respect, the turn around is not just to respect that person in general but to respect their act of not respecting me.

Same with anything: appreciate their not appreciating me.
Listen to their not listening to me.



I want support.
My turn around, here, is to support their lack of support for me.
Not easy.
Powerful.
Freedom is the game.

Not being a victim.
Not demanding they be different.
But swallowing the medicine I want them to take.

Their lack of supporting me, that's their business.
I can't waste time and energy, or disrespect them in their path by demanding, wanting or whining that they be different.
If I want them to support, I need to learn the heavy lifting of supporting them while they don't support me.
Bringing it full circle: I can practice, learn and thrive from supporting their very lack of support as exactly what they need and have to do right now.

Everyone is doing their best.
My job: to support them.

Hard?
Yes, but only for an ego that doesn't want to die.

As Katie says:
"When you argue with reality you lose, but only 100% of the time."


good

Revised rules of play

Play includes all, but not all includes play

Everything is of consequence

[Either[ the lowest common denominator [or the most awake player] determines the level of play

The game always plays you

[Therefore] Don't hurt [fight/ kill] the game.

[Loving what is, uses the least amount of energy]

The highest game includes all.

[Sometimes] altruistic play loses in the beginning, and it always wins in the end

[Highly skilled altruistic play instantly jumps the game up a level or two]

She or he with the least rules, wins in the long run

Play only happens at the level of volition

[In a game that nobody loses, everybody wins]

[Death is the wild card.]

[Love is a form of death]

The highest play is surrender.

[ the stuff in brackets is my rendering/ addition/ whatever.

the rest comes from One Taste, an organization dedicated to female orgasm and human liberation]

when other people lash out at you

when other people lash out at you
it usually isn't as if they got up that day,
and thought:
wow, today is a great day to lash out
at
so and so

if you are partners, they may be festering old wounds,
and the slightest provocation sets them off

or, they might have lifelong issues
and you do something that triggers that

or, they might have a shitty habit of
lashing out
whenever they don't get their way

but basically:
they are just blind, trapped robots,
doing what their programming makes it
inescapable that they do

so,
the solution:
curiosity

what's bothering them

that's all

feel your hurt
feel your pain
be the victim for two or three minutes,
then
put your attention out:

what's going on with them?

can you ( or I) listen into them
and discover:

what is their real pain

and wonder,
again curious without the usual fix-it kit,

how could they
get
free of it
a little
or
free of it
a lot
or
free of it
completely

if you do,
two people gain:

you,
because they'll probably lash out
less
or none

and them,
because they don't have to be a slave to
that pattern of
avoiding their pain any longer

pretty good,
eh?
(yes)

Cat and Cow and Brain ( Yours)

Hey, you with a brain and a back.
It's easier to stand on four legs. Like a table.

Get into the crawling position.
Slowly
Slowly
Slowly
Rock your belly forward
and bring your eyes up to the sky or ceiling
and bring the back of your butt toward the back of your head

this is the cow,
about to moooo:

Belly down
But toward back of head
Back of head toward the butt


Now the cat:
Move everything the other way:

Eyes and head down
Belly in and back, as if you are lifting the midback toward sky or ceiling
Crotch rotating toward your nose

So:
Belly up
Head toward genitals which are rotating toward the head

Back and forth,
five times:
Normal
Sensing the lower back
Sensing the mid back
Sensing the upper back
Sensing the whole back

Take a break, crawl around, lie down, whatever

Now,
Get fancy,
after you are sure sure sure you've got the "normal" cat and cow

Try this for starters,
I'll have a harder one a little later:

Do the cat and cow as above
the same five times,
but with the chin tucked toward the chest and the eyes down.

So in the cat part, the head will be the usual place,
and in the cow part it will be opposite of what it is "supposed" to be

Rest, crawl, cavott

Now, arch your head up and look at the ceiling/ sky and
have the belly and pelvis go through five times as per above
of
the modified cat and cow

Then rest

Then do it the easy/ normal/ feels good way

Now, get up on your feet and notice how tall and connected to the ground you feel

Good.

Hugs not drugs

My son has a thirty day goal:

Hugging his gal for a nice long 30 second hug every day.

This seems sweet, sane and a good use of having goals.

Maybe for thirty days, I'll each day ask a person I don't usually ask for a hug, if I can hug them.

If they say "Yes," good.
If they say, "No," good. I've done my part.
And I might make the goal to keep asking until one new person a day shares a hug with me.

This sounds crazy good.

What crazy good thing would you like to do for thirty days?

Hafiz

After all these years, 

the sun never says to the Earth, 

"You owe me"

See what can happen with a love

like that!

2

How did the rose

ever open

its heart

and give 

all the Beauty

to the world?

It felt the encouragement

of Light

against its Being

Otherwise,

we all remain

Too

Frightened

3

Running through the streets

Screaming

Throwing rocks thru

Windows,

Using my own head to ring bells

Pulling out hair

Tearing off my clothes

Tying everything I own

to a stick

and lighting it

on

Fire

What else can Hafiz

do tonight

To celebrate the madness,

The Joy

of seeing God

Everywhere?

renderings of Danil Ladinsky's renderings in the book, The Gift

love

love is a big world...
a small word...

a magic land of confusion...
and
possibilitiy

what does love mean?

it means that you want the best for another
it means you want to be with the other
it means you can tell the person you love that you hate them
it means you don't know what you are doing
sometimes
they just drive you so fucking crazy
and
that's okay

it's just love

love is
letting the other person be right
love is
nailing the other person for their bullshit
love is
seeing how that is often, let's say, ninety four percent
of the time
your bullshit, too

love is laughing at
your small petty demands for their love

love is letting
go
of fear

yeah, yeah, a book title

and fear is a world
and a small word

and a cage
a good cage,
because we came from jungles and ice ages
and such
but fear has gotten
snarly in civilization
and often gets immeshed in this petty prison:
do others approve of me
will this meet disapproval

and what's the power, the powder, the dynamite
to blast
out
of living a living prisoned by others opinions
desire


desire
and love

and how are they the same
and how are they different?

these two:
desire
and love?

ah, that's mainly for another day,
but let's start by saying:
desire sets you toward another,
toward connection and pleasure

and love lets you let them breathe
so you don't sufrocate them
which is spelled suffocate
I'll be damned

don't you just love
that?

the not knowing
that
also is another day
how
"I don't know"
can often be the fuel
for
real
love

ha

ha


ha


good

what if you miss a day?

what if you miss a day????

the world won't end....

get back on your horse
and
ride

get back to the clit
and stroke

get back to the talk
and listen

get back to the now
and
aware

awareness out
awareness in

that's a full life

if you miss a day of remembering you are alive
start
over
right
now

yeah

when there's nothing to say...

when there's nothing to say...

say nothing

..

or say, "I love you?"

...

or say, "What's good in your life?
.. 

or say, "I don't know what to say, but I like you."

...

say, the truth, as you feel it,

in that moment

and then listen,

just as happy to get nothing,

as you were to speak

for 

it

or speak from 

it

and it here isn't fancy,

it's just emptiness coming out to do the

next

thing

not even the next right 

thing,

just the next

felt thing

as we go

along

living and becoming more

and

more

or who 

we always were

before the

extra got caked on

by others

and

our own suckered into it

choosing

Good

say the next thing

say nothing

the world will keep spinning

your life will still be rich and full of meaning

you will still be present

or not

and one is free

and one isn't

and that's okay,

too

asking every day, a little beyond our comfort zone, or a lot

if we are living right, we should be getting
at least one "No" a day
to some request we are making for something that
pushes some edge

"Would you like to OM?"
"Would you like to make out?"
"Would you like to make out for X minutes?"
"Would you like to have sex?"
"Would you like to spend the night together?"
"Would you give me your phone number?"
"Would you go to ..... with me?"

This kind of thing in the relationship world, and this:

"I offer ..... for $.......Would you like to buy?"

That's a good one, too.

That keeps things high sensation. And if we don't know yet how to ask and get turned on by our asking and let the yes / no chips fall where they may, we con't quite know how to live yet, don't you think?

Don;t you feel that that's true?
For you?

men should know: for a woman, everything is connected

her sex, her hair, her tummy, her food, her smile, the lightness of her glance,

the way you smell, the way she smells
what she thinks you think about her,
what she thinks her friends think about you
the way her mother thinks about her

how you touch her

the quality of your attention

it's all connected


and one thing can bring the trance of all things being equal
and what they always were:

you're attention

give it to her

say the truth,
about you
and
about her

be free
and watch
and
listen
and
wonder
and
ask questions
and
then
shut up and listen
and
then ask another one
and shut up
and
listen
and you don't have to understand, nor does she
but she has to be listened to

and you have to listen

it'll cut through anything
and
everything

good

falling in love

We like falling in love
because that let's loose in us
the part that loves to be in our bodies

we touch
they touch
we feel sensations
usually pleasurable
they get happy
we get happy

it's good
life is mud luscious again

we are free
we can ask what we want to ask
and say what we want to say

maybe

hopefully,
we can do it all
do a lot and be free and happy

we fall for the right people
we fall for the wrong people

doesn't matter
it's the falling that counts

it's the craziness
and the wanting them
and wanting to love them

and
wait: this part isn't falling in love:
the wanting them to love you a whole big bunch

that's neediness
and
normal

and isn't falling

you can fall in love with someone who doesn't care
for
you
at all

that usually cools most people out
they don't want to put out
without getting something back

but some
just love and let all the silliness
come as it may

your choice

or you
can
wait awhile
and
fall in love later

no
hurry

the blaze is n
you,
no matter how frozen
and
it will come out

yes it will

What women should know about men: Say it like the first time

Every time you, woman, talk to a man ....
Say it like the first time...

(From Nicole Daedone's book:
Slow Sex)

 

 He is not as subtle as you..
Nor does he operate on many channels at once

If you expect him to remember the emotional overtones
of the last five times you brought up the idea of going
to a certain place

he might
and
he probably won't

he might have a schedule in his head
and he'll have to be asked,
do you remember how nice it felt last time we went to Barton Creek?

otherwise he hears a request/ (he might even hear a demand)
to change his schedule in his head around

and if he shifts one thing,
he'll have to shift these other three

and meanwhile,
you, woman, want the sunshine and the friends and his warm touch
on your thigh and his hug in the water

you want to connect
you want him to want to connect

you can never lose
saying what you want:

I want to connect
I want to spend some play time with you
I want to touch more
I want you to put down your iPhone and talk to me

and you can never lose
by
saying how you feel:

I feel like you are abandoning me
I feel like I'm horny and you're not
I feel like grabbing you, and I'm afraid to
I feel like slamming a door and having a tantrum to get some attention

Make it simple
He loves you
He wants to know what's going on

But he doesn't want to be confused

Say it to him like the first time

You'll be happier
He'll be happier

Good

the way of remembering

today is September 12
in 40 days it will be some other day

this blog is going to go once again into daily mode for the next 40 days

the aim will be fun, and a bit of learning along the way
and maybe the purpose of life
or some such hooey

so let's start with now:
I sit, you sit
I notice this about gravity: my hands on the desk in front of the keyboard, my bottom on the chair, one foot flat on the floor, one foot more toe ish

what do you notice about gravity?
Now.

I notice this about air and me
I'm breathing, mostly at the top of my chest,
though with noticing, I feel the air coming to the bottom of my belly
which it really doesn't do

how is breath for you?

I notice my arms start in my shoulder blades and are reaching out via my fingers to the keyboard.
my legs run along the chair and then out into the air, and down to the floor

your arms?
your legs?

Light of the computer, and off the walls and some of my paintings bounces into my eyes
What reflected light comes to you?

And the sound:
of the neighbor walking upstairs,
of the keys clicking,
of a car going by
of the refrigerator in the background

what sounds is scaping for you?

two arms
ten fingers

two legs
ten toes

light
sound

gravity
breath

that's a lot
yes, horray , it's a lot
a wonderfully lot
to
be

to be
alive

to be 
a 
live
and 
a 
ware


it could be fun

cheers

Strange = Grown Up

I had what I call a "bad boy"Gurdjieff teacher, who swore and smoked and refused to dress up, and talked a lot about sex and psychology and ethnic tendencies ( French vs. German Jews, say, or Northern and Southern Italians).

He said many times, "strange equals grown up," because it's what our programming didn't get as children, and we find it "uncomfortable."

Now, if you think about it, when we first heard about sex, most of us not raised on farms, thought the whole penis in Mom thing pretty strange, scary and outlandish.

We come to accept that as not strange, once we participate, but then when adults hear about OMing, this can either be: "Oh God, where has this been all my life?" to "this is weird, creepy, strange."

It's certainly nothing we were raised with, either paying attention, nor stroking a clitoris, nor women being naked while the man doesn't get his goodies as part of the deal. And the man getting a lot, without getting his goodies, stranger still.

People either treat the novel as new and exciting, and a chance to expand, or scary and threatening to the status quo, and something to be dismissed. And most of us can be at different parts of this spectrum at different times.

And then this weird paradox, as a raw foods eater, in the OM world, how many people treat my smoothies that have fermentation as strange and scary and something to be mocked.

Ah, humans. We are a strange, bunch, eh?

staying awake by staying at least a little uncomfortable

we came from the jungle
ADD, the jumping of attention from one thing to another
would seem useful in a wild environment, when any direction
including up and down, could yield danger,
could yield food

life was intense
awareness was high
or
you died

and then life
got safer
and safer
and safer

and so when someone says:
what was the flavor of your last kiss?
we finally feel something,
the lights go on,
the charge comes back
the jungle

walk barefoot on uneven ground,
find a place where you have to look up and down,
spin daily, or more,
touch the ground and keep your eyes up
high,
touch the sky and let your eyes watch the ground

play around

with the habits
with the right way to do things,
where "right" means "comfortable" means "rocking no one's boat"
means
low sensation

so, what's the cure?
do something not right today.

but kindly
other people count too

fucking with people is not the game
not really
though it might,
in small doses,
be a stage

but we've got to get more uncomfortable,
which means saying what we really really want to
say
which is different than using our umpf to blast
other people because they dare be different than we want
them
to
behave

give up control
talk about uncomfortable
talk about not knowing what going to happen next
talk about living in freedom
which can be defined as
"I don't know."

this is a ridiculous little ramble
and what's the point?

Don't be too careful
don't be too good
make yourself uncomfortable
hang in there with the sensation

it's just you in the present moment
which is
just
life

which is just
everything

Good